mask
Maria holds Natalia while she cries and hopes that she’s enough. She doesn’t really know how to comfort her but does her best. Natalia clings to her and Maria can feel her shirt get damp with tears. Maria is afraid of saying the wrong thing or touching her in the wrong place so she settles her hands on Natalia’s back and doesn’t speak.
Natalia doesn’t cry long, already appearing ashamed of having done so in the first place. Maria gives her a few moments to calm down and heads to the kitchen so Natalia can collect herself in peace.
Maria could kick herself when she sees Skye still sitting at the table with a stack of papers neat in front of her. Skye looks up at Maria.
“I know you said to keep writing until you came back but I ran out of paper…” Skye says quietly and Maria approaches to see that Skye had scrawled out lines on the front and back of the handful of paper that Maria had grabbed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna bother you--”
“I’m sorry,” Maria interrupts before Skye spirals. “I appreciate you listening to me and I’m sorry for getting distracted.” Skye had probably written more lines than even the high count Maria had threatened when Skye wouldn’t turn Yelena’s tracker back on. She’d have to settle on a number next time to stop this from happening again.
Skye slides down in her chair to make herself small. Her eyes flicker toward the plate of cooling food that Maria had set out for Natalia. Maria can see the gouge marks in the table where Natalia had slammed the fork down into the old wood.
Natalia might have missed it during her outburst but Maria had seen the pure fear on Skye’s face when Natalia slammed the utensil into the table. That was what made Maria grab Natalia’s shirt and haul her out of the room to calm down.
“That was frightening, wasn’t it?” Maria calmly states, reaching out to run her thumb over the grooves and wondering if it would be worth it to try and fix it.
Skye watches her carefully, not speaking but her head dips down in a slow nod. Skye keeps watching her carefully so Maria slowly moves toward her until she pulls out the seat right next to her and sits. She’s hoping that not towering over her will help her feel better.
Skye still looked shaken and Maria knows she would have gone to Yelena for comfort. The loyalty Skye had for Yelena was admirable and Maria understood why Skye trusted Yelena more than anyone else. “Do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?”
Skye immediately shakes her head, fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt.
“Do you have any questions?” Maria trusts Yelena to not abuse the ‘ask any question’ opener but Skye was too curious for her own good and might push further than Maria was comfortable with.
Skye was quiet for a few moments. “When can I go see live with Coulson?” She blurts before wincing. “I mean, living here isn’t bad--” She tries to rectify her mistake.
“Skye, I understand what you’re asking,” Maria interrupts and Skye slumps more in her seat. “I hope to finalize the guidelines and move back onto the Helicarrier later on this week. You should be able to move back into the bunk next to Coulson then.”
Skye leans forward, propping her chin up on her hand as she sighs. “You know, I think living with you has been one of the most stable homes I’ve ever stayed in.”
And what does that say about Skye’s childhood that the teenager living with soldier turned SHIELD agent that didn’t know the first things about children and a traumatized child soldier is the most stable home she’s ever been in.
“You’d be a great mom,” Skye comments before realizing what she said and sitting up quickly. Skye had a habit to speak before her brain caught up with her. “I mean--”
“Thank you, Skye,” Maria tries not to think about it. Her decision to take home two troubled kids had been made on a whim and she honestly didn’t think she had it in her to provide any semblance of normal for them. She had never wanted kids of her own, especially because her own childhood was less than ideal and she didn’t want some kid to turn out the same way she did.
She had settled for never having children. She was a soldier and then an agent. She was married to her work. There was no room in her life for a child. Yet the past week had given Maria a new perspective.
These weren’t young children, drippy and messy and wild. These were traumatized kids who had learned that they were to be seen but not heard and that punishments involved fists.
Maria thinks of her father and how he too turned to fists merely because Maria looked like her mother. Maria never knew her mother, she lost her while being born. She learned many survival tactics that she sees in Skye and Yelena and even in Natalia.
Maria thinks of who she needed and what she wanted when a child. She tries to give these kids that, unsure if it helps.
