grounding box
The time for her next therapy appointment comes too soon and Yelena can’t help but remember how she ran out on the last one after an outburst where she broke something.
A lot had happened between then and now. Yelena didn’t even really want to go.
As Bobbi walked alongside her, after promising Natasha that she’d look out for Yelena, the tall woman drapes an arm over Yelena’s shoulders. “I’ll be right there the whole time, kiddo. I’m so proud of you.”
Yelena feels like this isn’t something that Bobbi should be proud of her for. It was one woman, why was Yelena so fearful to go back into that room?
Moth was sitting on the same rug once again when Yelena and Bobbi entered. Yelena had a hard time moving past the doorway, her eyes flickering to peer at whatever Moth had with her.
There was no colored bin sitting beside Moth. In fact, all Moth had was a book and a pack of markers.
“Yelena, welcome,” Moth gives her a small smile. “Please, take a seat.”
Yelena can’t seem to figure out how to make her feet move forward to follow the command. She feels like she’s young and frozen in fear in the Red Room and she can’t will her body to follow orders no matter how badly she wants to.
“C’mon, kiddo,” Bobbi murmurs into her ear. “I’m right here.”
“Would you like to sit with Bobbi? There is more than enough room here for all of us,” Moth suggested and Yelena peers up at Bobbi, uncertainty in her gaze.
“Come on, kid. Let’s sit,” Bobbi gently grasped the back of Yelena’s neck and Yelena lets out a small sigh as Bobbi takes control. Bobbi gently ushers her forward into the room Yelena can’t help but tense up as they near Moth.
Yelena’s surprised when Bobbi pulls her into her lap as they sit. She has to admit that she feels safer with someone she trusted protecting her and holding her.
“Before we begin, I do want to apologize,” Moth starts, her focus solely on Yelena. “I pushed too hard our last session and I upset you greatly. I’m still learning where your boundaries lay. I’m sorry.”
Yelena stares at her, slightly startled. Damien never apologizes for pushing her.
“You do not have to accept my apology. You don’t even have to speak this session if you do not want, I will speak instead. I just ask that you can nod or shake your head. Does that sound alright?” Moth inquired. Yelena slowly nods her head and Moth smiles at her. “Wonderful.”
Yelena leans against Bobbi as Moth grabs the book that was next to her.
“Do you know about the brain and how it works?” Moth questioned, opening the book up and flipping through the pages. She looks up at Yelena and the teenager shakes her head. Yelena never knew about the science of them messing with her mind.
Moth holds up the book to reveal a diagram of the human brain. “This right here is the amygdala.” Moth taps a little colored piece in the center of a diagram of the brain cut in half. “There is one on each hemisphere of the brain. It’s responsible for emotions and emotional behavior. The amygdala doesn’t forget anything that it has deemed dangerous. Think of this part of your brain as a forest. Each time you experience fear, one of the trees is cut down until a path has formed.”
Yelena stares at the diagram of the brain.
“Eventually, a clear path has been made but it was made hastily and the trees have rotted. Instead of traversing the thick trees and rough terrain of the forest, you learned that taking the path will keep you safe faster so you learn to run down the path as fast as you can.
Unfortunately, that also means that whenever you feel fear, your body takes that path to keep you safe even if you aren’t in any danger.” Moth flips the page to show a new diagram of the front of the brain. “When you experience panic attacks or dissociations, your body is telling you that you are in danger, even if you’re not in any. Therefore you take the path that you’ve learned keeps you safe and assured your survival before.”
Moth holds the book out to Yelena. Yelena slowly reaches out to take the book, settling it down in her lap. She’s curious on what the other pages hold but she doesn’t flip the pages.
Bobbi, however, reaches out and sets one hand on Yelena’s, the other turning the page so that Yelena could see the next diagram.
“My job is to help you plant new trees on that path and help make a new path to take. One where the trees don’t rot and you don’t feel the need to run down it as fast as you can,” Moth doesn’t scold them for looking through the book. “Do you have any questions?”
Yelena stares down at the images in the book before peering up at Moth. “How do you make new trees?” She questioned quietly, hoping that she wasn’t asking a stupid question.
“I hope to help you learn how to recognize that you’re not in any danger and give you tips on keeping yourself grounded before you run through that path as fast as you can,” Moth explains. “Do you know what grounding is?”
Yelena shakes her head, glancing back down at the book. The next diagram she comes across is a zoomed-in diagram of the brain but she doesn’t know how to pronounce the words or what they mean.
“Grounding will help you stay in the present when things start to get a bit blurry. Maybe you’re remembering something in a flashback or you feel yourself start to dissociate,” Moth explains. “There are plenty of ways to ground yourself. Would you like to know a few?”
Yelena hesitantly nods, feeling Bobbi’s heartbeat against her back was comforting.
