I have to.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Okay.” Except it wasn’t. Peter knew that-he was smart enough to understand it anyway. He shouldn’t have brought up his aunt-but that was the only real reason that Tony could see Peter becoming so reclusive. “We don’t have to talk about it now.” They should be talking about it now. Tony couldn’t wait until later. Peter can’t just casually drop a declaration of his own suffering, and expect Tony to be able to wait!
“People need Spider-Man.” Then maybe they were going to keep talking about it?
“They do need someone.” He didn’t see why it couldn’t be one of the other heroes picking up the slack. At this point there wasn’t even any slack that Peter was picking up-he had the whole reel, and he wouldn’t let it go. It’s like he was doing the police officers jobs for them-and ignoring the fact that he was still very much a person, and that human beings had needs. Peter didn’t go to say anything else-even though he was clearly looking at Tony out of the side of his eye. “I don’t see why that has to be you all the time though.”
If looks could kill, Tony would have been dead-twice over now.
“I’m not going to stand around and let people get hurt-”
“That’s not what I-”
“If I can do something, and I choose to do nothing, it makes me just as bad as them.” With all the finality in his voice, a lesser man would have been fooled into thinking that that was it. That Peter was convinced-whether for better, or worse that not doing anything when you can makes him a bad person-and on some levels he was. Either he was already convinced, or he was trying to pretend he was-but Tony was not a lesser man. There was something else. He could practically see it. “Beck lied to me about everything-and if I wasn’t so stupid I would have realized it when he said I deserved to have a normal life.” Everyone deserves a chance at a normal-fulfilling life-as normal as it can be, regardless of their abilities. “I don’t deserve anything. No one owes me anything-I’m just lucky. I’m the one who owes them. I have powers-I have to keep everyone safe.” This-this made Tony frown.
All of this just sounded like Peter making excuses to throw himself into harms way-and to slowly kill himself over it-but the last part made a part of Tony’s head hurt.
Peter wasn’t lucky-the kid couldn’t catch a break. His reputation-everything he’d worked for was because he deserved it. He deserved better in Tony’s opinion-but he doubted the kid would believe him now. That wasn’t the point, the point was that his kid was talking about being Spider-Man, who he had been for many years-like he didn’t have a choice. Like some masked figure held a gun to his head every morning that made him put on the suit, and venture out to stop every type of misdemeanor he could.
Tony didn’t like that.
“Kid-you, you know you have a choice to keep working as Spider-Man. You can stop-or take a break-or anything-”
“People want Spider-Man to save them. They want my help. I don’t have a choice in that.” Just because someone would appreciate not having their bike stolen-or car jacked-but not everything was a do-or-die superhero situation. Hell-those kinds of crimes barely sweep Police stations because they’re so insignificant-and Peter was trying to stop them without eating-or sleeping for who knows how long. Tony would feel horrible if he had to fight on a light breakfast. He couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to fight on an empty stomach-with an enhanced metabolism. “I haven’t had a choice in years.”
If words could break artificial hearts in half, Peter might have just done it to Tony. What was Tony supposed to say to that? That Peter shouldn’t feel compelled to help people just because he had powers? That he should take a break, and become a person again? A person with relationships that were more than ‘neighborhood child’? That he was going to die in the red-and-blue that he’d worn for years now? That other people should come second-that he can’t take care of other people when he’s not physically fit?
He doubted any of that would work on him.
“I know I said we didn’t have to talk about this anymore Pete, and I’m sorry to bring it up again-but why are you alone?” He’s eighteen-seventeen something like that, he should have friends-someone he’s with. He shouldn’t be Spider-Man first, and Pete-Ben-second. He knows that he thinks Spider-Man is more important-but he still can’t picture together how he’s just fine with being alone. Tony couldn’t be alone like that-Peter most certainly shouldn’t be like that. He might have lost May-but those friend’s of his hadn’t even known who he was-Tony didn’t even care about them-he wanted to know why his kid was so alone. It was almost like there wasn’t even a person behind the mask of Spider-Man, like it was just a shell that managed to lease somewhere to sometimes sleep. “You should have some-something some kind of life.”
An actual life, not just an apartment-an occasional babysitter position, and a mask to hide behind.
Tony doubted that it was normal, even for other heroes.
Peter didn’t answer him. He was back to staring at his hands, and Tony wasn’t sure what to say. He knew his kid probably thought he was being crazy-or just trying to argue with him, but that wasn’t it. Pete-he was a great kid-is a great kid-he didn’t deserve that kind of life. He shouldn’t be constantly vigilant-and ready to die for anyone in this stupid city-or go without just so he can make sure he’s there just in case. He shouldn’t be doing any of that. In fact he should be in college-or at least have a stable job so he can support himself to live somewhere….better.
He deserved a life-and he was convinced otherwise.
Tony wanted to know what happened-it couldn’t have just been his aunt, could it? He knew they were close-like mother, and son-but with different titles. That still didn’t explain why there was no one else. No friends. No coworkers, no acquaintances-just next door neighbors-who from what he could tell truly knew nothing about him.
