Go Greece Lightning!
“Cowabunga!!! We landed in Greece.” Zack and Cody screech. It is a suite life indeed. They fade into the mist because they are the resident ghosts of the Royal Carridickean. Spooky. Ai, the boat, is weeping with unattended arousal, as he just came close to coming as he docked balls deep into the port. The tightness of the wooden chastity cage around him was too tight around his swollen metal shaft, but not loose enough for him to lose his arousal.
Feeling ignored in comparison to Zack and Cody, Bertholdt weeps from the lower chambers of the boat. Ai groans at the sensation from deep below.
“Jain, I know how much you love tennis, so I am happy to announce I got everybody here tickets to the all, new, and improved Grecian Open!” Jumin smiles down at his lover.
“OMGreek Opa Oppa! You shouldn’t haveeeeee,” Jain whines in greekaboo and koreaboo. A tragic combination truly (A/N: although high key I feel like Greek/ Korean fusion food would hit. Gochujang hummus. KBBQ gyros. It could happen).
“Who is playing? This is not my usual woman in STEM activities, but I’m curious about the differences in epigenetic modifications of pro tennis players and non-athletes. To do this study, I need their demographic information and entire family tree.” Kite leans over the railing of the cruise ship, looking across at the mountain ranges with tennis courts at their tips.
“Oh so there’s this guy, who is like Platos or Socrates. His name is Steffytoes Tittypass. He is a really great tennis player, a bit silly-goofy, but I would def smash.” Jumin makes a displeased noise at this, but Jain got with him through cheating, so there’s not much he can do. “There’s also this guy named Novax Joker… he’s uhhhh” Jain explains on the Grecian plain.
“Novax Joker? That’s a strange name. What is he like?” Kite responds.
“He’s a lot like Joker from the movie, Joker.” Jain syghies.
Joie, well-versed in international relations questions how Novax can just play in this tournament.
“He can’t enter Greece though. That man is not vaccinated.”
Godot pipes in with the law, as the Greek humidity seductively fogs up his wittle uwu visor, “There is also law in Greece banning the travel of the Joker. It was a law implemented to get Jared Leto banned from at least one place in the world.” (A/N: IF HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T STOP PUTTING THIS FREAK PEDO CULT LEADER EVERYWHERE, I’M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY AM WRITING THIS FANFICTION, my lovely reader-chans <3)
“Wait, so you mean this man is just running around unvaccinated and joking??? Unacceptable.” Syghie chimes in.
Tokiya is vengeance. Vengeance is Tokiya. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-BATMAN!!! “Something in the way MMMMMMHMMMMMM,” screams in the air.
Armed with a mission, Tokiya boards up his little Robin, Syo, in the basket of his batmobike and takes off to the Acropolis, home of the Grecian Open.
“Shit, Tokiya’s gonna stir some shit up let’s buss,” Joie announces. “Let’s gooooo”
The group collectively busses to the Acropolis, but busses in a limo not a bus. Jumin is rich. Rich is Jumin. Money.
The match is intense between Steffytoes Tittypass and Novax Joker. Deuce commences in the third set.
Joker 6 3 0 (40)
Tittypass 4 6 1 (40)
Joker is serving. He must be stopped. Right as Joker is about to serve, the umpire yells “halt.”
The rest of the gang has arrived just in time to Jumin’s VIP box to watch Tokiya’s batmoplans unfold. Jain can’t contain her snort laughter as Jumin tries to quiet her down. As much as he loves Jain, she’s not exactly supposed to be laughing this loudly at a quiet tennis match, even if it is about to get a lot louder. Perhaps, there is some trouble in paradise. Time will tell…
Joker is not having Jain’s thunderous chuckles. He grins his grimy grin and threatens the VIP box. “They laugh at me, because I’m different. I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
He is really directing this at a group composed of a sex pollen creator, a Guiness world record breaker holder of titties, a cosmic sex slut, and a boat whore. Okay, Joker….
But then, the Umpire is revealed to be … none other than Syo himself.
“Your time Joker is over. Vengeance approaches.” Syo directs.
And holy shit! It’s vengeance. Tokiya descends from the sky in a way that can only be described as a tipsy tornado of Jagermeister. (A/N: The homies and I drank some Jagermeister last night, and it set my expectations too high for the rest of the night. The party I went to after was serving… COOR’S LIGHT. I almost frew up. Horrible taste in comparison to the love of my life, Jagermeister)
Tokiya spins faster and faster as the lyrics come pouring out of his chest.
“Amazzzzzzzzzzing someeeeeethingggg in the wayyyy.” Tokiya belts, in a mashup of such high power. Something in the way x Amazing Grace !!!!!
“That saved a wretch like MMMMMmmmmHHHHHH eeeeeeeee,” The natural analog vibrato from Tokiya’s vocal prowess collaborates with the vibrato generated digitally via the NFT of the tipsy tornado, composed of Jagermeister (wink - 56 botanicals), resonates throughout the entirety of the court, electrifying Joker in the process. So. Much. Power. Everybody takes cover.
Novax whimpers in fear, the great power of Tokiya overwhelming him. This is vengeance.
With a final, “I was once something in the way, but now am underneath the bridge. Tarp has sprung a leak. Was blind but now all the animals I’ve trapped have all become my pets,” Tokiya full sends Novax Joker to the moon. This mashup reached a power level of 10,000,000,000 Nic. Juli’s tiny squirrel sized juul of only 1,000,000,000 Nic bows in shame.
The evil has been defeated, making Tittypas the winner by default. Everybody applauds at Tokiya’s hard work. In his final interview, Tittypas inspires with his intellectual speech.
