crush
When Yelena finds Bobbi, Bobbi welcomes her into her bunk to talk. It had been a little while since Yelena had been in there, the only change being a new blanket on her bed.
“So, you wanted to talk,” Bobbi takes a seat on her bed, patting the spot beside her. “Everything okay?”
“Fine. I just had a question and Clint didn’t really answer it for me,” Yelena explains, taking a seat in the empty spot next to Bobbi.
“Alright. I hope I have more answers for you,” Bobbi said, glancing down at Yelena. “What’s up?”
“How do you know when two people like each other? Romantically?” Yelena asks the same question she asked Clint.
Bobbi stares down at Yelena for a few moments. “Well, everybody feels different. There really isn’t a ‘set’ feeling. Things like romance don’t have a manual, unfortunately. Why don’t you start with what you feel?”
“I don’t have any romantic feelings,” Yelena folds her arms, fully prepared to walk out of the room.
Bobbi raised an eyebrow. “Fine.” She amends. “What have you seen someone else do?”
“Well, they don’t stop staring at each other. Their body language shows fondness but I don’t think they realize they’re doing it,” Yelena starts out. “They like each other as more than friends.”
“So you think it’s romantic love?” Bobbi asked Yelena.
“I dunno!” Yelena huffs. “Is it?”
“You can probably read body language better than I can,” Bobbi says.
“But I’m not-- I might be reading things wrong,” Yelena leans back against the wall. “They can’t like each other?”
“Why not?” Bobbi questioned and Yelena frowns.
“They’re both girls,” Yelena starts with, jumping slightly when Bobbi grips her shoulder.
“I dunno what they taught you in the Red Room but lesbianism isn’t anything to be frowned upon,” Bobbi states, her voice firm. Yelena’s startled at the tone. “It’s okay to be a lesbian, Yelena.”
“I don’t know what a lesbian is,” Yelena admits quietly, afraid she had done something wrong.
“To put it very simply, it’s two girls liking each other,” Bobbi explains, squeezing Yelena’s shoulder. She was quiet for a moment. “Is it Skye?”
“What?” Yelena frowns, unsure of where Skye came into the equation.
“Do you like Skye?” Bobbi clarifies. “I know that you two haven’t been speaking lately. Was it because you thought girls couldn’t like girls?”
“No!” Yelena cries out, pulling away from Bobbi. “I’m not talking about me!” She’s getting frustrated that people automatically think she’s talking about herself. “I’m not a lesbian!”
Bobbi holds up her hands in surrender. “Okay.” She said but Yelena can tell by her body language that she doesn’t believe her.
“You’re no help either!” Yelena huffs, getting up.
“Woah, where are you going?” Bobbi stands as well.
Yelena throws her arms in the air. “Away from here!” Yelena opens the door.
“Okay.” Bobbi realizes that she overstepped and lets Yelena go.
Yelena stomps off, angry that everyone seems so set on trying to reassure her that it was okay for her to have a crush. If she wasn’t a Widow, she’s pretty sure that they wouldn’t give her all these ‘it’s okay’ pep talks.
Yelena heads to the empty office where Goose was and pulls out her phone. She dials the number that Clint gave her and called before she could think twice.
“Hello?” Laura’s voice sounds through the speaker as she picks up.
“Hi… It’s Yelena,” Yelena starts. “Clint gave me your number.”
“Right. He mentioned that you might call,” Laura said and Yelena can hear Cooper give a squeal. “How can I help?”
Yelena takes a deep breath before asking the same question. “How do you know when two people like each other romantically?”
“Well, that depends on a few things, I think,” Laura starts. “Do you think they want to start a relationship and are holding each other back or do you think they want to just go for it?”
Yelena sighs. “I don’t know.” She admits.
“You’re worried,” Laura states and Yelena lets out a breath.
“Yeah… I guess I am,” Yelena murmurs, leaning against the corner as she pressed the phone closer to her ear.
