braids
Yelena’s wandering about the Helicarrier in one of her new outfits. She’s wearing a deep blue flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, liking how many buttons each one had. Her pants even had deep pockets in them and she could carry snacks in them.
She sometimes observes other people doing their work. Some people get mad and tell her to scram or get lost, assuming that the Black Widow’s kid is just some random teenager picked up off the streets. The rumors of her killing all those men with her bare hands have all but disappeared. Bobbi’s off on a mission with Hunter and Natalia was busy with Clint, doing something that Yelena’s not quite privy to.
So Yelena is left to her own devices. She settles on shadowing agents and trailing after Maria. She doesn’t know why she falls back to tailing Maria whenever she has free time. Maybe it’s because Maria doesn't snap at her to fuck off or barely even acknowledges her.
Maybe it’s because she knows that if something goes wrong then Maria will take care of it. Yelena holds a certain amount of trust in Maria to lead her and take control if it comes down to it.
Maria leads effortlessly, giving commands and multitasking as she manages multiple missions and groups at once.
Yelena’s been in charge before. Mainly of younger Widows, teaching them how to survive in the Red Room. She’s led missions and once Yelena became top of her groups then she would be entrusted with leading older Widows as well. No one ever complained about a child leading them, they’d follow her orders without hesitation.
Yelena watches Maria. She’s the only one that does. The others barely spare them a glance, either too busy or intimidated to care. Yelena watches Maria get stressed out as one of the missions takes a bad turn.
Someone questions whether Yelena should be there because she’s not an agent and this is classified information. Maria snaps at them to mind their own fucking business and that they don’t pay them to stand around and question their security.
Yelena observes as Maria gets a message that there is an agent down.
Yelena feels like the whole world is moving around her as she stands still and observes everyone bustle around her until extraction finally reaches the agents in trouble.
Maria then strides out of the room with her head held high and back stiff as a board.
And Yelena follows after her.
Maria heads into her office and Yelena is stopped at the door as the lock clicks into place.
Yelena is left staring at the door before she turns to continue on. But something nags at her, telling her that something was wrong.
Yelena climbs up into the vents and thinks for a few moments about whether or not she should invade Maria’s privacy. But the feeling lingers in her stomach and she has this need to check on Maria.
Yelena crawls through the vents until she reaches the one just above Maria’s office. She peers through the slits in the cover.
Maria’s sitting on the couch, her head in her hands as she takes large, stuttering breaths. She’s obviously distressed but Yelena doesn’t know whether to get someone or leave.
“Barton or Belova?” Maria calls out and Yelena froze. “C-come out.”
Yelena slides from the vent and lands on the ground of Maria’s office, popping back up to her feet. “I’m--”
“Sit,” Maria points at the couch and Yelena quiets down to sit down on the couch.
Yelena’s out of her depth. She’s not good at comforting people other than Natalia. But the commander is very obviously not okay and she’s either upset that Yelena was in the vent or that she caught her in a moment where she wasn’t collected.
Yelena doesn’t ask if she’s okay. That’s a stupid question, especially in their type of work. Yelena does what she does best and observes, trying to figure out what Maria needed in that moment.
Maria’s breathing is slightly ragged as she curls her fingers into her hair. She doesn’t speak another word to Yelena.
It doesn’t fade after a few minutes, if anything it gets worse. Yelena finally speaks up. “How can I help?”
Maria glances at her before shaking her head. “Don’t-- don’t worry a-about me.”
Yelena doesn’t know how to convey that, for some reason, she is worried. “I need you to tell me what you need.”
Maria eyes her before letting out a sharp sigh. “Put… put your hands on my shoulders and lean on them.”
Yelena stands and moves in front of Maria before reaching out to set her hands onto Maria’s shoulders, leaning forward to put her weight onto her arms. She tries to think if she’s been this close to Maria before but she can’t remember.
“Talk to me,” Maria orders shakily and Yelena tries to think of a topic.
“I don’t remember it but I met Natalia when I was three,” Yelena said, adjusting her grip on Maria’s shoulders. “Natalia was eight. I knew her for three years before we were ripped apart. It hasn’t quite been a year since I’ve seen her. It was ten years without her. I’ve known her less than half of my life but she is my sister.”
“Three?” Maria murmurs, her eyes squeezed shut.
“Yeah. I was handpicked at the age of three but my training didn’t start until I was six,” Yelena agrees. Maria’s slowly relaxing under the weight on her shoulders, Yelena can feel her untense under her fingers. “I know everything and nothing about her at the same time. Ten years apart and she’s changed so much but she’s still the same.”
