Chapter 6
Tony debates whether he could turn around and join Yelena in the little office when Natasha’s face darkens with each step they take.
It’s not that far down the hall where Maria opens the door to another office and steps aside to let them in.
Fury is sitting behind his desk and takes on look at Coulson before glancing at the others and sighing.
“Hill?” Fury lets out a long sigh.
“I’m not getting any more involved in this,” Maria said from the doorway. “Yelena found out about him first.”
Natasha approached Fury, staring down at him before she slapped him hard much like she did to Coulson. “How dare you?”
Fury glances up at her. “I never need to explain myself.”
“I’m not talking about hiding the fact that one of the very few people I completely trusted in my life lied about being dead,” Natasha said and Tony can see Coulson give a flinch. “I’m talking about the fact that you had the audacity to kidnap my sister again after what happened last time.”
“She’s dangerous,” Fury replies simply.
“She’s sixteen!” Natasha snaps at him. “For fucks sake! She’s not hurting anybody.”
“Not anymore,” Fury corrects her and Natasha leans down to look him in the eyes.
“I had respected you once, Nick. I would have done anything for you. For SHIELD,” Natasha whispers before lifting the gun concealed from his jacket and pointing it at him in a matter of seconds.
Fury watches her calmly as Coulson jerks forward. “Hey, that’s not necessary.”
“Fuck you!” Natasha snarls at him and Coulson jolts back at the venom in her tone. “You think that you have some sort of say in all of this?”
“I know that what happened was not okay but there is no need for guns--” Coulson starts and at one point in her life Natasha would have huffed angrily and slammed the gun on the desk and the fight would be over.
“You don’t get a say! You-- you left me behind!” Natasha clenches her jaw. “Like I was trash. Like I meant nothing to you.”
“That’s not true,” Coulson immediately protests. “I was under strict orders--”
“I needed you!” Natasha interrupts him. “I needed you and you weren’t there. I didn’t have anybody.”
“You had Clint, right?” Coulson asked her and Natasha lets out a sharp laugh.
“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t tell Clint everything. Losing you killed him inside. He blamed himself for a long time,” Natasha shakes her head. “I couldn’t pile my shit on top of his own.”
“Then you had Maria. Or May. Or the other Avengers,” Coulson starts to list.
“SHIELD fell and I didn’t have them anymore. I didn’t… I didn’t trust the Avengers. The only reason I stayed was that you believed in them. You believed that I belonged on that team so I stayed in honor of you. Look where it got me,” Natasha’s voice was bitter. “I’m on the run from the government.”
“I never wanted any of this to happen,” Coulson protests. “Natasha, I only ever wanted the best for you.”
“You were the first person I ever mourned,” Natasha tells him coldly. “I have seen a lot of death in my life but none of it mattered until you died. I didn’t know how to grieve. I was never taught how. I found myself Googling ‘how to process emotional pain’ because I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
“I’m sorry, Natasha,” Coulson said, his voice thick with grief.
“I thought I mattered to you--” Natasha cuts herself off. “I thought that I was more than just your agent…”
“Natasha--” Coulson starts, taking a step forward.
The grip on the gun in her hand tightens. “No! SHIELD fell and the Avengers broke apart and then the Red Room came back. I needed you!” Natasha swallows hard, trying to ignore the hot tears that finally fell.
“I’m sorry,” Coulson repeats his apology.
“And I still fucking need you--” Natasha jerks her head to look at Fury. “SHIELD keeps kidnapping the most important person in my life. They want to kill her. A long time ago SHIELD decided to give me another chance. I was a Widow. I had killed your agents. Why is this different?”
“Your sister snuck under our defenses--” Fury starts to speak.
“She was eight! She had only been training in the Red Room for two years. If a child with two years of training managed to get the upper hand on you then you failed!” The grip on the gun tightens and Tony thinks that he needs to step in before she actually ends up shooting him.
“Natasha--” Tony sets a hand onto her shoulder. “Take a moment.”
Tony is grateful that Natasha doesn’t throw him over her shoulder and makes a show of inhaling deeply.
“Give me the gun.” Tony reaches for the gun gripped tightly in her hand. Natasha jerks the gun away but Tony grabbed her wrist. “Natasha…”
Natasha looks up at him and it’s the first time that Tony has seen the genuine hurt and grief splashed across her face. He can’t remember ever seeing her looking so vulnerable before.
“Shooting him isn’t going to fix anything,” Tony tells her, ensuring to keep his voice low and soft. “I know that you’re angry and that you’re upset, and I have no idea what is going through your mind but this is not how you want to do things.”
Natasha ducks her head down and Tony reaches for the gun again. He wraps his fingers around the gun and when Natasha doesn’t fight him he pulls it from her fingers.
“Why am I destined for everybody to leave me?” Natasha whispers as Tony flicks the safety on the gun. “Everybody important to me either leaves me or dies.”
“You deserve to be happy,” Tony tells her carefully. He glances up at Pepper, trying to discern what he should do at the moment.
Pepper looked furious at the whole situation and Tony figures that he could take Natasha to step out for a moment.
Natasha originally resists against his slight push toward the door but he whispers Pepper’s name and she seems to shrink and lets him tug her out of the room.
Yelling starts up as the door closed and Tony looks down at Natasha. She’s carrying herself in a way that Tony recognizes because he’d carried himself the same way before.
How to look big and powerful when you feel like you’re crumbling inside.
“I know that it might not mean much to you but you have me. And you have Pepper,” Tony tells her and Natasha takes a long slow breath.
“Even after everything I’ve done to you?” Natasha refuses to meet his gaze.
Tony shrugs his shoulders. “It’s already been forgiven. I told you that. You’re my friend, Natasha. Do you know the length I would go for my friends?”
“Yeah…” Natasha glances at the door. “I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that Phil isn’t dead… I know that faking your death isn’t a big deal but it’s been what? Two years? He moved on and has a new team now and just… forgot about me?”
Yelena must be making him soft, Tony decides when he reaches out to hug Natasha. Natasha is stiff in his hold but then just sags against him. “You deserve better.” Tony tells her.
“I don’t deserve anything,” Natasha said quietly and Tony is all too familiar with self-deprecating thoughts.
“You deserve that kid in your life. You deserve to have a safe place to live and you deserve to be happy,” Tony said.
Natasha pulls away and tilts her head up to look at him. “Some part of me wants to kill Fury.”
“We’ve all wanted to kill Fury,” Tony flaps his hand with a grin and is rewarded when Natasha lets out a low laugh.
“Is it bad that I still need Phil?” She asked, reaching up to try and erase any evidence of crying on her face.
“No. I think it’s normal to want him. He was like your dad or something, right?” Tony said and continues before Natasha can reply. “The people we love hurt us sometimes but we still love them.”
“Love is for children,” Natasha replies automatically before frowning.
“You love Yelena,” Tony reminds her. “And she loves you.”
“I do…” Natasha rubs at her face. “I love her so much, Tony. I want the best for her. I want her to be able to experience some semblance of a normal childhood. What I didn’t get to have. Kidnapping is not on my list.”
“I know that. But she is living the best life possible for her with you. Don’t tell me that you’re regretting this,” Tony said.
“No!” Natasha replies sharply. “That’s not what I meant. I regret a lot of things in life but Yelena-- Yelena isn’t one of them. She’s mine. She’s my kid.”
Tony glances at the door. “Then let’s go back in there and make sure that they never fuck with her again.”
Natasha glances at the door before giving a curt nod and grabbing the handle.