“What about these two people liking each other makes you worried?” Laura inquired and Yelena hears her briefly shush Cooper when he yells.
“How do you know that someone is being manipulated into love?” Yelena’s grip on the phone tightens. “One is in a position of authority and a friend. How do I know it’s authentic?”
“That’s a very good question,” Laura says. “Do you think they’re being manipulated?”
Yelena chews on her lower lip for a few moments. “I don’t know.” She breathes out. “I thought… I thought that Widows couldn’t fall in love.”
“But now you’re doubting that?” Laura asked and Yelena lets out a small noise of acknowledgment. “What makes you think that Widows can’t fall in love?”
“I don’t feel any of those things that people do. I don’t wanna kiss people or-- or fuck anybody,” Yelena says quietly.
“Being in a relationship is more than kissing and sex, Yelena,” Laura says, her voice soft. “And you not feeling those things doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of love. A lot of things could contribute to this.”
“Like what?” Yelena questioned, relieved that she was finally getting somewhere with somebody.
“Well, your age for one thing. You’re still quite young. You also carry a lot trauma with you and some of that might be impacting how you feel in terms of relationships. Or you may just not get these feelings. It’s okay,” Laura reassures Yelena. “You don’t have to fall in love or date anybody if you don’t have to.”
“I don’t?” Yelena pulls the phone closer, clinging to Laura’s words. “I’m not wrong or-- or broken?”
“Of course not,” Laura said firmly. “There is nothing wrong with you, Yelena. There is nothing wrong with your feelings.”
“Clint and Bobbi don’t believe me when I tell them that. I don’t want those things,” Yelena peers over at where Goose appears to hop up into her lap. Yelena smiles slightly, brushing her fingers over the orange fur.
“Clint can be a little bit of an airhead sometimes,” Laura said with a soft chuckle. “I think that Widows are still capable of finding love should they want that. Is it Natasha?”
Yelena didn’t want to tell the others in case word got out or they confronted her. But Laura felt safe enough. “You can't tell anybody.”
“I won’t tell a soul. Not even Clint,” Laura promised and Yelena takes a deep breath.
“I think Natasha likes somebody else,” It feels good to finally tell somebody else.
“And you’re worried that she’s going to get hurt or leave you,” Laura surmised and Yelena blinks in surprise. As if sensing her surprise, Laura chuckles softly. “I was an agent before I was a mom, remember?”
“If Natasha can find love and get married and make her own family then she won’t need me anymore,” Yelena says. “And I won’t be useful to SHIELD anymore so they’ll get rid of me.”
“Yelena, listen to me because I am going to tell you the complete truth,” Laura says and Yelena prepares herself for whatever she says next. “Your sister loves you so much, that much is clear to anybody who can see. Your sister would do anything to make you happy. Maybe Natasha does like somebody. Maybe she does want to pursue a relationship. But she will always make room in her life for you.”
Tears spring to Yelena’s eyes as her worries are acknowledged. Goose lets out a chirp, nuzzling against her stomach.
“I also think that you need to talk to your sister about this. I can only give you so much advice but I think that your sister will be able to tell you whether she is experiencing romantic feelings and remind you that she’s not going anywhere,” Laura tells Yelena. “But if there is anything that you’re going to remember from this phone call with me then let it be this. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken and you are not damaged. It is okay to not want a relationship but remember that a relationship is more than sex.”
Yelena doesn’t know exactly what a relationship detailed. “Okay…”
“Do you have any more questions for me?” Laura asked her and Yelena thinks for a few moments.
“No. Thank you. For listening and believing me,” Yelena said softly.
“Of course honey,” Laura’s voice was gentle. “You can call me at any time, I’ll save your number to my phone.”
“Thank you,” Yelena said, letting out a small breath of relief.
When Laura hangs up the phone, Yelena saves her number to her phone as well.
Yelena’s tried to talk to Natasha about Maria before but never quite knew what to say. It seemed she needed to talk to her again and just flat out ask her.
Yelena still feared the answer.