“Some techniques don’t work for people and some do. Grounding can be based on the five senses, do you know what those are?” Moth inquired. When Yelena shakes her head, Moth elaborates. “Touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound.”
Yelena tenses up slightly when Moth stands, leaning back against Bobbi as Moth moves toward her desk and pulls out a small wooden box the size of a shoebox. Moth sits back on the carpet with the box and luckily doesn’t ask Yelena to open it. Moth lifts the lid off of the box.
“This is what I call my grounding box. Would you like to take a look?” Moth offers. Yelena peers into the box, confused at the seemingly miscellaneous pile of items. Moth pulls the first item out of the box. “Puzzles are a good way to keep your mind focused on something.” The puzzle is a brightly colored cube that Yelena watches as Moth twists it around to shift the colors. “This is called a Rubiks cube. You try to put all of the colors together.”
Moth holds the cube out to Yelena to hold. It’s lightweight and when Yelena inspects it further, it’s just a piece of multicolored plastic that twists and turns. Yelena tries it slowly, afraid of breaking it. Moth waits as Yelena fiddles with the cube.
“The next item,” Moth holds up a piece of candy in a brightly colored wrapper. “Is called Warheads. They’re sour candy. Have you ever had them?”
Yelena eyes the candy with a frown, shaking her head.
“Sometimes, something bitter or sour can help us recognize that our bodies are not in danger. Shock our system, so to say. Would you like to try a piece?” Moth holds out one of the candies to Yelena. Yelena slowly reaches for it before holding it up to Bobbi.
Bobbi lets out a laugh, taking the piece of candy and tearing the wrapper before popping the red piece of candy into her mouth. Yelena watches Bobbi’s face scrunch up as she sucks on the candy. “Oh man, that’s really fucking sour.”
Moth offers out another piece and this time Yelena takes it, slowly opening the wrapper herself. Yelena smells it before slowly putting it into her mouth. Immediately, her mouth is assaulted with how sour it was, her mouth watering as she gives a few hesitant sucks.
Moth then pulls out a dryer sheet. Yelena has seen them before in Ohio. She eyes it with a raised eyebrow.
“My grandmother used to use these dryer sheets. I associate the smell of them with her and smelling it brings me comfort. You can find something that you associate with comfort to smell,” Moth explains. Yelena remembers when Bobbi helped her through a panic attack while Natasha was gone. Bobbi had Yelena pick up one of Natasha’s shirts and smell it. “Maybe it is something from someone that is safe or something that you associate with a good memory.”
Yelena nods her head, still sucking on the sour candy. The next item that Moth pulls from the box were paint swatches that they had on display in hardware stores. Yelena remembers going when she was a child after her not-father accidentally punched a hole in the wall and they needed drywall and paint to cover it.
“This is a selection of colors of the rainbow. I’d pick one and then look around me and try to name as many things that I saw that were in that color.” Moth shuffles the swatches in her hand before pulling the top one off and holding it up to Yelena. “See? I picked blue. Now I would look around the room and name as many blue things that I could see.”
Moth starts to look around the room, listing off things that were blue. Moth asks Bobbi to do the next color which was green. Bobbi bites down on the candy in her mouth with a crunch before speaking. Yelena listens, glancing around the room to find what Bobbi was naming.
The last thing that Moth pulls out was an iPod. Skye had one of the older models that she had used to introduce Yelena to her favorite bands. “This I use to listen to music that I also associate with good memories. My father liked to listen to country music so this one is filled with songs that I associate with him. Hearing it can remind me of him and make me feel safe.” Moth offers out the grey device and Yelena reaches out, letting Moth place it in her hands.
Yelena knew her way around one from Skye so she scrolls through the albums available.
“Do you think you would like to make your own grounding box?” Moth asked and Yelena glances up at her.
The concept of it was interesting and Yelena supposed that it couldn’t hurt. She slowly nods her head and Moth clasped her hands together with a smile.
“Brilliant!” Moth declares. “I’m going to give you a list of things to bring next time for your box, okay? I want you to bring something you can smell that makes you feel safe, some songs that you think will help calm you, and your favorite candy. Do you think you can remember that?”
Yelena slowly nods her head. The candy in her mouth had pretty much dissolved and left a gritty aftertaste on her tongue. She could do that.
“Lovely,” Moth glances at her watch. “That’s all the time that we have today. Thank you for your time, Yelena.”
Yelena realized that she only spoke once that whole session and she hadn’t even gotten in trouble for it. Bobbi being so close had really helped her.
Yelena waits for Natasha just outside her room afterward, not hesitating to wrap her arms around her when she steps out. Natasha doesn’t hesitate either as she hugs Yelena back, kissing the top of her head. “Are you alright?” Natasha questioned in Arabic. She seemed slightly less tense than usual lately.
“I’m okay,” Yelena replies and she really was.