Chapter 5
It doesn’t take long for the yelling to start. Yelena pushed her face into the knees drawn up to her chest, trying to focus on the sound of the clock ticking on the wall. There is so much yelling and screaming that she’s having a hard time discerning what is said.
And it shouldn’t bother her but the sound of her sister’s raised voice makes Yelena’s hands move to clasp over her ears. She didn’t want to hear it. She couldn’t bare it at the moment.
Yelena curls up in a ball with her hands clamped over her ears and doesn’t move. She listens to the sound of her own heartbeat and counts her breaths. She thinks of the songs that Natasha sings to her and hums them quietly.
She’s tired.
She knows that May is somewhere in the room and appreciates that the woman doesn’t try to strike up any sort of conversation or comfort her.
Yelena rocks side to side gently, the motion soothing as she folds in on herself. The yelling stops abruptly before continuing. Periods of yelling with brief pauses peppered in lingered as Yelena slides her fingers into her hair.
She doesn’t realize that she’s hurting herself until May is in front of her and grasping her wrists.
“Don’t touch me!” Yelena yanks at her wrists.
“You’re hurting yourself,” May said, her grasp firm but not hurting her.
Yelena looks down at the little red crescent marks in her palm from where she had been digging her fingernails into her skin. “I’m fine.”
May glances up at Yelena. The yelling starts again and Yelena hunches in on herself. “Do you know tai chi?”
Yelena frowns at the question. She knew of tai chi but had never done it. May gently squeezed her wrist to bring her focus back on her. Yelena shakes her head.
“I taught Natasha tai chi too,” May tells her. “Come on. Stand up and follow my lead and I’ll tell you the story.”
Yelena lets herself be tugged to her feet and watches the woman slide into stance. Yelena eyes her for a few moments before she slowly follows. She flinches when the yelling reaches a crescendo shortly followed by a period of quiet.
May slowly moves through the set and Yelena mimics her. She waits for May to tell her the story.
May waits, coaching her on deep breaths before beginning.
May tells Yelena not only how she taught Natasha tai chi but other bits of memories that she had. Yelena can hear the fondness and the way she retells them with a smile.
SHIELD had been Natasha’s home. Now Yelena was in the picture and SHIELD hated her guts.
Choices, choices, choices.
In exchange for the stories, Yelena tells of her own memories. She tells May about Ohio and when Natasha was young.
“Natasha was a teenager and I was just a little kid. Most people hate when their little sibling follows them around. At least, that’s what American television says,” Yelena inhales deeply before slowly letting the breath out, following May through the set. “Natasha hated my guts at first. She hated the sight of me because she knew that it wasn’t real. That one day she would go back to the Red Room and I would go too.”
“She asked about you once, I think,” May said quietly and Yelena glances up at her. “I was helping her to sleep without handcuffs when she had a night terror. She kept patting around the bed searching for something and going ‘I have to get her’.”
“I didn’t understand why she hated me so much,” Yelena tucks the piece of information in her head. “Then our… our fake parents got into a fight and--” Yelena glances at the wall where muffled yelling was coming from. “I got scared.”
May steps forward to bring Yelena’s attention away from the wall. “Eye forward.”
Yelena swallows hard but tears her gaze from the wall and stares at May once again. “I got hungry and they were fighting so I decided that I could do it myself. I pulled a chair from the table so I could climb on the counter and rifle through the cabinets.”
May gives her an encouraging nod when she pauses.
“I lost my balance and tumbled off the counter…” Yelena looks down at her hands, dropping her stance. “I landed weird and I heard something snap. It’s nothing compared to now but back then I thought I was going to die because it hurt so bad….” Yelena chews on her lower lip. “They were still yelling. Nobody noticed.”
Yelena flexes her wrist before looking up at May. “I pulled myself together and went upstairs to try and get help. The door was locked and they yelled at me to go away and give them a few minutes when I tried to tell them. So I went to my sister’s room. Her door was locked too and she told me to go away as well and I just… kinda fell apart.”
May had stopped to listen to Yelena.
“I cried. I cried hard, tears and snot everywhere and I sat on the ground outside of her room and cradled my hurt arm. Maybe she thought I was being overdramatic… I dunno. But I didn’t stop crying and she finally yanks the door open so she could tell me to go away.” Yelena shrugs slightly.
“For fucks sake--” The words leaving Natasha’s mouth trails off. Yelena sniffles slightly, tilting her head up to look at her big sister. Her vision was blurred with tears as she lets out a small hiccuping whine.
Natasha’s eyes land onto the arm Yelena was cradling close to herself. “I’m sorry.” Yelena sniffles, rubbing her nose on the sleeve of her good arm. “I got hungry.”
Natasha lowers herself to crouch in front of her. “What did you do?” She demands, reaching for Yelena’s arm.
“I f-fell,” Yelena extends her arm to show Natasha. Her wrist was bigger than the other one and an ugly purple color.
Natasha scrunches her face up. “Why are you bothering me?” She said before her eyes glance at the closed door of the master bedroom where there was muffled yelling. “Damned it.”
Yelena doesn’t comment on the swear words her sister said. “It h-hurts.” She rubs away the tears on her face with her hand.
Natasha looks down at her once again before reaching out and picking Yelena up.
It’s the first time Natasha had carried her and Yelena wants to take advantage of it and soak up all the comfort she can. Natasha’s hold isn’t like their mama’s or daddy’s. Natasha is stiff and her hold is wrong but Yelena wiggles against her until she gets comfy.
Natasha carries her downstairs and pulls a bag of frozen peas from the freezer.
“I don’t want to eat peas,” Yelena scrunches her nose up.
“It’s not for eating,” Natasha replies, grabbing the dishcloth and wrapping the bag of peas up before pressing it to Yelena’s wrist. “Hold that there.”
Yelena’s breath hitched at the sharp pain but the cold felt very nice.
“You like peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches, right? That’s what Melina feeds you?” Natasha sits Yelena on the counter when she nods. Natasha points a finger at Yelena. “Don’t fall.”
“It turns out I had broken my wrist. Melina finally took me to the ER when she got done with the fight and I came back with a hot pink cast on my wrist,” Yelena looks up at May. “I asked Natasha to sign it first.”
Yelena grins slightly at the memory. “She drew the worst My Little Pony horse I’ve ever seen…” She sighs before looking back at the ground. “Natasha didn’t hate me anymore. I went to her whenever I was scared or upset and she made me feel protected and safe in a way that Alexei and Melina never could.”
Yelena noticed that the yelling had stopped and glanced at the wall before looking at May. “Natasha is my safe place. My person. She deserves to have that too.”