He didn’t want him to have to be alone.just because he was a superhero didn’t mean he had to suffer-why didn’t he look for someone-an Avenger-Pepper-Happy-someone-why did no one remember him?! It wasn’t-it wasn't fair. Not to Tony to have to remember all of those feelings with so many gaps in time. It wasn't fair that he had no one to talk to about the problem. It wasn't fair to Peter. He lived in a tiny, freezing, dingy apartment without so much as something to do besides be Spider-Man, and be alone-the only person he spent time around real time around wasn't even someone close to his age. It was just some fucking kid-and occasionally his parents.
That wasn't fair. None of this was fair.
Tony hoped that getting his kid a hot drink and maybe something decent to eat if he was lucky. Tony pulled over to do just that. He just didn’t think leaving him alone in the car was the best idea. It would give the distrusting child another chance to backflip out of his life, and he was the opposite of ready for it. He just asked him something he knew might upset him, and now he was likely going to dip out if he got the chance.
Tony did not want that happening.
“Here we are.” Neither of them moved-and Peter continued to ignore him. “Do you want to come in with me?” No. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t trust him. "Do you want anything special?" Peter didn’t answer him-yet again. Maybe if Tony was lucky he’d be able to remember what he liked.
He clearly deserved it.
Well…did that count as rewarding bad things? No. Maybe? Wasn’t really a surefire way.
It didn’t matter-Peter was…older and he’d probably understand that he was just getting it for him because he cared-and not because he was risking his life and health constantly. And if he didn’t…they could have that talk when he was sure that Peter trusted him.
Tony pulled himself out of the car, sternly telling Peter to stay put before closing the door.
This whole situation is weird. Not good-weird, just plain strange-no pun intended. Not only did no one remember Peter-at least before FRIDAY went about telling them exactly who Peter was. Even then-there were no records of Peter, no addresses, no schooling. Nothing. It’s like someone just took whiteout to Peter’s life. The only semblance of Peter that was left was Spider-Man.
Oh.
The only real part of Peter anyone remembered was Spider-Man. No wonder he was determined to do it so often. If Tony was pretty much forgotten except for Ironman-and he was left alone in a dingy room the landlord claimed was a proper place to live, he’d probably cling to Ironman too. Just because he could practically see himself doing it didn’t mean it was healthy. Tony was almost sure that it was the opposite-although there wasn’t exactly a common example of this situation for him to go off of. He’s pretty sure being Spider-Man could have been healthy…before Peter decided that him being there to protect everyone to the point he doesn’t have a life-or his own needs met.
It’s strange isn’t it? That Peter just got wiped off the planet completely? Him throwing himself completely into being a willing Atlas is kind of understandable. Not something Tony’s happy about-but something understandable. The thing that got him there in the first place?
Tony doesn’t even know how something like this…happens. Why was there so much about Spider-Man but not even a word about Peter? If it was a villain he’d think it would be easier to just erase Spider-Man. No Spider-Man, no problem. No hero to come save the day.
No seventeen year old child struggling to keep a ship together.
Instead Peter was missing-and Spider-Man was being constantly bombarded with problems-both too small for him, and much much too large for him-and hardly surviving.
It didn’t make sense.
What else didn’t make sense was Pete’s trust issues with him. Okay-so he’s been a bit…cautious from the beginning. Punching Tony fucking Stark in the ribs, and bolting was not cautious. That was scared. Peter was scared of him, and he wasn’t sure why. He had mentioned a Mystery-a uh…Mister Ioh? Eh-whatever, he mentioned them-some Beck dude who tried to kill him-and Beck was an achingly familiar name to Tony.
Quinn-Quincy? Quinn Beck-probably-was the name of the man who threw a fit because he created BARF under a contract, and would not be allowed to use it to kill people. He quit Stark industries after that. He could see him going after Peter. He was always a little unhinged-but he couldn’t see him doing any harm. Last he checked he didn’t have a single power, nor the resources to create powerful tech-much less look like Tony.
Which left Tony to assume there was another man named Beck…strange coincidence as that would be, and that Beck could either turn into other people-and things, or somehow mess with people's minds.
Tony had looked, and there hadn’t been a single mention of a Mister Ioh-or Mystery-eio-or even a Quinn-Quincy-Quentin Beck!
That only incited a whole new worry that there may be a surplus of villains that only Spider-Man knew he had ever fought.
That was not comforting to Tony in the slightest.
Tony opened the door to the shop, gaining a humid blast of air in the face. Surprisingly enough there were at least three people in there who seemed adamant about taking refuge from the cold. Tony wished he could be one of them, but he had Peter waiting on him.
Hopefully.
It wasn’t very long before Tony walked out of the store, and back towards his car with those same worries. It was something for him to be concerned about. Peter could have a whole list of people that he’s almost gotten killed by, and no one else would know-either that or there was some kind of mass-villain trickery going on that removed Peter from his-and everyone else’s memories.
Maybe he could ask him about it when they recovered from their…blip in conversation.Tony should have kept his mouth shut about May. There was nothing else he could say about that-he shouldn’t have brought up the child's deceased care-taker, regardless of how she died-and Tony was starting to think Pete thought he had something to do with that-it just wasn’t appropriate to bring up.
Especially once the kid made it clear he didn’t trust him.
Tony struggled to both get in the car-and open the door with his hands full, barely managing to throw the door open with his own foot. To his delight, and surprise, Peter was still waiting for him in the car. Peter, who was now looking at him as he got in the car, staring at him as he got settled. Tony-when Peter refused to take the drink-stuffed it into the cupholder, trying to find a place to put his own.
“Who are you supposed to be?”