Chapter 4
You saw red, you truly saw red. You have never been a violent person. But looking at her smug face, all you wanted to do was beat the life out of her. This is the woman loki fell for, the woman who made fun of him, humiliated him whenever she could, the woman who made him feel like he wasn’t enough, like he wasn’t the most precious thing in the world. She would make him feel like shit and when he would be all broken, she would throw the crumbs of fake love and care and he would take it with a smile and open arms, he would gladly accept whatever affection he received because he never had it any better. Your heart still hurts when you think about the day you met him for the first time, how nice he was, how much he cared for her and how desperately he wanted to make her feel better, how soft and pure his intentions were as he took the gift basket he got made for her. Only for her to toss him aside when she was done using him, when she was done hurting him. Not that anyone deserves it but how heartless do you have to be to hurt a guy like him, he was an absolute sunshine, he had already been through lifetime worth of pain and torture by Thanos, and everything that happened when he found out he was adopted, all he wanted to do was find someone who would hold him and tell him that he was good & accepted the way he was. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to have his spirits crushed like this, to have his heart broken like this. And even after that, he still believed, none of this made him bitter, he still took his chance with you and you would never let him get hurt ever again.
Carla looks at your intertwined hands and she grins, but she was envious and jealous “awn are you supposed to be the brand new flavour he is having these days?” She asks you and yeah you’re definitely going to punch her sooner or later. She have an extremely punchable face “Awnnn are you supposed to be the abusive narcissistic piece of crap he dated?” You reply in the same tone and that managed to wipe the smug off her face even if for just a second. You feel Loki’s hand clutching onto you tightly, and you look at him, he was shaking and he was hurting. What did she say to him? Whatever it was you just wanted to take him home, far away from her and drown him with love and affection until he feels better. You can’t see him like this. “Oh sweetie ..Is that what you told her about me? Cried to her about how bad I was? Can’t say I’m not disappointed, I mean I’m used to it” and he looks down. it used to be like this sometimes, she would be passive aggressive with him but then she would also assure him that even though he was flawed and a disappointment sometimes, she still loved him and he should be grateful, and he believed her like the fool he was. He wanted to disappear, he couldn’t even stand up for himself, she was right he was pathetic sad excuse of a man. What you must be thinking about him? Must think of him so weak, you must be so embarrassed but then you held onto his hand so tight, so protectively, he wanted to believe that he still had you, that you would still love his pathetic self, he wished he could stop having all these self-deprecating thoughts but he couldn’t. Only if he knew how much you wanted to shelter him in this moment, how much you wanted to drive him away from every hurtful situation.
“Let’s go lo” you say softly to him and he nods, he didn’t look at you, why wouldn’t he look at you. Ever since you both got together, everytime something or someone would bother him, he would come straight to you and hide in your arms until he felt all loved and fluffy again. So why he’s looking down today? What did she say to him. You start walking and you gripped his forearms and caressed it with your palm. You only took two steps when you heard her voice “Does she know about your monstrous side loki?” She sneers and it made him freeze, that’s how you were going to find out, he should have told you that himself, now you will think he hid it from you purposefully. He truly was a monster and you didn’t deserve a burden like him in your life . That was it. How could she call him that, he didn’t have a single mean bone in him, You have had enough, you wouldn’t let some witch hurt your lo like that anymore. You left his hand and you turned around to face her “did he not –” before she could even finish you punched her right in the center of her face, just how hermoine punched Draco when he called her mudblood. You hurt your fist in the process, but it was so worth it when you saw her nose bleeding , atleast she was quite for few seconds “y/n what are you doing” you hear him sob as he grab you by your shoulders and he turns you to face him “you hurt yourself, why would you do that princess, I’m not worth this, I’m not worth all this trouble, look at that princess, you’re hurt, you’re hurt because of me” you have never seen him so broken, his saddened face, his shattered voice, the tears in his beautiful eyes, you felt your heart breaking over how defeated he looked. “Lo..honey” you were going to hold onto his cheeks when you heard the witch’s wail again.
“Oh you’re so going to regret this, you have no idea who I am and what I can do, just wait and watch” She screams at you. “Are you like craving one more punch or something? go impale yourself on a pole” you grab his arm again and you drag him towards his car. You needed to be there with him, you needed to pull him back from the mental state he was in. You can’t let him drown into whatever negativity was going around in his head. When you both reached his car, he wiped his tears and opened the door for you as if nothing happened. And you heart truly did break at the sight of him, As soon as you sat inside, he got in the driving seat and started driving towards the nearest hospital, your knuckles were starting to bruise badly and he just had to make sure you were okay.