It feels weird sharing so much about her past with Maria but it’s working in calming her down.
“I was ten when I led my first mission with other Widows,” Yelena spoke and Maria’s head jerks up to glance at her. “I didn’t know how to lead, I was so used to being led. I didn’t know what to do and my naivety ended up with me coming back alone to share the news of their death.”
“You were a child,” Maria shakes her head slowly. “You tried your best.”
“Shit happens and things go wrong. That mission out there that went wrong? That wasn’t your fault. Those agents that got hurt? Not your fault either.” Yelena shakes her head, leaning back to lighten the pressure she put on Maria. “You can’t-- you can’t let yourself get hurt every time that someone else does. You can’t take that blame.”
“What do you know about it?” Maria snaps and Yelena recoils, curling her hands away just in case because her brain was telling her that Maria was upset with her and those upset with her get physical. “I… shit. I’m sorry.”
“They made us fight to eat dinner.” Yelena blurts in some haste to soothe the sore spot she inadvertently struck. “And if you lost then you didn’t get to eat. And on Fridays, if you were the last one standing, if you won and beat all the other girls, you got a treat. But you had to hurt people. When I was first starting out, I skipped dinner a lot. The first time I won and I got a treat, all I could think about was the girls I left behind. They were hurt and hungry and it was my fault.”
“That’s different,” Maria shakes her head and Yelena wracks her brain for something else.
“Like when they made us fight for dinner, they’d make us fight for skills. They’d put two girls in the ring and only one girl was leaving alive. If I blamed myself for every person that I hurt or let get hurt then I’d…” Yelena shrugs slightly. “I dunno. I can’t carry more guilt. I can’t shackle another ghost to me or let myself think of ‘what if’ things went wrong. You got all your agents out of that mission alive today. Maybe things went sideways and shit happened but they’re alive and they get to go home to their families and it’s because of you.”
“If they hadn’t then it would have been my fault,” Maria spoke quietly and Yelena shakes her head.
“You can’t think of ‘what if’s. What if I suddenly had a heart attack or what if Bobbi shows up to tell you that she found a puppy and wants to keep it?” Yelena asked and Maria gives her a blank stare. “My point is that just because it could happen, it hasn’t. If you focused on waiting for the moment Bobbi shows up with a puppy then you’ll worry about something that might not ever happen.”
“Why are you so focused on Bobbi and dogs?” Maria questioned, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
“Dogs are great and Bobbi has all these cool dog videos on her phone,” Yelena defends herself.
“Yeah.” Maria said. “Dogs are pretty great.” She shakes her head, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that.”
Yelena shrugs slightly. “I won’t tell anyone.” She swore. She glances at Maria’s hair. “Can I-- can I braid your hair?”
Maria blinks at the request before she nods her head, seeing no harm in it. “Any reason why?”
Yelena shrugs and moves to get behind Maria on the couch, pulling the hair tie out, and lets herself get lost in the familiar motions of braiding hair.
“How did you learn to braid hair?” Maria asked after a few moments to fill the silence.
“I… can’t remember. Probably one of the other Widows. I’ve taught younger Widows to do it. Kind touches and stuff wasn’t really given… but braiding hair was allowed. We could braid each others hair and called it practice for disguises and undercover,” Yelena said quietly, weaving Maria’s hair back. “Natalia does my hair all the time.”
Yelena finishes, tying Maria’s hair off with the hair tie. “Done.” Nobody would be able to tell Maria just had a little breakdown in her office. Maria reaches a hand up, brushing her fingers over the intricate braid in her hair.
“Wow. Thank you,” Maria stands, pulling herself together. Yelena gets off the couch as well, shifting her weight from foot to foot for a few moments.
“Are you upset that I was in the vents?” Yelena finally questioned, unsure if Maria had been upset with her for invading her privacy.
“You’d know if I was upset,” Maria assures Yelena, straightening her uniform. “I appreciate the conversation we’ve had in here.”
“You won’t tell anyone, will you?” Yelena suddenly questioned, peering up at Maria.
“No,” Maria shakes her head.
“Not even Natalia?” Yelena asked. “Or Damian?”
“Not even them. Nothing we said or saw will leave this office,” Maria promised. “I have to get back to work. Are you coming with me?”
Yelena glances at Maria. “Is that okay?” She asked quietly.
“Yeah.” Maria nods her head. “That’s fine. Come on.” She unlocks the door to her office and steps out, Yelena trailing after her.
Now she wasn’t only known as ‘Black Widow’s Kid’ but also ‘Maria’s Shadow’.