So much for pretending
Robin isn’t very good with feelings. It had been so long since she had loved and been loved in return.
She realized that maybe she loved more than just Natasha when she finally rejoins Melina in the master bedroom after two months of them switching off sitting with Natasha at night.
Melina had gotten used to sleeping in the middle of the big bed without worrying about another person. So, during their first night sleeping in the same bed again, Robin wakes up to Melina very close to her face with her legs pressed against hers.
Robin had to lock her body in order to not jump away in surprise or do anything to disturb the calm sleep that Melina was having. Robin forces herself to breathe normally and takes a few moments to observe the woman only inches away from her face.
Robin can’t help the smile that slowly stretched across her face. She thought Melina looked perfect.
Melina was beautiful in a way that Robin never could be. Robin was tall and thin and flat as a board. She kept her hair short and choppy out of necessity. She didn’t wear dresses and skirts because they’d only end up ruined with blood and other bodily fluids. She didn’t wear jewelry because it could get lost or used to hurt her. She was only ‘pretty’ to men that couldn’t get anything better. She’d had her ass pinched by enough men high on pain meds because she was the first woman they’d seen in a while.
Robin found Melina stunningly beautiful and adored each and every time that Melina showed her affection because she knew just how much trust it took for Melina to give that to Robin.
Melina shifts slightly and slowly opens her eyes to catch Robin staring. “Something wrong?” She mumbles before realizing how close their faces were and jerking away from Robin as she wakes up. “Sorry-- I’m sorry--” She hastily apologizes, getting as far away from Robin as she could without falling off of the bed.
Robin props herself up on her elbow to watch her carefully. “Sweet girl, it’s okay.”
Robin had quickly learned that just by calling Melina the moniker that she could diffuse the sudden bursts of fear or anger that Melina experienced. Sure enough, with the sound of her nickname, Melina’s shoulders sag as she glances up at Robin.
“If you want to lay close with me then you can. I don’t mind it,” Robin lifts one arm up. “Come on. It’s cold now.”
Melina, just like Natasha does when offered kind touches freely, squints at Robin suspiciously.
Robin refrains from letting out a tired sigh or rolling her eyes at how suspicious Melina found her to be. “Come here, sweet girl.”
It spoke a lot of the trust that Melina held for Robin when she scoots over without hesitation to curl into Robin.
Robin lets her arm drape over Melina’s waist as she kissed the top of her head gently, hearing Melina let out a soft sigh of content when she leans into the touch.
“You have a meeting with General Dreykov in the morning,” Melina murmurs against Robin’s shoulder and Robin reached a hand up to stroke her hair. “I… fear each time that you will not return. That I will open the door and be greeted with my next handler posing as my husband or wife.”
“I’ll come home,” Robin’s safety has pretty much been ensured for the time being since she agreed to head the recent experiments on the Widows. Robin couldn’t die and had immunity as long as she promised General Dreykov an heir.
“You can’t promise that,” Melina curls into Robin, her fingers running idly along Robin’s side.
“I can’t.” Robin agrees. “I can never promise that.” Robin didn’t believe in making meaningless promises. Not unless there was a chance that she could keep it.
“I know…” Melina murmurs quietly before sighing gently. “This… this thing that we do…” She gestures between them. “It’s dangerous.”
Robin pulls away just enough to look down at Melina.”Do you want to stop?” She asked. They could stop. The kissing, the hand holding, the cuddling. They never had to do more than absolutely necessary for the mission.
But Robin enjoyed it. She enjoyed being intimate with someone. The last time she had even kissed someone was shortly before she turned seventeen and made out with the pastor’s daughter at the church that her mother used to attend.
“No…” Melina finally said after a few moments. “It’s nice.”
Robin wanted more than just sex. She wanted love. She wanted to love and be loved in return. But her job made that impossible.
Loving made you stupid and stupid got you killed. In the end, she’d only get hurt.
Robin shifts and feels the woman press her ear against her chest to listen to her heartbeat. Robin pulls the blanket to cover them both up before falling back asleep.
She wakes up in the morning when Melina peels away from her as her alarm sounds. She feels the woman press a small, soft kiss to her forehead before collecting her uniform for work and moving to shower and change.
As Robin peels her eyes open to watch Melina head into the bathroom, she’s struck with the same realization that she had come to only days prior with Natasha.
She loved Melina. A different type of love than Natasha but love nevertheless.
