Ruin
You were about to make a huge mistake.
“No. The fuck. I did not,” you asserted. You still hadn’t separated from Loki and didn’t want to admit to yourself the reason why. Laying on top of him, his hand traced aimless patterns along your back while the tip of your nose ghosted across the cool skin of his neck.
“You did, and I kissed you back until I remembered you were drunk,” he said. Pink heat oozed from your cheeks all the way down to your chest. Your pulse surged with fervor.
“Not true,” you squeaked. Your fingers tightened around the collar of his shirt and immediately uncurled when the action reminded you of the first time you kissed Stephen Strange.
“You’re welcome to believe that,” Loki sighed. You knew he was being honest, even without your own memory. It was the reason you’d felt so close to him all morning. Your body felt a connection to Loki when your brain couldn’t remember where it came from. It was the relief in your bones, the ease in the air. “And what I told him before still stands. I will be guarding you until you’re ready to talk things out with him.”
Your throat caught. A sweltering need to be even closer to him swelled in your chest. His phrasing took you…Guard, he’d said. Guard you. Like a prize, a treasure. You imagined Loki snarling with bared teeth, an arm stretched like a railing across your chest as he formed an indomitable barricade between you and Stephen. There was something empowering in knowing the moment you wanted Stephen back, Loki would step aside. That freedom, ironically, made you wish Loki felt the protective ownership over you that Stephen did. His entitlement could be found hiding under the veil of your memory if you looked hard enough, but how could you ever trust him when you didn’t understand his motives?
“Well…It’s not like I’ll be getting back with him after that,” you admitted. “I can’t believe he turned out to be such a…an…”
“Don’t think so?” Loki said, sensing how your thought would end. You hummed a negative, grateful that he didn’t force you to finish. It wasn’t helpful to wallow in your disdain for Strange. Loki’s fingers twitched over your back as he tried to contain himself. Your face prickled from the nerves…It was so hard being vulnerable with Loki, but this felt right. You couldn’t jerk him around after all he’d done for you. “I may try to make you mine. Officially, rather.”
You shifted to meet his gaze but said nothing, your lips slightly parted in shock. The tip of his prominent, elegant nose touched yours. He didn’t move away.
“Would you want that? To be courted?”
“I—” you stuttered before nodding rapidly. “Yes. Yes. I would.”
Loki’s eyelids lowered in contentment. His gaze slipped down to your lips and he tilted his head as if in thought. A pink flush swept over his defined cheekbones. With a sharp breath, he perked up as if he’d remembered something.
“You’ll think about that prospect carefully,” he said. “If I have you just for me, I don’t know if I could muster the strength to give you back.” Your heart fluttered as you swallowed a gasp. Loki appraised a lock of your hair, twirling it between his long fingers. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
You tucked your face against his collarbone as he cuddled you. Two of his fingers trailed along your wrist and up your arm until they found the side of your neck. Comfortable goosebumps bit the flesh as the backs of his fingers ghosted over that most sensitive skin. They pet smooth circles from your jawline to your collarbone until you felt yourself practically oozing over him. The silence was like a sanctuary. The soft, repetitive whisper of his breath nearly lulled you to sleep until he spoke again.
“You think about me when you’re with him,” he insisted. It wasn’t a question. You didn’t respond. Burning tingles pricked your cheeks as you hoped he would drop the subject. Loki raised his knee and adjusted his hips, resting his heel near your hip so his leg formed a triangle. “Even when he fucked you, I was there, wasn’t I? Were you able to admit it to yourself?”
That’s quite enough, you thought.
You pushed yourself off the bed and walked towards the kitchen. A knot of dread settled in your stomach as he followed.
“Loki, don’t.”
“Haven’t you wondered why? What is it about him that leaves you wanting?” His head quirked to the side. A soft, incredulous smile revealed deep laugh lines on his cheeks and he clicked his tongue in thought. “Did you wonder what I might do differently? How I’d compare?”
“Please don’t,” you said, folding your arms as you leaned back against the counter. Your eyes squeezed shut. Maybe when you opened them, he’d be gone. This whole morning could just be a hangover-fueled fever-dream…
“I’m desperate to know,” he said, his grin sinister. Your eyes shot open as you shivered with fury. It was humiliating enough to have him recount how you’d damaged your relationship with Stephen. How you’d blacked out drinking and damaged your professional reputation yet again thanks to the way these men affected you. Worst of all, you’d drunkenly told Loki your newest and most shameful secret: that you craved him on a subconscious level. You’d accepted the humiliation of all those awful things with grace under the guise of his charm. Now, he had the audacity to rub it in your face. After caring for you all night, holding you, making you breakfast…making you feel safe. The relief you’d felt to see him when you first woke up was a long-forgotten memory. A bitter taste lingered on your tongue.