“Is it okay if I go to bed?” Skye asked quietly and Maria glances at her watch. It was approaching eleven at night and she was reminded that Yelena is out there and her tracker is turned off.
“Yeah,” Maria nods her head and when Skye stands, Maria stands also, reaching out to set a hand onto her shoulder briefly. “All is forgiven.”
Tension floods out of Skye, relief covering her face. “You’re not mad?” She breathes out.
Maria shakes her head. “No. You’ve taken your punishment and you’ll think twice about doing it next time, won’t you?” She prompts and Skye nods her head. “Then all is forgiven.”
Skye shuffles past Maria with her head ducked down, her eyes flickering to peer at the divots in the table before heading into the bedroom.
Natalia was still in her office and hadn’t come out yet so Maria retakes her seat at the table and thinks of the night's events.
Maria thinks about Natalia’s words on why she didn’t want Yelena punished. Maria hadn’t even considered the ramifications of punishment on Yelena.
Maria debates about whether to follow through. She can’t drop a punishment every time that Yelena gets upset. But if Yelena will feel trapped and spiral because she doesn’t feel safe and doesn’t think she can seek out someplace safe then Maria would feel like a dick punishing her.
Natalia eventually emerges from the office and takes a seat in the living room. She doesn’t initiate conversation but she doesn’t appear uncomfortable when Maria joins her either.
It’s dark out by the time that Bobbi brings Yelena back. Bobbi has an arm protectively draped over Yelena’s shoulder as the teenager stands next to her, her head dipped down in a bow as she stares at her shoes.
Yelena briefly looks up at her and Maria suddenly understands Natalia’s outburst earlier. The child in front of her had been crying, probably sobbing quite hard from the look of her flushed cheeks and red eyes. Her shoulders are hunched and she looks like a coiled spring, ready to protect herself from whatever Maria threw at her.
So while Yelena had broken a rule she left, sought out help from someone she trusted, and came back.
Maria’s proud of her. She doesn’t say it, not wanting to confuse Yelena but she knew just how far Yelena had come in order for her to reach out for comfort from Bobbi.
Maria steps aside to let them in. Yelena hesitates in the doorway and flinches when Maria sets a hand onto her shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Yelena,” Maria says because she is. She doesn’t mention that she was worried or angry because that would only cause Yelena to feel guilty or get upset again. The poor kid looked exhausted.
Yelena finally shuffles past her toward the living room where Natalia was. Bobbi steps inside as well, glancing at Maria with a look that the commander has come to realize means that she wants to talk.
Maria motions for Bobbi to follow her into the kitchen to give Yelena and Natalia some space. Bobbi lets out a low whistle when she sees the marks in the wood. “Which kid did this?”
“Natalia,” Maria replies and Bobbi glances at her in surprise. “What’s wrong?”
Bobbi lets out a sigh. “You got a drink?”
Maria raised an eyebrow but pulls open the cabinet and pours Bobbi a glass of her good scotch.
Bobbi leans on the counter, taking a long swig and sighing. “Have you sent a cleanup crew?”
“As soon as I got word of Romanov and Barton’s return,” Maria inclines her head, wondering what Bobbi was getting at.
“Do we have a confirmed body?” Bobbi grunts out and Maria frowns.
“He couldn’t have survived. There were six confirmed bodies. They were too charred to extract DNA from but yes. He’s dead,” Maria reaches out to set a hand onto Bobbi’s hand when the woman moves to pour another glass. “Bobbi, what’s wrong?”
Bobbi taps her fingers against the rim of her glass before letting out a sigh. “Fuck, Maria…” She finally whimpers out, reaching up to cover her face.
Concerned, Maria moves closer and sets a hand onto Bobbi’s shoulder. “Come here.”
“You hate hugs--” Bobbi chokes out but grips Maria tight.
“I’ll make an exception for you,” Maria replies, holding her friend close. Bobbi lets out a choked laugh before burying her face into Maria’s shoulder and focuses on her breathing. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Maria isn’t sure what Bobbi was willing to share but Maria would help carry some of the burden to help her friend.
