Thor Reminds Me of AllMight, Suck It. Also Loki Head Canons.
Tony really should have known that Loki was not going to be very calm, considering, well, everything. But did he consider absolutely anything? No. So now Tony is sitting on the ground on the opposite side of the room from Loki, while the teenager that Tony has learned is named Peter, holds him.
Because Loki is a small kitten.
“Hey, Loki, do you think you can change back to your human form?” Peter asks, placing the god on the couch next to him. Everyone in the room sits in silence for about 30 seconds before there is a horse on Natasha’s couch, who promptly curls up and lays down.
It’s been like this for the past 20 minutes, and so Tony thinks that maybe it might be a good idea to suggest calling Thor. “Loki?” He says, startling the horse-boy-thing into turning himself into a cup. “Huh, that’s… kinda impressive.” Suddenly, the cup has the words ‘Fuck You’ plastered on it. Tony nods in acknowledgment, “Fair enough,” he says, with his hands up, “was just wondering if you wanted me to go get Thor, y’know, since he’s your brother n’ all.”
The cup is a teenage boy once more, and said the boy is standing up from the couch, walking over to Tony. “You know my brother?” he questions, and when Tony nods, he hears the boy mumble something akin to ‘I suppose’, so he pulls out his phone. How do you talk to angsty teenagers?
“Uhm, do you want me to talk to him, or do you want to talk to him yourself?” Loki just shakes his head, so Tony assumes that he has the go-ahead to be the one to talk to Thor. The childish voice in his head makes the whiney complaint of ‘But I don’t wanna!’
Resigning himself to this for about the 50th time, and realizing he’s actually going to have this conversation, his thumb shakily presses the call button, and he holds the phone up to his ear.
When the Asgardian finally answers the phone, Tony could have sighed in relief. “Hello, Tony! What quest do you have for me today?” At hearing that, he realizes just how hard this is, explaining to the human embodiment of a puppy that his closest family is injured and scared, especially to the extent of how terrified Loki seems to be right now. “Hey, Thor! Uh, so, you see, there might be a small problem. Okay, I take that back. It’s not very small.” After torturing himself like that for another 15 seconds afterward, he decides to just shut up for a minute.
Eventually, he thinks he's gotten all his s thoughts gathered, so he continues his explanation. “So, Spider-Kid over here came to me because he was worried about some kid named Loki. We found him, but then I realized it was your Loki, like, your little brother, Loki.” Tony pauses when he realizes that Loki seems to cringe at the masculine terms. Okay, just Loki, then. “And now we're in Helen and Nat’s dorm, plus every time Loki freaks out, there will suddenly be no Loki, replaced by an animal or a teacup or something.” It's only once he's done that he realizes that he hadn't taken a breath that entire time. The only sound that could be heard from the other end of the line was the frantic breathing of someone running, and then Thor hanging up, seemingly realizing that Tony was done with his explanation.
“Alright, Thor should be here in about 30 seconds.”