lol, patrol go brrr
When the final bell rang, the group literally bolted out the door before the students couldn't get any ideas. Between Peter's enhancements, Loki's biology, and Shuri's inherited animal instincts, they left Ned and MJ in the dust. Not that it mattered, both had to head home anyway. Ned promised he would log on to be Peter's guy in a chair the moment he was home and MJ said she would log on too.
Peter led Loki and Shuri to an alley he usually changed in, "Alrighty, you guys can put on your stuff."
Peter pulled on his suit and pressed the front so the baggy cloth fitted him properly. Shuri pulled out a claw necklace from under her dress and tapped it with identical silver bracelets on her wrists. The bracelets morphed silver gauntlets and the necklace turned into a traditional Wakandan armor. Then a mask covered her face, similar to her brother's except with white dot accents, and her hair changed from space buns into a high ponytail with lots of little braids.
"Wow, nice!" Peter exclaimed, grinning behind his mask.
"I know right!" Shuri said with equal excitement, "I love nanotech so much!"
"Impressive," Loki said.
Peter frowned, "What about you?"
Loki, who hadn't changed at all, crossed his arms, "My signature look is green, black, and gold horns. What the hell will people think when they see me?"
"Ah, I forgot about that."
Loki chuckled and waved his wrist. An illusion suddenly covered him and he was in an identical copy to Peter's costume.
"Woah, trippy," Shuri said, looking between them.
Peter's mask's eyes widened, "Only until we clear your name."
"Yes," Loki said, picking at some parts of the suit, "Why is it so form-fitting?"
"So people can see how buff he is!"
Everyone jumped at the sudden voice. A red and black clad figure jumped down from an apartment's fire escape, landing nimbly in front of them. Two katanas were strapped to their back and several pockets on their belt that held more knives and a pistol. Peter calmed himself and gave a small wave.
"So you guys remember that thing I was supposed to do with Wade? Meet Deadpool."
"Wade son of Will is also Deadpool," Loki's tone sounded like he was rolling his eyes, "And let me guess, your power involves killing?"
"The opposite, actually. I can't die. Healing abilities and such."
"A fellow enemy of death. Nice."
"Wait, son of Will?" Peter asked.
"Ah, fuck," Loki cursed, "I keep screwing up surnames."
"Eh, it's fine. I do it too," Shuri gave a dismissive wave of her hand.
"Spidey, did I hit my head? 'Cause I'm seeing double," Wade spoke up.
"Oh, right. Loki's not allowed to properly show his identity yet, so he's gonna be Spider-Double for now."
"Spider-Double sounds stupid."
"Fine. Arachnid. Creepy-Crawly. Arthropod."
"I'm just gonna just call him Spider," Wade stated, the eyes of his mask moving in a way that looked like a smile, "And you're Spidey. And then you are..."
"Griot," Shuri said, "I've been thinking about a name ever since T'Challa became the Black Panther."
"Nice."
"Okay, let me just connect our behind the scenes crew," Peter tapped the side of his mask, "Karen?"
A robotic female voice echoed in their ears, "Hello, Peter, Deadpool, Shuri, and Peter." There was a small chirping noise. "Peter, I seem to be picking up two of your suit signals."
"Right, that's Loki. Just label the signal I'm not talking from as him."
"Okay. I will now connect Ned and MJ."
A sound suspiciously similar to a ringtone played on their commlink until finally--
"WASSUP GUYS!"
Peter flinched, "Ned, don't yell!"
"Sorry! I got excited."
"Loser," MJ's voice scoffed.
"Okay, now that we have everyone," Peter announced, "We'll split up in two groups, since Loki and Shuri are newbies. Shuri will be with me and Loki with Wade."
Loki shrugged and Shuri copied before they split up and started walking around.
~~~
HANDBOOK: To let people build community and bring the world closer together.
let.there.be.chaos
have you ever just wanted to yeet yourself off the side of a building?
