Awake
Everything was blurry when he woke up for the first time. Everything was dull. His ears felt like they were stopped up with cotton wool. Two people were sitting next to his bed.
Was the taller one crying?
Why couldn’t he make a fist with his left hand?
Where was he?
He fell back to sleep.
***
The voices… yes, the voices sounded familiar. They were comforting. But who were these people? No, not the ones in the blue gown, they all looked the same – the other ones, the ones in casual clothes. He knew this purple hoodie… but where had he seen it?
There was another voice, a warm but strong one. One that could lead. Sequences flickered before his inner eye. Then there was music. He was dancing with a slender blond boy in a sparsely furnished flat. Who was he? Why could he not remember any of these people?
He drifted off.
***
There was blood. All he could see was blood. Where was his left arm? It was cold. Very cold. Was that snow? Two men were approaching him. They spoke a foreign language… it was different from what the people around his bed spoke. But somehow he understood what they were saying.
“Иди и возьми его, Зола хочет, чтобы он вернулся как можно скорее!”
[Go and get him, Zola wants him back as soon as possible!]
He knew he should be afraid. But he wasn’t. He was relaxed, at peace even. The men grabbed him by the shoulders and carried him way.
***
She was fast! But he still caught her arm, turned her around and held her on the ground with inhuman force.
“Be better next time!” He heard himself snap at the red-haired girl.
The girl gave no answer but he saw determination flash in her eyes. And something else. Was it love? Wait… the red hair- it was the woman sitting next to his bed. He knew her! But she looked older now. But who was that man? He couldn’t remember his name but his voice and his touch felt so very familiar. A deep feeling of affection welled up in his chest. This man, this woman – they were special. He cared about them… deeply. …but their names?
***
He woke up.
It was dark around him. Was he alone?
No, there was somebody. This somebody hold his hand. Where was his other arm?
“Babe? Babe are you awake?”
The voice sounded so very familiar. Memories flashed past his inner eye. Of the beautiful blonde man, who sat next to his bed. Wonderful memories. Memories of them kissing, hugging, playing with a dog. Clint… his name was Clint!
“Clint?” His voice was hoarse and this single word came out as a whisper.
“Oh god you’re awake! Oh god Bucky!”
He felt Clint squeezing his hand and then a small lamp was switched on right next to him. Now he could see Clint for the first time properly. He was silently crying.
“Don’t cry! It’s me, I am here” he wanted to say but instead he had to cough.
Clint reached out to the nightstand and the carefully shoved a hand underneath Bucky’s head to help him drink some water.
“You’re awake. Fuck, you are really back here, Bucky” Clint whispered and now he was shaken by real sobs. Slowly Bucky lifted his right hand an let his fingers run through Clint’s untidy mess of hair.
“It’s okay!” he whispered. “It’s okay, love”
“I-“ Clint snuffled and wiped his eyes “Oh god- I thought… I-“ He deeply inhaled and exhaled and tried to collect himself.
“Pew. Okay- what I wanted to say what, that I was so fucking worried you wouldn’t wake up again and I- I’m just so glad you’re back with us!”
Bucky smiled. “I’m glad too. But uhm-“ Clint could tell that Bucky couldn’t grasp the entire situ-ation right now.
“Where am I? What time is it? And why are you the only one here?”
“You are in Wakanda, in the Palace of T’Challa in the hospital wing. It is 2:38 am and I am the only one here because I promised you before you went into surgery that I would be there when you wake up.”
“You kept your promise” Bucky smiled and now everything felt a bit more real. Everything felt a bit less blurry and he slowly, very slowly arrived into the here and now. But his thoughts were still sluggish.
“Can… can you tell me what happened? Like generally? I don’t know if I’m able to take it all in yet but just start to tell me what was going on. Can you do that for me?”
“Of course!”
And then Clint started to talk. He talked Bucky through everything: from his panic attack to the flight in the jet, their arrival, his session with Loki, the call with Natasha, his proposal until they had said goodbye before surgery.
He was nearly finished as Natasha came in.
“Changing of the guards” she yawned until her eyes fell on Bucky.
At first Clint wasn’t sure whether she had a sudden panic attack because her body began to shake uncontrollably but then she rushed up to the bed, carefully embraced Bucky and started to cry unrestrainedly.
