Chapter 16
Yelena glances between the two adults in the room. Maria shuffles away from Natasha quickly.
“Everything okay?” Natasha quickly asked her like she wasn’t just caught kissing Maria.
“I…” Yelena looks between the two. “I came here for Dog…” Yelena slowly moves past the two of them toward where the stuffed animal sat on the bed.
Hearing her sister tell her that she was bisexual was a whole different thing than catching her kissing a woman.
Yelena picks the stuffed dog up and finally turns to look back at them.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Maria finally asked and Yelena glances up at Maria.
“Do I want to talk about you sucking face with my sister?” Yelena raised an eyebrow and Maria blushed. “Actually, yes. I do.”
“Okay. What about it?” Maria asked, managing to keep her tone even.
Yelena rubs the ear of the stuffed dog. “Have you kissed before?”
The two adult women look at each other before gesturing for Yelena to sit on the bed.
“No. This was the first time,” Natasha replies as she sits next to Yelena on the bed. “Is this okay?”
Yelena wants to tell her yes. But she’s having conflicting feelings at the moment. Not just jealousy of having to share her sister but because part of the Red Room whispers to her that it was dirty and disgusting for two girls to be together.
So Yelena shrugs instead.
Natasha looked worried and Yelena realizes that Natasha is worried about Yelena not accepting her.
“I’m not upset that you’re kissing Maria… I’m not upset that you like girls. But…” Yelena hesitates and Natasha rests a hand onto her shoulder. “The Red Room says that kissing girls is dirty and disgusting.”
“The Red Room is long about everything,” Natasha said with a frown. “You know that.”
“I know… but I still hear them…” Yelena glances at Maria. “Are you bisexual like Natasha?”
“Uh, no,” Maria shakes her head. “I’m a lesbian.”
“Lesbian?” Yelena repeats, glancing at Natasha for an explanation.
“Maria only likes girls,” Natasha tells Yelena.
“Are you girlfriends?” Yelena asked them.
The two older women glance at each other. “No.” Maria said. “It was just a kiss.”
Yelena nods her head. “Did you kiss her because you like her?”
“Why else would I kiss her?” Maria frowns before shaking her head. “Nevermind. Red Room. Forget that, it was a stupid question.”
“Friends can kiss each other, can’t they?” Yelena inquired, running her fingers over the fabric of Dog still in her grip.
“Not… not usually,” Natasha looks at Maria. “Why do you ask that?”
Yelena shrugs. “I’ve kissed MJ.”
“What? When?” Natasha jerks her head to look at Yelena.
Yelena gives another shrug. “A while ago…”
“I honestly thought you and her were dating,” Maria tells Yelena.
“Clint thought that too,” Yelena said. “But I’d know if I was dating her, right?”
“That’s generally how it works,” Maria finally takes a seat on the bed next to Yelena. “Kissing girls isn’t dirty.”
“I know…” Yelena rubs Dog’s ear between her fingers. “I liked kissing MJ. It wasn’t wrong or dirty.”
“Do you have a crush on her?” Maria questioned Yelena who just shrugged again.
“I don’t know. What does it feel like to have a crush?” Yelena glances up at her sister.
“You’re asking the wrong person, little one,” Natasha admits.
Maria starts listing what it felt like to have a crush and Yelena scrunched her nose up.
“I thought that was what having a friend was!” She said, shifting to look up at Natasha. “I feel that way about MJ.”
“Do you feel that way about Peter?” Natasha asked and Yelena wrinkles her nose. “Peter’s your friend and you don’t feel that way about him?”
“I just thought it was because MJ was my friend and a girl…” Yelena fiddles with a loose thread on Dog. “So I have a crush on MJ?”
“Only you know that,” Natasha said and Yelena lets out a huff.
“Well,” Maria starts and Yelena glances up at her. “If the opportunity to kiss her came up again, would you?”
Yelena pauses to think about it. She feels like all she can do is shrug. “I wouldn’t mind it. It depends. If it’s like the kiss we did then yes.”
“There you go,” Maria said. “Congrats, kid. You’ve got a crush.”
“What do I do?” Yelena leans against Natasha.
“That’s up to you,” Natasha said and Yelena tilts her head back to look up at her.
“What if I don’t do anything?” Yelena asked her. “What if I walk out and pretend that I never saw you and Maria kissing and that we didn’t have this whole conversation?”
“Does me kissing Maria bother you that much?” Natasha asked quietly and Yelena shakes her head.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean--” Yelena wants Natasha to have friends, not a girlfriend. “You can kiss Maria all you want.”
Maria lets out a snort of laughter and Yelena glares at her.
“Shut up. Hurt my sister and I’ll gut you,” Yelena snaps at her and Natasha flicks her forehead as a warning.
Yelena ducks her head down with a small frown. “You’re still mine?” She asked Natasha quietly.
Natasha cups Yelena’s face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Of course. You always come first, you know that.”
Yelena wraps her arms around Natasha. It’s not that she doesn’t believe Natasha. She trusts her sister. But some part in the back of Yelena’s mind is whispering that her sister is going to leave her. That she’ll get with Maria and they’ll go start their own little family and won’t need Yelena anymore.
She doesn’t know when the conversation turned from Maria and Natasha to her and MJ.
Yelena wants to give Natasha the support she knows her sister needs. She wants to tell Natasha to go for it. She’ll be rooting for her.
But Yelena would be lying and Natasha would know immediately.
Yelena is jealous. She’s pretty sure that’s what the feeling in her stomach was. Bitter and sour and leaving her feeling insignificant and possessive all at the same time.
Yelena pulls away from Natasha, grabbing Dog. “I’m going to bed.”
Natasha blinks in surprise at the abrupt statement before nodding. “Okay… did you want me to come join you?”
“I have MJ.” Yelena said, glancing up at Maria before leaving the room quickly.
If Natasha wanted to date Maria then she could. Yelena would just go and distance herself and wallow in these new emotions that she doesn’t like.
MJ doesn’t ask Yelena where she went and Yelena volunteers no information.
Yelena dreams of the Red Room that night, of cruel, leering sneers at the one time a guard caught two Widows being intimate with each other.
Dirty. Disgusting. Wrong.
The Widows were made to have sex with the male guards until it was determined that they were cured. Then they killed one of them to make the other suffer.
Yelena wakes up in the middle of the night and pulls her knees to her chest and cries.