-green.scientist
What happened?
--let.there.be.chaos
i got paired up with fucking wade for the 'after school activity'
---King_0_Vines
why tf are you on HB and not focusing?
----let.there.be.chaos
shut tf up, chump you're on here too
-----scary.emo.artist
@King_0_Vines ah, so loki's the guy you always texted in middle school
------theREALtonystark
@let.there.be.chaos when the fuck did you get social media?
-------let.there.be.chaos
wouldn't you like to know
--------Queen_0_Memes
*AIR HORNS INTENSIFY*
~~~
www.bish.com
yooo, @let.there.be.chaos i just found ur HB account
-let.there.be.chaos
leave me alone wade don't you have someone to dismember?
--reporter_betty
that's really disturbing without context
---let.there.be.chaos
there is none
----Queen_0_Memes
LOKI BACK TO THE PROJECT NOW
~~~
theREALtonystark
@capsicle @buckaroobarnes @bird-venger2 y'all gonna need to be added to the new HB groupchat. call yo venging frends
-capsicle
I hate my username.
--King_0_Vines
ew he even types like a grandpa
---bird-venger2
respect your elders
----capsicle
I'm not that old, Sam!
-----buckaroobarnes
I hate the internet.
------www.bish.com
grandpas
~~~
(TONY STARK created a new group chat, 'NEW CHAT')
(TONY STARK added STEVE ROGERS, T'CHALLA, BUCKY BARNES, BRUCE BANNER, THOR, SAM WILSON, SHURI, LUKE BANNER, WADE WILSON, PETER PARKER to 'NEW CHAT')
(PETER PARKER renamed 'NEW CHAT' to 'MEME TEAM')
Tony Stark: no
(TONY STARK renamed 'MEME TEAM' to '*INSERT COOL NAME HERE*')
(LUKE changed their name to LOKI)
(TONY STARK changed LOKI 's name to LUKE)
Tony Stark: ye buddy you can't do that
Luke Banner: y not?
Peter Parker: lol mr starks name backwards
Wade Wilson: OMFG UR RIGHT
Tony Stark: @luke because i'm gonna add the other avengers to the chat
everyone besides us doesn't know ur alive.
Sam Wilson: wait who's the bish with my name?
Wade Wilson: OMG TWINSIES
Bruce Banner: Not twinsies. There is a huge age gap.
Shuri: ok boomer
Luke Banner: but what if they ask if i'm bruce's kid and they want to meet me?
Tony Stark: ok wait
ok FRIDAY did the smart stuff
here *link to @illusionmage*
(TONY STARK removed LUKE BANNER from the chat)
(TONY STARK added Mage to the chat)
Mage: a separate account?
Tony Stark: yep. completely untraceable. i also made some for my other secret identity heroes
*link to @spider-man*
*link to @griot*
*link to @deadpool*
(TONY STARK removed PETER PARKER, SHURI, WADE WILSON from the chat)
(TONY STARK added SPIDER-MAN, GRIOT, DEADPOOL to the chat)
Spider-Man: noiiiiiiiice
Deadpool: sweet! now i can post as my proper self!
Bruce Banner: Why does that scare me?
Thor: MH FRBDS/,,,
Mage: fuck
Bucky Barnes: Oh no! Steve doesn't like that kind of language!
Steve Rogers: ONE TIME!!! JUST THE ONE!!!
Tony Stark: thor i think your fingers are too big for the keyboard
Thor: I'm sorry, my friends. My hands are too big for the tiny Midgardian device, but Banner has shown me this device called a stark tab
Bruce Banner: StarkPad, Thor.
T'Challa: I'm sorry but the time difference in Wakanda makes it so your chatting is waking me up. Could you please slow down?
Shuri: no
Shuri: no
Shuri: no
Shuri: no
Shuri: no
Shuri: no
T'Challa: I hate you
Spider-Man: Mute the chat
T'Challa: Oh, then farewell my friends! Good night!
