I Am Weary (Let Me Rest)
'Hey bud. Want to talk about it?'
'Not really, Mr. Stark.'
'We missed you at game night last night. I need you on my team. Morgan and Pepper are brutal when it comes to Candyland. Pretty sure they cheat.'
'I don’t think you can cheat at Candyland.'
'Where there’s a will, there’s a way, Pete. Now, what’s going on in that big head of yours?'
'I’m not 5, Mr. Stark.'
'I know that, Peter.'
'Why are you here?'
'May called me. You’ve been avoiding her. And me. And Pep. And Happy. He said you haven’t come out of your room in a few days. Even Karen’s concerned. And putting aside what a feat of genius that was for me to program, you’ve got a lot of people worried.'
'So humble.'
'So true.'
'I’m tired.'
'I know you are. We’re going to figure it out. You’ve had a hell of a year.'
'No, I mean I’m really tired.'
'Kid.'
'Like so fucking tired.'
'Pete.'
'Do you ever regret it?'
'Regret what?'
'Coming back for me? Reversing everything?'
'Jesus, kid. Why would you even say that?'
'Like, I know I should be grateful. And it’s so selfish of me to think anything else when the whole world was fixed. I’m just one person, you know. And it hurt a lot on Titan. But, I don’t know. Maybe I deserved it, you know?'
'Peter.'
'I keep fucking everything up. Over and over and over again. And I used to think I was doing something good. That even after Ben and my parents and Thanos, I was actually making the world a better place or some shit. Turns out, I can’t even tell the bad guys from the good guys. And I just make things worse for everybody. MJ, Ned, Aunt May, you.'
'Peter, I need you to listen to me. What happened with Beck was not your fault. He tricked you. Spectacularly. He pretended to be me and was convincing because he caught you in a vulnerable headspace and was good at what he did. What he did was evil, Pete. Full stop. Ben was not your fault, Thanos was not your fault, your parents were not your fault. We love you, kiddo. So, so much. I need you know this will never change. Never. It is as constant as any other universal truth. You are a hero. Not because of what you do or what choices you make or what mistakes avoid—because you, Peter Parker, are worthy of love.'
'I’m so tired, Tony.'
'Let’s work on that.'
“You want me to what?”
Tony listened as Clint turned to Rhodey incredulously. Rhodey sighed and sat down at the table in the hospital conference room they had commandeered. Natasha was pacing in the back and Happy was standing at the door. Bruce was talking with Helen about Benjamin’s discharge instructions. Steve had already left, anxious to get back to whatever star-spangled thing he did during the holidays. Tony didn’t ask.
“I want you to bring your family up for Christmas.”
Clint looked at Tony, “You’re okay with this plan?”
Tony shrugged, “It’s a large house. It’s on the beach. We’ve got plenty of rooms and presents for the kids. You know Morgan would love to see Lila. MJ’s bringing her friend Ted or something, and Cooper’s practically an adult. There’d be plenty of eyes on Nathaniel and Mo and give us time to figure out what the hell to do.”
“And the unknown, alcohol-addicted, runaway superhuman with a questionable past and shaky connections to the man who just tried to kill you, who was involved in your wife’s death, and has some weird orange light that protects him from gunshot wounds to the head isn’t a problem to you?”
“Clint…” Natasha’s warning was shrugged off as Clint stared at Tony.
“What the fuck is your problem, birdbrain?”
“I’m just saying, Tony, use your head. We should be detaining him, not feeding him cookies and exposing him to our children.”
“It’s not like Spider-Man is an unknown. He was practically an Avenger.”
“He was 100% an unknown. We never found out his identity. And I’m wracking my brain here, Tony, but I cannot remember a time when you even hung out with him outside of battle. I know he saved your life and you think he saved Morgan’s, but none of us can even remember that night, let alone say for sure what happened. And you’re just inviting him into your house. And want me to bring my family? I didn’t take you for such an idiot.”
“Stop.” Rhodey’s voice was loud and stern. Clint glared at Tony. He glared back. Natasha was as inscrutable as ever. “Just stop. Clint, you know as well as everyone else in this room, that more is going on here than meets the eye. We briefed you on everything we know, but he will not talk unless we can get him to bring his walls down. He’s not going to be around any alcohol, Helen said he probably won’t even be able to walk for a few days, let alone run away, and what a safer environment than being around five Avengers who could take him down the minute he puts someone else in danger. You saw the footage. Don’t tell me you aren’t intrigued at the very least?”
Clint sighed. “Of course I am. I just. You know, it’s my family. Fuck, man. I don’t like the idea of using them to get information.”
Rhodey nodded in understanding, “That’s not what we’re doing. We’re just trying to create a buffer that will put him at ease. You can’t tell me that your kids won’t enjoy being in Tony Stark’s Malibu mansion at Christmastime.”
“Yeah. Okay.” He looked at Tony, “I overreacted.”
“Happens to the best of us.” Tony stood up, “I’m going to get some things ready and check in on Morgan.”
An hour later, Tony found himself outside Ben’s room, fighting off a panic attack, his words to Benjamin playing on a loop in his head. why did my wife die? why did my wife die? why did my wife die?
Rhodey came out and gave Tony a look. “Well, that could’ve gone better.” Tony sighed, “Yeah. What’s the damage?”
He walked Tony towards the waiting room, where Morgan was staying with Bruce and Natasha. “He’s good at deflecting. I honestly don’t know, Tones. I told him that he was coming back with us and that we’d need answers soon. He just seemed subdued.”
Tony nodded as Morgan ran over to him.
“Daddy! I beat Uncle Bruce in poker! Aunt Nat says I’m a shark.” He threw Natasha a look who shrugged in a “what can you do?” kind of way.
“That’s great, bug. Ready to go?”
“Absolutely!”
