dreykov
Yelena doesn’t know where she’s going to run to but she just keeps going. She darts down the street, expertly weaving between the crowds. She doesn’t realize that she follows the path that Maria used to take them on runs. She knew where the cameras were, entrances and exits, and potential weapons.
Yelena stops just at the entrance of the park they usually ran through. There was a phone booth just on the edge where it bordered an old diner. Yelena eyes it before pulling off her left shoe and pulling out a five-dollar bill. She exchanges it for quarters in the diner and then steps into the booth.
Bobbi had told her that she could call at any time, day or night. Yelena picks up the phone, inserts the quarters, and dials Bobbi’s number.
“This is Barbara Morse,” Bobbi answered the phone, not recognizing the phone number.
“Bobbi,” Yelena breathes out after a moment, a little unsure.
“Yelena?” Surprise colors her tone. “Where are you calling from? Are you okay?”
Yelena takes a deep breath. “I need you.” She finally settles on saying.
“Where are you?” Bobbi asks and Yelena peers out the booth to look for the nearest street sign, relaying the information to Bobbi. “Okay. Don’t wander too far, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
The time runs out and Yelena is left standing in the phone booth for a few moments before she exits and approached the park nearby. The sun was starting to go down and the park was nearly desolate.
Yelena takes a seat on one of the swings, remembering when Natalia would push her high up on them in Ohio. She uses her feet to swing back and forth a few inches.
Bobbi shows up quickly, surprising Yelena at her timing. Bobbi stops in front of her and whatever she sees on Yelena’s face causes her to take a seat onto the swing next to her instead of wrapping Yelena up in a tight hug.
Yelena tries to school her features but Bobbi knows her better than that by now.
“I’m sorry for calling.” Bobbi’s still in her SHIELD uniform and Yelena probably interrupted her doing something important. “You didn’t have to come.”
“Don’t be foolish,” Bobbi chides before her voice softens. “I will always come when you need me. You know that.”
Yelena clenches her jaw, ducking her head down as she focuses on the soothing motion of the swing moving back and forth. Bobbi waits for her to speak, patient enough to let them sit in the silence.
“The General is dead.” Yelena finally blurts before squeezing her eyes shut.
Bobbi takes a few moments. “Are we happy or sad about that?” She asked and Yelena is reminded that Bobbi doesn’t know who he is.
“I don’t know.” Yelena admits quietly, letting out a shaky breath. “Happy?” It comes out as a question.
“It’s okay to not know,” Bobbi doesn’t hesitate to reassure her. “What are you feeling?”
“I don’t know,” Yelena repeats, letting go of the swing chains to hide her face behind her hands like a child, digging the heels of her palms into her eyes. “He-- he’s the top of the Red Room. The leader. The alpha.”
“Natalia finally defected,” Bobbi says, her brow drawn together in thought. Yelena squishes down the immediate thought that Bobbi had known about it.
“Yes..” Natalia said she defected and all it took was killing him. “But he can’t be dead.”
“Why not?” Bobbi asked her and Yelena doesn’t know how to explain it, taking a few moments to think over her answer.
“I don’t know.” Yelena feels like a broken record player. She wants to give Bobbi better answers but she just can’t. She doesn’t know the words. “He-- I’ve known him since I was six.”
“A little more than ten years or so then. It’s probably hard to hear that he’s dead,” Bobbi says slowly. “A lot of feelings, huh?”
Yelena slowly pulls her hands away from her face to stare at her shoes instead. “He was horrible and awful.” She starts. “But… he had these-- these moments…” Yelena squeezes her fingers into a fist, digging her nails into her palms. “He’d be nice to me. And-- and for a few moments, everything was okay. If I was good and if liked me then I wouldn’t get hurt.”
Bobbi was quiet but Yelena know she was listening. She appreciates the quiet so she can gather her thoughts.
“He told me I was his best and he was proud of how far I’d come…” Yelena swallows hard, thinking over her next words carefully. “And I’d get rewards sometimes… if I was a good girl. I get warm showers and more food.”
“But he wasn’t kind very often,” Bobbi surmised and Yelena lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
“He likes young girls. He says-- he says that he likes their innocence… their purity…” Yelena digs her nails into her palm, focusing on the pain. “I--” Tears blur her vision dripping down into her lap. “I was eleven--” She chokes out. “And I know that if I was good for him then he wouldn’t hurt me. He told me to be good, called me his pretty girl…”
Bobbi reaches out and grasps the chain of Yelena’s swing, not making physical contact with her but offering the comfort if Yelena wanted it.
“It had only been touching before but this time he was nice and he kept touching my face and my hair. Said it was time for the next step.” Yelena’s breath hitched as she reaches one hand up to furiously wipe away the tears that don’t seem to stop. “It hurt so much and there was so much blood--” She tries to control her breathing. “And afterward her told me how good I was and how I was perfect and his touch was soft and he--” She buries her face into the crook of her arm, shame burning through her.
“Yelena…” Bobbi starts, her voice hesitant like she’s afraid of overstepping. “It’s okay to be upset about his death.”
“No, it’s not!” Yelena says sharply, yanking her arm away from her face. “He was a horrible man and I’m glad he’s dead. I hope he rots in hell! I hope he burns! I hope he suffers!”
“Yelena--” Bobbi reaches out and Yelena recoils from the touch so hard that she topples back off the swing. She finds herself falling apart and she can’t stop herself.
