Chapter 1
Characters:
Tony (@iamironman)
Bruce (@strongestavenger)
Thor (@godofthunder)
Steve (@oldman)
Natasha (@blackwidow)
Clint (@birdavenger)
Loki (@notodinson)
Sylvie (@superiorloki)
Bucky (@wintersoldier)
Sam (@betterbirdavenger)
Rhodey (@warmachine)
Scott (@antman)
Mobius (@username29451)
Peter (@spiderman)
Brunnhilde (@dontcallmevalkyrie)
Hela (@goddessofdeath)
Strange (@notawizard)
Gamora (@ihatequill)
Yelena (@itsafightingpose)
~~~
@ihatequill
finally, somewhere I can get away from my idiot boyfriend
@superiorloki
if you hate him so much, why are you two dating?
@iamironman
I could ask the same about you and Loki
@notodinson
hey!
@blackwidow
why are we discussing relationships right now
that’s boring
@itsafightingpose
i agree
i’m too aroace for this group
@goddessofdeath
you may be the only decent person in this group
romance is a waste of time
@username29451
Hold on
Loki’s stealing my Tempad again
@notodinson
why are you typing on here instead of attempting to retrieve it
@username29451
Because I know it’s a waste of time
You won’t give it back
Even if I ask you
@notodinson
asking doesn’t work on me
@ihatequill
we’re all well aware
@spiderman
I have a hard time believing mr. bucky used to be an assassin
@wintersoldier
let’s not bring that up
@dontcallmevalkyrie
what was the purpose of this group chat’s creation
@iamironman
to annoy you
and thor
and loki
and hela
and sylvie
basically all the asgardians
@notawizard
why don’t we just call them the asgardians of the galaxy
@godofthunder
why must you be like this
@notawizard
says the one who insists i’m a wizard
@antman
i just noticed this chat existed
i was wondering what was blowing up my phone
@itsafightingpose
if your phone blew up how are you still on it
@antman
it’s an expression
@itsafightingpose
have you ever heard of sarcasm?
@ihatequill
why does everyone always have to bicker constantly?
I can’t escape it
no matter where I go
@dontcallmevalkyrie
maybe you’re the problem then
@ihatequill
see? that’s exactly what I’m talking about
@birdavenger
hey, sam
wanna tell me why your @ is ‘betterbirdavenger’
@betterbirdavenger
because it’s the truth
@godofthunder
meanwhile bruce still thinks he’s the strongest avenger
@strongestavenger
the Quinjet confirmed it
I’m just stating the fact
@iamironman
I knew that would cause a fight between you two
which is why I did it
@notodinson
i’m going to change the subject
why did i end up with the two worst fathers in the entire universe
@ihatequill
you’re one of the few people who’s had more than one personal interaction with Thanos and yet you’re still bold enough to make that statement
@notodinson
we don’t say that name here, remember?
@ihatequill
oh, right
sorry
I forgot
@iamironman
did gamora just apologize
or am I imagining that
@warmachine
no, it happened
@iamironman
mark your calendars everyone
today’s the day we found out gamora has feelings
@ihatequill
you’re all idiots
@spiderman
did I just miss out on something?
I wasn’t paying attention
@notodinson
not anything of importance, no
@dontcallmevalkyrie
now we just need to wait until Loki accidentally lets slip that he’s developed emotions too
@notawizard
don’t forget about hela too
or sylvie
@superiorloki
i, unlike the lesser version of myself, actually have emotions
believe it or not
@wintersoldier
when did this turn into us making fun of the asgardians
@notawizard
asgardians of the galaxy, remember?
@notodinson
i happen to not be asgardian, so don’t include me in that
@dontcallmevalkyrie
so, what do we call you then?
@notodinson
on second thought, forget i said anything
@wintersoldier
why am I still here?
@spiderman
because ✨ d r a m a ✨
@warmachine
who let the kid in here?
@iamironman
i did
because i created this chat
@ihatequill
why did anyone think that was a good idea?
@iamironman
oh, come on
i’m not that reckless
@blackwidow
you’ve caused 3 fires in your lab in the past 15 hours
@iamironman
who told you that
@blackwidow
you have an ai that knows about everything you do
@iamironman
of course friday snitched on me
I want jarvis back
@spiderman
too bad you put jarvis into my suit instead of keeping him and giving me friday
@goddessofdeath
is everyone still bickering here?
