How To Make Friends
HANDBOOK: To let people build community and bring the world closer together.
Login: @let.there.be.chaos
Password: *********
Login Confirmed: Welcome back, Luke! (@let.there.be.chaos)
New Message Request: @King_0_Vines (Peter)
New Message: @King_0_Vines (Peter)
2010
Peter: Hi!
Luke: Hi?
Peter: Sorry, the introduction kinda sucked.
I'm Peter!
Wait you could already see that.
Luke: XD
To what do I owe the pleasure?
Peter: I just wanted to say that I'm a big fan!
Luke: What?
Peter: I'm a HUGE fan of your page 'My Way Of The World'
Luke: Oh.
Well, thank you!
Peter: I really love the way you describe how to be a better person.
And it's kinda ironic considering your username XD LOL
Luke: Yeah, well it's what everybody at home knows me for. Trickster and liar and such.
Peter: That's kinda mean :(
Luke: I'm used to it. Everybody loves my brother and everybody hates me.
Wait, why am I telling you this?!
I don't even know you!
Peter: I don't know you either but if you want I can talk about private stuff too.
I get bullied every day at school but can't tell my guardians because they'll get upset.
Luke: Ouch. Sorry to hear that.
Peter: I don't really care much anymore about the hitting. I'm used to it. At least I have friends.
Luke: How many?
Peter: Why?
Luke: Answer the question, your highness.
Peter: ...
One in person and one online that isn't you.
Luke: That's not bad. I don't have any.
WHY DID I TELL YOU THAT?!
Peter: I don't know but I'm sorry.
I can be your friend! :D
Luke: Really?
Peter: Only if you want to...
Luke: Alright. I HAVE A FRIEND.
Wow that sounds amazing to write out and have it be true.
Peter: LOL
Anyway, tell me about yourself.
I wanna make sure you're cool.
Not that I am but you know.
Luke: Fine.
Everybody I know calls me Loki so I guess you can call me that too.
(LUKE changed their name in the private chat to LOKI)
Peter: Cool!
Everybody I know calls me Peter because I don't really have a nickname.
Most of the bullies at school call me by my last name.
Loki: Why would they do that? I don't understand why people call each other by their surname.
Peter: I think you have to be friends to allow someone call you by your first name.
Loki: Huh :/
Peter: Idk man, I just work here.
Uh oh, I have to go.
Bedtime :(
Loki: I can talk whenever you're available. I don't have much to do.
Peter: YAY :D
TTYL!
Loki: Bye!
~~~
Peter: LOKILOKILOKI
LOG ON RIGHT NOW
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
Loki: WHAT IS IT?
Peter: I JUST SAW IRON MAN
Loki: ...
Who?
Peter: YOU DON'T KNOW WHO IRON MAN IS?!
Loki: Oh, Iron Man. Sorry, I just woke up.
WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SAW HIM?!
Peter: I was at Stark Expo with Uncle Ben and Aunt May when suddenly killer robots started attacking and Iron Man showed up!
Loki: PETER TELL ME YOU'RE SAFE
Peter: I'm fine now! We're driving home now.
Loki: Oh thank goodness
Wait, why were you with your aunt and uncle? Where are your parents?
Peter: Oh no...
About that...
Loki: I'm sorry if I did something wrong! You don't need to talk about it!
Peter: Nah, it's ok.
They died in a plane crash when I was three.
Loki: I'm so sorry.
Peter: It's ok. You can't really miss what you don't remember.
Loki: If it makes you feel better, I sent you a present.
Peter: Where did you get my address from?!
Loki: I didn't. I rented a P.O. box for you. You said you lived in Queens.
Peter: Oh, you didn't have to.
Loki: I wanted to. You're my first friend so I wanted to give you something. I never really got or gave presents randomly with people unless it was my mother.
I tried with my father and brother but it didn't end well.
Peter: Aww. Can I send you something?
Loki: ...
Yeah let me just get a P.O. box near where I live.
~~~
Peter: OMG THIS IS AMAZING
Loki: I made it myself. It's supposed to be a black bracelet with red charms.
Peter: It's so beautiful! My gift for you kinda sucks. It's just a silver plastic bracelet with fake green gems.
Loki: No, I love it. It's the first friendship bracelet I've ever got...
Peter: Are you ok?
Loki: I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING
~~~
2012
Loki: ...Hello Peter.
Peter: OMG YOU'RE FINALLY BACK
DUDE I WAS SO FRICKING WORRIED
Loki: I'm sorry.
Peter: I THOUGHT YOU DIED
I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS
I THOUGHT YOU WERE THROWN IN JAIL FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO
Loki: ...
Peter: I'm sorry for yelling. I missed you a lot.
Loki: I missed you too. Everything in my life for the last couple of years sort of went up in flames.
Peter: Do you want to talk about it?
Loki: I don't think I can. You wouldn't believe me.
Peter: Tell me the believable parts first.
Loki: Alright.
I found out that I was adopted and that was why my father never really liked me.
Not only that but I was adopted from a family that my adopted family hated.
Peter: That's horrible.
Loki: That's all I can really think about that you would believe.
Peter: Ok. Now tell me the unbelievable parts in such a strange and vague way that they're actually a metaphor for the real thing.
Loki: Oh. Um.
My bio family was actually from race called Frost Giants and I'm a Frost Giant too. They're supposed to be monstrous creatures.
Peter: You're not a monster.
Loki: My not-brother was always so perfect and I thought that if I tried hard enough I could be like him but NO THERE WAS NEVER ANY CHANCE.
