Chapter 10
Next morning when you woke up you found loki laying between your leg, his head on your belly. How did he get there, last night you fell asleep in his arms. You massage his scalp with your fingers and he hums "lo baby, morning" he hears you voice and lifts his head up to look at you, his eyes and they way he looks at you always makes you smile. You were so upset yesterday after Carla ruined your day but then like always loki made it better. "Good morning princess, how did you sleep" he asks you softly and he slides up to kiss you "mmm when did you get down there" you ask him and he looks at you "it's just really warm and comfy there" he mumbles, why so cute.
"How did you sleep?" You ask him as you play with his hair but he didn't say anything for few seconds "good, princess, always sleep so good with you" he lied, he wasn't even there, he was with Carla,he got back like an hour ago. He felt bad about lying to you, but he didn't want you to know what he did, he has been so good ever since the new york incident, even though he knows you won't judge him, he still don't want you thinking of him as a monster and carla said something that made him think about his relationship with you. He didn't want to but she is right about one thing in her life "Okay let's get showered and ready, it's my day off, what do you want to do and I'm starving" you groan and he gets up from the bed and picks you up, the sudden movement makes you giggle. Once in bathroom you turn on the shower and brush your teeth. "Lo baby can you bring the towel please" you request him and he went back in the bedroom to get your towels from the closet. His eyes fell upon the note he wrote you, and he quickly threw it under your bed. Once you're showered you decide to make pancakes, quick and easy. "You're so beautiful princess" he holds you like he always does when you're cooking, arms around your waist and his chin on your shoulder as he rocks you side to side. "So are you my prince" you smile and turn around as the pancakes are being cooked.
"I'm sorry I overreacted yesterday, I don't want you to feel as if I don't trust you, I know you won't leave me, it's just I don't come from a good family background and I have always been insecure about that" you say softly and it makes him sad. How could you be so soft and giving always especially after everything you have been through, he used to think his life was unfair, but atleast he grew up in royalty and had the best mother he could have asked for, you had no one, you were all alone and the thought hurts him. "You didn't overreact princess, I never want you to feel that way okay? And it doesn't matter to me where you come from or how you got here, what matters to me is that you're here with me and you choose to be mine and that you choose me to be yours everyday. You're the kindest most selfless person I have ever met, and not a day goes by when I'm not grateful that you approached to help me that day in the store" as soon as he finishes you crush him into a tight hug and don't let go until you smell the first whiff of burnt pancakes.
"Ooops" you squeal. Totally worth it though, once the pancakes are done you both eat and you see him lost in thoughts and that makes you worried. "Lo what's wrong?" You ask him and he looks at you "nothing, just thinking about the case, in Asgard the allfather decides our fate, and it's a rapid process unlike your midgard" you nod your head in understanding when you get a call from wanda asking you to watch the news. "lo something is happening"
You get up quickly to turn the tv on and flip through the news channels "High profile lawyer Carla Davidson who recently accused Loki of Asgard for domestic violence on national television is served with the charges against defamation, physical and psychological abuse and sexual harrasment against loki, we have no official statement as of yet from loki himself but his lawyer spoke to us about the case and it looks like the case will get the trial soon, we tried contacting Carla but she's unavailable at the moment" you look at loki and he seems lost again, he seemed okay yesterday, what happened to him. "Our reporter jack is right outside the avengers convention center, where there are several groups, apparently some people are protesting against loki and supporting Carla while others are in favour of loki, jack what's going on over there?"
"It's a huge mess, since the news broke avengers supporters gathered here to show their support for the god of mischief while some think this is just some cheap publicity stunt to garner support for him after what happened few days ago. Let's find out what they have to say" Then he asks questions with general public to gather their opinion one by one
"This is bullshit, am I supposed to believe that man who attacked new york and have superpowers was abused by a petite sweet woman like Carla, also whole Thanos conspiracy was brought to save his ass, where is this Thanos?" A man says, what a simp. You see loki facepalming as he heard him.
"Who do you think I support? Do you not see the cosplay, I'm dressed up as loki of Asgard" a young girl smiles cheekily.
