saudade

Peter was on his way to the Bugle as he walked past a kiosk.

“Spider-Man used to make me feel safe. Now I’m afraid to walk home from work”, a woman said.

“My son thought the world of this guy”, a man said.

“I have a daughter, loves Spider-Man. Who’s she supposed to look up to now?”, another man agreed.

“This is the guy they gave the key to?”, a woman asked.

Peter approached the kiosk and found the latest edition of the Bugle. The headline said “THIEF”, the sub headline “Spider-Man shows his true colours” and a picture of him in his black suit with a bag full of money filled out the front page.

Peter frowned. He never touched the money. The picture was clearly fake. As he took a closer look, he discovered the one who took it. Eddie Brock. Who else could it have been?

Oh, I’m gonna put some dirt in your eye, Peter thought. He’d make him pay for such a lie.

As Peter arrived at the Bugle, the whole team celebrated Brock’s staff job. He’d destroy Brock so he never gets a job ever again.

“Good morning, Parker. It’s a wonderful day, isn’t it?”, Brock said. “What did you say? I’ll never get that picture? Well, there’s your hero.” Brock pointed at the picture right behind him. It was the front page of today’s newspaper.

“I never thought you'd really do that”, Peter said.

“See? Right there. You made a judgment call. You gotta see it as it really is.”

“Funny you should say that because I was looking through some old photos and it looks very similar.”

“Okay. Well, I have to work now.”

“You’re trash, Brock”, Peter said.

“Excuse me?”

“Your picture is a fake.” Peter threw the original ones onto a table next to them.

“Parker, you’re such a boy scout”, Brock snapped.

Peter grabbed Brock by his shirt and slammed him right into the giant front page. “You want forgiveness? Get religion.”

“What’s going on here?”, Jameson’s colleague asked and approached them.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine”, Brock responded before he turned to Peter. “I’m begging you. If you do this, I’ll lose everything. There’s not a single paper that will hire me.”

Well, that was the intention. “You should’ve though of that earlier.” Peter’s tone was merciless. He went to Jameson’s colleague and handed him the fake pictures. “Show this to your editor. Tell him to check his source next time.” With these words, Peter left.

Peter took some photos of himself in the black Spider-Man suit and showed them to Jameson. As he wanted to take them, Peter told him his conditions: he’d get the staff job and double money. Jameson desperately needed these pictures and Peter knew that, so he got the staff job.

His life was going well. He got the job and money, and he found a solution to distract his heart from Harry: Peter started dating Gwen. At first, it was nothing serious but now, after a few dates, there was something in development.

During lunch break, Peter wanted to take Gwen out to a nice ice cream parlour. He enjoyed spending time with her because she understood him. She made him happy and in contrast to Harry, she didn’t accuse him of anything. While Harry made him feel worthless, Gwen made his live worth living.

Gwen took his hand and his fingers started to tingle. His stomach fluttered a bit. Peter wrapped his arm around her waist.

“I’m curious about where you’re taking me”, Gwen said.

“I hope you’ll like it”, he muttered.

They had to walk past OSCORP to get to the parlour. Peter tried to avoid looking at the company’s side of the street, but he failed. It was just a quick look, but it was enough to see Harry.

Enough to see the scars on the one half of his face.

How did this happen? But then it hit him. The explosion. He had thrown the ball at Harry, causing it to explode.

It was his fault.

“Pete, is everything okay?”, Gwen asked.

“What? Yeah, I just thought … it doesn’t matter. We should hurry up before the break is over”, he said and squeezed her hand.

At the ice cream parlour, they sat down at a table in the corner of the room. It was a small but cosy room, and the ice cream was superior.

“I didn’t know this parlour existed”, Gwen said and examined the room. “But it’s so cosy.”

Peter smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”

“How did you find out about it?”

“My ex took me here.” Peter remembered Harry’s and his first date very well.