“Clint you idiot, why didn’t you tell me?!” was the first thing she managed to say after the latter and Bucky tried to calm her by running their hands over her back and hair.
“I… uh- I didn’t want him to leave” Bucky mumbled but was interrupted by Natasha gently kissing him on the lips.
“I missed you so much, James!” she whispered on his lips as Bucky turned properly to her to re-turn the kiss.
“At least you got the first kiss” Clint smirked but was entirely ignored by his two lovers. He smiled to himself as he watched the two of them sinking into a slow passionate kiss. Bucky’s hand was lost in Natasha’s red hair that sparkled like fire in the yellow light of the bedside lamp. Her hands gently cupped his face.
“Clint, come here” Bucky whispered, so Clint leaned over and met his lips. Tasting them was heaven and hell for him at the same time. Hell, because it suddenly hit him with an intensity what Bucky had been through and how lucky they were that Bucky was back under the living. He realised how wrong it all could have gone, how much luck Bucky had had. Heaven, because tasting these lips was everything to him. Everything he ever wanted. They tasted like Bucky, a bit like Natasha who now comfortably snuggled against his back and wrapped her arms around his belly from behind. He simply couldn’t get enough of it. Bucky’s mouth tasted so sinfully sweet that Clint felt like he was poisoned. Poisoned, dazed, drunk of love and affection for the human being underneath him.
A soft gasp escaped his lips as Bucky grasped his hair a touch to tight. And now he could taste something salty on Bucky’s lips and he knew it was his lovers tears. Bucky cried silently while losing himself in the kiss until Clint gently broke it but stayed only a few centimetres away from Bucky’s face. He softly wiped away some tears with his thumb.
“Hey” Clint smiled. “Don’t cry. We’re here. We are both here and you are safe baby. You are safe!”
***
During the following weeks Bucky’s recovery went on and nearly each day he made another step towards being finally free. Four days after he eventually woke up and was welcomed by Clint and Natasha he was able to leave the bed. Even though he just made a few steps and then was caught by Clint and Steve because he suddenly felt dizzy. Two more weeks later he was finally able to leave the hospital wing to rest in Clint’s, his and now also Natasha’s apartment.
One evening when he was able to walk properly again Clint and Natasha took him into the dining hall. Bucky entangled their fingers and squeezed them as the folding doors were opened in front of them and a sheer wave of warmth, laughter, music and an abundance of indescribable smells of food flowed towards them. As Clint managed to sort all his senses he realised that everyone, literally everyone, was gathered around the big table and rose from their chairs as the three of them entered the hall. The table was covered in food and drinks Clint wouldn’t have even dared to dream of and he could sense that Bucky an Natasha felt the same way. Everyone smiled at them but with a side glance Clint could see that Bucky had only eyes for one man in this moment.
“Welcome back, punk!” Steve grinned and Bucky let go of their hands walked past T’Challa and Bruce and threw himself into Steve’s arms.
Thor’s deep voice drowned out all the cheering and clapping: “Let’s hear it for Bucky!”
The hall dinned with applause and acclaim and by Bucky's shaking body in Steve’s broad arms Clint could see that he was now crying unrestrainedly out of joy.
Natasha turned to him and gave him a short kiss that made Clint grin because he already felt intoxicated by the joy and warmth that surrounded them.
When Bucky finally let go off Steve, he wiped his eyes, looked into the crowd and said: “I… I didn’t prepare a speech or anything” Everyone laughed. “But I just wanted to thank you all. First and foremost my incredible surgery team thanks to whom I am on my way to a full recovery and without whom wouldn’t be able to be a free man. Secondly I wanna thank everyone here who looked after me, prayed from me and took care for me or simply was just around because of me having this surgery. And last but not least I wanna thank you guys.”
He turned around now with the crowd in his back to Clint and Natasha.
“I wanna thank you for literally everything. You are everything to me, you are my life! And I couldn’t be a happier man to share it with you. Natalia, Clint – I love you from the bottom of my very heart and I am just so grateful for such amazing, wonderful people.”
And the wide and honest smile Bucky gave them now nearly keeled Clint over and the crowd cheered and clapped again.