"Why do they call me that?" Loki questions "what?" You look at him as he asks you "that ? Loki of Asgard? Can I be just loki? Or the god of mischief would do as well" he huffs and it makes you giggle "it could be because of that leaked video of you When you first came to earth and attacked shield's base, it have like 99 million views on YouTube, that's how you introduced yourself" he raises his eyebrows as you divulge the information "you have seen it?" He asks you and you nod "I think I'm responsible for atleast thousand views " you giggle and he shakes his head "an ant has no quarrel with a boot" you mimic his accent "shut up y/n" he warns you "ooh I so wanted to be the ant when I heard that" you tease him further and he glares at you "whaat? I only found it accidentally when I looked you up after we met, if it's any consolation you looked really hot in that footage, very deranged but insanely hot" you giggle and he sighs "you do know I was tortured and completely
drunk with power and killed people right?" He says in a serious tone and you stop messing around.
"I'm sorry lo I was just trying to..I'm sorry okay, I shouldn't have said that" you say softly and he looks down. Why would he ever snap at you like that, you were just trying to lighten up the situation. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have, I'm just stressed about this silly case" he says to you and turns off the tv "I know baby, but don't worry okay I'm here, want me to release your stress?" You smile and he feels even worse now. Maybe you do love him way too much, did you not realise he just snapped at you for no reason at all? His heart sank at the realisation, he honestly don't deserve someone like you. "I'm okay princess" he says meakly "oh no it's coming" you say dramatically "whats coming" he asks as he gets confused "the train of affection" you hug him tightly and put your head in the crook of his neck kissing him softly, always smells so good and after few seconds he gives in.
Later that day you find out that media has gone complete bonkers over this case, everywhere everyone is talking about loki and carla, when you went to work the next day, people were talking about it even at your workplace. Luckily people at your new place don't know much about your relationship with him so they didn't bother you. It's been two weeks since Carla was served and they will have a trial soon, loki has been extremely stressed since that day and he hasn't been himself lately which bothers you, most of the time he stays at the tower since they need him for the case, and also other avengers mission. When he picks you up from work he seems very exhausted and so are you so it doesn't give you both much time for bedroom activities.
"Lo what do you want for dinner baby?" You ask him as you get inside the car "lo? Lo?hey" you keep your hand on his shoulder as you see him lost somewhere "what?" He asks you as he looks at you "I asked what do you want for dinner? you're lost somewhere again, this case is stressing you out alot, maybe tonight I can take some of the stress off, you really need it lo" you smile and take out your phone, you have no energy today so take out will have to do for dinner.
"Is everything a joke to you? Is this amusing somehow?" He snaps at you and you look at him. What did you say to him to warrant that reaction ? "No it's not ..lo what is.." you get cut off mid sentence when he starts talking again "just don't , y/n please, I can't today, I'm very tired" your eyes tear up as soon you hear him so you look to the side, don't be pathetic in front of him, that's the last thing he needs right now. But he has been like this since that day, everything was fine and then it's like someone flipped a switch. Is this case really bothering him that much or he's just done with you? He has been getting awful amount of female attention since the news spread, all in his favour ofcourse, Maybe he's finally realising you're not all that special, maybe you shouldn't take him for granted.
You don't say anything for the whole ride home. When you reach he makes sure you get inside safely. "I ordered Chinese, I hope that's okay" you say softly but he is still at the door "I have to go back to the tower, Tony scheduled a meeting in an hour so, should have told you that before you ordered my meal" he says to you and you nod "sorry" you are hurt, he has never hurt you like that so you don't know how to react to that, you're not the kind of person who would let someone treat you badly on purpose, but it's your lo, he isn't like that , something must be up with him and he'll open up when he would want to. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" He asks you and you nod again, you step towards him to give him a hug and maybe he will kiss you, he haven't kissed you even once today. But he doesn't, he hugs you back and then leaves.
He shouldn't be around you when he feels like this, you don't deserve any of this, you count on him, you look forward to see him at the end of the day, you love him and his heart breaks when he treats you like this, but it would be better if he keeps you out of this circus that his life has become. It's too much, he is grateful that he might get justice for what Carla did but then what will happen when you find out what he did that night with Carla, and something she said to him that night scared him, it scared him to death. He wants to talk to you about that night but he's afraid, afraid of judgement, afraid of you leaving him because of that, he's weak and pathetic and he won't be able to take it. It's funny how carla managed to get in his head even when he was the one supposed to be in control.
After loki leaves you end up in the hot shower, you don't know why he's being the way he is but you feel helpless, is this his way of pushing you away and cutting you off from his life? Is he falling out of love? What's going on, you thought this case would bring you two even closer, you thought he would share the details and make you the part of it but he doesn't share anything, don't say anything. And he hasn't been the same sweet lo you have known till now. Maybe you should just confront him and see what's going on in his head unlike last time when you waited too long and found your boyfriend in bed with your best friend. Loki would never do that right not after what he has been through, he would never, all these insecurities is the reason why you need to address him instead of making scenarios in your head.
