Age of Errors

“We haven’t been properly introduced. My name is Sharice Wilder.” I didn’t bother extending my hand to the man in front of me, knowing he wouldn’t shake it.

“So, you’re my new warden.” The words were sharp.

“Buck…” Steve’s tone held a warning.

“More like bodyguard,” I responded.

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Good, because I’m not one. I’m sure Steve explained the rules.” I turned away and walked to the blue room.

It had been 4 days since we apprehended Barnes and most of my injuries had healed, bruises fading and the pain had returned to normal levels. I wasn’t exactly thrilled by my current assignment; I’d had to cancel my appointments at the clinic indefinitely. At least the new employees were settling in nicely. Still. I felt as locked in as my charge. I’d been given a 2-bedroom suite that morning, the spare room for Barnes. At any sign of a security breach, I was tasked with knocking out the soldier. I could move around the apartments freely, but Bucky had a bracelet warning Jarvis if he strayed too far from me. Now I really had a shadow, and he wasn’t shy about it. His steps- intentionally loud, closing doors a little harder than necessary. As if I didn’t feel the cloud of conflict that hovered around him, didn’t sense his attitude when he slumped into the farthest possible chair in the blue room. I simply pretended not to notice.

-

The weekend crawled nearer as a new routine was established. Mornings of quiet contemplation in the suite, the brooding presence across the table, sipping his coffee. Meals in the common kitchen, conversations somewhat limited. Afternoons spent in the blue room, reading, Steve joined me occasionally, and we listened to the music of the week. Working our way through genres as he attempted to build a bridge across the gulf of Bucky’s defenses. I had to admit enjoying the moments when a natural banter began to spring up between the old friends. When Steve wasn’t around, I kept the music in my headphones, not acknowledging the cold silence of my companion. I’d avoided swimming, thinking it would be uncomfortable. And I hadn’t had a sparring session since the mission, I was under strict orders to rest until they gave me the all-clear.

But I was getting restless.

Friday, I spent the evening in the gym, stretching slowly, thoroughly working through each muscle group to test their condition. Ignoring the contest of wills at the bags across the room. Sam had taken to hanging around when Steve wasn’t available, he didn’t say much and pretended it was a coincidence if I called him on it. Now Cap’s two best friends were trying to one-up each other on the punching bags without calling my attention to them. Nat sauntered in and we exchanged knowing glances.

“Real mature, boys. If you want to fight it out, the ring is just over there.” Eye’s brown and blue glanced at me.

“Nah, I’ve got nothing to prove.” Sam smirked and moved to a weight bench. Barnes looked like he was trying to melt into the wall.

“How about you?” Nat offered me a hand up, and I took it.

“Have I been cleared?” I couldn’t keep the hope out of my voice.

“Yup.”

“Sweet! But, Steve’s not here?”

“I was thinking it was my turn to kick your butt.” Her face was serious but sparkling eyes gave her away, “We need to work on your self-defense.”

I stole a quick glance at Barnes, his face unreadable. Tense. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

“This time we won’t be pulling punches, you’ll have to move through the pain. And I want you to use your gift. Don’t use sleep, but everything else is fair game.”

I nodded. This was necessary training. If I’d been prepared to land the first hit in that alley, things would have gone a lot more smoothly. “No holding back, got it.”

I pushed out a thread of anxiety, directing it across the space to Nat. Invisible fingers of dread wrapping around her.

If she felt it, it didn’t show. She leapt across the space, wrapping herself around my torso. Smack. My back hit the mat.

*cold* leapt from my fingertips through her arms and she rolled off. I could feel the eyes of our audience digging into my skin as I regained my feet.

“Good.” She restrained a shiver, “Again.”

She repeated the maneuver and I rolled underneath her, tagging her leg. *freeze*

“Better.” She hit the mat and balanced on one leg.

I reached for her outstretched hand and unfroze her, letting a little extra *warm* trickle through her veins to counter the previous cold.

“Again.”

The training session was short and brutal. Each time she was satisfied with my response to a particular attack, she would introduce another.

“Again.”

She was barely breaking a sweat when she leapt onto my back, grabbing my arms.

I hit the floor, face down. Legs scrambling to turn me over, *stinging* through the contact into her. She didn’t ease up, so I sent a flood of my own pain. Take that, my face stung from hitting the floor, my lungs burnt and I was becoming more aware of how many hits I’d taken.

“That’s enough.” I wasn’t sure who spoke but it wasn’t Natasha.

Apparently, she agreed, getting off my back.

I lay there longer than necessary; the adrenaline starting to wear thin. Trembling, I pushed off the floor with my right arm.