“Lo baby talk-” he cuts you off before you can say anything “shhhh y/n ssshhh princess you are hurt sweetheart, need to fix you” he mumbles mindlessly and you didn’t want to argue, even in his state of mind he worried about you. He couldn’t see you hurt or bleeding like this. When you reached the hospital, they told you that you had a mild sprain in your knuckles and they bandaged you up. His princess was hurt because of him, if only he was capable of standing up for himself you wouldn’t have to. Where did the fire go inside him, he wasn’t always like this, what happened to him. Since when did he become such a sappy loser. Did you really want to be with a man like him? You deserved so much better, he would only bring you pain, nothing else. On your way back to home, you stayed quiet, he didn’t need words he needed your arms wrapped around him and that’s exactly what you’ll give to him when you go home. You’re going to smother him in so much of affection, maybe then he’ll open up n tell you what’s going around in his head.
As you reached to your apartment, he took out the keys from your bag and opened the door as you couldn’t. Once inside he made you sit down, and brought a glass of water from the kitchen. “Lo baby” you speak softly but it’s like he wasn’t even listening to you “does it hurt y/n? You should take that pill they gave you, wait I forgot it in the car, I’m really useless” he ignored your words , he was deflecting, he was avoiding his emotions. “Lo baby please tal-” he cuts you off again and got up “I’ll bring the medicine from the car, you get relaxed an-” you have had enough of it “LOKI” You raise your voice and that’s when he stopped fidgeting, stopped talking and looked at you. “Princess” his voice came out as a murmur. You just wanted to take away all the pain he was feeling but he wasn’t letting you in like always. You were about to embrace him in the tightest hug ever when you heard the doorbell ring, that was weird who would be at your place at this hour. And then you heard the knock “NYPD” and you had a bad feeling about it. You just knew what was going to happen, loki opened the door and the cops stepped inside. “What do you guys want?” He asks them “are you y/n y/l/n ?” One of the cops asks me and you nod in yes “you’re under arrest for physical assault against lawyer, Carla Davidson, you have right to remain silent, anything you say can be used against you in the court ” this is ridiculous. What is happening ? When you woke up this morning, this isn’t how you thought your night would go. “Wait wait you can’t do this, she did nothing wrong” loki intervened, this was all his fault, he has finally managed to ruin your life.
“Look sir, we have a security footage and it would be better if you would keep your nose out of our business, and focus on aliens and robots..arrest her” the main cop said to the lady cop and she handcuffed you normally you would have something to say but the absurdity of the situation, shocked you to say the least. “Y/n ” loki grabs your shoulder and he hugged you, you wished you could hug him back but your arms were bound behind your back and then you feel him kiss you “princess, princess, my sweet love, I’ll be there as soon as I can okay, I’ll get you out , don’t you worry.. I promise I’ll be there soon"he says to you softly "I love you lo” you sob a little in his chest and it broke his heart “I love you princess, I promise I’ll be there soon okay? Stay strong for me please?” You nod and then they took you. You didn’t want to leave him, He was hurting and he was going to be alone again, the last thing you wanted was for him to be alone today. You got hurt because of him and now you were taken to that awful place, oh how alone and scared you must feel. He couldn’t take it, he had to get you out as soon as he could, he teleported himself to the tower, right in the middle of a meeting they were having “brother where were you, tried to call you a hundred times” thor asks him but Loki fell on his knees, teleporting from such distance exhausted him deeply but he had to stay strong for you “well 12 to be exact” Tony replied “now since mr peek a boo is here can we-” before Tony could finish loki yelled “stop..just stop. It’s y/n she got arrested and shes hurt ,she needs me, get her out please” he got up and ran to Tony, he hugged him and pleaded , when Carla got him locked up it was tony who used his connections to get him out “wait hold up what’s happening?” he asks “y/n is arrested,like by cops?” Wanda asks , she couldn’t believe it. Nobody could, when loki explained the situation, Tony started to make few calls. Loki couldn’t sit still, he was pacing all around the room and he couldn’t stop thinking about how alone and scared you must feel. Plus your hand was hurt, you were in pain and he needed to soothe you, This was all his fault, everything was his fault.