“I have one more announcement to make. Clint, can you come here?”
Clint’s heart suddenly beat in his throat. He made a step forward. A few more steps. The way felt endless. He arrived in front of Bucky.
“Some of you may already know. Some of you don’t. He definitely knows but I wanna make if official.” Bucky winked at Clint as his smile got broader.
Then he let himself fall on one knee and the roar that went through the room was deafening. Clint knew what was gonna come but still his nervousness was about to take over. He was sweating in the already warm hall and he didn’t know where to put his hands. A side glance to Natasha was enough to make it ‘click’ in his head that she had known from the beginning. Oh how dared she. She smiled at him and he grinned back like the goofball he was.
As the room had silenced again Bucky rose to speak.
“Clinton Francis Barton” Bucky now looked him directly into the eyes. “Do you want to marry me?”
The entire room held its breath.
“Yes!” Clint panted. “Yes for God’s sake, yes I do!”
Yet again tears ran out of Bucky’s eyes as he got up. Clint cupped his face and kissed him and now he was truly in heaven.
The rest of the evening was blurry. It was filled by laughter, crying, incredible food and wine and very good conversations. Once more Clint let his gaze wander around the room. Stephen Strange was involved into deep conversation with Tony and Bruce about science stuff that was just too high for him. However he couldn’t oversee Stephen’s and Loki’s entangled fingers that calmy rested on the table. He caught Loki’s eye and nodded at them with a smile. Loki, who showed themselves much more with their blue skin lately, blushed a bit and smiled back. Meanwhile Shuri and Peter had left the hall under the knowing look of Steve and T’Challa. Rhodey, Wanda and Thor stood by the big windows that reached to the floor and looked out into the night while Thor explained something about Asgardian mead to them.
Clint leaned against one of the pillars that were built to stabilise the high ceiling as Valkyrie came up to him.
“Hey” she smiled. “My congratulations! You look so happy right now.”
Clint blushed a little.
“Aw thank you so much, Valkyrie. I am happy, I really am.”
“You know, I actually wanted to propose to Carol in the near future, but she’s so busy lately that I haven’t found the right time yet.”
Clint’s smile got bigger and bigger while she was talking.
“Oh that is great news! Please keep us updated on that! Do you already have an idea where you wanna celebrate? Like, on earth or on Asgard?”
“I am not sure about that yet. You know, Asgardian weddings are usually pretty big, so it would take quite some time to plan. But I’ll send you guys an invitation! …if she says ‘yes’.”
Clint smiled.
“Oh, she must. Who could say no to such a wonderful person like you?”
“Aw you’re too kind! But actually, I wanted to ask you something personal, if that’s okay?”
Usually that this point of conversations all the alarms in Clints head would go off, because he was scared about questions about his family or his childhood, but right now he was to dazed and to tipsy to actual panic.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Why is it that not all of you three marry each other? I mean why only do you and Bucky marry, but not Natasha?”
The question was yet a load off his mind.
“Well, because Nat is just not the type for conventional marriage, you know. But she’ll stay with us anyhow. It’s not like Bucky loves me more than her, we all have our very special connections to each other. And soon Bucky’s and mine is gonna be sealed by marriage.”
Valkyrie totally understood that and they went on to chat for another while until she was interrupted by a call from Captain Marvel herself, whereupon she happily grinned at Clint and took the call.
Clint looked over to his lovers. Bucky’s head rested on Natasha’s shoulder. He looked tired but happy. Happy and satisfied. He walked over to them and gently kissed Bucky’s shock of hair.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?”
Bucky tiled his head back and grinned up the his fiancée.
“I feel like I ate to much of this incredible curry.”
"Oh yeah, me too" Natasha joined in the conversation.
“And you?” Bucky – still upside down – reached out to cup Clint’s cheek.
“I’m tried and overwhelmed by the beauty of all this.” He made an all-encompassing gesture.
“We are too. It’s just too good to be true” Natasha smiled.
“But – I’ve got some even better news.” Clint’s smile got wider because he knew how much Bucky was looking forward to the following.
“I just talked to Shuri and you can try out the new arm tomorrow.”
Bucky suddenly looked like a child who stood before a big pile of Christmas presents.
“Oh yesss!”