“You should go have a soak.” Nat, I looked from her to the shadow over her shoulder. “he’ll survive, you need it.” She patted my back “you did well Shay, now go take care of yourself.”

I grunted my surrender. Rolling onto my back and closing my eyes, letting the shakes work themselves out, flexing my feet against the building pain.

“You shouldn’t’ve done that” I opened my eyes to see Barnes watching me, the others had left.

“Why not?” I challenged.

“You’ve barely recovered.”

I rubbed my neck without thinking, my gaze dropped to the metal knuckles. He clenched his fist.

“When someone comes for me, they won’t wait for me to be at peak health.” I pushed up into a loose sitting position. A hand reached out to me, offering help. I accepted it hesitantly, surprised. I consciously blocked any transfer through the contact as he pulled me effortlessly to my feet. I dropped his hand the moment I had regained solid footing and walked to the elevator, ignoring my shadow.

I changed quickly, noting the peppering of bruises I would see more clearly the next day. Walking around the pool to the hot tub, I kept tabs on Barnes with my sense. Noticing where he had stood waiting, when he pushed off the wall, and followed me more closely than usual. He stretched himself out on a nearby chair, but I was keenly aware of his scrutiny as I lowered myself tentatively into the steaming water.

“What?” I demanded, feeling distinctly like a bug under a magnifying glass.

“When” the response was soft. “You said when they come for you.”

“Your point?”

“You expect someone to try?”

“Don’t you?” I countered.

“Yes... Hydra isn’t just going to let a weapon like me go, without a fight. But you? Who would be after you?” Barnes was frank but his voice was surprisingly gentle.

I remembered what Steve had said about his smooth-talking days, perhaps Hydra too had utilized that charm to complete missions. I looked into his face, watching for any sign of manipulation. Clear blue eyes, confusion, concern? No hint of deception.

“Someone who’s weapon of choice is poison rather than a gun.” I looked down, hugging my knees. He didn’t try to pry more out of me and I was grateful.

I pulled the silence around myself like a shroud, hiding my fear in deep recesses, behind locked gates. Finally feeling safe again, I relaxed. The hot water soothed the cold in my muscles, steam slowly filling my lungs, making me light headed. I lifted myself out of the water, hastily, and felt the world spinning, reaching for something-anything to keep me upright as the blood drained from my face.

I heard rather than saw Barnes react, felt a cool metal hand under my elbow.

“Woah there, steady.” The colour flooded back in, leaving my heart pounding, face flushed with the sudden return of oxygen-rich blood. I stepped back from the close proximity, aware of the momentary flicker of disgust on his face.

“Sorry about that, I… uh, got up too quick.”

“You say sorry a lot, even when it’s not warranted.” He said, face carefully neutral again.

“Canadian. I guess I just can’t help myself.” I shrugged it off. I wanted to leave, conscious of the icy fingers of pain spreading up my legs. I had better get going before I fall on my face for the second time today. I moved towards the elevator quickly, stumbling against chairs I could normally navigate with grace, and mashed the button. Barnes was still following, far enough back that he didn’t catch me as I nearly fell through the opening elevator doors. I grabbed the hand rails inside and held myself up, trying to look casual while the motor function in my legs failed. The ride was too long, the numbness creeping up my calves, not masking the pain.

I motioned for Barnes to exit first, but he shook his head.

“After you.”

I tried. I screwed up my determination and tried to make my feet move. One foot, then the other, finally I let go of the rail. Half a step and I collapsed to the floor. Pain and shame stung my eyes and I bit back a cry.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Steve

“She just fell, I didn’t-” Bucky was reaching down, Steve stepping forward.

“No. Don’t!” I gasped out and they froze. “I’m. fine.”

“Yeah, just peachy, wouldn’t you say Steve?” Bucky’s sarcasm was biting.

Steve held the door and if I had had the guts to look at him, I knew I’d see pity and concern on the solemn face. I didn’t look, just kept my head down and gathered my limbs under me. Pressing my hands into my thighs to force myself up off the floor. One hand on the railing for balance. Slowly, pain in every fiber, I rose to my feet. Head held high I glared at the two men, daring them to speak. Then, one foot carefully in front of the other, I stepped.  Glacially. Through the gym and down the hall.

One, two, three doors.

Turn.

Open. Left, right, left.

My foot stumbled on the rug.

I caught myself on the couch and no longer worrying who was watching, flung myself onto the cushions. I heard the rumor of whispered words from the open doorway but I didn’t listen, couldn’t bring myself to care. Blue and white swirls of pain danced on my closed eyelids. a soft thump, a gentle weight and Casper, purring, nuzzled himself against my face. I melted into the sound and let the pain carry me away from myself.

I never heard the door closing, quiet footsteps, the creak of something heavy settling into my old recliner.