flares
Yelena woke herself up with terrible pain that night, enough to make her double over with breathless gasps. Her hands travel to her own thick scars on her abdomen, the pain enough to cause a wave of nausea to crash over her.
Yelena didn’t think to pack the hot water bottle or tea that May had given her long ago after Yelena’s first flare-up at SHIELD. She hadn’t had such a bad flare-up in a while.
“Nattie--” Yelena swallows down the bubble of nausea churning dangerously. “Nattie!”
Natalia jerks awake and it only takes one look at Yelena for her to untangle herself from the handcuffs and sit up. “What’s wrong?” Natalia reaches toward where Yelena’s hands were cradled before she notices where they were cupping. “Oh.”
“Nattie,” Yelena repeats, reaching toward her. She’s desperate for some sort of comfort or something to take away the pain.
Natalia welcomes Yelena into her arms, gently pulling her closer and running her fingers over her hair.
Yelena wants Goose. Goose seemed to help on bad days like this but the cat was far away. Yelena then remembers the stuffed cat that Carol had given her that looked exactly like Goose.
It wasn’t the same but Yelena figures it might help all the same.
Natalia digs it out of the bag at Yelena’s shy request, passing the stuffed cat over to her.
Yelena can’t call the toy ‘stuffed cat Goose’ because the name is too long so she calls it Captain instead. Captain doesn’t have the same effect as Goose but it’s still nice to hold all the same.
Yelena curls into Natalia, squeezing Captain close to her chest. May’s hot water bottle sounds really good but Yelena doesn’t dare interrupt Clint’s sleep.
Neither Yelena nor Natalia go back to bed. Yelena because the pain is distracting and she can’t slip into sleep, Natalia because she’s comforting her the best she can.
Clint knocks on their door the next morning to let them know that breakfast is ready and Yelena compartmentalizes the pain, shoving Captain back into the bag and tucks herself under Natalia’s arm to head downstairs.
She pokes around at the food on her plate. Natalia doesn’t switch plates but only because she knows that Yelena’s not going to eat.
“Is everything alright?” Laura questioned. “I can make you something else.”
Yelena shakes her head, quickly bringing her fork up to her lips. Natalia reaches out and grabs Yelena’s wrist to stop her from forcing herself to eat because she knows that Yelena will be sick.
“Everything okay?” Clint sets his fork down to give them his attention, the absolute opposite that Yelena wanted to have happen.
“Fine.” Yelena grunts out quietly, yanking her wrist from Natalia’s grip.
“Don’t push yourself,” Natalia tells Yelena, fixing her with a stare. “It’s okay to not feel good but you’ll only feel worse if you try and force yourself.”
Yelena lets out a small sigh, curling in on herself as another stab of pain shoots through her abdomen.
“Are you feeling alright?” Laura frets and Yelena thinks that Lila in her arms is the only reason that she doesn’t reach across the table to feel her face. “You’re pale.”
Yelena says nothing, her eyes sliding to peer at Clint. Clint observes her body language, glancing between the sisters before something finally clicks.
Clint wipes his mouth before standing from the table and disappearing down the hallway, something that surprises both the sisters and Laura.
Yelena pokes around at her food more. It’s a waste of food. Food waste wasn’t allowed in the Red Room. Widows were to clear their plate no matter what, even if they would only end up throwing it up afterward.
Tears prickle at Yelena’s eyes and she tries to shove them away. She feels like such a baby for being so upset over something as simple as pain.
Clint reappears for a brief moment, something red in his hands. He glances at the sisters. “Why don’t you two go watch something on the television.” He suggests.
Natalia finishes her food and leads Yelena out to the living room. Yelena lays down and curls up into a ball, her head resting on Natalia’s lap as they rewatch a movie that Yelena had seen with Skye and liked.
Clint appears a few moments later and Yelena’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of the hot water bottle in his grip. It wasn’t a blue color like May’s was, instead a deep red and it was full.
Yelena reaches out, gripping the very warm bottle and slowly drawing it toward her. “How’d you know?” She asked quietly.
“I was there the first time it happened,” Clint reminded her, outstretching a bottle of pain medication. “I was the one that found you, remember? You had fallen asleep wedged in a corner.”
Yelena does remember that. She had curled up with Goose and fallen asleep. Clint carried her out of the room when he found her.
“I’m sorry,” Yelena says, curling around the hot water bottle. “For not eating.” Natalia runs her fingers along Yelena’s hair.
“Yelena, you didn’t do anything but make some chickens who got leftover pancakes very happy,” Clint tells her. “Would it be okay if I tell Laura that you’re not feeling well?”
Laura probably already knew based on Yelena’s funny behavior. Yelena glances up at Natalia for guidance.
“Your choice,” Natalia says, carding her fingers through Yelena’s loose hair.
Yelena slowly nods and is rewarded with Clint smiling at her.
