Linked

"Come in!" Your voice slicing through the solitude of the room.

"Hey, I just came to check in." Lifting your eyes from the perfectly drafted words of the book in your hands; you met Pepper's warm gaze, her hands clamped together in front of her, red hot hair up in a ponytail, she looked exactly like you imagined Pepper Potts looking like after a long day at work. 

"I'm ok, there's really no need to worry." 

"I know, only making sure you weren't lonely after everyone left." 

In all honesty, you felt as if you could never get lonely. It was being in company that scared you the most, you never knew what they were thinking, what they were planning to do. All you truly knew was who you were, and even that got faulty at times. Though, you could tell by the way her eyelids dimmed and grin faltered that it really wasn't you she was worried about. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together - Pepper was worried about Tony and didn't want to be alone - you didn't need the details to know why she felt like this, but she did and if you can help her after everything she's done for you, you will. 

"Actually..would it be ok if we watched a movie in the common room or something?" 

"Yes! Of course, let me get changed and I'll meet you down there." She was out the door in seconds, her ponytail dragging behind her. 

Smiling to yourself you marked your place in the novel and changed into sweats and a hoodie, hoping Pepper was getting into comfy clothes too and not changing into whatever else rich people wore. This will be good for you. You thought to yourself stepping into the elevator, you haven't 'hung out' with someone in what felt like years. 

When you were back at home it was something you loved because you were able to get away from the house. It wasn't until after your best friend came to the city to catch up a few months ago that you swore off having friends in general. You didn't need the attachment or the love, you had yourself after all that should be enough and if it wasn't, well it didn't matter. Everything would be over soon. 

"What kind of movies do you like?" A bowl of popcorn was sitting on the couch between your two seats, thankfully Pepper was in pajamas, silk light pink ones to be exact.

"Ummm I don't really know, it's been a while since I've watched TV."

"What?! When was the last time you watched one?" 

"Probably around a few years ago, I didn't really have the ability to just put one on." 

It was true, when you were with Dylan it was his goal to keep you isolated. Which meant no phone, no movies, no books, no radio, he claimed it was because he was selfishly in love and wanted all your attention. The worst part was that you didn't even put up a fight, you didn't care about entertainment, he was giving you everything you could've asked for; the least you could do was give up technology for him, right? 

"I'm happy to listen if you want to talk about it."

Looking down you played with the fringes of material that were detaching from the blanket. You couldn't talk about it, what was the point? You didn't want her pity and certainly didn't need the attention. If It was hurting this much just thinking about it, how could it possibly feel talking about it, nothing you could do would make you feel better. This is how you deserve to feel, so feel it and feel it alone.

"I used to watch a lot of chick flicks and thrillers." 

Her fingers mindlessly started pressing buttons and before you knew it thousands of movie titles were displayed on the screen. Wow I missed a lot. 

"You sure did, here we can watch The Devil Wears Prada. Have you already seen it? It's not necessarily recent."  

Did you say that out loud? Pepper played the movie, taking the bowl of popcorn and placing it on her lap after asking if you wanted some. You couldn't remember the last time you sat down and watched TV. You would be enjoying it right now If you couldn't physically feel Pepper's uneasiness. Grabbing the remote you pressed pause.

"You need to talk."

"What? No, I assure you I'm fine." Her thin fingers moved towards the remote attempting to start the movie again. 

"I get it if you don't wanna talk about it, but if you do I've been told I'm a great listener." You haven't pulled out the puppy dog eyes and God knows how long, but you saved your embarrassment because you knew it would work. 

"It's Tony." She sighed heavily, burying her face in her hands. 

"That part I assumed." 

"H-He just gets himself into these idiotic situations whenever he's on missions. Would you believe me if I told you he basically invited a terrorist to attack our mansion in Malibu?" 

"That seems like a very Tony Stark thing to do." A smile broke out past her troubled expression. " I won't lie to you, I don't know much about what he's done or really who he actually is as a person. What I do know is that he cares for you, and if anything is going to get him out alive on those missions it's his love for you. Damn he loves you so much that he openly adopted some random 26 year old because you told him too." 

You moved your hand to place over hers, she didn't know it but this was a big step for you. Comforting people wasn't your strong suit, and touching was definitely something unfamiliar nowadays.  "He'll come back, and if he did get himself into a stupid position I'll help you kick his ass." 

