Remember Me

I spend the night tossing and turning, anticipating the next day with anxiety laced with excitement. I give up trying to sleep as the sun rises, sending it’s pink and orange light spilling through the window. I get out of bed, getting dressed and throwing my hair into a ponytail before lacing up my boots.

I sit on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window as I wait. The sun comes up, the colors painting the sky and warming the ground as it does. My leg bounces up and down against the mattress as I try to listen to the sounds of the hallway, listening for Tony’s footsteps.

A quiet knock sounds on my door a few minutes later, and I open it quickly, looking into Tony’s face.
“Ready?” He asks with a sigh.

I nod, stepping out into the hall and shutting the door behind me. I step in beside him as we get into the elevator, and Tony presses the button to the basement.
“I know I warned you yesterday,” He begins, running his fingers through his hair as he looks at me through the corner of his eye, “but he isn’t the same Bucky you know.”

I nod again, keeping my eyes trained forward as the elevator doors open.
“I know.” I answer quietly, stepping out of the elevator. “But I can’t just give up.”

Tony sighs again, nodding as he follows me out and down the hall. He leads the way down a series of hallways, leading us deeper and deeper into the prison. Finally, we make it to a large, metal door, and Tony swipes his keycard against the door before pressing his hand to a scanner.

The door opens, and we step into another room. Bucky sits in the center of the room, strapped to a chair. He looks up slowly, his blue eyes piercing through his hair as he scans over us, scanning for threats.

“Morning soldier.” Tony says, flipping on the lights.
Bucky hisses, glaring at him before turning his attention to me, looking me over before shooting me the same glare.
“Ready to talk?” Tony asks, pulling two stools in front of Bucky and sitting on one of them.

Bucky pulls against the restraints, groaning as he does.
“Not gonna work muscle man.” Tony says as I sit on the other stool, still looking at Bucky. “We already tried this.”

Bucky relaxes against the chair with a sigh, his glare burning through his light iris’ as he stares at Tony.
“This is my friend Liz.” Tony says, gesturing at me. “Do you know her?”

Bucky turns towards me, and his head cocks to the side as he looks me over again. My heart races as he looks at me, but I don’t move, simply staring back at him with a flat expression.
“No.” Bucky says after a minute, looking back at Tony.

Tony looks at me, shrugging as he gives me a sympathetic smile.
“When you turned 17 we went to Coney Island.” I say, and his attention turns back to me. “You wanted to ride the Cyclone, and Steve was scared.”

His eyes flit around my face, trying to dissect what I’m saying.
“You finally convinced him to get on, and he threw up a few seconds after the ride started.” I continue, a choked laugh spilling from my lips.

His chest rises and falls quicker, his eyes locked on mine.
“When you turned 18 we ran away.” I say quietly. “I didn’t want you to leave for the army, and you took me on a train to Virginia.”

His mouth opens slightly, like he wants to say something, but quickly decides against it.
“We spent a week at the beach, living in a canvas tent you bought from a vendor.” I tell him, leaning closer. “Don’t you remember, James?”

He winces as I say his name.
“And when they thought you had died,” I all but whisper, my throat tightening, “when you and Steve had both disappeared, your sister was the one who told me.”

His hands tighten into fists as his eyes widen.
“Rebecca and your mom came to my house.” I whisper. “They’d gotten the telegram the day before, and they stayed with me for a week after that.”

His chest heaves suddenly, and he gasps as he looks around the room. He pulls against the restraints, his eyes widening even further as his breathing becomes erratic.
“Tony let him out.” I breathe, standing up and stepping closer.

Tony stands too, pulling me back.
“No way.” He answers. “It isn’t safe.”

I pull away from his grip, looking at Bucky as beads of sweat drip down from his brow as he pulls against the chair.
“Let him out!” I yell at Tony. “He’s back, he’s Bucky and he’s scared.”

Tony looks at me, fury dripping from his expression as his eyes flit between me and Bucky.
“Fine.” He spits, turning on his heel and moving to press a series of buttons on the wall.

The restraints lift a moment later, and I fall to my knees in front of the chair, placing my hands gingerly on either side of Bucky’s face.
“Hey, hey.” I whisper, watching as his eyes reel before falling back onto my face. “You’re okay, you’re safe now.”

He looks at me with wide eyes, his hands pulling away from the now non-existent restraints. He nods after a moment, registering who I am, his hands covering mine and squeezing gently.
“Lizzie.” He breathes. “Oh God, Lizzie I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head, working my thumb free from his grasp to run a soft circle along his temple.
“You’re fine.” I whisper, looking up into his eyes. “It’s fine.”

He shakes his head, his eyes welling with tears as he frantically tries to blink them away.
“I hurt you.” He says lowly, his voice hoarse as he speaks.

I shake my head now, still running a slow circle along the side of his face.
“I’m okay.” I whisper. “It doesn’t matter, I heal quick—”
“It does matter.” He interjects, louder than before. “It matters to me.”

His eyes search mine, still misted over with tears as they do.
“You can’t be around me.” He whispers. “You can’t see me, you can’t talk to me, you can’t even think about me.”

My own eyes fill with frantic tears as I look up at him, my chest rising and falling with shaky breaths as I process his words.
“No.” I answer. “No, no you can’t do this. I just got you back.”

A choked noise escapes from his throat as he looks at me, shaking his head.
“I have to.” He whispers back, moving one of his hands to my hair and stroking it gently. “I’m no good, I can’t risk hurting you again.”

A tear slips down his cheek as he loosens my hands from his face, resting his own hands on my cheeks.
“You have to go.” He whispers. “You have to go now.”

I shake my head, trying to pull him closer to me, but he holds his position in the chair.
“Tony take her.” He says, looking past me at Tony. “Please.”

“No.” I say frantically as Bucky lets go of my face, leaning back against his chair and running his hands through his hair. Tony’s metal hands suddenly find their way around my waist, pulling me away. “No, no, no!”

He turns me in his arms as he flies us out of the room, sealing it shut behind us. I try to free myself from his grasp for a moment longer before collapsing against his chest, sobs racking my body as I do.
I feel myself being transferred to a new set of arms, and I look up into Steve’s face.

“What happened?” He asks, looking between my face and Tony’s.
Tony gives a quiet, brief summary of the events in the basement as I focus on drying my tears and calming my breathing. By the time he is done, I’ve sealed away my emotions, deep inside, turning everything to ice as I look back up into Steve’s blue eyes.

“Let’s go upstairs.” He tells me quietly, and I nod, pushing myself out of his arms.

He puts an arm around my waist, and I let him, leaning against him slightly as we go back into the elevator. We don’t speak, simply soaking up each other’s misery and sympathizing in silence.

By the time we get to Steve’s room, I’ve locked away every bit of Bucky Barnes, steeling my heart to the world. To live is to suffer, and I’ve lived enough lives to be used to that by now.