Robin loved Melina. She shouldn’t. It was dangerous. Robin held a position of power over her and she’d have to be able to put her feelings aside to keep them safe.
Robin twists to push her face into the soft pillow and lets out a groan. Fuck feelings. She couldn’t have feelings.
She finally sighs and pushes the blankets back to get out of bed and moves to wake Natasha up. She opens the girl’s bedroom door and pauses, her heart leaping into her throat when she sees the empty bed.
The first night alone and Natasha had left her bed.
Robin quickly moves to check under the bed and in the closet and any hiding places where Natasha could have wedged herself. Robin tries to keep herself from panicking as she quickly moves down the hallway to check her office and see if Natasha had, for some reason, tried to peek at the files and reports on herself.
Her office was undisturbed and Robin quickly checks to see that all of her weapons were accounted for. Robin was passing back down the hallway to inform Melina of the situation when she hears Yelena babbling in Russian in the nursery. She pauses when she hears the quiet reply in Russian.
Robin pushed the door to the bedroom open with a little more force than necessary and the two children inside freeze. Natasha had, at some point during the night, climbed into the crib with Yelena. Yelena was half laying on her sister and there was one of the fairytale books open in their lap. Robin lets out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding.
“Mama!” Yelena scrambles to her feet. As Robin approaches she can see the tried tear tracks on the toddler’s cheeks.
“Hi, little one,” Robin approached the crib slowly so that she didn’t spook Natasha. The copper-haired child hadn’t moved a muscle since Robin had entered.
“Nattie’s reading a story,” Yelena shoves a finger at Natasha as Robin approached her.
“I can see that,” Robin scoops the toddler up and kissed her forehead before shifting the girl onto one hip and reaching her free arm out toward Natasha. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you out of that crib.” She waits for Natasha to move first.
“I’m sorry--” The words leave Natasha’s mouth quickly as she watches the outstretched arm warily. “She was crying and was going to wake you up. Please don’t give me swats.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Robin immediately assured her. “I appreciate you looking after your sister. You’re such a good girl.” Robin beckons her again with a wave of her hand. “Come here.”
Natasha carefully closed the book before standing. Robin wrapped an arm around her and shifts to balance the weight of the two children in her arms.
“My little girls,” Robin hums, swaying gently as she holds her kids close. Yelena lets out a soft giggle, tangling her fingers into Robin’s hair as she rests her cheek onto the tall woman’s shoulder. Natasha watches Yelena closely.
Yelena had gotten used to sleepy morning cuddles. Whether Robin or Melina got her up, they’d take a few minutes to just hold the toddler close.
Yelena’s thumb automatically moves to find its place between her lips as she did every morning.
“Only babies suck their thumbs,” Natasha informs Robin hesitantly as she watches Yelena with a frown.
“Yelena’s still little. She can suck her thumb for a few minutes in the mornings if she wants,” Robin knows that Yelena had her traumas too, even if she was only three. Being bounced around foster homes and orphanages was sure to leave attachment issues. Robin is sure that Yelena’s thumb had been her only comfort and was a form of self-soothing. It made the toddler feel safe and Robin wasn’t going to take that away from her abruptly.
Natasha scrunches her face up at the answer and stares at Yelena. Yelena lets Robin’s hair go in favor of pressing her index finger against Natasha’s nose.
“And where is my invitation to this morning's cuddle pile?” Melina comments from the doorway and Robin turns to glance at her.
“Must’ve gotten lost in the mail,” Robin mused with a smile.
“Mommy,” Yelena murmurs around her thumb, moving the finger poking Natasha to reach for Melina.
Melina moves toward them, wrapping her arms around them carefully. Robin would stand there forever if she could. She didn’t want the moment to end. Melina eventually pulls away and accepts the toddler. Robin moves to put Natasha down but the girl quickly winds her arms around Robin’s neck.
“Just a little longer?” She whispers quietly. “Please?”
Robin simply adjusts Natasha in her grip and kissed the girl’s forehead. She carries Natasha back to her room and together they pick out her outfit for the day.
Robin sends the three of them off. Melina lingers behind just after buckling the girls in.
“Stay safe?” Melina requests softly.
“I’ll try,” Robin said, watching as Melina turns toward the car to leave. “Wait!”
Melina turns toward her and Robin can’t help but capture her lips with her own. Robin then pulls away with a small grin, watching Melina’s face flush red. “I love you, bye.”
Robin doesn’t even realize what she said until the car is gone and General Dreykov’s men are there to escort her away.