apple pie
The sisters had been greeted with Lila screaming her head off for nearly two hours that night. They could hear someone pace the hall with her, the cries growing closer and then fading as the tiny girl was shushed. Sometimes they would hear someone humming quietly, some nursery rhymes that Yelena remembered from learning English in the Red Room.
The crying finally dies down sometime around four in the morning. Yelena had curled into Natalia at the crying, clasping her hands over her ears to try and drown out the sobs. Natalia tucked Yelena’s head just under her chin, pressing her own head into her pillow as she held Yelena close.
When Clint comes to get them for breakfast that morning, he looks slightly exhausted. He apologizes for Lila, asking if they slept okay.
Neither Yelena nor Natalia admit that they barely slept. They’re used to being kept up at odd hours of the night from the Red Room.
Yelena remembers that in the Red Room, guards would sometimes drag girls to or from their beds. The girls would sometimes return crying or simply not return at all. The younger girls would sometimes cry out at night for their parents, not yet used to the fact that this was their life now.
Comforting them was forbidden. The young ones would sometimes try to comfort each other before they learned not to.
Yelena herself was guilty of comforting some of them. She’d only done it four times. Each time it was after a girl around the age of eleven would lose the last of their innocence. They’d be sobbing so hard that they’d choke for air, blood clinging to the fabric between their legs.
The older Widows would be ordered to clean them up. Yelena made sure to never volunteer but the first time it fell to her to do it, she tries not to shove the girl away when they lean into her.
Yelena takes them to the showers and strips both of them down. She supports them under the hot spray and washes the blood away.
She didn’t know what to say the first time. She hadn’t been ordered to hurt them but being kind wasn’t allowed.
The second time, Yelena told the girl that she could cry all she wanted in the shower because nobody would be able to hear her.
The third time, Yelena offered advice about how to dissociate while it was happening.
The fourth time, Yelena just held them close and let them cry.
Yelena never did anything that could get her accused of being weak or soft. She never glanced or spoke to the girls again although she knew that at least two of them had been killed.
Yelena thinks back to when she lashed out at Clint when he found out about her sleeping with handcuffs. Yelena had threatened to hurt him and his family.
Yelena thinks about Cooper’s unmarred skin and how tiny Lila was. She hadn’t really meant it at the time but she wondered if Clint knew that. If he feared for his children and his wife.
During breakfast, Laura glances at the sisters. It was Clint’s turn to hold the baby while they ate. “Have either of you ever done any baking?” She asked.
Yelena thinks about Ohio. She remembers her not-mom making cakes for their birthdays.
Pink strawberry cake with chocolate frosting, their names looped out in white frosting piped from a bag. Yelena had never been allowed to help but she could sit on the counter while her not-mom baked, licking spoons of batter and leftover frosting from the bowl.
Natalia’s hand grasping her knee and squeezing jerks Yelena out of her thoughts. Laura’s patiently waiting for an answer that Yelena had yet to give.
“N--” The word gets caught in Yelena’s chest. She clears her throat, speaking more clearly. “No.”
Laura smiles at them softly. “What do you think about learning how to make an apple pie, hmm? I could use some help peeling apples.”
Yelena doesn’t think she’s ever eaten any pie other than cherry pie and that was only because she was undercover at a diner and that was the pie of the day.
“We’d love to help you,” Natalia replies politely, causing Yelena to glance up at her.
Widow’s didn’t create things, they destroyed them.
“Lovely,” Laura clapped her hands together.
“Wait until you get a taste of her apple pie,” Clint’s eyes are soft as he leans over to kiss Laura. Yelena can’t help but glance away.
She’d been exposed to a lot of sex and kissing, fake relationships, and honeypots. But agents on the helicarrier weren’t in relationships. There was no kissing or romantic gestures. Being around Clint and Laura acting all touchy made Yelena feel something that she wasn’t quite sure the name of.
After breakfast, Laura rifles through the cabinet in search of ingredients. “Oh darn, we’re out of brown sugar…” She clicks her tongue against her teeth. “Clint, would you go pick some up?”
“Yes ma’am,” Clint grins, passing the baby in his arms over to Laura. “Anything else?”