If the ride to Albert’s house was awkward, the ride to Tony’s Malibu house was downright excruciating. Benjamin had allowed them to wheel him to the car, but insisted on getting in by himself. This, in itself, took ten minutes and several false starts, because as much as the freaky orange light could close up a head injury, it apparently could not totally eliminate the side effects of that severe of a wound. Helen had warned the team that Benjamin would be unsteady on his feet, have trouble with dexterity, and suffer some fairly intense exhaustion and, even, forgetfulness. She apparently tried to explain this to Benjamin who waved her off and said he’d be fine. Tony could tell he was surprised that he had trouble moving and wondered how well he had recovered in the past.
(This was another thing that concerned Tony. Helen had indicated that Benjamin had experienced this kind of injury before. Tony wasn’t ready to unpack that. So he didn’t.)
Morgan tried to talk to Ben—even asking him to read to her—but he told her he was tired and closed his eyes. Tony could tell he wasn’t asleep—his breaths weren’t even or deep enough—but decided not to call him on it. He hadn’t slept much since the night before their whole adventure to Prentiss’s House of Horrors, and he knew he was in good company with Happy and Rhodey. Even Morgan looked exhausted.
The Malibu mansion was similar to his old one (sitting on a private beach, large windows, huge pool, and workshop integrated with Friday) but had touches of Pepper and Morgan. There was a playground and clubhouse in the backyard, a farmhouse kitchen with deep red cabinets, and a game room filled with pinball machines, air hockey and pool tables, a closet full of Legos, and a Star Wars themed movie theater. Tony couldn’t remember exactly when Morgan asked for the last couple things, but needless to say, it was a shit-ton of fun. Which is why Tony was a little surprised that Benjamin didn’t react at all during the tour. Not even a raised eyebrow.
“Where’s my cell?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re not on house arrest, Benjamin.” (“Could’ve fooled me.”) “Honeybear is getting your room set up, but there’s some house rules we need to go over.”
Benjamin rolled his eyes and Tony wondered—not for the first time or the hundredth time—how this stranger of a kid could simultaneously make him so angry and so concerned. Tony pushed his wheelchair (he protested so much about having to use it that it wasn’t until Natasha threatened him with breaking his legs that he shut up) towards the largest common area, filled with couches and pillows.
“Settle in. Morgan, go see if our guests are here. I thought I heard Happy at the door.” Morgan ran off, while Tony watched Benjamin look resolutely at his hands.
“First, and this shouldn’t be an issue because there is none in the house, you will not drink. You will not do drugs. You will not use any substance that is stronger than chocolate milk. Not only because there will be children here, but because you are on pretty strong pain medicine, you are underage, and you are too smart to lose any more brain cells than you already have.”
Ben scoffed, but waved his hand as if asking Tony to go on.
“Glad we understand each other.” (He heard Ben say hypocrite under his breath but refused to engage because he was pretty sure Morgan would look down on him if he beat up Spider-Man.)
“Second, you will not leave these premises until a doctor clears you. Forget the fact that we have the right to hear an explanation from you—you’ve just woken up from a serious injury and your body needs time to heal. If you run away, we will find you. I will bring you back. And if you think this is confining, just know that I was the one who suggested this. Several voted for a small, windowless room.”
“Now, we will have guests here—” As Tony spoke, Morgan walked back in the room, and skipped over to Benjamin.
“Fitz! Fitz! This is who I was talking about!” She pointed at the two people who had followed her. “This is MJ! She’s my babysitter!”
Tony looked at Michelle who lifted her brow in greeting to him. Her friend, Ted, was standing behind her, still. Tony assumed he was overwhelmed—MJ had mentioned how he was an Avengers fan, but instead of shaking the hand Tony offered, he watched him take a step towards Benjamin.
Benjamin seemed startled. (Haunted. Haunted was a better word.) His eyes were darting back and forth between them both and the room seemed to fill with tension. Morgan looked confused, and tried again. “This is MJ! MJ, this is Fitz! I told you about him. And this is MJ’s friend—”
“Ned.”
“Ned. Oh! Do you know each other?”
Ted’s Ned’s eyes were questioning, he looked pale and gaunt, and Tony thought he looked vaguely sick. MJ hadn’t mentioned that Ned wasn’t feeling well before coming, but he looked as if he had gone ten rounds with the flu and the virus won. Michelle was hovering (as much as Tony had ever seen her hover), standing in front of her friend protectively.
“I…uh, no, we haven’t met.” Benjamin cleared his throat. Ned blinked a few times then offered a tentative smile.
“Hey man.” He waved awkwardly. Benjamin averted his eyes, and looked at his feet. Ned faltered, obviously uncomfortable. “It feels like I’ve seen you around before. Have you ever been to New York?”
“No.” Benjamin cleared his throat, “No. Just got one of those faces I suppose.” He offered a lazy smile, mask falling back into place. Tony thought he was the only one who caught it, but Michelle’s narrowed eyes told him he wasn’t.
Ned chuckled good naturedly, “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Mr. Stark, thank you so much for letting me come!”
“Any time, Fred.” Michelle rolled her eyes and Ned beamed.
“Morgan, why don’t you show them around? I need a few more minutes with Ben here.”
She nodded and grabbed MJ by the hand, who was still staring at Ben like she was trying to figure him out. Ned glanced back but left the room quickly. It was silent for a few minutes as Tony collected his thoughts.
“Listen, kid. I know things have been kind of weird. I want you to relax. It’s been a rough few days. Let’s talk in a little bit.”
He nodded his head, lost in thought. Tony was vaguely startled when he lifted his eyes to look at him, the stare piercing him with many things unspoken and unknown.
“I’ll head to my room now.” Tony could barely make out the next thing he spoke under his breath, “I’m just so fucking tired.”