So this was how jail was like. Can they really arrest you for breaking someone’s nose? Well you did make her bleed. Maybe you shouldn’t have done that, nah scratch that 10 out of 10 you would do it again though, she deserved it. Your mind drifted towards loki, he was hurt and he needed you right now but now you were stuck here. God you have never really hated someone so much that you wished Ill upon them, not your parents when they abandoned you, not your best friend when she betrayed you and not even your ex but right now in this very moment, you hated Carla , you hated her more than anything.
“So I talked to my lawyer, he can get her a bail but there’s is going to be a case loki, you don’t want that, neither does she. So what I’ll suggest you is go talk to Carla and ask her to withdraw the case, and it will be all over today” Tony told loki, he didn’t want to talk to Carla but he would if it meant you would be home tonight in your bed, safe and loved in his arms. So he did he went to Carla and he begged her to withdraw the case. Ofcourse she didn’t make it easy on him, she humiliated him and then she asked him for something he couldn’t do . She asked him to leave you and she asked him to break your heart. That was her condition, if he failed she would trap you again. How could he do this, how could he hurt you like that, how would he live with himself after he does so? How would he live without his princess by his side, in last few months you have been his only constant, he saw his whole future with you. You trusted him to never hurt you but now he has to, he have to let you go, maybe this would be the best for you. Atleast you wouldn’t have to deal with something like this ever again. He’s nothing but a burden and you don’t deserve this. She runs her fingernail on his cheeks and he cringed. He felt disgusted by her touch, and god he missed you more than anything but he’ll never get to have you ever again. He’ll never get to hold his princess and touch her, or kiss her soft pretty lips, he’ll never get to see you waking up in his arms again and he won’t get to shower you with love and affection again. When he agreed to do whatever she wanted, she withdrew the case, that night you waited and you waited and waited for loki to come pick you up but he didn’t, you just needed to be with him right now , in his arms , he needed you too..you needed to tell him that none of this was his fault but he didn’t come. Wanda did instead, At first you thought something happened to him, you were so scared but Wanda told you he was fine, you called him from her phone since yours ran out of battery.
She excused herself so you could have privacy “lo” you whisper softly, his heart clenched when he heard you, oh how desperately he wanted to be there right now with you, to hug you tightly and tell you that he will always be there but he can’t. “You out?” He tried to sound as harsh as he could, this was the worst thing he’ll ever have to do, right now in that moment he would have taken the torture thanos put him through then do this to his princess,his sweet precious princess, but he had to. He had to “mmmmhmm miss you lo, come get me? Soon? Please? need you” you sob softly, why he wasn’t there? he said he would, so why wasn’t he there with you. His heart almost stopped when he heard you, you were scared and hurt and you needed him and he was only going to hurt you more.The sound of your voice will haunt him forever. “Go home y/n, I can’t be around you anymore, you suffocate me. And you made me go through all that trouble today just because you couldn’t control yourself from punching my ex, I had to beg Stark to get you out and I hated that, all because of your immaturity” he said harshly, he felt his own heart breaking as he said those awful things to you he never wanted you to ever feel this way, he promised to protect you from every harm but now he was the one hurting you in the worst way imaginable. After you hear him say this you would hate him and you would cut the call and it would be over, he would never hear your sweet voice again, he would never hear you laughing, or giggling or praising him again. He would never hear your soft moans again as he pleasured you or the soft sounds you make when you’re deep in sleep. You’ll be gone just like that.
You couldn’t believe your ears, this was not the man you have known in the last few months. He would never say such hurtful things to you ever. Something was wrong, something happened with him. “Lo baby, please come see me and I promise you whatever this is ,we will deal with it together okay? just me n you ..Please come, take me home loki, our home? I need to hug you and kiss you, just need you please” Your lips trembled as you uttered the words of affirmation, in that moment loki realised how much he fucked up with you, you were the one true love of his life, you were willing to fight for him and stick around, even after he said those hurtful things but he had to let you go. He composed himself , he couldn’t do this to you, he couldn’t be more cruel then this, you don’t deserve any of this. But he had to so you would be free, so you would be safe from the monster that he was. So you would stay protected from horrible people like Carla “I don’t want to y/n, please don’t beg me like you did with your ex, you’ll look pathetic and I know you wouldn’t want that, I’m done with this relationship and you, goodbye” your heart shattered completely as he hangs up but you called him again n again n again until he turned his phone off.