It was a hot day and after Harry had a terrible argument with his dad, Peter suggested to go and have some ice cream. It was rather an act of friendship, but both had feelings for each other for a long time. One thing led to another, and they had their first kiss. It was that afternoon when their relationship started.

“She had a good taste”, Gwen assessed.

“Yeah, he did.” Peter swallowed and took a deep breath to make his memories disappear. “What would you like to eat?”

“A strawberry sundae.”

Harry’s favourite.

Memories of the fight against Harry crossed his mind. How he punched and kicked Harry. How he threw him through windows or on the furniture. How he threw that damn ball at him and left although he knew it exploded. What if Harry didn’t survive it?

When did Peter become so violent and cruel? Peter was playing with Gwen’s feelings. He was fooling her as well as himself. He tried to suppress them, but Peter knew his feelings for Harry were too strong to start something serious with Gwen. Seeing Harry proved that.

“I’m sorry, Gwen, but I have to leave”, Peter muttered.

“What? Why? We didn’t even give up our order”, she protested.

“I know and I’m really sorry but it’s urgent.” Peter handed her 20 dollars. “See you tomorrow.”

“Is everything okay, honey? Pete!”

But Peter had already left the ice cream parlour.

Peter put on his black suit and swung through New York. He needed his mind to become clear. He didn’t know where he wanted to go but he somehow ended up on the roof of a church. Maybe he wanted to find forgiveness.

He didn’t know who he was.

He wasn’t himself anymore.

He grabbed his suit and tried to pull it off. Peter started to change since he first wore this suit, so it had to do something with the symbiote. He had to get rid of it. Peter needed all his strength, but the suit didn’t let him pull it off. Trying to rip it off his body, he stumbled against the large bell, making it ring.

The sound of the bell seemed to weaken the symbiote because it was easier to pull. Or maybe Peter just imagined that but as the door rang again and again, he could free his arm. Then his face and then his upper body. Peter dominated the fight and then finally, he was free of the black slime.

When Peter was home, he took a long and hot shower. He wanted to make sure nothing of this symbiote was left on him. He wanted to be himself again. The monster he had been – Peter wanted it to be the past. That hadn’t been him. He was a kind and loving person, not a cruel and violent person.

It knocked on the door when he was drying his hair.

“Come in!”, he called.

“The door is stuck.”

Peter sighed and opened the door. “Aunt May?”

“I needed to talk to you about what happened recently. Can I come in?”, she said.

“Of course! It’s so good to see you.” Peter hugged her before they sat down on his bed.

“First of all, I want you to know that everything I said at Uncle Ben’s grave was a lie.”

“I know, Aunt May, I know. Harry threatened you.”

“Peter, what happened that such a lovely boy turned into such a monster?”, she asked.

“I hurt him. I’ve caused him so much pain that he wants me dead. I destroyed everything. And I miss him so much, Aunt May. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, you have to start with the hardest thing: You forgive yourself.”

“But how? I’ve done so many bad things”, Peter said and desperately buried his face in his hands.

“I believe in you, Peter. I know you’re a good person. You’ll find a way to put it right. If anyone can do it, it’s you”, Aunt May assured him.

She kissed his cheek before she left.

For a long time, Peter sat on his bed, thinking about Aunt May’s words. How could he put things right? He knew he had to do something. Things between Harry and him couldn’t stay like that. It would only hurt them both. But what could he do?

Peter turned on the TV to get some distraction.

“Breaking: All New York is holding its breath as the hostage crisis continues to unfold”, the speaker of the news said.

A hostage crisis?

“Half an hour ago, the police came across this startling sight: an old lady, held hostage in a taxi suspended 80 stories above the ground in what appears to be a giant web”, the reporter specified.

“Every rescue attempt by the police has been thwarted by the Sandman, accompanied by a strange, black-suited figure. The hostage has been identified as May Parker”, the speaker said.

Sandman and someone in the symbiote suit had captured Aunt May!