Clint disappears around the corner and Yelena tries to focus on the movie, getting lost in the comforting sensation of warmth pressed against the ache and Natalia’s fingers in her hair.
Clint returns moments after the credits roll with a plastic bag, dropping it onto the coffee table in front of Yelena.
Yelena eyes it in confusion, glancing up at Clint.
“Go ahead, peek inside,” Clint coaxed and Yelena slowly reaches out.
The first thing she pulls out is a bag of gummy worms, one of Yelena’s favorite sweet things. The next thing she pulls out is a box of green tea similar to the one May had given her.
Then she pulls out a Game Boy game still in the clear shrink wrap that indicated it was new off the shelf. Her eyes flicker up to look at Clint in confusion.
“Hunter was bragging about how he was going to make a gamer out of you,” Clint explains although he misinterprets her confusion.
“Why?” Yelena asked, the reassuring feel of Natalia’s fingers on her head grounding her.
“Because even if you’re in pain, it doesn’t mean you have to suffer. You’re just like your sister,” Clint glances at Natalia. “Stubborn and stoic. It’s okay to ask for help and not feel well. You’re not going to be punished for that.”
Yelena hates how well he can read them. It’s a new raw feeling of being vulnerable that makes the quick thought of bolting flicker across her mind. “You didn’t have to.”
“But I wanted to,” Clint retorts with a small smile.
Yelena swallows hard, looking down at the three things Clint had gone out to buy for her. “Thank you.” She says quietly.
Clint reaches out to pat her shoulder and Yelena doesn’t flinch away.
Yelena didn’t mean to fall asleep. She was back upstairs in the guest bedroom with Natalia, playing the new game on the Game Boy with the hot water bottle and Captain. The bag of gummy worms sat open on the nightstand along with a half-finished mug of green tea.
Yelena wakes up to Natalia gone from the bed and the hot water bottle cool. The Game Boy had died from low battery.
Yelena sits up, peeling the lukewarm water bottle from her stomach, and realizes that she does feel better, the pain still there but fading.
Yelena’s first thought is that Natalia is in the bathroom but as the minutes slowly pass by she realized that wasn’t it.
She stands on unsteady legs, taking a moment to gain her bearings before she exits the guest bedroom.
She finds Natalia quickly. She can see her and Clint sitting on the porch swing just outside of the front window. Yelena moves toward them before freezing when she sees what they’re doing.
Natalia is holding Lila once again but she doesn’t look upset. She doesn’t look happy either, staring down at Lila with something more akin to awe and longing. One of Clint’s arms was wrapped around her shoulders, the other supporting Natalia’s arms cradling the infant that was fast asleep with a fistful of Natalia’s red hair clutched in her tiny fingers.
Yelena jumps at the appearance of footsteps much closer than she usually detected them. She spins to face Laura.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Laura greets her and Yelena swallows hard, her gaze flickering back at the two on the porch.
“Better,” Yelena says softly, unsure of how exactly to act around Laura.
“Do you feel up to eating something now?” Laura inquired, moving closer.
Yelena knew it wasn’t time to eat. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were on a schedule both on the helicarrier and Maria’s apartment although the latter was usually on a looser schedule.
Although she was hungry. She finds herself nodding before she thinks better of it.
“Come with me, we’ll find something to fill you up,” Laura said and starts walking toward the kitchen. Yelena glances at the window once more before following Laura.
“Where’s Cooper?” Yelena manages to ask, awkwardly standing to the side as Laura rummages through the fridge. The lack of the overenergetic toddler feels odd.
“He’s taking a nap. Poor little guy tuckered himself out,” Laura pulls something from the drawer in the fridge and moves toward the stove.
Yelena doesn’t know what she’s making, observing quietly.
“Why don’t you sit,” Laura ushes Yelena toward a chair at the island where Yelena could watch her.
Yelena sits, watching as Laura cooks something. Laura once again hums when she cooks, the noise soft and soothing.
Yelena recognizes that she’s making a grilled cheese halfway through the first flip. It smells good and Yelena’s stomach rumbles.
A few moments later, a plate is set in front of Yelena and she looks down.
The sandwich is cut into triangles.
Yelena doesn’t know why the sight of it immediately brings tears to her eyes. The last time she had a sandwich cut into triangles was when she was six and she refused to eat her PB&J’s from her not-mom unless they were cut into triangles. She used to tell Natalia that they tasted better than the boring squares with the crusts cut off that Natalia ate hers with.
It’s something so stupidly simple but it makes Yelena think of her not-mom and Yelena is hit with a pang of longing for Ohio.
Yelena ducks her head down, quietly eating and wiping away quiet tears that roll down her cheeks at the memory.
Laura says nothing but she tentatively rests a hand onto Yelena’s back, rubbing small soothing circles.
Yelena doesn’t pull away from the touch.