I tried to prove myself by destroying the other kingdom but I ended up destroying a rainbow bridge.
Peter: I'm sorry for laughing.
Loki: I know it sounds stupid.
Peter: Keep going.
Loki: I tried commiting suicide by falling off the bridge.
Peter: NO DON'T PLEASE
YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR
Loki: It didn't work. I ended up in a void for several months, then I was taken in and tortured by a big alien and his little monster friends. Then I was forced to try and destroy a planet.
Peter: Is it wrong for me to imagine the incident in New York?
Loki: No, actually. It was just like that.
Anyway I was stopped and now I'm in prison sentenced by my own not-father.
He didn't even listen to my side of the story.
Peter: What the frick, man. Just hearing about this guy makes me want to punch him.
I wanna sentence him to death by toothpicks and snails.
Loki: XD It wouldn't work but thank you for the sentiment.
Peter: They have WiFi in space jail?
Loki: Space data
Peter: Ah, that makes sense.
~~~
2013
Loki: Do you ever just want to die?
Peter: Mood.
Loki: Forget we're gen z right now. I mean literally.
Peter: Yeah, sometimes. A bully at my school lately has been telling me to kill myself because I'm a waste of air. Sometimes I consider it.
Loki: No, you're not a waste. If you weren't here, I might not be either.
My mother just died. My adopted one. She was the only one I ever felt love from.
Peter: Oh no. I'm so sorry.
Loki: IT'S ALL MY FAULT AND I SAID SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO HER AND NOW I CAN NEVER APOLOGIZE
Peter: I'm sure she knew you didn't mean it.
Loki: MY STUPID FATHER WON'T EVEN LET ME GO TO HER FUNERAL. MY BROTHER NEVER VISITS ME AND I'M ALL ALONE.
Peter: I'm sorry.
Loki: I just want to end my fucking screwed up life.
Peter: First of all, language!
Second, no don't. People need you. You don't deserve to die.
Loki: It doesn't matter if I do it. She was the only thing protecting me from my not-father's wrath. I'll be killed any day now. Not that it matters. No one needs me.
Peter: I need you. Please, you're one of my only friends.
Loki: I'm sorry to be a burden.
Peter: You're not! If anything, I'm just laying all of my problems on you! You can always talk to me if you need anything.
Loki: Thank you.
~~~
2014
(PETER created a new group chat, 'NEW CHAT')
(PETER added @let.there.be.chaos (LOKI) and @Queen_0_Memes (SHURI) to 'NEW CHAT')
(PETER renamed 'NEW CHAT' to 'Gen Z')
Shuri: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE
Loki: Those are my CROCKS
Shuri: Peter, why did you not tell me this was a man of CULTURE
Peter: It was a surprise.
So anyway, Loki this is Shuri and Shuri this is Loki.
Shuri: Duh
Loki: Duh
Shuri: Okay so let's get this straight. I'm a princess.
Loki: I was a prince but now you can just think of me as an alien mage.
Peter: Cool. I'm the newly created spider person.
Loki: The one from Youtube?
Peter: Sure.
Shuri: This group name sucks.
Loki: Couldn't agree more.
Peter: How about like a club? The mess makers?
Shuri: The destructors.
Loki: The mayhem squad.
Shuri: I like the squad idea.
Peter: The Chaos Squad.
(PETER renamed the group 'The Chaos Squad')
~~~
Peter: Guys...
Loki: Oh no. What's wrong?
Peter: My uncle just got killed.
Shuri: OH NO
Loki: I'm so sorry.
Peter: It's all my fault. I could've stopped the robber but I didn't.
Shuri: Peter, you're just a kid. If you had tried, you both would've died.
Peter: But what if I could do it?!
Loki: It's over now. Just remember, he's in a better place.
Peter: Thanks guys.
~~~
Loki: Did you get the gifts we sent, Shuri?
Shuri: HELL YEAH LOOK THESE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS ARE AMAZING. I love white with purple gems and charms!
Peter: The gems are fake...
Shuri: Do I care?! I love them! Did you get the ones I sent you?
Loki: You mean the fricking state of the art kimoyo beads? Yes.
Peter: Mine are red!
Loki: Green!
Shuri: I designed them so they're like holographic monitors.
Peter: These bracelets are literally the most expensive things I own. I'm literally texting from there.
Loki: Same.
~~~
Peter: OMG GUESS WHAT
Shuri: WHAT?!
Peter: I JUST GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT STARK INDUSTRIES
Loki: WHAT?!
Shuri: PETER THAT'S AMAZING
Peter: Thank you :D
~~~
Peter: I just got crushed by a building and crashed a plane.
Shuri: WHAT?!
Loki: WTF?!
~~~
Shuri: Just stopped the revenge seeking cousin from taking over the country! #princessproblems
Loki: WAIT WHAT
Peter: SHURI?!
~~~
Loki: If I had a nickel for every time I was thrown off an interdimensional portal by a sibling, I would have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's annoying it happened twice.
Shuri: Dude, WTF?
Peter: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY?!
~~~
Loki: Hey.
Peter: What did you do.
Loki: Bold of you to assume I did anything.
Shuri: But...?
Loki: I did something.
Peter: What
Did
You
Do
Shuri: Answer the question.
Loki: Just assume that I did something horrifyingly awesome and that I'll tell you when I get there.
Shuri: What did you do?!
Peter: LOKI GET BACK HERE
~~~
Loki: I have something to tell you.