A call from the past
A younger version of Bucky looked at the peaceful sleeping face of a younger version of Clint. Gently Bucky stroke through the blond hair.
“Please don’t hate me for this. You knew this day would come…” He whispered and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead, whereupon Clint murmured something but carried on sleeping. Silently the assassin got up and grabbed the cassette tape out of the nightstand’s drawer. He dressed himself and slipped out of the front door. It was a mild evening, but the sky began to cloud up. He decided to walk, he didn’t rush but also didn’t poke along. As he had passed some streets, he pulled out his phone.
“Steve?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll tell him now. I’m on my way.”
The line was silent for a few seconds.
“…Okay.”
“I just wanted you to know.”
“Thanks, Buck.”
“He’ll despise me.”
“Yes... But no one can blame him.”
“I never would... I will be completely honest.”
“Good. I want you to.”
“But Steve?”
“Yeah?”
“Make sure Peter doesn’t hear it.”
“I will. Good luck.”
Bucky hung up. He had tried to imagine this moment countless of times. He had dreamt of it and woke up completely in shock and sweat-soaked. He had had endless conversations with Steve about it and they went through every imaginable outcome which had left them both being scared of the unknown. But right now, as he was actually about to do it his whole body felt weirdly calm and at ease. He was on a mission. His personal mission. Would he fuck it up like the last one as he had a member of this one particular family in his sights again? He didn’t know what was about to come, the only fact he was sure about was that today he wouldn’t fight back. He would not become like his other, his worse half.
Way to quickly Bucky approached the Stark Tower. He looked into the camera next to the entrance which he knew was run by Jarvis.
“Good evening Mr. Barnes. Whom do you wish to see?”
“Tony, please.”
“Would you like me to announce your late visit?”
“No, thank you. Although I know you do it anyways.”
“You know me to well, Sir.”
Then the door opened.
Bucky stepped into the empty, dark lobby and headed to the elevators. He fingered in his pocket. The cassette tape was still there. Good.
“Jarvis?”
“Yes, Mr. Barnes?”
“On which floor is Tony now?”
“One moment, Sir... on floor 86, Sir.”
“Thanks.”
Bucky pressed the key “86th Floor (Friends only, otherwise J.A.R.V.I.S. will give you a taste of what a free fall in a glass box feels like. – T. Stark)” and waited until the elevator arrived on level 86.
He stepped out in the staircase, took one last deep breath and rang the doorbell.
Only seconds later an always grinning Tony opened the door.
“Hey Bucky! Come in, what’s up that late in the evening? If you want to see Steve, I must disappoint you. He took Peter for a walk in the baby buggy. He just didn’t want to fall asleep tonight.”
Thank god.
“Hey Tony, I-uhm, I actually came here for having a talk with you.”
“Oh, okay. What’s the matter?” He asked while leaning against the doorframe.
Bucky looked Tony directly in the eyes to assure he understood what Bucky told him now.
“This may sound a bit strange now but after what I am about to tell you now, you probably never ever want to see me again-“
Tony’s smile turned into confusion. “Bucky, how could I, you-“
“Please. Hear me out.” Bucky’s voice was still calm but firm. “You may wanna beat the shit outta me or even kill me, and I promise you, I won’t fight back. If you want me to leave and keep me out of your sight, I will respect that. You will never have to endure my presence again. Do you understand what I am saying?”
“Honestly, Barnes you scare me. What’s the matter with you? What is going on? Shall I call Steve? I-“
“Did you understand what I said?”
“…Well. Uh- yes?”
“Okay.” Bucky took a deep breath.
“You know that Steve and I knew your father Howard, right?”
“Yes…?” Tony still looked like he didn’t understand a thing that was going on.
“You also know that after I fell from the train in 1945, I was brainwashed by HYDRA and turned into a killer machine.”
“Of course, I do. C’mon man, it was me who tried to get this program out of your head in the early stages of your recovery. Did you forget about that?” Tony laughed.
It must seem impossible to him that I could ever forget what happened these days, Bucky thought.
“No, I never will, and I am beyond thankful for that.” He unwillingly flexed his metal wrist. “But that’s not why I am here. Did you or Jarvis ever get a hand on the file HYDRA made about me and everything I did in these 72 years?”
“Well… since it seems we’re playing an honest game here I can’t say that I never tried but no I didn’t. Neither I found anything as I hacked myself into Fury’s SHIELD account nor Jarvis did.”
