Maybe They Aren’t Always In Their Own World
Life in the devildom was a welcome change, you were able to escape from everything that was "wrong" with your life and basically start over. All the people you didn't want to see and everything you didn't want to face was nothing more then a distant memory. You had been able to live relatively care free the last few months and you were doing great. Or at least you thought so? Lucifer had been incredibly helpful, he always made sure you had your medication even when he had to go to the human world to get them. You couldn't put into words how much you appreciated him. Even when he would just laugh at you with that smirk and say he was only protecting Lord Diavolos exchange program. You knew better by now that if he didn't want to do it he would have made one of his brothers do it. But he always insisted on doing the task himself "To ensure it is done correctly y/n" But even with all of this it was not enough to keep the thoughts at bay, to keep the anxiety from gripping your brain, to keep the panic from gripping your core. Some days you start to slip, and it's a little deeper each time. You can only hope your boys don't notice when you can't hold on any longer.
It all fell apart one day school, RAD was tough on a good day. Girls whispering as you were walking with the brothers, Boys making fun of you and just generally not fitting in. Yes the brothers were there and you had Simeon and even Solomon most days. But you didn't tell them everything that happened when they weren't around. You would become more of a burden to them if you had. And today was especially shit, some girls knocked your books out of your hand on the way to class. Then on the way to lunch you were pushed down the stairs by whatever girl was vying for Asmo's attention that week. Claiming whores got what they deserved. The cherry on top came in Charms class when you had forgotten about the paper that was due on Monday; 10 pages on charming humans and what to do with them after. You guessed you had skipped the class when the professor had assigned it. I guess that's what I'll be doing with my weekend. You sat in class staring out the window feeling a very familiar fog itching at the back of your brain. It wasn't the first time in the last few weeks it had been there but it was definitely getting harder to ignore.
You had been skipping meals, spending more time in your room, skipping out on your responsibilities, missing class and napping without Belphie. You really hoped no one had noticed, they were always so caught up in their own worlds and you hoped that this was one of those times. But you weren't that lucky, you were never that lucky. You knew it would be so easy to slip just for a little bit to take the edge off. It was better then the alternative 'never again' you thought to yourself. But the devildom was dangerous when you were big you could only imagine if you were small. Knowing you, you would walk up to some demon dog looking to pet it and get eaten.
'If I just make it though the rest of the day' you thought to yourself 'I could lock myself in my room after dinner and no one would be any wiser' If they found out they would send you away. You were here to represent humans and the last thing they needed was one that was broken. You could not handle them sending you back, so you just wouldn't let them find out. You wouldn't let them know just how broken you were and have them reject you, you didn't think you could handle that. You didnt want to find out that they were just like everyone else you wanted to live in ignorance a little bit longer.
------Several Hours Later-------------------
You made it to dinner and you could have been prouder of yourself. You thought you had done a pretty decent job at not comepletely spacing out at dinner. After everyone was finished you helped Beel clean up before excusing yourself early. You explained that it had been a long week and you needed to turn in early. You went to head to your room before Belphie could convince you to go to the astronomy tower with him. Maybe if you weren't in such a rush you would have noticed the sad looks the boys were giving you, or even heard them talking as you left. Not like they could whisper to save their lives
Asmo watched you walk away with a frown. He'd been watching you and he noticed your personality fade away till it was mostly gone. Your smile no longer reached your eyes, the spark in your eyes dimming more and more each day. He was beginning to think they had done something to offend you. He looked over his shoulder to Satan and Beel "I'm worried" was all he said. Satan put down his book as you left the room "As am I. I don't really understand. I have read that humans are sometimes affected by depression and that can cause behavior such as this" Beel grumbled not understanding "We should being them chocolate, they love sweets. It always makes them feel better" Asmo frowned at his younger brother "I'm not sure that will fix it this time" This only caused Beel's frown to grow "I'll do it anyway" he said going to get some of his special chocolate he stashes away for just such an occasion. Satan sighed as Beel ran off to what he assumed was the kitchen. He had been watching you closely especially since you stopped coming to the Library to read with him on Thursday nights. "We could just go talk to her? She is usually very open with us?" Asmo nodded in agreement as Beel came back "What are we waiting for?" he smiled leading the way to your room.
You had finally relaxed, you managed to pull out a small box that you managed to bring from your home well your old home. It was tucked far away under your bed, it contained a lot of your favorite toys (stuffies mostly), coloring books, crayons, sippy cups and your pacifier. It didnt take long for the familiar fuzziness to grab hold and pull you under. You were happily laying on your floor coloring a picture of a cat when you heard a commotion outside your door. You desperately hoped that they were just passing by. The arguing stopped and for a second you could breathe then it came they were knocking. "Hey Love" Asmo said gently "It's me Beel and Satan can we come in?" You could feel your chest tighten and your anxiety spiking before you knew it tears were falling faster then you could wipe them away. You tried to force yourself to be big but it was no use you were to far gone. "Ummm.... No... Busy" you mumbled from behind your pacifier. The three brother exchanged concerned glances as it was clear you were upset. "I brought some chocolate. Our favorite kind!" Beel tried hoping to bribe his way in.
Your eyes opened wide, chocolate! You knew it was probably the good chocolate he keeps hidden away. 'He has a cookie jar hidden behind the fridge' You loved chocolate and Bear Bear always shared with you. Your little brain was struggling you desperately wanted that chocolate but that would expose everything. And everything you had gained these last few months would be ripped away from you, including the seven boys who had quickly become your entire world. Much to the boys dismay you were taking to long and they were getting more and more worried as the minutes passed by. Beel easily broke the lock and opened the door eyes widening when they saw the state you were in laying on the floor, crayons everywhere and a pacifier in your mouth?. That's when the flood gates opened and you broke out into sobs "No.....no....no pwease go away" you cried as you backed away till your back was flush against the wall furthest from them. Asmo heart shattered seeing you in this state. Neither of them understood but you looked so sad. It was there job to fix it no matter what.