Her laugh echoed through the room, spreading a honey-like feeling through your veins, you actually made her feel better. You never thought you could affect someone so much that they would genuinely listen to you. Everything about Pepper was comforting and warm, right now it was her smile filled with gratitude that made you want to forget everything from your past. But you couldn't, it happened for a reason, you were the reason, it was your fault. 

"You should talk about it, It doesn't have to be with me but with someone." She could sense the change in the air as soon as you started thinking about it again, it happened in a matter of seconds. You were the one who ruined the mood, God why do you have to mess everything up. Everything was fine, no, everything was good until you found some way to turn it around like you always did. 

You could hear them, crashing down on your thoughts like waves. The screams weren't yours, you wished they were yours. They were hers, the same ear splitting cry that brought you back to that night. It was the last sound that would ever leave her mouth, you knew it and so did she, all you could do was let her scream. That was the most you could give her, for the world to hear her voice one last time. 

It was ringing louder as the seconds passed by, you couldn't even stand to look at Pepper anymore. Your palms were smoldering against your ears in some attempt to quiet them, your head was pounding bringing up the most painful memories they could muster. You needed to get out of there, Pepper didn't need to see you like this, no one did.

"I-I'm sorry I'm getting a horrible headache, I should-" The rumbles of the team coming into the common room filled the hallway leading to where you two sat. Pepper's mouth formed a ‘no’ but nothing came out. 

"Go check if he's ok, if I need anything I'll let you know." 

Before she could argue any further you rushed into the open elevator, missing the team's entrance and slumped against the cold walls. Take deep breaths. It'll go away at some point, you just can't linger on the memories for two long. But it was all so drawing, the white walls of the hotel bathroom that were saying nothing but yelling at you at the same time. The emptied orange canister thrown into the sink, the deafening sirens of the ambulance overpowering the city life below you. 

You rushed out of the lift in seconds, making a beeline towards your open door. If you were somewhere familiar, maybe everything would calm down. It was your only hope, you didn't have the pills, you didn't have your best friend. It was just you and your fucked up mind. 

You didn't mean to slam the door, your head hit it forcefully and pushed it shut. Your energy was too low to be able to lift your forehead from the solid wooden door. It was grounding you, connecting you to something more real than your memories. 

"A bit dramatic, don't you think?" 

Ugh! You didn't wanna hear that voice on top of everything else. This was your room, why the hell was he even in here. Gaining the energy to slowly twist your head towards the dark presence you peeked a single eye open and visibly cringed. Your suspicions were right. 

"Get out." 

"That's no way to treat a guest." He jested, making no move to get off the couch facing you. 

"If I didn't invite you in then you're not a  guest. Now get out." You growled, shutting your eyes closed again. It was hard enough to subside the screams but trying to act like they weren't happening was nearly impossible. 

"You're blocking my way out." Your eyes peered open seeing him blatantly grin at his purposeful annoyance. 

Giving up you slid your back down the length on the door and cradled your knees into your chest making you as small as possible. He wasn't the problem right now, your main issue was calming down. You wanted to cry, it wasn't just mentally painful anymore. You could feel Dylan's aggressive tugs at your skin and Lyla's burning hot tears drop onto your shoulder. 

It was almost like you could feel her comforting arm on your shoulder telling you everything would be ok without actually saying it. That was the breaking point, a single hot tear flowed down my cheek. Before you knew it your body was shaking uncontrollably, shoving your face into your knees to the point where it was painful. The only thing silent about this were your cries for help, the screams got louder splitting open your mind. The hand was still on your shoulder so real and so warm-

"You're not well." His voice was closer than before, your eyes flew open meeting his green gaze that was barely inches away from you. The hand on your shoulder was real, except it was his. You were stuck in place, his touch was cold yet still comforting, his fingers loosely gripped your shoulder just enough to get your attention but not to hurt you. 

"Uh, What do you need me to do?" You've never seen him flustered, quite frankly this wasn't really the time you would've liked to experience it either because you could barely process what he was saying. 

"Kill me." You answered plainly, trying to erase this whole interaction as if it was a memory as well. 

But something strange happened, he smiled, not a smirk or sneer but an actual smile that showed off his dimples. It made you warm, the same warm honey feeling passed through your veins controlling the voices in your head. You could melt, you shouldn't have wanted to melt. This was fucking Darth Vadar for Jesus Christ. The same guy who acted all high and mighty, except right now he was behaving like he just saw a puppy. 

