little ones
Natalia’s fingers idly comb through the thick blonde hair of her baby sister. Yelena was sleeping now, the red Game Boy that Hunter had given her was loosely clutched in her fingers, the battery light blinking red with a warning of low power.
Yelena had been struggling with pain all day and this was the first bit of reprieve that she had been given.
Natalia is still struggling with the fact that Clint had correctly read Yelena’s body language and had gone out of his way to make her feel better. He got even went to the shops to get one of Yelena’s favorite candies just because she liked them.
A shift in her bladder has Natalia slowly untangling herself from under her sister’s weight. Yelena must be even more tired than she let on when she barely shifts at the movement. Natalia ducks out of the room and down the hall into the bathroom.
When she finished, she slipped out of the bathroom and downstairs in search of Clint. She wanted to speak to him regarding his actions and thank him.
She finds him on the front porch sitting on the porch swing as he observes the dirt path that passes by the house. Lila is snuggled against him, letting out unrecognizable babbling as she drooled onto his shirt.
“Hey Nat,” Clint greets her, nodding at the empty spot next to him. “Yelena okay?”
Natalia takes the offered spot. “She’s sleeping.” She shifts to face him. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”
Clint waves her off with one hand. “Nah, don’t mention it.”
“Clint,” Natalia interrupts and Clint glances at her. “Shut up.”
Clint knows she’s not being rude and understands that she needs to say something so he quiets down.
“Nobody has done something like that for people like us in a very long time,” Natalia tells him, her eyes falling onto the infant in his arms. “Give with no expectation for something in return.”
“Better get used to it,” Clint warns with a grin, bumping his shoulder against hers.
“I can’t,” Natalia retorts, watching the teasing grin on his face fall slightly. “Because then when it stops it’ll hurt more.”
“That’s okay. I’ll just continuously prove you wrong,” Clint said, reaching down to wipe away a string of drool that dribbles down Lila’s chin.
It was quiet for a few more moments. “Can I hold her?” Natalia doesn’t know why the question leaves her lips quickly.
“Of course,” Clint doesn’t even hesitate to shift to pass the infant over. “Do you know how?”
“No.” Natalia admits quietly, letting Clint nestle the infant against her chest and support her with one arm while is other arranges Natalia’s arms around her.
Lila is just as small and warm as before. Her face scrunches up in discontent and for a brief moment, a flicker of fear stabbed through Natalia at the prospect of the infant crying.
“Shh,” Clint shushes the baby, his finger wiping away a string of drool from her face before he pulls a pacifier from his pocket and pushed it past her lips. Lila greedily latches onto the pacifier and settles down. “There we go.”
Clint’s hand doesn’t leave Natalia’s arms and she appreciates that more than he’ll know. The single hand supporting the infant is reassuring.
“Do you think you’ll ever have one of your own?” Clint questioned.
Natalia was staring down at Lila’s face and comparing her facial features with Clint’s. His question made her freeze for a few moments. “No. I can’t.”
Maria knew of the identical scarring on the sisters. She was there when they had their physicals and had seen the scarring on their bodies when they stripped down to their underwear. She was there when Thomas Malley asked them about the scarring on their abdomen and she knew what they had been forced into.
Clint didn’t.
“When Widows reach the age of eighteen, they are forced into a surgery that will remove the chance of attachments in the future,” Natalia stares down at Lila’s face, watching as her tiny nose scrunches up as she yawns, the pacifier falling from her lips.
Clint catches the pacifier, bringing it back to the baby’s lips. “Do you mean they took your uterus?” He was getting better at reading what Natalia wasn’t saying.
“Yes.” Natalia agrees, focusing intensely on Lila’s eyes to avoid seeing Clint’s reaction.
“You said at the age of eighteen… does Yelena still have hers then?” Clint inquired. Lila shifts in Natalia’s arms until she can reach up and wrap her fingers around a loose strand of red hair.
“No. Yelena was the General’s most prized possession. She had hers early… that’s why she gets pain,” Natalia swallows hard at Lila tugging her hair.
“Well…” Clint starts. “Just because you don’t have a uterus doesn’t mean you can’t be a mother.”
Natalia’s heart clenches and she shakes her head, feeling Lila’s hand move with the action. “Not now.” She tells him and Clint relinquished at her request.
“Fine. How would you feel about being an aunt instead?” He asked and Natalia eyes him.
“Yelena’s seventeen.” She retorts. Natalia’s pretty sure that Yelena doesn’t want children the same way she doesn’t want to find romantic love.
“Yeah, but we have two kids who could use some aunts here,” Natalia dares to look up at Clint at his words. “You’re holding one of them.”
“You don’t want me as an aunt,” Natalia shakes her head in immediate rebuttal.
“I trust you, Nat. I trusted you to bring you here and I trust you with my kids,” Clint finally pulls his hand away. Natalia is left holding Lila on her own.
“I don’t know how.” Natalia admits quietly.
“Just love them and protect them. That’s it,” Clint smiles at her.
Natalia looks down at the infant in her arms. “I don’t know.” Natalia repeats quietly before shaking her head. “Take her back.”
