choices
Just because Yelena liked the vest didn’t mean she had to have it. It wasn’t a want or a need, not that those mattered anyway. Natalia, however, called Maria back over and she glances at the store before shrugging and walking in, Carol bringing up the rear.
The vest was originally tailored for men, not to mention Yelena’s tiny stature and thin frame made it hard to find one that would fit.
But between the four of them, they finally find one.
“What do ya think, baby agent?” Carol questioned, folding her arms as Yelena runs her fingers over the vest she was trying on.
She liked it. A lot. But nowhere on Maria’s list was a vest.
“Yelena?” Maria prompts when Yelena doesn’t reply. “We can find another color if you want.”
Natalia’s hand moves up to cup the back of Yelena’s neck, her grip reassuring and firm.
“I…” Yelena starts before shaking her head. “It’s not on the list.”
She’s glad that she doesn’t have to elaborate when Maria leans into Yelena’s view. “Look at me.” Yelena’s eyes flicker to look up at Maria. “Do you want this?”
Yelena peers up at her. She’s not good at admitting wants and needs.
“Just nod or shake your head, Yelena,” Maria said and then repeats herself. “Do you want this?”
Yelena slowly nods her head. She did want it.
“Good,” Maria nods her head. “Thank you. You can have this vest.”
“It’s not on the list,” Yelena repeats quietly, focusing on the feeling of Natalia’s fingers on the back of her neck.
“You can want things that aren’t on the list,” Maria spoke, her tone low and quiet. “Look at me and say ‘I want this’.”
It doesn’t feel like an order but Yelena’s unsure of where Maria was going with this. Natalia’s not stopping her either. “I want this.” She said softly.
Maria smiles at her. “Good. Even if it’s not on the list, we can have wants. Since you finally see something you like, you can have this vest. In return, I just wanted to hear you say that you wanted it. That’s all the payment I want.”
“I want this.” Yelena repeats, running her thumbs over the clasps on the vest. It feels like it’s not enough repayment.
“Then take it off and we’ll check out,” Carol piped up and Yelena glances up at her before slowly removing the vest and passing it off to her.
Yelena already made too many choices that day. Too much freedom all at once was… scary. To go from having her every movement made and calculated for her to being able to do nearly anything she wants is overwhelming. She still has plenty of more outfits to choose but she doesn’t know if she can.
The next store was a mix of boy's and girl's clothes. Yelena runs her fingers over the fabrics, the bag with her vest in it clutched tightly in one hand. Yelena eventually turns toward her sister and murmurs to her. “No more choices.”
Natalia brushes her fingers over Yelena’s hand before she starts to look through the clothes for Yelena. Yelena watches Natalia pick out clothes that she would wear.
If either Carol or Maria notices, neither of them mentions it.
Then it got down to undergarments being the only thing left the sisters needed to purchase. Yelena wishes they could skip it altogether.
“Right. All we have left on the list is underwear and bras,” Maria comments. “Any store you wanted to go back to for it?”
“Or we could take a break, grab a bite to eat in the food court,” Carol suggests. “Think it over and talk it out.”
Maria nods her head. “Or we could take a break.” She agrees.
“Break?” Yelena repeats. Taking a break would just mean that she was taking more time out of their day.
“Break,” Natalia agrees, nodding her head as she shifts the bags in her hand.
“A break sound good?” Maria looks at Yelena who nods her head. “Great. Let’s head there.”
The four of them head to the food court and Carol insists that they get pretzels and lemonade from one of the stalls that smells really good.
Yelena’s had pretzels before but this one that Carol gives her has cinnamon and sugar on it. Yelena holds her pretzel up to Natalia who takes the first bite.
Carol raised an eyebrow at the action but doesn’t mention it, taking a bite out of her own pretzel.
Yelena pulls back her pretzel and finally takes a bite of her own. It’s messy and she tries to be careful because making a mess was a big no-no. She enjoys the pretzel. It’s really sweet and seems to get everywhere but Yelena likes it.
“So,” Maria finishes her pretzel, brushing the extra cinnamon sugar from her hands, and takes a sip of her drink. “What kind of underwear are you looking for?”
Carol lets out a snort. “Wow, way to get straight to the point, commander.”
“Shut up, captain,” Maria rolls her eyes before glancing at the sisters. “Any preferences?”
Natalia shrugs. “Whatever fits.” She replies, finishing her pretzel, and reaches out to snag a piece from Yelena’s. Yelena doesn’t mind, busy thinking about her response.