"I'll let you do the honors when the time is right." And there it goes.

"Get off of me." You grunted pushing him away from your delusional self. You wish you could've heard his laugh and that's saying a lot, your ears were closed off hearing something worse than the screams. 

It was your dad and Dylan. It started off with Dylan, he was yelling at you for leaving the door to your room open. His voice had this effect that made you feel like each word was wrapped around your neck slowly suffocating you. Then it was your dad, it wasn't words. You prayed for words, but all you could hear were grunts over powering your cries. 

"No, no no no. Make It stop..Ah!" You yelped as your body hit the floor beneath you, nothing was making it stop. Not the covering of your eyes, the tears running down your face, the banging of your head against the hard chair leg. 

"Cereus! Come on, stay with me." His big hands came up to cradle your head, shaking it slightly to get your eyes to open. 

"Ow stop stop, please." You cried fighting the voices away, though it was like you were punching air, nothing was getting you out of this hole. 

He shook you harder, if only he had his magic this would be a lot easier. He thought, after a few more calls of your nickname you lurched forward breathing harder than ever before. Your eyes snapped open adjusting to the blinding lights, slowly blinking away the blurriness. Something was triggering you, Vadar's strong arms were wrapped around your stomach, out of instinct you jumped away holding where his hands were on you. 

Fear and relief was evident in his expression, he was breathing heavily too. Both your eyes locked with one another, too shocked to pull away from whatever you both experienced. 

"What happened-"

"Thank you." You cut him off before he could truly ask you the question.

You were a mess, more of a mess than usual. His presence was getting claustrophobic, especially when he wasn't talking and wasn't making a move to get up. You gave a short smile before shakily getting up and retreating to the bathroom. A hot shower will fix this, hot showers fix everything. 

---------

Luckily Darth Vader was gone when you emerged from the bathroom, honestly you really needed a better nickname for him, something with some type of ring, you'll figure it out later. Right now you are trying your hardest to think about anything other than what happened today. Starting from talking to Pepper to collapsing into a breakdown in front of him. Ugh, how are you going to look him in the eye now. 

He wasn't at dinner which was more of a blessing rather than a curse, like normal you didn't eat much just played with your food. Your mind was too busy to focus on chewing, and the team was too enthralled with their mission to notice. You successfully snuck back to your room as soon as the meal was over although you knew you couldn't stay in between these confining walls for long. 

The only other floor you knew of was the library and you were in no mood to go exploring right now, all you needed was a change in scenery and maybe even a new book that would let your mind escape reality. You doubted he would be there, it was almost 10 pm and he seemed like the type to be going to sleep at this time. 

Stepping onto the floor was like stepping into a whole new world. You had endless possibilities as to where you could run away too, you just had to choose wisely. This time you'll actually be able to pick rather than grabbing the nearest novel and leaving in a hurry. You went up the stairs to the second level, you couldn't believe how many books this room had. Finally landing on a stack of books that were all wildly different you struggled to bring them down the stairs, of course dropping half of them when losing your balance on the last step. 

With a loud sigh you bent over and picked up the novels ready to stack them on the coffee table closest to you when you saw him. Has he been here this whole time? If he has, he didn't make an effort to make it known. Ignoring him was your best bet right now, he was sitting at the couch farthest away from you looking highly interested in whatever was written on ink in front of him. You chose the couch that you hoped hid you from his view, even though he most likely sensed your presence after you dropped those books. 

You chose the fantasy book to read first, they were the ones you missed the most. The way they made your imagination run wild reminded you of your childhood, well the good parts at least.

"Would you mind finding a different floor to occupy yourself with." If his voice wasn't filled with such hatred It would've sounded borderline nice, at least for him. You chose to ignore him relishing in the made up world that was alive in your mind. 

"It is the least you could do after I aided you this afternoon." Oh that’s it. 

"Why were you in my room anyways." You bit back with more attitude than expected, but you wanted to know. The embarrassment was heavy enough, you didn't need him weighing anything else on you. 

"That is not of your concern." His eyes finally moved from his page to meet your body that was close to exploding. 

