confused
Natasha and Yelena sometimes bring up odd points during the night, mainly after nightmares when the odd memory would take their mind off of whatever freaked them out so bad.
Yelena didn’t really plan a specific time to talk to Natasha about Maria, it just happened to come out after she had a massive panic attack after a nightmare when the blanket got tangled around her and her shirt rode up when Natasha was trying to untangle her.
“Whaddaya think about Maria?” Yelena murmurs into Natasha’s pajama top, trying to stop her shaking hands by curling her fingers into the back of Natasha’s shirt.
The hand Natasha was running over Yelena’s hair froze for a moment. “Why do you ask?”
Yelena shrugs, curling further into Natasha. “Do you like her?” She asked.
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?” Natasha questioned and Yelena remembers the last time she brought the topic up, Natasha thought Maria might be hurting her with the interrogation.
“I like Maria.” Yelena comments, pressing her cheek against Natasha’s shoulder. “She’s really nice.”
“I like Maria…” Natasha said slowly, unsure of why exactly Yelena had brought Maria up at the moment.
“Do you like her more than I do?” Yelena asked. Natasha’s hand finally pulls away from her hair.
“Just ask whatever you want to ask,” Natasha tells Yelena. “Don’t dance around the subject, you know better.”
Yelena was quiet for a few moments before she gathers her thoughts. “Do you like Maria romantically?”
Natasha goes stiff, pulling away from Yelena to look down at her. “What gave you that idea?” She asked. Yelena nearly recoils at the harsh tone she used. “Is Clint putting ideas in your head?”
“No… I’m just asking,” Yelena said, still calming down from her night terror. She suddenly regrets bringing it up but it was too late to drop the subject now.
“No. I don’t. I don’t like anybody like that. There’s no room for that,” Natasha said, her tone short and harsh before she softens. “You’re all I need.”
Yelena swallows hard. “I just thought… the way you were acting… maybe I read things wrong?”
“I’m not acting any way toward Maria,” Natasha shakes her head. “You must be misinterpreting it.”
Yelena had been afraid of that. “Oh…” She must be losing her touch now that she hadn’t been out on any missions. If she was losing her touch then she wouldn’t be useful to SHIELD. “Can I ask something else?”
“Is it going to be about Maria?” Natasha asked her and Yelena shakes her head. “Fine. One more question.”
Yelena swallows hard. “Are you a lesbian?”
Natasha’s head snaps to look down at her. “What?” She demands. “Where did you hear that word?”
“Bobbi.” Yelena replies quietly, peering up at Natasha, her shoulders hunched as she curls in on herself.
“Why on earth was Bobbi telling you about that?” Natasha questioned. Yelena doesn’t want Natasha to know that she asked around for advice on her. Natasha would get really angry if she found out that Yelena called Laura and she knew.
So Yelena uses the excuse that everyone assumed was true. “I have a crush on Skye.”
Natasha’s face softens. “Is that where all this is coming from?” The fact that Natasha always knew when Yelena was lying but this time didn’t even call her out makes Yelena think that maybe everybody was seeing something that she wasn’t.
Maybe she did have a crush on Skye and she just didn’t realize it. Maybe Skye knew and that’s why she pulled away.
Yelena wasn’t good at identifying her feelings. She doesn’t know what having a crush felt like but the thought of kissing someone made Yelena’s skin crawl.
“It’s okay to like girls, Yelena,” Natasha tells her and Yelena lets out a shuddery breath.
“I don’t like girls…” Yelena said before sighing. “I think…” She’s getting confused. “I thought you liked Maria.” If she’s reading things wrong then maybe she’s reading herself wrong.
Natasha gets defensive again. “I don’t.” She said, her tone indicating that Yelena was to drop the subject. “You’re reading things wrong.”
Yelena dips her head down, letting out a sigh. “I’m losing my touch.” She mumbles. Natasha finally wraps her arms around her again, tugging her close.
“You’re not. You’re just adjusting,” Natasha kissed the top of Natasha’s head, holding her close.
Yelena sighs. Maybe.
Yelena’s lie seemed to drive a wedge even further between Natasha and Skye. Natasha got cold whenever Skye was around and Skye kept her distance even more.
Yelena struggles with the thought that maybe she did have a crush. Maybe she was wrong. If she was wrong about reading Natasha then she could be wrong about her own feelings that she didn’t quite understand.
Yelena is running out of people to go to concerning the matter. She already insisted to Clint and Bobbi that she didn’t have a crush.
So she goes to the last person in a relationship she can think of. She goes to Hunter.
Hunter welcomes her into his bunk, insisting that they play video games while they talk. He keeps the exit to the door clear for her just like last time and he sets out two beers. Yelena liked that he never treated her like a child.