“Yelena? Any preferences?” Maria addresses her directly and Yelena shrugs slightly. “Is that a yes and you just don’t feel like you can tell me?”
Maria was getting better at reading the sisters.
“Honestly, as long as you’re wearing something, I don’t care what you wear,” Maria finishes her drink. “What do you want?”
Yelena doesn’t want lace or string or clasps. She doesn’t want lingerie. “I want sports bras.” She stares at Maria’s face. “And I want boxers.”
“Living in comfort, huh?” Carol loudly slurps the rest of her lemonade. “You go girl.”
Maria inclines her head. “There’s no wrong answer when I ask about what you want.”
“You don’t care?” Yelena raised an eyebrow, feeling Natalia set a hand on her knee under the table.
“Why would I care about what underwear you wear?” Maria shakes her head. “I’m not going to make you wear something you don’t want to unless it’s your uniform.”
“The--” Yelena briefly glances at Carol before looking back at Maria. “The other place cared.”
“I’m not the other place, now am I?” Maria raised an eyebrow and Yelena shakes her head. “If you want sports bras and boxers then that’s what you’ll get.”
“You don’t care that I wanna wear boy's clothes?” Yelena demands, eyes narrowing in confusion.
“Woah, hold your horses there,” Carol spoke up before Maria or Natalia could. “Clothing doesn’t have a gender. It’s just a way to distinguish body sizes. You wanna wear boxers then go right ahead. I wear them sometimes.”
Yelena glances up at Natalia. Natalia shrugs in response, unsure if Carol was telling the truth.
“Is that why you were picky selecting your clothes? You wanted stuff from the men's section?” Maria inquired and Yelena shrugs. The men's section did have pants that looked like they had some deep pockets and their shirts looked comfy.
“It’s not allowed,” Yelena wore tight dresses and skirts that showed off her ass. She wore shorts and tank tops to work out. Never has she worn cargo pants or flannel shirts. She wants to try them. She wants soft fabric that doesn’t squeeze her like a second skin.
Maria leans toward Yelena. Yelena leans way slightly, unsure of what Maria was doing. She ended up leaning back against Natalia who wraps her arms around her.
“Look at me,” Maria lowers her voice, her face close to Yelena’s. “Who am I?”
“The commander,” Yelena said obediently.
“And what am I not?” Maria asked and it takes a moment before Yelena realized the answer she wanted.
“The Red Room.” She murmurs.
“That’s right. I am not the Red Room. My rules are not the same,” Maria leans back out of Yelena’s personal space. “Has everyone finished eating?”
Even with their reassurances and encouragement, Yelena needed Natalia to pick out things for her to wear from the men's section. She quickly finds the rest of her outfits that way and an hour later the girls have everything that Maria required, plus Yelena’s vest.
“Whelp, that was a fruitful trip, huh baby agents?” Carol comments as they load their bags into the car to head back to base.
This was more than Yelena ever owned except in Ohio. “Yes.”
Now that it was only the four of them, Yelena can lean her head against Natalia’s shoulder in the backseat, finally relaxing for the first time all day now that she can have physical contact with her favorite person in the whole world.
“Thank you, Maria,” Natalia spoke up, glancing between the two women in the front seat. “And thank you Danvers for taking us out.”
“Nick sometimes forgets that people have basic needs. I’m surprised he remembered to give you toothbrushes,” Carol laughs.
“He didn’t, Clint Barton did,” Yelena spoke and Carol glances at her before she grins.
“Knew it.” Carol whispers and Yelena can’t help but mirror her grin.
Despite their purchasing of new clothes, the girls didn’t wear them outside of their own bunk. Not until Bobbi, who heard about their shopping trip, pulled them aside and told them that they’re allowed to wear them and that uniforms were only for training and missions.
The next time Yelena follows Goose to Fury’s office, dressed in her dark purple shirt, black cargo pants, and vest, Fury stops her and holds out a box to her. “Danvers sent this for you.”
Yelena looks down at the box. She’d never received mail before. “Do I open it?”
Fury shrugs his shoulders. “She dropped it off just for you. You can choose to open it.”
Yelena takes the sealed box back to her bunk and opens it there.
Nestled inside the box was a stuffed animal that looked like Goose. At the bottom was a notecard.
From your favorite captain,
C. Danvers
Carol must have noticed Yelena’s affinity to soft things, especially fabrics. Yelena hadn’t had a stuffed animal, not since she was six, and left her stuffed pony on the landing strip in Cuba as they’re trafficked back to the Red Room.
She saves both the toy and the card but tucks them out of sight at the bottom of her dresser so nobody can take it away from her.