anxiety
Yelena wakes up a little too warm and slightly sweaty. She shifts slightly only to realize that she wasn’t in a bed nor was she handcuffed. She jerked upright just as a set of hands grasp her shoulders. She flinches hard, her eyes rapidly taking everything in until they rest onto Natasha.
“Hey.” Natasha’s voice was low and calm. “It’s alright. You fell asleep here in the nest, remember?”
Yelena sucks in a breath, nodding her head slightly. “Right…” She breathes out. She remembered being so afraid of Natasha’s reaction to the note. Natasha had barely even reacted to it and to be honest, Yelena wasn’t sure if she preferred that over her getting angry.
Yelena suddenly straightened. “What time is it?” She demands and Natasha shrugs slightly. “Is dinner over? How long have I been sleeping?” Yelena scrambles off of Natasha’s lap.
“Woah-- what’s the sudden panic for?” Natasha grabbed her ankle to keep her from fleeing.
“I have to check in with Maria after dinner. The Director said if I missed it then I could get into trouble,” Yelena shakes her head, her chest tightening with panic. “I wanna be able to go to the farm.” They were leaving in only a couple of days and Yelena wanted to go. If she got into major trouble then they could probably take that away, even if Maria said that wouldn’t happen.
“Maria knew that something was up. She’d probably understand if we explained,” Natasha lets go of her ankle. “Let’s get out of the vents and find her, okay?”
Yelena nods her head, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm her racing heart as she heads toward one of the exits. She drops down into Goose’s office, waiting for Natasha to follow suit before they head toward Maria’s office.
Yelena catches a glimpse of the time, her heart sinking at the fact that dinner had ended hours ago. It was nearing eight-thirty at night. Natasha nearly runs into her when she stops abruptly at the sight of the clock.
“Come on,” Natasha braces the back of her neck with her hand, giving it a small squeeze. Yelena shudders slightly, leaning into the touch and letting Natasha push her forward.
Maria was still in her office, her head cradled in her hand as she goes through mission reports. She straightens when they enter her office. “Yelena. Natasha.” She greets.
“I’m sorry.” Yelena blurts out. She didn’t want to wear a tracker on the helicarrier. “I fell asleep. I was gonna come to see you but then I was in the nest and Natasha found me and--”
“Yelena, it’s okay,” Maria interrupts her and Yelena falls quiet. “Natasha told me that you were probably going to be having a little bit of a rough night. You’re not in trouble.”
“I’m not?” Yelena blurts out, eyeing Maria suspiciously.
“No. You’re not.” Maria confirms. “This is the first time you’ve missed it and it was an accident. I think I can let it slip.”
Yelena eyes her. “Let it slip?” She echoes with a frown. “What do you want in exchange?” She can feel Natasha staring at the back of her head.
“Nothing. I’m giving you a pass because it was a genuine mistake,” Maria replies and Yelena rubs the sleep from her face. “Okay?”
Yelena nods her head.
“Good. Go get some rest.” She tells Yelena, her voice softening. Yelena nods again and turns toward Natasha. Natasha glances at Maria before leading Yelena from the room.
“I’m going with Phil for Christmas,” Skye comments, resting her chin on Yelena’s shoulder as she peers over her shoulder to watch the blonde play her Game Boy. “He has a house that he doesn’t really use. He says I can paint one of the rooms any color I want.”
Yelena glances up at her briefly. She hadn’t really thought about the fact that they would be separated for so long. “What color are you gonna paint it?”
“Nothing,” Skye huffs, flopping back against the wall. “It won’t really be my room.”
Yelena paused the game. “What are you talking about? You’re gonna be with him for… thirteen days?” She calculates it in her head. “And that won’t be the only time you’ll be there, I think…”
“That’s just it! I--” Skye glances away from her, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Ugh. Why can’t I just go with you?”
“You don’t want to do Christmas with Coulson?” Yelena frowns, her attention on Skye.
“I do-- I mean…” Skye lets out a huff as she struggles to put her thoughts into words. “I won’t see you for two weeks… What if-- what if I need you?”
“Then call me. I’ve got your back, Skynet,” Yelena bumps her shoulder against Skye’s.
“Yeah, but they’re gonna put a tracker on you this time and I can’t disable it from so far away!” Skye protests and to Yelena’s horror, there are tears forming in her eyes. “And I just-- I need you…”
Yelena wraps her arms around Skye, pulling her close. “I’m right here. You’ll see me when we get back. It’s not like we can’t call each other either. Everything’ll be okay, you’ll see.”
“What if you don’t come back? If you like it there better then you won’t come back,” Skye whispers, grabbing onto Yelena to pull herself closer.