Hunter doesn’t probe her or make assumptions, he just lets them play on his gaming system until Yelena can ask whatever it is that she needed to.
“How did you know when you liked Bobbi?” Yelena finally asked as her character dies.
“Well, I thought she was feisty and beautiful, two things I like in my women,” Hunter said as his character died as well and they both were revived at the start. “Talk to me, tiny. You crushing on someone?”
Yelena lest out a huff. “I dunno. I didn’t think so but everybody mentions the same thing and I’m thinking differently.”
“Only you really know how you feel. Don’t let people tell you how you’re feeling. Have you ever seen the aftermath of a suicide when people are all reacting? ‘Oh, they were so happy’ ‘oh, they always had a smile on.’ ‘this took us completely by surprise’ ‘we had no idea’,” Hunter paused the game so that Yelena had to look up at him. “They made assumptions about how they were feeling. If they listened instead of assuming then they might know how they were feeling.”
Yelena isn’t quite sure where he was going with this.
“So, tell me why you think you may or may not have a crush?” He asked. Yelena reaches out to take the cold beer on the table in front of them, running her thumb along the condensation on the outside.
“It’s Skye…” Yelena starts. Hunter lets out a hum, taking a swig of his own beer. “I like her. I trust her to have my back. She’s nice and I don’t mind it when she touches me.”
“Close your eyes.” Hunter says. Yelena peers up at him in confusion. “Go on. Trust me not to do anything creepy while your eyes are closed?”
Yelena huffs, confused, but closes her eyes.
“Okay. Imagine that Skye is right in front of you. You with me so far?” He asked and Yelena nods. “Do you think she’s pretty?”
Yelena supposed that Skye was physically attractive and the Red Room wouldn’t hesitate to use her for honeypot missions but she doesn’t think that’s the question Hunter is asking. Still, she nods because Skye was.
“She smiles at you and asks you to eat lunch with her. You two take your food to that little room you like to squirrel away in. You notice that she has a piece of rice on her cheek to you reach out to brush it off. Your hand cups her cheek…” Hunter continues and Yelena shifts uncomfortably at the thought. “She smiles at you and you lean closer to her. You kiss her. How do you feel?”
Yelena jerks. “No!” Her skin crawls at the thought of kissing Skye. She rubs her palms on her jeans, trying to get rid of the gross feeling.
“Whelp, I’ve got maybe good news for you. It’s not a crush,” Hunter announced, raising his beer before taking a sip.
“Are you sure?” Yelena questioned.
“You literally cried out ‘no’ at the thought of kissing her. It’s not a crush,” Hunter reassures her, picking his controller back up. Yelena picks hers up again and Hunter unpauses the game.
They continue to play for a little until Yelena’s character dies again.
“Why did everyone assume you have a crush, I’m a little out of the loop,” Hunter inquired, his focus on the television.
Yelena takes another sip of her drink. “I was asking questions about romantic relationships.” She murmurs.
“Ah…” Hunter lets out a hum. “You were meddling.”
“Meddling?” Yelena doesn’t recognize the English word.
“Poking your nose where it doesn’t belong,” Hunter clarifies before shaking his head. “Maybe that’s a bit harsh. You think that two people like each other, yes?”
“I thought so,” Yelena frowns, focusing on the screen when her character is revived.
“Until they’re ready to take that next step, you can’t force it. Asking people about a crush will make them close themselves off in embarrassment,” Hunter’s character dies so Yelena is quiet as she focuses on carrying their team. “If it is meant to be then it’ll happen.”
“What if I don’t want it to be?” Yelena questioned, the grip on her controller tightening as she guides her character through a tough section.
“It’s ultimately not up to you to decide who likes who,” Hunter tells her, finishing his beer. “Love isn’t rushed and it isn’t forced. Love doesn’t hurt.”
“Love doesn’t hurt?” Yelena repeats as her character crosses the finish line.
“It shouldn’t. It can get emotionally tough at times but it shouldn’t hurt. Me and Bobs fight and bicker but never once have we hit each other or used our pasts against each other in anger. We love each other,” Hunter shrugs, nudging Yelena’s shoulder. “When relationships start to hurt you then you need to think about distancing yourself because they’re not good for you.”
“You’re not gonna tell me to forgive them?” Yelena twists to face him.
“Not if they keep hurting you. Intentional or not, letting yourself get hurt trying to hold onto a relationship that is no longer there will only end up damaging you. Sometimes the best thing you can do for both of you is just to let the relationship go,” Hunter pats her shoulder. “Got any more questions?”
“No.” Yelena is emotionally drained. “Thank you.”
“Course. You can talk to me about things like this anytime, even if I am the last resort,” He gives her a teasing wink. “Now, how about we play against each other? I bet I’ll beat you.”
“Yeah right,” Yelena grins, focusing back on the television.