“Come, now,” he prodded. “It’s an interesting question and I know you know the answer. Quit toying with me.” Oh, so he thinks he’s being cute, you thought. He must’ve mistaken your capacity for stress at work with your patience for ridicule. You rounded the counter to try and get more space from him and looked down at the dishrack next to your sink that glistened with droplets of water from the morning’s clean. Your face fell flat at the sight as their glitter and shine mocked your mood.
“Why does it matter so much to you?” You grabbed a cup from the rack and rolled it between your palms, needing something to do to keep from making eye contact with him.
“I want to know why your feelings towards me aren’t enough to earn your favor,” he said. Your hand tightened around the cup as he continued. He crossed his arms as he leaned on the wall directly across from you. “What quality of mine draws you in enough to keep you from committing to him? This war you feel inside over us is utterly fascinating. Why are you raising that glass? It’s empty.”
The sharp crash of the cup shattering against the wall made your ears ring. It made impact about six inches away from where his head was. Call it a warning shot.
“I am not a thing to be kept,” you spat. “I’m not an experiment to be pondered. It’s your turn to quit toying with me. Get the fuck out of my house.” You stamped towards the front door, ignoring Loki’s wide, stunned doe-eyes and parted lips. You hoped he didn’t pick up on the way your voice shook. Did he not realize how hurt you were over losing your connection with Stephen? Frustrated tears weighed at your lower lashes. The adrenaline had your throwing-hand fumbling over the deadbolt. When it finally unlatched, you yanked with full force, only to hear a thud and a gasp at your feet.
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Stephen?!”
He was sprawled out in your doorway, eyes rolled back as he looked up at you.
“My patients are supposed to call me ‘doctor,’ but I’ll let it slide this time,” he said. He didn’t attempt to get off the floor. Even at this angle, you saw how puffy and purple his under-eyes were. “Sorry for the scare. I was trying to sleep.”
“On my door?!”
“Well, technically, the door belongs to Tony Stark,” Loki chimed in.
“Shut up,” you barked, whipping your gaze back to glare at him. When you looked down at Doctor Strange, you noticed a bouquet of fuchsia and white stargazer lilies draped over his lap and your purse between his legs. “Why are you stalking me?”
“Just making sure you got home safe,” Strange explained. “I had to know you were okay. God knows that one can’t be trusted to take care of you.” He nodded towards Loki and sneered in disgust. Loki curled his lip.
“Yes, we can all see how very hard you tried. Finding her at her home. How did you ever guess she’d be here?” Loki snapped. “Too exhausted to knock after all that tiresome searching, were you?”
“Get out of here, Loki,” you groaned, sounding quite like a child embarrassed over their helicopter parent.
“Can’t charm your way out of this one, miscreant,” Strange taunted.
“You have no place here,” Loki said. His tone had turned from teasing to sharp, forcing you to remember his promise: to guard you from Doctor Strange until you explicitly said you were ready. Loki stepped forward and hooked his right leg out to subtly nudge you behind him. His wide, tall frame formed a perfect barrier between you and Stephen, who had rolled onto his knees to stare up at you in confusion.
“Excuse me?” Strange said. The tick in his jaw revealed his bewilderment, but you didn’t see it for long before Loki stepped even farther in front of you, cutting Stephen from view. “You don’t speak for her.”
“As it turns out, I might.” Loki clasped his hands behind his back tried to fight a smirk by poking his tongue against his cheek. It didn’t work.
“No. We aren’t doing this,” Strange said, glowering at Loki as he stood. His right hand trembled as he gestured emphatically. “Peach, I’m not done with you. So, we had one fight. I want one adult conversation with you to talk it out, and if you still hate me, I promise I will let it go and leave you be.”
Loki scoffed and rolled his eyes, “You can’t possibly think—”
“No time tricks?” you asked. Loki’s teeth clicked together as his jaw snapped shut. His hands tightened but he said nothing as he, quite literally, stepped to the side so Stephen could see you again.
“None,” Stephen said.
“Get me the hell away from him,” you said warmly, a wicked smile tugging at your lips as you shouldered past Loki and held your hand out to Doctor Strange. In your periphery, you could see Loki’s vicious, wide-eyed stare, his flexed jaw, but pretended not to notice.
“What did he do?” Stephen asked. He took your hand and looked over your shoulder. You stretched on your tip-toes and kissed your doctor on the cheek twice, slow and deliberate to make him sigh as his free hand slipped over your lower back. Even if you resented whatever relationship Stephen might have with Leslie, you had something to prove to Loki: you weren’t desperate enough to be some game to him.