“I’m always gonna come back to you, Skynet. Don’t be silly,” Yelena chides, resting her chin on Skye’s shoulder. “I promise.”
Skye lets out a sigh. “Okay.” She murmurs, burying her face into Yelena’s shoulder.
It’s the day before they have to leave for the farm and Yelena will admit that she’s a little bit freaked out. She had been excited to go to the farm but now that the time was coming up, she was starting to have doubts.
Natasha had spent some time explaining to Yelena exactly what traditions the Barton’s participated in.
Yelena finds herself calling Laura as she sits in Goose’s office, the cat lazing on her lap as she sits behind the empty desk.
“What’s up?” Laura asked and Yelena can hear the squeal of Cooper in the background. Yelena suddenly worries that she’d called at a bad time.
“I… wanted to talk about Christmas,” Yelena says quietly, her fingers running along Goose’s back. She’d miss them while she was with the Barton’s.
“Okay. Was there anything in particular or would you just like to know what we have planned?” Laura asked easily and Yelena’s chest unclenches slightly at the ease that Laura asked her.
“Just… in general please?” She questioned. Laura lets out a hum and Yelena pets Goose as Laura spoke.
“We need to go shopping for Christmas gifts. We have the tree but we still have to put lights and ornaments on it. We make gingerbread cookies and decorate them while listening to Christmas music. You and Natasha can help me make the dough and cut them out,” Laura starts. Yelena closed her eyes as she listens to Laura speak softly.
“I’ve never made gingerbread before,” Yelena mumbles softly. She remembers her not-mom buying premade ones at the store but never before making them.
“We’ll bake a few other things while you’re here. We’ll have a turkey and all sorts of sides on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve night, we drive around and look at the lights of our neighbor’s houses,” Laura describes. Yelena wishes that they had done things like that when she was a child. “On Christmas day, we have cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Have you ever had cinnamon rolls?”
“No.” Yelena frowns, thinking back to a time when she might have eaten them. “I don’t think so.”
“It will be Lila’s first Christmas. So we plan on doing special photos for that. We go in ugly sweaters to get our pictures taken. I already picked you and Natasha up some that will match ours. I hope they fit,” Laura frets and Yelena frowns.
“Pictures?” She interrupts and Laura pauses. “You want me and Natasha in for pictures? Isn’t that for, like, family?”
Laura was quiet for a few moments and Yelena was worried that she had said something wrong. Before she can apologize, Laura spoke. “You are family, Yelena.”
Yelena’s breath hitched at the sincerity of Laura’s words. “Really?”
“Really.” Laura promised. “You and your sister are honorary Barton’s. You’re always welcome here in our home.”
Yelena was quiet as she takes in the weight of Laura’s words. “Thank you.” She finally says, unsure of what else to say.
“You’re welcome, honey,” Laura’s tone was soft. Yelena rests her head onto the desk in front of her, listening as Laura details the first Christmas she shared with Clint.
“You what?”
Yelena jumps slightly at the sound of Maria’s raised voice. She sounded pissed. Yelena was in Fury’s office, hiding from the people after she got overwhelmed. Goose was on her chest sleeping, the purring helping calm her down.
The door to Fury’s office opens and Yelena shrinks against the wall, Goose letting out a chirp.
Maria pauses at the sight of her as Fury heads toward his desk, barely sparing her a glance. “I said that you’re getting Christmas off.”
“Sir, I have too much work on my plate. You can’t possibly--” Maria starts to protest and Fury holds up his hand. She falls silent.
“It was Belova’s idea.” He says and Maria’s head jerks to look at Yelena. “I agreed. She brought up good points. You’re going with the Bartons for Christmas, no ifs, ands, or buts.”
Yelena could see the conflict on Maria’s face. She obviously didn’t want to go but also didn’t want to protest with Yelena sitting right there. Regret starts to tug at Yelena’s gut, thoughts that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea coming to surface.
“Yes, sir,” Maria finally says, letting out a deep sigh. Fury lets out a grunt of satisfaction as he sits at his desk.
“You leave tomorrow. Go pack.” He tells her and Maria glances at Yelena briefly before turning on her foot and leaving.
Yelena focuses on Goose and the sound of Fury doing paperwork.
“You should be packing too,” Fury tells her but doesn’t tell her to get out of his office.
Yelena didn’t have much she wanted to take. She could pack that night, it wouldn’t take long. She bows her head, looking down at Goose.
Goose licks her cheek and Yelena lets out a soft sigh, pulling the cat close.
She just wanted a good Christmas with her sister. A real one.
She never had a real one before.