saudade

It knocked on the door. Ursula, his landlord’s daughter, opened the door. “There’s a call for you, Pete. It’s your aunt.”

“Thank you for letting me know.”

They went downstairs where the old telephone was hanging.

“Aunt May? What is it?”, Peter asked.

“Would you come and drive me to the graveyard?”

“Of course. I’m there in a few minutes.”

Peter and his aunt were standing in front of Uncle Ben’s grave.

“I miss him so much”, Aunt May whispered.

“I miss him too. But at least he was avenged”, Peter tried to ease her pain.

“He didn’t need to be avenged. He needs to be brought back from the dead.” She paused and took a deep breath. “He’d be still here if we hadn’t adopted you.”

Peter didn’t know what to say. A knife in his heart would’ve hurt less. “Aunt May … I-“

“Don’t say anything, Peter. It doesn’t make it better.”

“I’m sorry, Aunt May.” His voice cracked.

“It’s so difficult to be around you since he’s gone.”

Peter tried to fight back tears.

“I tried my best. I really did since we swore your parents to take care of you, but I can’t do it anymore”, she said, trying to keep her voice up.

“What do you mean?”, Peter asked, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“I want you to stay away from me. I don’t want to see you anymore. You’ve caused your uncle and me so much pain.”

“No, Aunt May, please”, Peter begged, “I can be better. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You can’t do better, Peter. The pain started when you told us about your … preferences.” How much she despised herself for saying such horrible things.

“You mean my bisexuality?”

Aunt May nodded. “I know it’s not your fault, but our only wish was denied – we wanted you to be normal.”

Peter started crying. “I can start to only date girls from now on. Whatever you want but don’t leave me.”

“It’s too late, Peter. Please, don’t try to contact me anymore.”

“No, Aunt May, please”, Peter sobbed, desperately trying to hold her back.

Aunt May gently patted his shoulder before she left.

Harry observed the spectacle with a grin. It was satisfying for him to see Peter suffering like that. His own Aunt despising him, making him feel wrong and worthless. Peter never really understood the struggles he had with coming out to his father so now he experienced it first-hand.

Aunt May was crying as she walked past him.

“Great performance, Aunt May”, Harry praised her, smirking.

“You’re cruel. Is that the way you thank me for being there for you?”, she hissed.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Well, Peter needs to be punished. It’s his own fault. He should’ve thought twice about using me as a toy for his amusement.”

Harry turned around again to observe what Peter was doing. Peter broke down in front of his uncle’s grave. “I’m sorry, Uncle Ben”, he sobbed, “I’m so sorry. Will I ever find forgiveness?”

Oh, no, you won’t, Harry promised.

Harry was already sitting in the café and enjoyed a piece of apple pie as Peter walked in.

“Hey, Harry”, he muttered and sat down at the table.

“Pete, did something happen? You look terrible”, Harry said, eyeing him in concern.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously not fine. You can trust me, can’t you? I wanna be there for you”, Harry insisted.

Peter took a deep breath. “Aunt May hates me.”

Harry frowned. “Hate you? Aunt May? Never.”

“That’s what I thought, too. But she does. She said I’ve caused her too much pain with not being normal. And she blames me for Uncle Ben’s death. I can’t blame her since I still blame myself for it. I’ve never felt so wrong in my whole life.”

“Oh, Pete. I’m so sorry.” Harry took his hand. He was disgusted and at the same time, it felt good. It felt right. “I’m sure she doesn’t mean it. It’s probably because of her financial situation. Losing her home isn’t easy to process.”

“What are you talking about?”, Peter asked.

“Didn’t she tell you? The bank wants to sell her home because she can’t pay for it anymore.”

“She has financial problems again? She told you but she didn’t tell me?” Peter couldn’t believe it.

“Well, I’m the one who gave her the money to stay in the house. I think she didn’t want to be a burden for you”, Harry said. “She knew you couldn’t help her.”

“I can’t believe this. I don’t believe you. Aunt May would never stay silent about something important like this”, Peter said, not sure if he actually believed what he was saying.

“Yesterday, you couldn’t think of Aunt May hating you for who you are, could you?”

Peter stood up and left the café. The news he just got to know made him forget why he originally wanted to meet Harry.

This couldn’t be true. Everything that Aunt May as well as Harry told him today couldn’t be true. It didn’t match them. Though … it could match Harry – if he got his memories back.

Peter turned around and when he saw Harry’s smirk and the wink, he knew it was like he suspected. Harry was the reason for what Aunt May said to him. What had he done to her? What if he hurt her?

Peter ran back to the café but a truck driving on the street held him back. When it was safe to cross the street, Harry was gone.

Back in his flat, Peter thought of what he could do. A part of him wanted to talk to Aunt May and tell her that he knew of Harry’s threat. The other part wanted to make Harry pay. And his heart wanted him to go to Harry and kiss him as if there was no tomorrow.

His look wandered across his room and when it paused at the box a second too long, the part that wanted revenge won. Peter went to the box and put on the black suit.

Harry got himself a drink when Peter arrived at the Osborn mansion. “Would you like a drink?”, he asked and turned around. “I’m sorry. What was I thinking? Bad for the public image, right, Mr. Key-to-the-city?” He approached Peter who was standing in the door to the balcony.

“What did you do to her?”