Clint reaches out and takes Lila back, realizing that he pushed too much. “Okay. I’ve got her.”
Natalia stands to head back inside before Yelena realizes that she’s gone.
Clint follows after her as they head inside. Natalia hears movement in the kitchen and moves toward it.
She paused at the sight of Yelena up. She hadn’t meant for Yelena to wake up to an empty bed.
Natalia then noticed that Yelena was crying and immediately moves toward her. Laura sees her and backs away from where she had a hand onto her back.
“What’s wrong?” Natalia questioned, gripping Yelena’s jaw to pull her head up.
“Nothing,” Yelena says, wrapping her arms around Natalia’s waist. “Just… missing Ohio.”
Natalia didn’t miss Ohio the same way that Yelena did. The only good thing that came out of Ohio was three years of reprieve from the Red Room and a baby sister.
Natalia didn’t care if Laura saw, she drops a kiss to the top of Yelena’s head. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Yelena rests her head against Natalia’s stomach. “Look. Laura cut my sandwich into triangles.”
Natalia looks down at the half-finished grilled cheese sandwich. She remembers it used to be the only way to get little Yelena to eat. The tears make more sense and the answer eases something in Natalia’s chest.
Natalia had seen Laura with her crying sister and barely resisted the urge to demand answers.
“Finish eating,” Natalia urged, running her fingers over Yelena’s hair.
Yelena holds up a piece of her sandwich and Natalia takes it, taking a bite as Yelena finishes the rest of her food.
That night, Yelena holds her phone up to Natalia’s face. “Maria’s on the phone.” She says. “She wants to talk to you.”
Natalia takes the phone, pulling it to her ear as Yelena heads back to playing on her Game Boy. Natalia had assumed it was Bobbi or Skye on the phone, not Maria. “Hello?”
“Natalia.” Maria greets her. “I was just calling to check-in.”
Natalia’s pretty sure that the Deputy Director of SHIELD had more important things to do than check in with an asset. “Everything is fine.” She assures her.
“So Yelena has said. I was under the assumption that Clint had told you about his children. How are you fairing?” Maria inquired.
“It’s… new.” Natalia admits quietly. “I held Lila.”
“Yeah?” Maria prompts and Natalia lets out a breath.
“Yeah.” She agrees, unsure of why she admitted that to Maria. “I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby.”
“I can’t say that I have either,” Maria retorts. “Too much drool.”
“Not to mention that you look after a bunch of children already,” Natalia grins and she can imagine Maria doing the same.
“That too,” Maria agrees with a chuckle. “You know, for the big child he is, Clint is a good father. Don’t let him know I said that, though.”
“My lips are sealed,” Natalia leans back against the headboard of the bed. She doesn’t even realize how long she goes on to speak with Maria for until she’s interrupted by Yelena’s excited face.
“Natalia, come! Look! Natalia, come!” Yelena is grabbing Natalia’s wrist to tug her off the bed.
Natalia can see that the sun had already started setting as she lets Yelena drag her to the window.
“Look! Lamp bugs!” Yelena said excitedly, shaking Natalia’s arm.
“Natalia? Is everything okay?” Maria’s voice reminds Natalia that she’s still on the phone as she stares out the window into the backyard.
“Yeah.” Natalia can see the soft flickers in the thicket of trees. “Yelena wants to show me something. I’ll talk to you later.”
Once she’s off the phone, Yelena peers up at Natalia.
“Can we go outside?” Yelena questioned. There’s so much excitement on her face, something that Natalia hasn’t seen in a long time. She’d do anything to keep that look on her little sister’s face.
“I don’t see why not,” Natalia agrees, her own lips twitching up in a smile as Yelena darts off out of the bedroom.
Clint glances at her in confusion as she appears to see Yelena pulling her shoes on. “What’s going on?” He asked.
“Fireflies.” Natalia nods at the back door.
Clint glances down at Yelena enthusiastically tying her shoes in her haste to go outside. “I think I have a container you can use to catch some.”
Yelena’s head jerks up to look at him. “Really?” She questioned and Clint nods, disappearing into the kitchen.
Natalia slips her feet into her own shoes as Yelena slips out the back door. Natalia resists the urge to chase after her, knowing that she’s not bolting.
Clint reappears a few moments later with a jar in his hand, holes poked in the lid. He holds it out to her and takes a moment to peer out the window.
Yelena had stopped just a dozen feet from the line of trees and was just staring up and watching.
“I didn’t expect her to get so excited about bugs,” Clint admits quietly to Natalia.
“It’s a good memory.” Natalia explains before opening the back door to step outside. “Want to join us?”
“Nah. You two have fun,” Clint smiles at her. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
Natalia steps outside and makes her way toward Yelena at a much more sedated pace. Yelena glances at her, reaching out to grasp her arm. “There are so many!”
“Want to catch a few?” Natalia holds up the container Clint gave her. “Just like Ohio.”
Yelena’s eyes flicker between the jar and the fireflies before nodding and she takes off toward the trees.
Natalia grins and follows after her.
They catch fireflies until the moon is high in the sky.