saudade

For a long time, Peter sat on the pavement at the corner of the street where the Osborn mansion stood. He was too weak to get up. His face was buried in his mask.

He ruined everything.

He hurt Harry. All Peter has ever wanted was to protect Harry and be happy with him but instead, he hurt Harry and destroyed everything they built up.

Harry hated him and Peter understood it, he really did. He deserved Harry’s hatred. It was the punishment he deserved for lying to him.

Nevertheless, Peter was worried about what Harry might do. He was worried he could destroy himself since he was close to doing so even before he knew Peter was Spider-Man.

Peter wanted to go back to Harry, to make him listen and tell him the truth but he knew Harry wouldn’t let him – and he respected it. He respected that Harry needed time to process it.

Peter didn’t know where to go. Going back to their flat would only hurt him. He considered visiting Aunt May, but he didn’t know if he could tell her the truth.

There was nowhere he could go to, but he couldn’t sit on the pavement forever, so Peter got up. His muscles were stiff, and he was freezing. He didn’t know where his feet were going, and he didn’t care.

But as he saw MJ’s face in the television standing inside a store window, he knew where he needed to go. The television showed MJ being kidnapped by Doc Ock. He had to save her!

He wouldn’t lose another person he loved.

As fast as he could, Peter swung through New York to get to the place the demonstration of the fusion machine took place. He was pretty sure that Doc Ock’s headquarter would be there since it was the place where he lost Rosie and his academic dreams.

Careful not to make a single noise, Peter climbed up the wall to get inside. Octavius was occupied with his machine. MJ was tied up, hanging from the ceiling. He slowly climbed forward to get to her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll free you”, Peter whispered to her.

The relief on MJ’s face was obvious.

An iron plate was thrown in their direction, and it buried itself in the post right next to her. She screamed and Peter jumped on the floor.

“I should’ve known Osborn wouldn’t have the spine to finish you”, Doc Ock called, his voice full of anger. “He’s weak, just like his father.”

This comment made Peter incredibly angry. How did he dare?

“Shut it down. Otherwise, you’ll destroy the whole city”, Peter yelled.

“Well, that’s a risk we’re willing to take.”

Peter jumped up but he was caught by the gripping arms. He was thrown around and catapulted right through the ceiling.

He caught himself with his webs and jumped back inside the ruin where he kicked Doc Ock in the face. They crashed through the ground into the river.

Peter grabbed him by his collar and punched his enemy in the face – again and again and again. He couldn’t stop. He was in a daze because of the satisfaction punching Doc Ock brought him. Peter could let out all the anger against himself boiling inside him.

Then MJ screamed. Peter heard the screams, but he couldn’t stop punching Doc Ock.

He lost control over his body.

She screamed again – this time, it was louder and even more frightened. MJ needed his help!

Peter immediately let go of Doc Ock. He jumped on the floor and climbed out of the river.

The fusion machine had too much energy already and the magnetism attracted everything magnetic in its environment, including MJ since she was tied up with iron chains.

Peter shot a web to catch her. He needed all his strength to pull her back, but she didn’t move a single millimetre. MJ screamed, her voice and her eyes were the expression of pure fear.

Peter tried everything to pull her back from the machine, but it didn’t work.

The thread of his web tore and MJ was sucked into the fusion.

There was nothing left of her.

“NO!”, Peter screamed.

No.

It couldn’t be.

He was responsible for another death. He lost another person that was important to him.

Doc Ock laughed and picked him up with one of the metal arms. Peter was hanging upside down. For a moment he considered giving up and accepting the fate of dying but who would stop Doc Ock then? Who would prevent New York’s inhabitants from dying the way MJ died?

Nobody would.

So, he used his webs to grab the thick cables and break them, causing Doc Ock an electric shock.

Peter ripped the cables out of the power generators. The mix of shock, anger and grief gave him new, unexpected strength. But the machine didn’t stop. He went back to Doc Ock who was looking confusedly around the room.

“Dr. Octavius?”, Peter said and pulled off his mask to reveal his true identity. “We have to shut it down, please. Tell me how.” His eyes filled with tears.

“Peter Parker?”, Octavius asked.

“Yes. Look at what’s happening. We have to destroy it before it kills more people.”

“More people? Did it …”, Dr. Octavius asked, his eyes widened in shock.

There was a big lump in his throat as Peter thought of MJ who were sucked into the fusion. He heard her screams again. Peter couldn’t hold back the tears.

“I won’t destroy it.” The vulnerable sound of Octavius’ voice had disappeared. Instead, the aggressive tone came back, and the arms grabbed Peter.

Peter wiped the tears away and cleared his throat. “You- you once spoke about intelligence to me. That it was a gift used for the good of mankind.”

“A privilege.” He sounded like he slowly got his memories back.

“These things have turned you into something you’re not. Don’t listen to them.”

“It was my dream.”

“Sometimes, to do what’s right, we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most”, Peter quoted his aunt. His voice was about to break as he realised the truth of this quote. He had given up the thing he wanted the most – his lost his boyfriend as well as his best friend. “Even our dreams.”

“You’re right”, Otto Octavius whispered.

Otto Octavius had a heated argument with his arms but finally, the arms let go of Peter so he could breathe freely.

“Tell me how to stop it”, Peter demanded.

“It can’t be stopped.”

“It has to be stopped!”, Peter yelled at him. He failed to save MJ. He couldn’t fail to save New York too.

“Unless”, Octavius murmured, “The river. Drown it.”

Peter got up but he held him back. “I’ll do it.”

Dr. Octavius got up and grabbed the pedestal the machine was standing on. “Get out of here, Peter. One day, you’ll do great things.”

Peter nodded and put on his mask before he swung out of the fragile building.

A couple of police cars arrived, and a man jumped out of the car, screaming “Mary Jane!”. He was familiar to Peter, but he needed a few moments to recognise it was John Jameson, MJ’s future husband.

Peter felt like he was hit in the stomach. MJ was going to marry, and he was responsible for her death. He made John a widower.

“Mary Jane. Where’s Mary Jane?”, John yelled and grabbed Peter’s shoulders to shake him.

“She didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” Peter cleared his throat but thee lump inside was still there.

“Why didn’t you bring out her body?”

“There was no body left.” Peter let out a sob. “The fusion melted her.”

John sank to his knees. “No. Tell me you’re lying. Tell me this isn’t the truth.”

Peter placed his hand on John’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. Can I do anything for you?”

“Yeah. You can leave me alone.” John’s voice was as hard as a rock.

Peter couldn’t blame John and maybe it was the best thing he could do to help him. He didn’t want to be confronted by the police either.

Peter swung through New York and said down on the rooftop of a skyscraper. He hugged his knees and cried.

He was responsible for MJ’s death because he couldn’t save her.

The picture of MJ being sucked into the machine crossed his mind over and over again, mixed with Harry yelling at him, calling him a murderer.

And he was.

He lost everyone he cared about except Aunt May, but he wouldn’t risk losing her too.