Harry took a sip from his drink. “I just threatened her with killing you. No big deal.”

Peter slapped him. He punched and kicked Harry time and again until he slammed him against a pillar. The desire of kissing Harry wanted to break to the surface. But he had to suppress it. Harry wanted him dead. He didn’t have feelings for Peter anymore so he couldn’t allow himself to leave space for such weaknesses either.

Harry took the dagger he was hiding inside the sleeve of his shirt and stabbed it into Peter’s abdomen. The distance between their faces decreased rapidly and for a dangerous moment, Harry considered kissing Peter.

This desire almost took control as Peter was fighting back and removed the dagger from his body. "You dropped something."

Peter punched him and threw him into the wall. He wanted to punch him again, but Harry fought back and threw Peter against the pillar. They punched and kicked each other, and Harry kicked Peter onto the table next to the sofa.

“How’d you like that, Spidey?”, Harry spat.

Peter got up and they circled around, waiting for the other to attack.

“That all you got?”, Peter asked.

Harry slapped Peter in the face, but Peter grabbed his arms and threw Harry through the window, causing the glass to shatter. Harry fell into the pieces and little scratches covered his skin.

“Stings, doesn’t it?”, Peter said.

“Oh, I’m gonna kick your sweet little ass”, Harry promised and jumped onto Peter.

But Peter was prepared for that and slammed Harry against the window. He punched Harry’s face time and again. Then he grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the wall in the corner of the room.

“Kiss me”, Harry groaned, his body aching from the fight.

“I'd do nothing rather than that”, Peter said, and he meant it, but he knew he couldn’t.

He grabbed Harry and threw him across the room, so he bumped against the gallery. Harry crashed onto a sideboard, and it took some seconds for him to get up. As he got up, they jumped onto each other. They tugged and slapped each other as they crashed together through the mirror that hid the Green Goblin chamber.

Contemporaneously, they got to their feet and started running for the sword. Harry reached it first.

“Where’s the other sword? I thought we’d finish it the traditional way”, Peter said.

“Well, as much as I’d like to have a homoerotic sword fight with you, I have to disappoint you”, Harry responded, trying to hit Peter with his weapon.

But Peter dodged and Harry accidently activated the glider so both of them had to duck. Harry still tried to somehow stab Peter and Peter didn’t miss a chance to hit Harry. Peter grabbed Harry and he fell onto him.

Their mouths were only millimetres away from each other.

Neither of them could resist their desire so they pressed their lips against each other like there was no tomorrow.

Hatred and thirst for revenge and the desire to never let go of Peter fought inside Harry. He wanted to make him pay and at the same time, he wanted to feel every bit of Peter’s love.

Before his feelings made out a winner, Peter pushed him away, making him crash into his glider. Harry was thrown into the shelf with the balls.

The little pieces of glass cut Harry’s skin. It took a lot of strength to sit up. He looked up to Peter. “Gonna kill me like you killed my father? Like you killed your uncle, like you killed MJ?”, he spat. “Yeah? Go ahead then. At least I’m finally free from you.”

“You’re so pathetic. All you do is whine.”

“You took him from me. He loved me”, Harry said.

“I’m done trying to convince you. He despised you. You’re nothing but a burden. You were a disgrace, a disappointment – and I understand him. Who could ever love someone like you?” Peter’s tone was full of disgust.

“Obviously not you but I don’t need you in my life, anyway. Being with you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I hope that blond little whore breaks your pathetic heart.”

Was he talking about Gwen? “You’re jealous.” Peter laughed. Harry was actually jealous of Gwen. “Just to clarify, every touch of her is more worth than thousands of your kisses.” Gwen was just his lab partner in Dr. Connor’s class and nothing more, but Harry didn’t need to know that. “Look at little Goblin Jr. Gonna cry?”

The rage boiling inside him caused Harry new strength. He got up, ready to punch Peter. Like the fool he was, Harry still got hurt by Peter’s comments. He never meant anything to him, that was clear now. Peter threw him into the wall again.

“You have no one on your side now”, Peter said.

And this time, Harry was too weak to get up. Peter turned to leave. It was his chance. Harry took one of the balls next to him and threw it into Peter’s direction. But Peter caught it and threw it at him instead. The ball exploded directly next to him, making Harry lose his consciousness.

As Harry regained consciousness, Peter was gone. His face hurt like hell and as he touched it, his heart skipped a beat. The skin felt bulging under his fingers. He got up and stumbled through the leftovers of their fight. The house was a mess.

He managed to get to the bathroom to get a look at a mirror. The right half of Harry’s face was a gash. Harry knew it wouldn’t cure. He was marked by it for the rest of his life.

He was destroyed.

Peter destroyed him and he still did even though he wasn’t there.

If love was just a chemical defect, why was it so hard to fall out of love? Why couldn’t he just hate Peter without wanting to be near him – or worse, to kiss him?

“WHY?”, Harry shouted and punched the mirror, so it broke into pieces.

“Harry? Can I help you, Sir?”, he heard Bernard’s voice calling. A moment later, the old butler was standing in the door.

“How do I fall out of love?”

“It’ll pass”, Bernard assured him and pulled him into a tight but careful hug. “You’ll be fine.”

“Why? Why do I have to suffer so much? Why does it hurt so much?”, Harry sobbed.

“Because you chose him.”