When you come out , you sit down on the couch and call him and he picks up instantly "something wrong y/n?" he asks you, he just reached the tower and your call worried him that something happened to you "no just .. missing you lo" your voice weak and small, you don't want to cry , you don't want to be a burden when he have so much on his plate, but you just miss him, you miss his touch, his affection, his love, everything. The sound of your voice breaks his heart, he should have been there holding you in his arms as he makes sweet love to you and he shouldn't be the one hurting you like this. "I miss you too princess" he says softly and you just can't help it, the anxiety you feel in the moment makes you imagine all the wrong things, he is going to break up with you soon, your heart is convinced.
"I just..lo I love you" your voice chokes up, now you just wish for once in your life you can just say what you want without ending in tears but you can't, this is lo , he's the love of your life, losing him after you have lost everything would break you completely especially since you two got back together after going through all the things that you went through. "I know you do princess" he's not even saying it back anymore he's going to leave you soon, Carla was right about one thing, you're just a mortal and there are millions of girls who would do anything to be where you are right now, maybe he's finally seeing all the options that he have. Why would he want to be stuck with you?
"I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong, or the jokes I made , I wasn't trying to hurt you or make fun of you,..I just.. wanted you to feel better, that's it" you say to him, hoping that you would be forgiven for whatever you did. You think he is upset because of your jokes? Is this how he's making you feel these past few days? Ofcourse he is, what was he thinking? Why would he ever hurt you so badly after promising you the whole world. "You did nothing of that sort princess I promise you it's not you" oh here it comes it's not you..it's me conversation, he's definitely going to leave you and you can't do anything to stop him. "Look lo if this is your way of cutting me off slowly or pushing me away so I would leave instead of you having to leave me, just don't do that, just be honest, if you want an out and want to explore your options just tell me okay? I wouldn't bother you ever again I promise, I would go n never try to contact you again but just be honest lo, I don't like feeling this way, this hurts me.." you had to say more, you wanted to say it all but you get cut off again "princess stop please I can't take this I can't hear this from you, I can't be the one hurting you so bad that you'd ever have such thoughts about us" he whispers, he's hurt too but it's his fault that you even felt that way, that's how he would feel too if you snapped at him or stopped showing him affection all of a sudden.
He can't leave you alone when you're feeling this way so he collects all his strength and teleports himself right in your apartment, one second you're talking to him on the phone and the next he is right in front of you, exhausted and on his knees. "lo" you whisper and he looks up at your tear stained face, he hate this, he hate all of this "Princess, I need you to stop right now please, I need you to stop thinking whatever you're thinking okay?" He walks up to you and grabs your face and kisses you so deeply and longingly, he doesn't stop untill you're both gasping for breath "you did nothing okay? It's not you, it's never you, it's me and it will always be me, I'm going to fuck us up like this untill you're sick and tired of me because that's just what I do, I ruin things, I sabotage my own happiness, my own home, my sweet princess you'll always be a blessing for me and I'll never be worthy of you but for the love of norns never ever get those thoughts again in your head, I'm not looking for an out, I'm always in with you and I want to be in you all my life in every sense of the word, there's no else, I don't want to explore my options princess, you're my princess don't you get it? that is not the reason why I have been an absolute jerk to you these past few days" he stops talking as he needed to breathe , he have hurt you so bad this time and he won't be able to forgive himself for this for a long time, even if you do he won't.
"What happened lo? Everything was good and perfect and then you just stop talking to me, stop touching me I .." he cuts you off again and you feel his lips on yours and then his tongue in your mouth, he has been the worst lover in the past two weeks, and he have to fix it, he have to fix you two before you leave him. He lays you down on the couch and get on top of you, he have missed you too as much as you have missed him, he loves you so much, he is just scared and maybe he should just talk about it with you. "Lo please stop, we ..need to talk about this" he hars you and he stops instantly. You deserve to know.