Tony Stark: anyway, lemme just add everyone else
(TONY STARK added NATASHA ROMANOFF, CLINT BARTON, NICK FURY, PEPPER POTTS, WANDA MAXIMOFF, VISION, SCOTT LANG to the chat)
Clint Barton: tf is this?
Spider-Man: the official avengers GC!!!
Natasha Romanoff: wait, how come we're not allowed to know the spider's real name?
Tony Stark: because i may or may not trust wilson, barnes, bruce, steve, thor, and t'challa more than i trust two super assassins
Clint Barton: whatever
WAIT DID YOU FUCKING SAY BRUCE AND THOR???
Bruce Banner: hey guys...
Wanda Maximoff: banner, you came back!
Nick Fury: Where the fuck have you been?
Thor: My friends! I cannot express how happy I am to speak with you again! I wish to spin the yarn of my adventures! You wouldn't believe what happened!
Mage: thor found bruce on a trash planet as the hulk after being thrown off the bifrost by his psychotic sister
Thor: Hey!
Mage: oh, so very satisfying to steal you thunder
Deadpool: BA DUM CRASH
Nick Fury: Who the fuck are those two clowns?
Spider-Man: that's confidential, sir
Griot: *evil emoji*
Clint Barton: I'm getting scared
Tony Stark: ok guys these are my new pupils. griot is related to the black panther. spider-man is MINE. deadpool is a murderer but we're working on that. mage is a vigilante illusionist who none of us know the identity of.
Natasha Romanoff: i'm gonna have so much fun trying to find their identities
Pepper Potts: I'm sorry Ms 'Rushman' but if you even try to hack into our secure files containing confidential information, I do have the power to sue you and put you under arrest. That goes for you too, Agent Barton and FORMER Director Fury.
Griot: OHHH SNAP
Mage: QUEEN
Spider-Man: WE STAN
Deadpool: GIRL BOSS
Tony Stark: THAS WHY I LUV UUU
Bruce Banner: What just happened here?
Scott Lang: oh new chat hi guys!
what the hell
damn, they just got OWNED
but they're still cool ms romanoff plz don't kill me
Spider-Man: mr lang sir you live across the country you have time to hide
Scott Lang: i'm still sca
I JUST SAW SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
Griot: RUN SCOTT RUN
Mage: was that a flash reference?
Griot: ye
Spider-Man: noice
Deadpool: wait where's paul rudd?
*scott lang sorry auto correct
Clint Barton: how the fuck do you get paull rudd from scott lang?
Sam Wilson: steve doesn't like that kind of language, inferior version of me
Steve Rogers: I SAID THAT ONE TIME
Clint Barton: INFERIOR VERSION???
Natasha Romanoff: ngl clint but he's kinda right
Clint Barton: YOU TOO???
tasha you hurt my feelings
i'm gonna go jump off a cliff
Bucky Barnes: NO DON'T IT'S NOT FUN
Mage: you speak from experience, sergeant barnes?
Bucky Barnes: fuck off, mini banner you fell too
Mage: you fell into a pit i fell into the void
major difference
Natasha Romanoff: how did you end up in the void
Mage: SHIT
MS POTTS
Pepper Potts: You're of alien heritage, Mage. I doubt that compromises your identity unless your human form admitted to being alien.
Spider-Man: ooooooh u screwed up
Mage: i thought it would be okay because griot admitted to it too
Griot: we fucked uppp
Mage: great now i have to do a shitty memory spell on everyone who knows
Griot: why not just do a memory spell on everyone and not on anyone you want to know
Mage: oh i guess ur right ok lemme do that later
Scott Lang: okay guys sorry it was only anton!
wait i'm sorry mage is a wizard??? and he's mini banner???
Deadpool: mage is a mage
Wanda Maximoff: get with the program, lang
Vision: Hello everyone I may or may not have met. I just realized that I have been added to the communal chat and have read all of the messages since I had been added.