@spiderman
yep
@notodinson
i find it quite amusing
@superiorloki
of course you do
@notodinson
what’s that supposed to mean?
@superiorloki
nothing in particular
@username29451
You two are exhausting to deal with
@superiorloki
thank you
@username29451
You just proved my point
I’m going to take a break from this chat now
@iamironman
okay bye
@blackwidow
I don’t know how I put up with all of you
@birdavenger
see, that’s the thing, natasha
you don’t put up with us
you try to, but in the end we all annoy you too much
@itsafightingpose
this team is too rowdy for my liking
@notodinson
and you’re too bitter for my liking
@itsafightingpose
why won’t you allow me to kick loki in the face, natasha?
@blackwidow
because then we’ll have a murderous loki to deal with
and that won’t be fun in any way
@godofthunder
he’s not that scary
you’re all simply not used to him
@notawizard
maybe you’re too used to him
@goddessofdeath
Loki has always been oversensitive, Thor
@godofthunder
there was that one time he almost reawakened surtur, therefore almost causing ragnarok, as a reaction to the first time we pulled a prank on him
@dontcallmevalkyrie
i think everyone remembers that story clearly
@goddessofdeath
father was furious for the next decade
@notodinson
you two are tremendously irritating
@superiorloki
is this the childhood i would’ve grown up with if my timeline’s hela hadn’t been banished?
because if so, i’m almost glad i never had to experience it
one sibling was enough, in my opinion
@notawizard
the asgardians of the galaxy have just taken over the chat at this point
@notodinson
please stop calling us that
@notawizard
i thought you weren’t asgardian?
@notodinson
it’s complicated
@goddessofdeath
he considers himself half-asgardian, half-jotun
@notodinson
thank you, hela
it seems you’re the only one who understands that
@dontcallmevalkyrie
I can’t believe I come from the same planet as you three
@superiorloki
welcome to my life
i have to deal with these idiots every day
@dontcallmevalkyrie
and now I see how you and Gamora became friends so fast
@ihatequill
we’re very similar, in case you haven’t noticed
@itsafightingpose
i don’t know how any of us could've missed it
@warmachine
Tony, I’m blaming everything that’s going on in this chat on you
@iamironman
okay, I can take that blame
did you think that would affect my ego or something?
@spiderman
it did affect his ego; he just doesn’t want to admit it
@iamironman
why is everyone snitching on me?
@blackwidow
well, for one thing you programmed friday to tell all of us what’s going on in your lab because, and I quote, “I don’t want to die without anyone knowing”
and for another, peter’s practically your kid, so he’s bound to snitch on you from time to time
@itsafightingpose
i hate this team
@blackwidow
why are you still living in the compound then?
@itsafightingpose
because as much as you all annoy me, you’re still my family and the compound is still my home
@wintersoldier
Changing the subject- where did Clint go?
I haven’t seen him in a while
@oldman
he went on a walk
hopefully he doesn’t kill anyone while he’s unsupervised
@superiorloki
you’re confusing him with loki again
@notodinson
why does it seem as though everyone’s out to get me
@goddessofthunder
because you’re one of the easiest for us to make fun of, brother
and before you say anything, you thought I was your sister for 847 years so I don’t see why that should’ve all suddenly disappeared once you found out the truth
what happened in December 1813 shouldn’t have changed how you perceive your relation to Thor and I
@notodinson
i’ve never said i don’t think of you as my sister, or thor as my brother
i’ve only ever voiced that i no longer think of odin as my father
@goddessofdeath
I very clearly remember you saying to Thor, the moment you found out the truth, “I’m not your brother; I never was”
@superiorloki
…and now we’ve entered a highly sensitive subject
@dontcallmyvalkyrie
i think the best idea would be to just let the three siblings have this conversation alone
@notodinson
i haven’t a clue what this conversation is that you speak of
@dontcallmevalkyrie
ah, so you’re deciding to go down the “i’m going to repress all of my childhood trauma” road
not really the best choice
@notodinson
i’m just not particularly fond of expressing vulnerability
we all know what happened to me the last time i did that
@superiorloki
if you want to have a conversation about this subject with only one or two others instead of the whole team, i’m open at any time
but you need to open up eventually
@notodinson
fine
tomorrow, i guess
but for now, let’s talk about something different
@iamironman
anyone up for shawarma?