So you went back to your apartment as wanda dropped you, she wanted to stay but you just wanted to be alone right now. No that’s not true, you wanted to be with him, you called him again n again, and then you couldn’t, he blocked you, shouldn’t have taught him that. But you didn’t give up, you called Clint and thor and both of them couldn’t convince loki to talk to you, so next day you went to the tower and thor told you that he left for Asgard. They didn’t know how long, he didn’t say anything to anyone. “Can you go get him? Tell him that I’m waiting and I’ll help him fix whatever is going on, just please get him to talk to me” you begged thor and he felt awful for both of you, “I’ll do my best lady y/n but untill then you just be safe and if you need anything you can always come here for help” he says to you and you nod,..When you came back to your place you finally allowed yourself to break down and allowed yourself to cry over him. He was gone, he left and just like that you lost the love of your life, because of one mistake, one moment of impulse, one horrible human, he was gone. “Why did you make me lie to her loki? Don’t do this brother, even a fool can see how much she loves you” thor stormed in Loki’s room after you left. “That’s exactly why I had to do this , she’ll be okay, she’s so strong, she’ll move on soon” or so he hoped, you’ll be okay but he won’t. He would never forget you, or how you made him feel like the most loved man in the world, he would never forget how good you were to him. So good that he always felt like he didn’t deserve you. And he didn’t, you were a goddess in human form, and as much as he wanted to be yours, he’ll never be worthy of you. He broke your heart like that, and he hoped that someday he’ll be able to repent for his mistakes that maybe someday he’ll get the chance to beg for forgiveness, for the hurt he caused you, for the pain he put you through. He could only hope . After that unfateful day, you didn’t speak to anyone for days, not that you had many options, the only friend you had in your life now was wanda, you didn’t have loki anymore, you lost your best friend too along with your lover, again.
You lost your job too because of the case and target didn’t want to hire someone with a criminal record considering it happened right in front of the store by their own employee. You didn’t have much professional skills or a degree, you didn’t go to college, you didn’t have that kind of money, and if you wanted to keep the crappy studio apartment you lived in, you had to work. Clint said something about working in the tower, but you couldn’t travel 40 miles every day, it was too far and you couldn’t live there, didn’t feel right. But fortunately you found this job in the local bookstore nearby and it wasn’t enough but it paid bills. However, The apartment itself haunted you, everywhere you looked you saw him, on the couch, in your bed, in the shower, in the kitchen. You saw him in the kitchen often, relieving one of your favourite memories of him when he held you as you made tea for him..the best day of your life when he confessed his feelings. You missed his affections when he smothered you with love, you missed when he would feed you with his hands, you hated walking home alone, not having him by your side, you missed his smell around you, you kept everything he left here, you wore his shirts to sleep when some nights it was harder then others. But they were starting to lose his smell, his essence, and you dread the day, when you wouldn’t feel him around you anymore. You would never get over him but he left and you were never going to see him again either. How would ever get over someone like him, he made you the happiest you have ever been, happiest you’ll ever be.
Loki lived for soft little touches, he loved it when you would just hold him in his arms, touch him everywhere and kiss him as long as you wanted. But he wasn’t always upfront about it, sometimes he would hide and you literally had to coax him out of his shell. Whenever he got like that, he would follow you around everywhere, but wouldn’t say anything. Would look at you like a puppy but wouldn’t ask, he would just stay close while you cooked or did laundry and help you with whatever you needed. Sometimes when he wasn’t being very subtle it would take you alot of time to figure that out, that he wanted to be touched, that he wanted to be soaked in your warmth.