"I love you princess, I'm so sorry" he mumbles as he puts his head between your neck "I love you too lo, I hated it when you were different like that" you sob a little and his heart feels so heavy. How could he ever snap at you like that and make you feel like you did something wrong when you didn't, when you were just being your caring loving adorable self, that's exactly what Carla did to him , how could he ever make you feel that way. "You should leave me princess, it's me who will never be worthy of you" he gets up and sit on the couch "I am not going to do that lo, you're mine and I'm yours right? We are going to fight and bicker sometimes, having things perfect all the time is not realistic, but I need to know what's going around in your head so I can give you your space, so I'm not in your face all the time when you just feel like being alone" you say to him and grab him to give him a hug "I don't need space, I don't want to be alone, kind of the opposite, I'm just scared princess" he mumbles "scared of what lo?"
"Scared of losing you, forever, scared of your mortalness, scared of you being not here years later, scared of me ending up without you in the end" you hear him and you are taken aback with the revelation,you have never given it much thought before, yes it crossed your mind, the age thing, he has been alive for so long and he's going to live for thousands of years, you're only going to live for a certain amount of time , you're going to age and die someday while he'll still be the same. "I can't go on without you, I know it makes me sound weak and pathetic, but I can't not have my princess by my side, the thought is too much to bear" he looks at you with tears in his eyes "to think that someday I won't have your gentle touches, soft loving, your adorable little jokes that I love so much, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were bothering me with them, I love every little thing you do , I'm so in love with you princess and it's scary because years later I'll still be here and you won't be, that your forever won't be mine" you hug him again as you can't hear anymore, you need him to feel you, you understand why he has been so scared, he's trying to wrap his around the fact that forever isn't actually forever, it could be for you but it's not for him.
"Lo oh lo, baby" you coo gently, you don't want him feeling this way, you never want him to feel like he will be alone and won't find anyone to love again "I know you're scared and you feel like you'll end up alone but that's just not true okay? Years later you may not have me, but you'll have people who will continue to love you, I promise you that lo, and maybe just maybe I'll reincarnate again, anything is possible right?" You giggle and he crushes you tightly. How can he go on without this in his life, but anything is possible you're right , maybe instead of sulking and hurting you he should find ways to fix that, to fix your mortalness, to give you a longer life, maybe he needs to go see mother "You're right, I don't want to think about it anymore princess, I'm so exhausted with everything, I just need to be here with you, I'm sorry I left before, I didn't want to unload all this on you and look like a sappy fool"
""You could never lo, I want you to come to me whenever you are feeling this way, I would rather know even if it makes me upset then not know at all okay?" You massage his scalp soothingly and he nods. "You know you didn't have to actually teleport ? I know how exhausting that can be so next time just drive okay?" You laugh a little and he smiles "couldn't just hurt you on purpose princess and I would never leave you to doubt your worth like that, I'm sorry that I have been awful lately, it's just the case and my overthinking, never you princess, never you my love" he strokes your cheeks and you kiss his palm "you're not overthinking lo, you're stressed and I just want to be here for you okay? It's just you have been awful amount of attention lately and I got jealous" you mumble and he smirks
"Oh princess you think this is the first time I have been getting attention from women ? I'm the youngest prince of Asgard, the god of mischief, they used to call me the dark prince if you must know, I have been there and done that, and done so many of them, for a while it was a relief when women looked the other way when I came here, I don't need attention or the fornication that comes with it anymore, I crave something else and what I crave is right here" he pulls you in and hugs you tightly and it makes you smile, he can be cocky when he wants to be.
"So the dark prince huh, can't imagine you being a mysterious broody lad when you're such a sunshine" you giggle and he kisses your forehead "they just loved comparing me n thor, or should I say loved finding the dissimilarities between us, on Asgard he's the sunshine while I'm the moon" he mumbles and kisses your nose "I'll take the moon any second so give me some moon mister dark prince of Asgard" you giggle and he did he did give you the moon that night, and for every night he missed out on.
Next morning you were cleaning your room so you decided to clean under the bed it must be dirty, as you went down and sweeped under it you found a little piece of paper, you don't remember throwing it so you pick it up and read it "out on avengers business love, will be back soon, if you need me just call me,I love you princess ❤️, Loki "
You were so confused why was the note under your bed and when was this from ? Maybe you'll ask when loki comes back. You couldn't stop adoring how cute the note was though and it made you smile and giddy. When loki came back you asked him about the note and he looked like he has seen a ghost
"Loki? When is this from?" You ask him again and he sighs. "It's from the night when Carla visited you in store" he looks at you and you think about the night, the night you found him between your legs instead of waking up in his arms "you went out ? Why didn't you tell me? Were you on a mission?" You ask him confused.
"No "
"Then?"
"I spent the night with Carla"