ignorant
Natasha returns from the gym, dumping her gym bag on the floor as soon as she enters her bunk. She’s hot and tired but ready for dinner and a little bit of time with her sister. But upon scanning the room she saw that Yelena wasn’t there.
Natasha figured that she was probably already at dinner with Skye or she had gotten caught up in one of her games.
It’s not until she was changing and tossed her shirt over to their pile of laundry that she spots a piece of paper flutter off of the pillow and onto the ground. She paused, moving toward it and slowly picking it up, carefully turning it over in her hand before unfolding it.
She’d recognize Yelena’s spidery scrawl anywhere.
WHILE ON THE MISSION I LOOKED IN THE FILES
I SAW MELINA’S FACE. SHE IS ALIVE. SHE IS STILL WITH THE RED ROOM.
The letter goes on to detail everything that the file contained. Natasha’s heart had dropped into her stomach and as soon as she finishes reading it she wonders how long the note had been waiting for her.
Yelena probably thought she’d be angry. And she is angry, she’s so pissed, but she’s not angry at her baby sister.
Natasha shoves the note into her pocket and yanks on a new shirt before she leaves on a hunt for her little sister. She checks the cafeteria first but to her dismay doesn’t see Yelena. Then she checks the office where the alien cat liked to frequent and while she wasn’t there either, Natasha finds that the wastebin full of crumpled sheets of paper.
They’re all drafts of the letter Yelena wrote her, frustrated scribbles over words and marks on the papers tell Natasha that Yelena had struggled for a while to figure out how to tell her.
Natasha continues to look in every nook and cranny for Yelena. When she’s searching the small gym that Yelena frequented, she’s caught by Maria.
“Hey,” Maria leans in the doorway of the room, watching Natasha for a moment. “You’re going to miss dinner.” She comments before adding on with a frown. “Did you lose something?”
“Have you seen Yelena?” Natasha turns her attention toward Maria. The commander straightens up at the question, frowning as she tries to recall.
“Not recently. Is everything alright?” Maria asked, tilting her head to the side. “Is she not at dinner?”
“No. I need to talk to her,” Natasha needed to find her immediately, unsure of her exact mental state or how much she needed comfort.
“Have you checked Goose’s office?” Maria questioned and Natasha nods her head. “Skye’s bunk? With the scientists? The nest?”
Natasha paused at the last suggestion. “No.” She supposed it was a possibility. Her eyes flicker around the room as she searches for a vent.
“There’s not a vent you could fit through in here. The closest one is just down the hall,” Maria tells her, pushing herself off of the doorway. “Come. I’ll show you.”
Maria led Natasha down the hall and into another empty office. “Is everything alright?”
“I don’t know.” Natasha gives her the truth quietly. She peers up at the vent that Maria led her to. It was on the ceiling rather than the wall and Natasha would need something to boost her.
“Here,” Maria moves to stand under the vent and cups her hands, crouching slightly as she plants her feet. “I’ll give you a boost up.”
Natasha could have used one of the chairs or desk in the room but she’d risk leaving behind evidence that she was in the vents in the first place. The rules of leaving no evidence behind were still ingrained in her brain.
Natasha moves forward and reaches out to settle her hands onto Maria’s shoulders. She’s close enough to smell the minty scent that she associated with her. She settles her foot into Maria’s cupped hands and used her grip on Maria’s shoulders to boost herself up to the vents. Her knee is braced against Maria’s chest as she reaches up to the vent cover and pulls it open.
Her fingers find the edge and she starts to pull herself up. Maria gives her another boost, pushing her up by her knees and then her feet.
“Which way is the nest?” Natasha had a vague idea but she needed to find her sister as quickly as possible.
“It should be nearby. Take a right and then take the second left,” Maria calls up to her. Natasha peers through the open vent down at Maria. “Let me know if you need me.”
“Thank you,” Natasha reaches out and pulls the vent cover closed. She starts to crawl forward, her mind racing with thoughts about Yelena. It doesn’t take long before she crawls into the open space that was, as Clint dubbed it, the nest.
There Yelena was tucked in the corner of it with her Game Boy. Yelena peers up at her and freezes, going stiff as the grip on her game tightened. She doesn’t breathe a word as Natasha approached her.
