part two
The day after you left Natasha came home to an empty apartment. Empty of you and all of your things. You didn't want to dwell on happened and you knew Natasha wasn't coming back for you. At least not anytime soon. You still had hope which is why you moved to Norway. Natasha expressed on many occasions that Norway was one of her favourite places to visit if she had any downtime from being an avenger.
As each day went by you never gave up hope that Natasha's love for you would outweigh her love for her job. While you understood it might take time for her to see it doesn't mean that what she said didn't hurt. The ache you felt for months after leaving Natasha was incomparable to anything you had ever felt. You had given your all to Natasha. She had become your first priority but you hadn't become hers. Even after all those years together.
So it didn't make sense that you were in Norway hoping Natasha would come find you and make it up to you. You had dreamed up the perfect life for the two of you after being avengers and constantly saving the world that you just decided to live it. Even without Natasha present.
Being encompassed in this little world you created for yourself, it wasn't healthy isolating from everyone you knew. But it brought you a sense of peace and comfort that you needed. It felt like Natasha was right there with you, even if she wasn't. The last two years hadn't been easy but you had come to terms with being on your own.
All you wanted was Natasha, no one else. You didn't need anyone else, that's why you were here after all.
-
The day you got all of your things from the apartment you had once shared with Natasha, you left a sealed envelope on her pillow. Natasha saw this but never decided to open. Natasha thought it was you just trying to get some closure so she discarded it, placing it in the top drawer of her nightstand.
Natasha thought all the decisions she had made were the right ones. That this is what she needed to do with her life. But in reality these decisions were only made out of fear. Natasha didn't know who she was outside of being an avenger and saving the world. She never stopped long enough to truly think about it. Even with you Natasha never stopped.
Two years later Natasha laid in bed wide awake. Natasha had never felt as alone as she does now. The world was crumbling and destroying itself, even with her. The avengers were long gone, most in retirement. Only Clint checked up on Natasha, inviting her to stay with his family as long as she wanted. Natasha would always decline staying but made sure to visit her favourite family.
The others she never heard from, the people she considered family had also abandoned her. Recently, there wasn't a day where Natasha didn't think about you. She wondered how you were doing, what you were doing and where you were. No one had heard from you in two years.
Tonight was another night of silent tears and a heaviness in Natasha's chest. This pain never left Natasha. Most days and nights were the same and Natasha was just tired. Natasha sat up and leaned over, rummaging around her nightstand for a spare hair tie when the pink envelope caught her attention.
It had been two years and Natasha never opened it. Tonight was different. Natasha missed you. She missed how soft your touch was, your smile that always brightened up her day, how you would do anything to make her feel better and so much more.
Just holding the envelope Natasha felt an immense amount of guilt at remembering what she said to you. All you ever did was give Natasha all of your love and made her your first priority. Even when Natasha couldn't give it back to you. You had been so patient with her and all Natasha could do was make you a second priority.
After two years Natasha had realised that the decisions she made had cost her you. Her source of true happiness. Natasha came to envy the life her former friends currently had. All Natasha wanted right now was you. She wanted that happy ending you talked about. This wasn't the happy ending she wanted, though it was the one she thought she deserved.
Natasha was never fully convinced that she had cleared all the red from her ledger. Regardless of how many times you told her she had done more than enough for the world to right all her wrong doings, Natasha believed helping the world until her last breath would clear her name.
Natasha carefully opened the envelope still contemplating reading what you had left. Eventually Natasha opened the letter, tears falling as she read your last words to her.
'Remember when you talked about Norway and a tiny house surrounded by a garden...that was nice. We didn't come this far to give up on each other. I'd do anything possible to make you happy...please don't give up on me. I love you Natasha'