“Vanilla ice cream,” Laura says with a hum, kissing his cheek. “Please and thank you.”
It was slightly weird to Yelena that Clint just went along with what Laura said. Laura wasn’t in a position of authority with him, she couldn’t give him orders. Clint just… did what she said.
“You girls want to come with me or are you okay staying here?” Clint questioned when he prepares to head out.
Yelena appreciates the offer but Laura had wanted to do this and it would be really rude of Yelena to take the chance of escape. “We’re okay.”
Clint pats her shoulder as he passes her. “Be good, beanie baby, I’ll return soon.” He said. His choice of words made Yelena pause because she had thought she was being good.
Clint passes by Natalia, bumping her shoulder with his. “No shooting holes into the wall.” He tells her and Yelena thinks that it’s a really odd thing for him to mention but Natalia rolls her eyes fondly, swatting his shoulder.
“Get lost, Clint,” Natalia says, a smile playing at her lips. There’s a bitter twist in Yelena’s gut at the scene but Yelena tries to ignore it.
Clint disappears with a holler of “love you!” at Laura.
Laura shows them how to prepare the dough. There are a lot of fractions and Yelena doesn’t admit that she doesn’t understand. She went to the Red Room when she was six, she never even officially started first grade. Fractions weren’t on the Red Room learning curriculum.
Doubling a pie recipe? Needing 2 ½ cups of flour doubled?
Natalia only completed fourth grade. Yelena feels burning shame when Laura seems to realize that they cannot double fractions.
Yelena was a Red Room assassin and she couldn’t add fractions.
Laura instead asks for their help to peel apples. Yelena doesn't know whether a vegetable peeler counts as a weapon. She wasn’t allowed weapons. But Natalia takes the peeler and the sisters hunker over the sink to wash and peel apples.
Laura hums and sways when she works but Yelena thinks it’s more for the infant in her arms. Cooper is playing with toy cars by their feet and they have to be careful not to step on him.
Laura pauses a few minutes after she turns the mixer off. “Hey, Natalia?”
Natalia paused, turning to glance at Laura.
“Do you think you could hold Lila really quick while I go to the bathroom?” Laura gives a sheepish smile. “I won’t be more than a moment.”
Natalia is stiff but she slowly sets the peeler in her hand down, outstretching her arms. Yelena doesn’t think she’s ever held a baby before.
Laura smiles, passing Lila over. “Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver.” She rearranges Natalia’s arms around the infant before quickly disappearing around the corner to the bathroom.
Yelena quickly sets down her peeler as well. “Natalia?” She questioned. Natalia’s face had gone blank. Lila is letting out grunts of dissatisfaction but she’s not crying.
Cooper’s toy car hits Natalia’s foot and Yelena can see her jaw clench. Yelena watches as Natalia’s eyes turn glassy, her breathing carefully measured to keep her from panicking.
Natalia was losing it. Yelena shuffles closer to her. “It’s okay.” Yelena tells Natalia quietly in Russia. “We’re okay.”
Natalia doesn’t move a muscle until Laura gets back, taking the infant back from her.
“Thank you,” Laura smiles, reaching out to touch Natalia’s shoulder. Yelena sees the way Natalia tenses up and grabs Laura’s hand before she can make contact.
“Don’t touch her!” Yelena’s voice came out sharp. Cooper startles, wrinkling his nose.
Laura’s eyes slide between the sisters. “Natalia?” She questioned, her voice soft.
Yelena doesn’t want to yell and scare the babies nor does she want to push Laura back while she was holding Lila.
But she would.
Natalia turns and Yelena can see her stony face. Yelena grabbed the back of Natalia’s neck and tugs her toward the back door. Natalia doesn’t fight the hold, submitting herself to Yelena’s ministrations.
Yelena tugs them out the back door without their shoes. Yelena takes Natalia into the back of the barn by the shooting range and finally lets Natalia go.
Yelena reaches up to wipe away a traitorous tear that fell down Natalia’s cheek. Natalia inhales sharply at the soft touch. Yelena pretends she doesn’t see the way Natalia’s hands cradle over the three scars on her abdomen.
“Do you want to dance?” Yelena questioned, unsure of what Natalia needed. Her older sister nods and Yelena takes a few steps back before calling out. “En pointe!”