Now that Tony had stopped asking queries Bucky could sense that he slowly became aware of the seriousness of this conversation.
“Tony. The matter why I came here tonight is because I want to explain to you what really happened on December 16th, 1991.”
Tony’s eyes widened. He stared at Bucky in absolute disbelief. The light in the staircase had gone off a while ago so Tony was only illuminated by the dimmed light of the room behind him.
Bucky’s heartbeat increased. He could hear the adrenaline rushing in his ears. The one moment he feared the most had come.
“Howard had managed to recreate the Super Soldier Serum that Steve was given. But HYDRA found out. On that day, on which your parents planned to go away to the Bahamas for Christmas holidays a supply of this serum was situated in the trunk of your father’s car. The newspapers wrote next day they died in a car crash. But this crash was not an accident. It was planned. HYDRA was longing for this serum, whatever it may cost to create more Winter Soldiers. So, they sent me. It was me Tony – I killed your parents that night. I want to spare you the details unless you want me to tell you but there is a record form the CCTV camera right next to it.” Bucky pulled out the cassette tape.
All colour drained from Tony’s face.
Bucky saw that he scanned his face, then his body desperately looking for a proof that the man standing in front of him, the best friend of his husband had not just told him he had murdered his parents. But Tony was a smart man and by the seconds passing the meaning of what was said entered his brain. It took Bucky all his willpower to hold that gaze Tony gave him now.
“How…” His voice was only a stifled whisper. “How did you kill mom?”
Buck swallowed the lump down that had built in his throat.
“I... I choked her to death.”
Tony made one step forward to take the cassette tape Bucky was still holding.
Then he struck Bucky right in the face with his clenched fist and with a power that made Bucky stumbled backwards. Immediately the blood streamed out of his nose and by the sudden pain that made his nerve system cry havoc he was very sure it was broken. The next few punches hit his eye, his lips, and his cheekbones. He could feel that where Tony hit him with the metal of his wedding ring his skin was cut open. Then Tony grabbed him by jacket and pushed him hard against the door of the elevator. His face was now only centimetres away from Bucky’s own.
“Who else knows?” He asked with clenched teeth. Bucky stayed silent for a second too long.
“WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT YOU MURDERED MY PARENTS?!” Tony yelled.
“Steve and Clint do… because I told them. And Nat… does because it was her… who chased down my… HYDRA file.” Bucky squeezed out.
Tony’s punches he had expected but as his knee struck Bucky's stomach his air cut off. In the corner of his eyes he could see Tony pressing the elevator button and as soon as his finger touched the metal plate the pressure under Bucky’s back wilted and he fell into the open lift.
“Leave.” Tony said with a dangerously calm voice and look on his face filled with rage, disappointment, the wish for revenge and desperation burnt itself into Bucky’s retina.
As soon as the doors opened on the ground floor Bucky crawled out, managed to get up and struggled along the lobby and out of the entrance. He made his way around some street corners as he bumped into a baby buggy.
Bucky looked up and saw into Steve’s face.
They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment.
Bucky coughed and spit out blood. It hurt in his stomach.
“He… he took the cassette tape.”
Steve nodded. All of a sudden, the shock kicked in. Bucky’s body started trembling beyond his control. He let himself slide down the brick wall and sank on the curbside. Steve hunkered next to him and pulled him into a hug.
“Hey Buck, come here.” Steve stroke over his back. “Hey… Shhhh. Buck, you knew this would come someday. And now it's over. Now we have to deal with the consequences, but you did what you had to do. And that's good.”
"Tony is your husband..." Bucky whispered. He quietly sobbed into Steve’s hoodie. “I know…I- I just hope I didn’t fuck up your marriage. I could never forgive myself for that!”
Steve pressed his best friend against his chest.
“Look, I don’t know what will be when I go home now. But we will work it out. Maybe he will move to Rhodey for a while or Bruce has to babysit Peter more often from now on… I really don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to lose any of you over this.”
“This is hardly possible, Steve.”
Steve sighed. “We will see. But we won’t be able to see each other that often in the near future.”
“Yeah. I know.”
Bucky wheezed as he tried to get up. Steve looked at him visibly worried about his condition.
“Shall I call Clint?”
“No! …I… I don’t want him to see me like this.”
They said goodbye well aware that it would take a while now until they met again.
As Bucky came home in the middle of the night, Clint was still sleeping and had not noticed he was gone. Bucky stripped, stepped into the shower and let the ice-cold water take away his pain.
As Clint opened his eyes again Bucky’s swam in tears.