"I think it is, if you weren't there you wouldn't have had to deal with it. I did tell you to leave, did I not?" You continued, taking a needed breath to gather yourself. "I didn't want you there just as much as you didn't want to be. It was your choice to stay, but why?! Did you just want to hold one more thing over my head to get me kicked out because I can assure you I'll be out of your hair as soon as they let me out!" 

You were fuming, you didn't know if it was your imagination but you could feel smoke coming out of your ears. You hated him, you hated him for always seeing you at your weakest, you hated him for being so fucking arrogant, but most of all you hated him because he was able to make you feel something other than grief. You were angry and openly screaming at him, you didn't know what it was about him that brought this out of you but you loathed it. Your feelings were supposed to die along with your dignity, because the more you feel anything other than sadness the more you'll get attached to this life you've been cursed with. 

"I will forget what I saw." He replied as if you two were having a civil conversation. Is that seriously all he had to say?

A puff of air escaped your lips, honestly if he were to say anything else you might've lost a handle on yourself. You took the stack of books that were laying on the coffee table and moved them to the couch in the corner of the room. This was the farthest spot away from him and that's exactly where you needed to be right now. You didn't need to see him, hear him, acknowledge him, you needed to get him off your mind. 

Flipping to the page you left off on, your eyes connected with the half read paragraph and went on. Truly it was unrealistic to think your mind would just settle after that. So many questions were running through your head. Like why the fuck was he actually in your room? You haven't gotten the chance to actually think about what happened, you've been trying to forget it all day rather than look into it. 

Unable to stop yourself, you stormed over to where he was sitting, half expecting him to be gone by now but to your surprise he wasn't. You didn't waste a beat, it didn't matter if he didn't look up from his book, he had ears so he had to hear you it didn't matter if he looked at you. 

"You didn't answer my question." 

"Which one?" His eyes were still moving to the line of words beneath him. 

"You know which one." 

Ugh, maybe it did matter that he looked at you, because his disinterest was really starting to piss you off. Great he's gotten you mad twice today, that's a record. Pulling the book out from underneath him you ignored the blaze in his pupils and crossed your arms waiting for an answer. If he was able to make you mad, you were going to make him mad too. 

"I did answer it, it is none of your concern." He sneered 

"Fine. Then why did you help me? If you seem to hate me so much then why did you stay?" 

"I had no other plans on my schedule." He shrugged his shoulders, lighting the flame inside you. 

The smirk on his face was a clear sign he knew what he was doing, he was trying to anger you. He wanted to see how far he could push you, and you weren't going to give him the satisfaction. Especially after what he saw today, he's seen enough of your breaking there's no way you would let him see anymore of it.  So you turned on your heels after rolling your eyes and left the library, books forgotten. Your goal now was to push him over the edge, you wanted to see him break. 

---------

This had to work, or at least piss him off a little bit. Your plan was to ease into the tricks, you wanted him right at the edge where you could push him off. He never got physically angry or even raised his voice, so you didn't know what reaction you were expecting out of this. But as long as he felt like how you did you would be satisfied. 

You would've done this while he was sleeping, but not knowing where he slept was your biggest issue with that idea. So the library was your best bet. You didn't see him when you walked in which was probably best because you were carrying a gallon bucket filled with water; correction it was basically carrying you. You made sure to get there right after breakfast so you could sneak away before he could, which that part was successful thankfully. Now, you were just waiting for him to come in. You would wait for hours, you didn't care. 

You were grateful when he walked in only 10 minutes after you though, you were already getting bored and when you got bored your mind raced so that never ended pretty. He plucked a book off the shelf and took his normal seat at the couch in the middle of the room. It's now or never.

Carrying the bucket as quietly as you could you tiptoed up behind him, if he was gonna to continue to stir up unwanted anger inside you, you would make sure you were able to do the same. You mustered up all your strength to pull the bucket just above his head then- 

Splash 

He reacted immediately, jumping up from the chair, unsuccessfully trying to pat his black button up dry with just his hands. He flipped his long black hair out of his face letting the water drip down his shoulders. You didn't know what it was, maybe it was the way his wet hair perfectly framed his cheekbones or the way the water made his shirt stick to his abs that you weren't aware were there until now but oh Jesus Christ. You had to stop yourself from letting your knees give out, even the hard darkness of his eyes stirred something inside you.  

"You're playing with fire." Rage leaking from his voice, he clenched his jaw. 

"I've always wanted to be burned."