Bobbi’s grip on her tightens. “She was eleven, Ria--”
It doesn’t take much for Maria to piece it together. She remembers when Yelena had a night terror and Maria had tried to calm her by asking her for the age of consent. Yelena had replied eleven and Maria didn’t know where she pulled the number from.
Maria has learned to pull a mask over her face at work during tough situations. She pulls the same mask over her face now, focusing on comforting her friend and not letting Bobbi know just how disgusted and horrified she was.
Bobbi doesn’t say anything else other than she hopes General Dreykov burns in hell.
Maria didn’t sleep that night. She sat on the couch not too long after Bobbi left and just thinks. She tries to occupy her mind by going over the rules and regulations she had written for underaged assets of SHIELD but she can’t focus for long.
Maria eventually heads into the kitchen and her eyes fall onto the plate of cold food sitting next to the sink. Maria feels like she’s losing her touch as she remembers that Natalia had been starving and Maria had dragged her away before she got a chance to eat.
Maria covers her face and groans, feeling like a foolish idiot. Maria moves to the pantry where she kept some high-calorie granola bars that she could grab and eat on the go. She then grabs some water bottles and moved toward her office where she knew Natalia and Yelena had retreated.
Maria is careful when opening the door. She is greeted with the sight of Yelena laying on top of her sister, fast asleep with her wrist cuffed to the bed. Natalia’s eyes immediately meet Maria’s, a groggy look on her face before she reaches up in an attempt to hide the handcuffs from Maria.
“It’s alright, I know,” Maria replies, entering the room. Yelena didn’t even stir from her sleep which spoke of just how exhausted she was. “Yelena left hers on the helicarrier so I called Bobbi to help me get another pair. I have a set for you too.”
“It’s not abuse,” Natalia spoke quietly and Maria bites off the immediate retort on the tip of her tongue that it was. “You can’t take her.”
“It makes her feel safe,” Maria replies and relief washes over Natalia’s face which tells Maria that she understood their use correctly. “You never ate earlier. I brought you some food.”
Natalia watches her carefully as Maria sets the items down on the edge of the bed. She doesn’t speak but her hand moves to run along Yelena’s hair.
The teenager laying on her lets out a soft sigh at the touch, her fingers fisting Natalia’s shirt in an effort to worm her way closer to her in her sleep.
“Thank you for looking after her,” Natalia finally spoke and Maria looks back up at her. “SHIELD was… it was better but…” She trails off.
Maria understands. SHIELD was so much better than the Red Room but it still wasn’t perfect by a long shot. “I know. We can go over the guidelines I have tomorrow.”
Natalia stares at her for a few moments longer. The only light in the room was the moonlight peeking through the blinds Maria had in her office that she usually kept closed for privacy reasons.
Natalia breaks eye contact first and Maria realized she was staring like an idiot. She really needed to get some sleep. “Can I have the handcuffs?” Natalia murmurs out and her fingers play with Yelena’s hair. Maria assumes it’s a self-soothe tactic and doesn’t think Natalia even realizes she’s doing it.
“Of course,” Maria moves to her desk and pulls out the second set of cuffs she procured. It becomes apparent quite quickly that Natalia couldn’t put them on, one arm trapped under Yelena’s sleeping body and the teenager lets out a soft whimper when Natalia tries to wiggle her arm free.
“I can do it,” Maria offers before realizing that Natalia might not react well to being handcuffed to the headboard by someone. “Or--”
“Yes.” Natalia refuses to meet her eyes. She holds out her free wrist toward Maria and it’s right then that the commander understands the level of trust being placed in her.
Maria’s careful when securing the handcuff. Despite the calluses from handling weapons, Natalia’s hands are actually quite soft.
Maria gently guides Natalia’s cuffed wrist up to the headboard to secure the other cuff.
Not another word is spoken after that and Maria leaves quickly as soon as the task is finished.