“Why am I sad!?” Yelena demands, yanking on her hair in frustration. She tilts her head back up at the night sky, trying to capture air into her lungs. She’s rambling now but she can’t stop herself. “I tried to kill him. To stop him. He caught me every time and he hurt me and punished me--”
“Yelena, you’re going to spiral into a panic attack,” Bobbi slides off the swing onto her knees. “Look at me--”
“Why did Natalia go without me!?” She demands. “Why did she kill him without me? Why? I deserve to see him dead. I deserve to hurt him like he hurt me! Why didn’t she trust me? Why didn’t she tell me? Why don’t I matter? Why don’t I matter, Bobbi?”
Bobbi lurches forward and clamps her hand onto the back of Yelena’s neck before Yelena can lash out at her. Yelena lets out a sob, falling forward into Bobbi’s arms.
Bobbi is warm and Bobbi is safe but Yelena doesn’t feel any of that at the moment.
“I’ve got you, kiddo. You can cry, it’s just you and me,” Bobbi murmurs softly, rocking Yelena in her arms.
Yelena sobs into Bobbi’s jacket. She doesn’t know what she’s feeling, just that she’s so overwhelmed with the reappearance of her sister and the news she brought with her.
Yelena cries for a good long while. She cries until she runs out of tears to give, exhausted and slumped against Bobbi when she finishes. Bobbi’s grip on her never wavers. Yelena knows her knees must hurt from kneeling in the mulch but Bobbi doesn’t complain.
“I’m sorry,” Yelena finally croaks out in a whisper and Bobby releases the back of her neck. Yelena pulls away so that she can wipe her nose on her sleeve, ducking her head down in shame.
“Look at me, kiddo. Can you do that?” Bobbi questioned softly, reaching out to gently grasp Yelena’s chin. It takes a few moments before Yelena can pull her head up to peer at Bobbi. “Your feelings are not wrong. They matter and you don’t have to change them to what people expect. Your feelings are your own and nobody can tell you how to feel. Do you understand me?”
“No…” Yelena wants to say yes but she can’t. She doesn’t understand and she doesn’t want to lie to Bobbi. “I should be happy he’s dead.”
“But you're sad because he was your home for the last ten years. He made you rely on him and now that he’s gone you have to face that your hurt still lingers even though he’s dead. That his death doesn’t take those bad feelings with it,” Bobbi says. “And that’s okay.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” Yelena admits, rubbing at her wet cheeks with her sleeve.
“Maybe it doesn’t feel like it but it is, okay?” Bobbi tells Yelena, reaching out to wipe away the tear tracks that Yelena missed. “Do you trust me that I would tell you the truth?”
“Yes.” Yelena doesn’t hesitate to reply.
“Good,” Bobbi gives her a tired smile. “I care about you a lot, kid. You’re important to me, you hear? I will always listen to you and I will not lie to you.”
Yelena lurches forward and wraps her arms around Bobbi’s waist, pressing her ear against the woman’s chest to listen to her heartbeat. “I love you, Bobbi.” She whispers, unsure if she wanted Bobbi to hear her or not.
Bobbi’s arms tighten around her slightly, telling Yelena that she heard. “I love you too, Yelena.” She says softly.
Yelena finally pulls away. “I… I have to go back. They’re probably looking for me.” She glances down at the tracker, frowning when the green light indicating it was on wasn’t lit.
“I texted Maria not too long again. She knows you’re safe,” Bobbi tells Yelena. “Are you ready to go back now?”
Yelena broke Maria’s rule and left the apartment without her permission. She also got extremely upset. But she had to go back eventually. She was tired and wanted her sister. “Yeah… hey Bobbi?”
“Yeah?” Bobbi stands, helping Yelena to her feet.
“Can I have another piggyback ride?” Yelena shyly requested. Bobbi doesn’t laugh like she expects her to.
“Course you can. Come here, hop on.” Bobbi leans forward and Yelena slides onto her back, pressing her face into the back of Bobbi’s neck as they walk.
The walk back is quiet other than Bobbi humming some song Yelena doesn’t recognize under her breath. Bobbi sets her down onto her own two feet when they reach the door of Maria’s apartment. Bobbi knocks on the door and it barely takes a few seconds before the door opens.
“Hey,” Bobbi greets Maria.
Yelena averts her eyes at Maria’s gaze. She flinches slightly when Maria sets a hand onto her shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Yelena,” Maria says before stepping aside to let them in. Yelena had expected to immediately be dragged to the table for punishment. “Your sister is in the living room. Skye’s already gone to bed.”
Yelena dares to glance up at Maria before shuffling past her.
Natalia stands as soon as she sees her and approaches her, cupping her face. “You were crying.” She says quietly.
Yelena peers up at her sister’s face with a small frown, reaching up to do the same. “You were too.” She says.
“I’m so sorry, little sister,” Natalia tells Yelena softly. “Please forgive me.”
Yelena’s hands slide down Natalia’s face to wind around her neck instead. Natalia eagerly pulls her closer, wrapping her up and holding her tight. “I’m sorry too.” Yelena says, burying her face into Natalia’s neck.
Natalia’s hand cups the back of her head as her head dips down to brush her lips along Yelena’s temple. “I love you.” She said it so softly that Yelena almost thought she imagined it.
Yelena collapses against her big sister, clinging to her with everything she has because no matter her feelings, this was her big sister. She always has been and she always will be. “I love you too.”
Natalia grips her tighter.