“Darling,” you hummed, pressing a third kiss at Doctor Strange’s jaw. “Take me away.”
“What did he do…?” By the glazed look in Stephen’s eyes, the touch of your lips was enough to short-circuit whatever protective, jealous wire in his brain that was trying to fire off. Praise the heavens for that man’s insatiable sex-drive.
“Why don’t we talk it over in the hospital? I can fill you in while you make your rounds.” You looked back over your shoulder to Loki, whose chest heaved with calculated breaths as he sorted through his wrath. “You can see yourself out, right?”
Loki’s eye twitched. You’d forgotten that drunk-you had told Loki the details of your encounter with Stephen Strange, which must’ve included the doctor’s pet name for his bed. That flashbulb realization made your stomach drop. Oops.
“The next time he disappoints you,” Loki said. “Which isn’t a matter of ‘if,’ but ‘when,’ you should reconsider your drinking habits.”
By then, Stephen’s eyes drooped pathetically as he leaned into your touch. Apparently worry and lack of sleep turned his horndog factor up by one thousand.
“Do you want…here…? Or…?” Stephen grumbled.
“When’s the last time you slept…?” You observed his puffy lips and bloodshot eyes, placing your palm on his cheek.
“Umm…Friday…” He said. “Since I was watching him.” He glowered at Loki. “I was going to sleep Saturday but we had our date and…” He paused to yawn. “I was too worried to sleep on Sunday…” His voice had a slight rasp that you found way too endearing.
“You poor thing…Maybe I can tire you out,” you snickered.
“Oh, for the love of God. Have you no shame?” Loki cried.
Why was Loki still here, anyways? You had no intentions of sleeping with Stephen, but you thought enough flirting would have sent Loki running for the—wait. It was Monday. He was technically on the clock for Stark Industries. As your assistant.
“Actually…Loki, we could really use you right now,” you said. Your thumb smoothed over the back of Stephen’s hand. The color drained from Loki’s cheeks. Doctor Strange shivered. Goosebumps rose on his arms.
“Peach…” Strange sighed as he dipped his forehead to rest on your shoulder. He tightened his hand around yours.
“I will not share you,” Loki growled through clenched teeth. “Not with him.”
“I don’t mean like that, good lord,” you said. “I mean as a lie detector. If he’s going to tell me his side of the story, I want to know for a fact that it’s true. You need to stay here while we talk. It’ll be your first duty as my assistant.”
Loki knocked his head back in a fit of laughter.
“You called out today!”
“But you didn’t,” you said with a smirk. Loki’s smile fell.
The boys sat on your couch as far apart from each other as possible. You sat across from them in a white upholstered armchair with wooden accents. The lilies Stephen brought laid across your lap. Your purse dangled from a hook near the front door. You’d crossed your legs, scowling at the current banes of your existence, and tried to look as scrutinizing as possible.
Your gaze flickered back and forth from Loki to Stephen as you decided where to begin. Strange looked exhausted and confused. He was so horny from your teasing that it hurt and his eyes were barely open. He hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees to hide his raging erection. Loki looked put-out and annoyed, leaning back against the couch with his right ankle propped on his left knee to create a figure-four. He leaned his left elbow on the arm of the couch and pressed those supported fingers against his temple as he waited for your questioning.
“Why was Doctor Leslie at your house?” you said.
“I don’t—”
“Lie,” Loki sighed.
“She came to consult about our meal plans…” Strange tried.
“That’s…mostly true. He’s holding back,” Loki said.
Stephen rolled his eyes.
“She wanted to know more about you,” he said. “She doesn’t like you…She wanted to know if there was a way to…persuade—”
“Manipulate,” you interrupted.
“She wants more say, more power, more projects. You’re in her way,” Stephen said. “I didn’t know that was her plan until after she showed up. I thought it was just a consult. That’s why I didn’t want you there. I was trying to protect you from her. I didn’t want her to know—to see you—I mean. I thought it would give her too much leverage.” You looked at Loki expectantly, brows raised. He scowled.
“True,” he said reluctantly. Maybe Loki would stick with the truth to earn your trust back, you thought.
“Did you help her?”
“No,” Strange rushed, his tone harsh and forceful. Loki’s expressionless face silently begged to be excused from the conversation.
“You’re at work, Laufeyson. Do your job,” you hissed.
“Truth.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“Peach, we aren’t exclusive. Why is that part of it?” Strange whined.