Tony Stark: hello, my son
Clint Barton: LOL you call vis ur son?
Natasha Romanoff: shut up clint you have children too
Clint Barton: human living breathing children, not an artificial life form
Vision: Are you suggesting that I'm a lesser being?
Clint Barton: shit vis i didn't mean that
Wanda Maximoff: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU HE'S UPSET NOW
Bucky Barnes: SINCE WHEN DID ROBOTS START GETTING UPSET???
Steve Rogers: I DON'T KNOW IT JUST HAPPENED
Deadpool: NOOOO ROBODUDE DON'T CRY
Pepper Potts: Oh, dear. Vision, are you okay?
Vision: I'm sorry to interrupt your HUMAN chat. I hope you HUMANS don't mind. I guess that the EMOTIONLESS ANDROID will be on ITS way. Maybe IT will go stay with people who ACTUALLY CARE.
Mage: noooo passive aggressiveness!!! mr vision robot plz don't be mad at me. i know what it's like to be thought of as feelingless
Vision: I'm not mad at you, Mage. You are kind and haven't judged me for what I am.
Deadpool: what bout me? or spidey or griot?
Vision: I am not mad at you children. Children are kind and unbiased, only persuaded by adult means.
Tony Stark: i'm sorry if i seem to think lesser of you vis
Vision: Sorry doesn't help, Mr. Stark. Actions speak louder than words. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to make paprikash who doesn't think of me as a robot slave.
Wanda Maximoff: i fucking hate you, stark
Tony Stark: wtf
Deadpool: uh, guys i know that there's drama in the chat
Spider-Man: MR STARK YOU HURT VISION'S FEELINGS
Tony Stark: i didn't do anything!
Griot: SHAME ON YOU STARK BARTON ROMANOFF BARNES ROGERS AND BANNER
Bruce Banner: What did I do???
Natasha Romanoff: what?
Deadpool: guys?
Steve Rogers: I don't understand.
Spider-Man: YOU ONLY THINK OF VISION AS A ROBOT BUT HE'S MORE THEN THAT
Deadpool: guys
Griot: HE HAS FEELINGS TOO FEELINGS YOU TAUGHT HIM
Spider-Man: YOU CAN'T JUST ORDER HIM AROUND TO FIGHT FOR YOU
Deadpool: guys
Tony Stark: is this about the accords?
Griot: YES IT'S FUCKING ABOUT THE ACCORDS
Scott Lang: just asking but am i to blame for any of this?
Spider-Man: no, buddy ur nice
Deadpool: guys!
Nick Fury: Wait where do I come in here?
Spider-Man: shut ur mouth, cyclops, you don't act like anyone is human
Deadpool: GUYS
Spider-Man: WHAT
Deadpool: there's a problem here
Griot: what's wrong
Bruce Banner: Where are you guys?
Deadpool: we're still on patrol but mage kinda just turned off
Spider-Man: he turned off???
Deadpool: he's not responding he's just standing there and staring into the distance
Griot: slap him or something
Thor: DON'T
Deadpool: i already tried that and yelling i'm getting fucking scared
Natasha Romanoff: can you pick him up and take him to the compound?
Bruce Banner: Nat don't even try to figure out who the kid is.
Deadpool: WAIT HE'S BACK
Mage: sorry to make you panic guys i had a
Griot: a what
Mage: flashback? daydream?
Spider-Man: ???
Mage: nvm it was nothing
Bruce Banner: Well, if you guys are done with patrol then it's almost curfew
Sam Wilson: LMAO THE CHILDREN HAVE CURFEW
Steve Rogers: Silence, Wilson.
Sam Wilson: Sir yes sir
Spider-Man: LOL
Scott Lang: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW SERGEANT BARNES CALL MAGE MINI BANNER???
Griot: yup
Spider-Man: sucker.