Natasha knew that before she could actually talk that her little sister needed to be reassured first. She shoves away the hurt that shot through her when Yelena flinched away from the touch of Natasha gently grasping her shoulder. Natasha gently tugs her sister out of the corner and into her arms, pulling her close. She kisses the top of her head, trying to show that she wasn’t angry.
Yelena had been unnaturally still but after a few seconds started to slowly lean into her. Natasha brushes her fingers over Yelena’s hair. “I’m not angry at you.” She finally said. She thinks of how long it had been since the mission and how long Yelena had agonized over keeping this to herself. “Thank you for telling me.”
It was like something snapped with those words. Yelena started to cry and while Natasha hadn’t been expecting the tears, she supposed that the stress was just getting to Yelena.
Natasha was too busy trying to ensure that everything would go okay at the farm to realize that Yelena was weighed down by a large secret that she was carrying around that was stressing her out.
“It’s alright, you can cry,” Natasha tells her quietly, slowly sitting and pulling Yelena into her lap to hold her close. “You’re safe Lenochka.” She finally murmurs in Russian, hoping that their mother tongue would soothe Yelena.
“I’m sorry--” Yelena whimpers out, covering her face in shame. Natasha wraps her fingers around Yelena’s wrist and pulls her hand away from her face.
“I know.” Natasha tells her, bringing Yelena’s hand up to press a kiss to her palm. After a moment she adds on. “I love you.”
Yelena shoves her face into Natasha’s shoulder at those words, crying harder. Natasha gently rocks from side to side, hating the sound of her sister trying to muffle her sobs. She combs her fingers through Yelena’s hair, pressing reassuring kisses to Yelena’s head.
She’s unsure of how long Yelena cries for but her tears eventually run dry and Yelena droops against her tiredly. Natasha doesn’t want to upset her again but she’s burning with questions about the letter that Yelena gave her.
But she doesn’t have to ask. Yelena starts to slowly mumble out an answer to the note, telling Natasha that she was sorry and how she wanted to tell her but just couldn’t.
Natasha did think of Melina had ‘mom’ once. It was reassuring to have someone have her back in Ohio. But she knew it wasn’t real. Melina wasn’t her mom and wouldn’t ever be. But figuring out that not only was Melina alive but was still in the Red Room making the mind-altering drug that erased who Yelena was as a person? That was too far. Natasha had taken down the head of the Red Room in hopes that it would crumble with the puppet master no longer pulling the strings. She wonders if Melina would run when she could or stay.
Natasha shoves those thoughts away, running her thumb along Yelena’s cheeks to get rid of the tear tracks that lingered there. “Come on. Let’s get out of here. Dinner is almost over.”
“Not hungry.” Yelena murmurs into her collar. Natasha lets out a soft sigh but nods.
“Okay. But you have to present yourself to Maria after dinner. Then we can go to our bunk,” Natasha proposed. Yelena slowly nods her head and reluctantly breaks apart from Natasha.
Natasha finds the nearest vent they could exit and drops down first, helping her sister down despite the fact she could do it herself. Natasha braced the back of Yelena’s neck with her hand and the pair walk down the hallway toward Maria’s office.
Maria looked up from her work when they enter. Her gaze slides to Natasha to ask if Yelena was okay, no doubt noticing how Yelena looked like she just cried. Natasha inclines her head barely and Maria focused back on Yelena.
Maria dismisses Yelena moments later, knowing that she’d want to spend time with Natasha.
Natasha takes Yelena to their bunk and kicks off her boots, climbing into bed and opening her arms up. Yelena wastes no time in kicking her own boots off and flopping into her awaiting arms.
Yelena grabs at her to try and pull herself closer. Natasha’s thumb stroked the back of her neck while her other hand rubbed her little sister’s back.
“You can tell me anything,” Natasha promised her quietly, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “Never be afraid to tell me anything. I can’t promise not to get upset but I will listen to you. You’re my baby sister, Lenochka. You always will be, no matter what.”
Yelena doesn’t reply, shoving her face into the crook of her neck. Natasha sighs softly, pulling the sheets up and over them.
She needed to pay more attention. She hadn’t even realized that Yelena was struggling. That was unacceptable.
She was supposed to be Yelena’s big sister. What kind of big sister was so ignorant to their younger sister struggling?
Natasha whispers her apology once Yelena fell asleep curled against her, her fingers fisting Natasha’s shirt in an attempt to pull herself closer.
She wondered what other secrets Yelena was carrying around with her.