“It’s a yes or no. She clearly wanted me to think you had sex.”
“That’s not a fair question. You would’ve fucked Loki today if he hadn’t made an ass of himself.”
Loki’s brows rose and he suddenly looked very interested in the conversation. The glow had returned to his cheeks and he side-eyed Strange as he (poorly) pretended not to care.
“That’s not true!” you shouted, exasperated.
“She’s lying,” Loki realized, barking a laugh. You ignored him.
“Oh, fuck off, I could feel the heat coming off you from the moment he undressed you,” Stephen said.
“You were outside the apartment for that long? Wait—you asked me what he did to piss me off but—but—you were listening the whole time?!” You were screaming at him, your lungs ablaze.
“What can I say, the man’s a liar,” Loki said sweetly. He inspected his fingernails.
“I wouldn’t have stopped him, though!” Stephen groaned. “That’s how not committing to someone works! Would I have been thrilled about it? No, but it’s not like I own you. I wouldn’t have held it against you. I still would have waited at the door to make sure you were okay and asked for a chance to talk.”
“Did you fuck her or not, Stephen?”
“No,” he said sternly, his blue eyes boring holes into the floor.
“Is that his answer or is he just being defiant?” You trained your eyes on Loki as your hold tightened around the lily stems. The anticipation was making you nauseous.
“Guess,” Loki said.
“It…” Stephen grimaced and finally made eye contact with you again. He ran each hand through the silver stripes in his hair and tugged. “It didn’t start until after you left. I thought it would help convince her you and I weren’t serious…It…It was part of the strategy, you know? It—fuck. Peach, don’t look at me like that. Please? It was politics. Come on, don’t do that to me.”
“With the sexual appetite you have, Stephen, it’s just obnoxious that you’d have me take pity on you and believe fucking Leslie was you doing me a kindness,” you snapped. “Well, was she good? Was it worth it?”
“He’s going to tell the truth,” Loki started. “Wait—wait no, he changed his mind. He’s going to lie.”
“Fuck, man.” Your voice cracked. “You have cosmic fucking powers and you couldn’t pick up on the fact that I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt? You think I’m some cold, emotionless droid that dates and romances without getting attached? I…I wanted you to want to be with me. I wanted you to pursue me, and instead you bang her because it might do me a favor that you never intended me to know about? This is why I can never be vulnerable with men. It’s gotten me the shit end of the stick every time.”
“How could you expect me to know that?” Stephen rasped. “I tried to respect your privacy—”
“By lurking outside of my home and eavesdropping on me and Loki? You didn’t give me privacy when you were sniffing out my want for him, did you?”
“How are you this upset when you’d rather be with Loki anyways?!” Stephen’s face was red as a poppy. A jagged vein flexed under the taut skin of his forehead.
Loki’s left brow shot up in confusion, his eyes hungry and back straight as the spine of a book as he waited for your response.
“Whatever she’s thinking, it’s a lie,” he said, sounding so excited it was predatory. You folded yourself over your lap and pressed the heels of your palms against your eyelids. A primal growl erupted from your chest. It was all you could do to keep yourself from screaming.
“Make up your mind and decide which opposing reason you’re actually mad at me for so I can have a chance in defending myself. Which one is it? Huh? Do you need me to ‘pursue’ you or do you need me to leave you alone so you can be with another man?”
“A god,” Loki corrected with an open-mouthed grin, prideful over his pre-possession of you. His eyes flickered back and forth between you and Stephen. A stray lock of his dark hair fell over his left eye but he was too entranced by the argument to bother tucking it behind his ear. Your voice became a stammer in your throat as you tried to conjure a rebuttal before dying off. You were left gaping at him, hoping an argument would fall from your mouth, but found only silence. Your heart thudded inside your chest. A rim of sweat on your forehead gave you a chill as it cooled. Your grip around the bouquet loosened and your shoulders dropped.
“Peach, I care about you,” Doctor Strange said, his gravelly voice emphatic. “Can’t you see that? I watch over you. I make sure Loki does right by you, even when it hurts me. I was prepared to wait in front of your door all morning, even if I had to listen to you fuck him, just to make sure you were alright, just to get the chance to make things right with you, so for the love of all that is sacred can we just call a truce already?”
“Good fucking lord, you men will be my ruin…Fine. Truce,” you said, wiping the backs of your hands over your eyes and sniffing. “Loki?”
He hummed in question and raised his brows.
“It’s time for your second task as my assistant. Go find me Derick Bartholomew and have him meet us at the gym. I need to train. Get some of this energy out.”
“You mean Darren Bartell?”
“Yeah, whatever. That guy.”