Yelena leads Natalia through their sets. She can see Clint arrive and lean in the doorway about halfway through. Clint stood guard just outside the door to prevent entrance whenever he was around as one of the girls breaks down.
When they finish, Clint enters, slowly making his way toward them. “Laura didn’t mean to upset you.” He says carefully, leaning against the wall a few feet away from them so he doesn’t crowd them. “She didn’t know.”
“It’s fine,” Natalia replies, refusing to meet his eyes. “I apologize for freaking out on her.”
Clint immediately shakes his head, pushing himself off the wall. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s alright. Nobody is mad or upset. In fact, if you want, Laura would like to keep making the pie with you.”
“She didn’t finish?” Yelena knew they had been out there for quite a while.
“No. She’d like to finish it with you guys. But if you don’t want to then that’s fine too,” Clint gives them options and Yelena likes that.
“We can finish,” Natalia says, bumping her shoulder against Yelena’s. “Right?”
Yelena nods her head. She kinda liked being in the kitchen and listening to Laura hum while doing something as simple as peeling apples.
Clint takes Cooper and Lila into the living room so the sisters can finish the pie with Laura.
Laura apologizes to Natalia and Natalia brushes it off. Laura doesn’t push.
Laura lets them each knead the crust and when the filling is done, Laura takes a spoon, scoops some of it up, and holds it out to Yelena. “Try and tell me what you think.”
Yelena is hit with a memory of her not-mom doing the same thing with chocolate frosting. Yelena would lick the spoon clean and always reply that it needed more chocolate, something that her not-mom laughed at each time.
Yelena reaches out to take the spoon, inspecting it before holding it up to Natalia’s lips. Both sisters had seen exactly what went into the mixture but Yelena was just used to sharing with Natalia.
Natalia eats half of it off the spoon, Yelena shoving whatever was left on the spoon into her mouth. It reminds her of the brown cinnamon sugar Pop-tarts that she liked so much.
Laura’s waiting patiently for feedback.
“It’s good,” Yelena tells Laura quietly and is rewarded with one of Laura’s warm smiles. Laura turns toward Natalia for her opinion.
“It’s nice,” Natalia agrees and Laura nods her head.
“It is, isn’t it?” She turns back toward the pies and fills the tins lined with pie dough.
Even though Lila and Cooper aren’t in the kitchen anymore, Laura still hums.
The pies come out a golden brown color and it reminds Yelena of those pies in pictures on menus. It smells really good and the scent brings Clint into the kitchen with a kid in each arm.
Laura cuts and serves the pie while it’s still warm. She puts a single scoop of vanilla ice cream over each piece and Yelena watches it melt over the warm crust.
Natalia takes a bite of it first, pausing slightly before switching plates with Yelena. Yelena takes a bite and pauses.
It’s warm and sweet but the ice cream is cold and creamy. Yelena thinks that it might taste better than Pop-tarts.
Yelena cleans her plate, Natalia doing the same. Clint pats his stomach when he finished.
“That was great as always,” He tells Laura before glancing at the sisters. “You two did a great job. It was delicious. Thank you.”
“I appreciated your help,” Laura tacks on. “I’d love to have more help in the kitchen if you two want.”
Yelena then looks down at her empty plate. She helped make a pie and it didn’t turn out bad or wrong.
Widows were made to destroy. To kill and take and break things.
Yet, Yelena and Natalia made a pie and it was good.
That night they watch another movie and this time Natalia just tugs Yelena into her lap rather than hoisting her over halfway through. Yelena rests her head onto her big sister’s shoulder.
Later on, before bed, Yelena texts Bobbi.
I made a pie today.
It’s a stupidly simple statement but Bobbi replies quickly.
Thats great kiddo. Was it good?
Yelena responds.
It was. I liked it a lot. What did you do?
Bobbi’s reply made Yelena let out a huff of laughter.
Hunter spilled his red bull all over May today. She made him give her 100 push-ups and apologize after each one
Before Yelena can respond, Bobbi sends another.
I hope ur having fun and spending lots of time with ur sister
Yelena can’t help but smile slightly before sending one last text for the night.
I am.