“Baby?” You lift your skirt up and sit on his lap on the couch ,with your thighs on either side of his and that instantly makes him smile. You’re so close and he always loves it when you are. But he don’t want to be clingy, people hate clingy, Carla hated him when he would be clingy. “Princess” he purred like a kitten as you played with his curls “what do you need sweet baby?” you whispered in his ears as you kissed on his cheek and he moaned slightly “nothing princess, just need you” don’t be clingy loki, don’t drive her away. She’s so good, so nice, you’re not worthy, he would think to himself “Baby? What do you need?” You ask sternly this time and he looked at you like a scared child. “Need hug princess” he said softly, his voice so small as if you would deny, as if you wouldn’t hug the life out of him if he asked, so you crushed him in the tightest hug ever “what else love?” You ask him, you hated how small he felt in moments like this as if he didn’t deserve to have this, to have you “mmmmm neck kisses princess, please?” God you would find a way to bring him the moon if he asked like that, you didn’t want to think about his past, or if he was ever denied when he felt like this, that someone actually denied him affection when he wanted to be smothered in it. He would make the sweetest sounds when you would kiss him, suck him , make him blue all over until he was satisfied. “Oh my sweetest baby, what else?” You asked again and he looked at you, those big doe eyes “touch me there please” and you did, you would put your hand under his pants and would touch him, stroke him, and fondle him untill he would be shaking with pleasure, moaning your name again and again, telling you how grateful he was, how much he loved you, he was beautiful like that, he always was but in those moments he was the most beautiful sight you will ever see.
Your heart breaks at the realisation that you would never get to have him again like that, Months passed but you never stopped thinking about what drove him to this, what happened that day? Was he back with her, no you only hoped he was far away from her. But no matter what happened that day, he loved you, you know he loved you and you loved him more than anything. You never stopped thinking about weather he moved on? Did he forget about you? Did you fade slowly from his mind overtime? And if you did, did he find someone else to love? And if he did you only hoped that he was loved, that he was cared for, that he wasn’t being treated like how carla treated him, you only hoped that he was happy, and blissed, wherever he was, whoever he was with. What you didn’t know was how loki always looked out for you, how he hired someone to guard you, to make sure you were safe as you went to work. How he missed you and how he looked at your pictures and cute little videos he had of you on his phone,and how he longed to touch you once more, to feel you around him, how he craved your soft sweet voice in his ears as you praised him, your cuddles and how he saw you in his dreams, He missed your whole existence around him, you never judged him, never looked down upon him, He felt safe around you, you were his safeplace, his own person.
When you told him about your family, and sobbed, he spent the night cuddling and whispering how much he loved you and how he would never leave you alone, that you’ll always have him but he failed, he failed you like everyone else did, you were always hurt by the people you loved the most. He worried about you too, if you were being safe, if you were taking care of yourself. If you were eating properly, He remembered how awful you felt on your cycle, and how much pain you used to have, and how he wasn’t there to take care of you or cuddle you anymore. His heart would hurt terribly as he thought about you sobbing into your pillow all alone. He was atleast surrounded by people in the tower and he stayed busy, but you were all alone in your small apartment and everything must remind you of him, just the thought of you having to do everything alone now made him cry ugly at nights. The thought of his sweet adorable princess, having no one by her side crushed his soul. Sometimes the thoughts would get so overwhelming, he wanted to run to you, so he can hold you and tell you how much he loves you but he would stop himself. You deserve better.. so much better than him especially after what he did. You made his life so beautiful, last few months he spent without you has been the worst and you must have moved on and he hoped you did as much as it killed him to think about you loving someone else, he wanted you to be happy again, not alone again. But will you find someone who would treat you how you deserve to be treated? He couldn’t imagine you spending your life with some guy who wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like you, would he treat you like the goddess you are? Would he worship you like he did? Or he would ignore you and act as if you’re not the most precious woman in the universe. Would he smother you with affection like he did? He hoped so, you needed to be filled with love, his heart would break everytime he would think about you being affectionate with someone else, you were his, he wanted to be the man you would come to for your every little need, he wanted to be your home, and that’s how he wanted it forever but he fucked up.
He knew your paths would never cross again, even if it did you wouldn’t want him, why would you? he hurt you more then anything, you probably hate him..you must hate him now or so he thought but then he saw you at Natasha and Bruce’s rehearsal dinner. In the damned green dress you wore on the first date, and he remembered how good you made him feel, how sweetly you came around him that night and when your eyes met with his across the room, he remembered how grateful he was when you allowed him to get drowned within you everyday in everyway.
“Hey, lo”
And when he heard your voice call his name so sweetly after several agonizing months, he remembered how lucky he was when you used to call him yours, and when you were his. And finally when he saw you smile at him and he realised that there was not an ounce of anger or hatred for him in you, only pure love, he remembered how blessed he was when he had someone as perfect as you in his life. His perfect precious princess. And in that very special moment he had an epiphany, he felt worthy of her. You were his, he belonged to you.
“Hello, Y/n”