“Water is the least expensive, yet the (second) most valuable liquid in the whole universe. (The first is Jagermeister, which is reasonably priced.) Thank you everybody.”
Jain cries at this speech because he is so right! Jumin is feeling insecure, maybe this is just a marriage of convenience after all. (A/N: I’m just going to let that simmer with my lovely reader-chans)
On to the next match! A doubles match!!!
As they wait for the doubles to start, Ritsuka (yeah she’s still here) feels her skin prickle. She instinctively moves closer to Azuna, resting her head on her shoulder, and peeks across the court. Azuna makes a soft noise, and all ten of her glowing, floating eyes gaze down to look at her lover.
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ What’s going on, love? Is something wrong?☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
Ritsuka sighs, entwining her hands with Azuna’s, which vibrate with unadulterated lesbian energy. “I don’t know. I feel like there’s… something in the way, related to that shinigami nearby. But I don’t see him anywhere, and I know you would have smote him immediately, babe.”
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ I would have scattered his ashes across sixteen demi-planes if he dared to come back to this one. I don’t sense him either, but I agree. A malevolent residue does taint these grounds. Ritsuka, maybe you could use your devil princess ancient grimoire seeking powers to find the source? I don’t believe it stems from loving women, so I have no jurisdiction here.☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
Ritsuka nods, squeezing Azuna’s hand before stepping away and using her Grimoire Powers to locate the source of the malice (not Ganon’s though). She raises her arm, and like a compass needle, it slowly swings to point across the court. Her hand is pointed to two gangly men, handcuffed to each other, and speaking intently over their tennis balls. Ritsuka gasps in recognition for the brown haired man. Light Yagami, the student who took potato chips and ate them, was discussing strategy with a taller, disheveled man with black greasy hair and eye bags.
(Goddamn, said Kite and Joie. Ew, said Jain and Syghie.)
“Hey, wait a second.” says Kite, looking over at the pair. “Didn’t that guy kill you? Like, after all that stuff with Ryuk?”
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Holy Shit I’m Going To Smite Him☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
“Hang on!” said Jain, titties swaying in the Grecien wind. “We can’t just kill tennis players. We could get fined for it. Like that guy, Nick Wilde Kyrgios.”
Jumin looks up from his phone. “So you can do it, Azuna, but I would have to pay for it. Which I can do. Easily. I am rich. Rich am I. Money.”
Jain frowns. “We can’t just let Azuna kill the opposing team right before the match starts.”
As the well-endowed couple begin to argue, Azuna slowly slips out of the stands to hover menacingly behind Light and L.
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Well, well, well. How do you think I should kill you?☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
Light whips around, terrified, and pisses his pants at the sight of only a fraction of Azuna’s angelic lesbian power. “I- uh- hguk- hn- '' He sounds like Goofy.
L turns to Azuna. “I know who you are,” he says simply.
(“Where is that menacing piano music coming from?” whispered Kite.
“Not tennis,” whispered Syghie.)
“Your school uniforms tells me that you are a student of the cuminary arts. There are twenty three different institutions of the cuminary arts around the world, but the closest is in Berlin. Cuminary school is in session this time of year, so you’re either skipping class or unable to attend. Your ten glowing eyes indicate to me that you have been reborn in some way, which is not typical for a Cuminary student. Most students spend their lives trying to defeat the inhuman, but here you are, a floating contradiction. So you’re a drop out from cuminary school. There have been thirteen expulsions in the last three weeks from twelve different schools, and I’ve cross referenced the list of schools with different ship departures in the past three weeks. Using this information, I-” L is cut off by Azuna swiping at him with a magical ray of light.
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Wow, I hate men. I’m going to kill both of you.☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
“Azuna, wait!” cries Ritsuka. “You’re not a killer!”
“No, but I was.” Light looks up solemnly at her. “Before I stopped repressing my homosexual tendencies, I killed thousands of people. But you took that power out of my hands when you killed the shinigami I was contractually bound to. And now, I can finally be free to love who I love.” He clinks his shackles shyly against L’s, who smiles at him.
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ You killed me.☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
“I’ve changed though.”
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ What you did to me can’t be excused by you seeing the light and saying you’ve changed. I could kill you. Maybe I should kill you.☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
“Maybe you should. But it won’t last. After all, #LoveWins.”
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Ugh. ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
Azuna feels her powers flicker as she feels homophobic to the men in front of her. But she sighs, and looks up at her girlfriend, and decides that it’s not worth it. She glares at both of them, hurls a lightning bolt at them that makes them double over with pain, and floats back up to the stand.
During that entire exchange, Jain and Jumin have continued to argue. Jain used to play tennis. She had a titacular titty forehand and backhand but decided to quit to focus on the hypnaughty arts. Her one true passion was playing with those balls, and to hear Jumin argue that the rules of titty tennis could be betrayed like that fueled her rage. Her fond memories of her titacular racket fondling those fuzzy balls are some of her fondest. And on a more personal level, seeing those tennis balls flying and bouncing around the court made her feel represented and seen as her tiddies would do the same exact thing. Now, these balls could have represented her better tbh. They are very miniature models of her titties.
The Prince of Tennis himself, Echizen Ryoma, is summoned by this obscene, sloppy treatment of the balls. His balls are fuzzy and yellow-geen, too. He wants in. The Prince of Tennis spots Jain immediately recognizing the Queen of Tennis, and her twin Princesses of Tennis. (A/N: this implies that Jain is Echizen Ryoma’s milf and her titties are his sisters idk. I think it’s more like Jain is a mother figure because she escaped teenage pregnancy shockingly. So to summarize: Jain is not the Prince of Tennis’ biological mother, but she is most definitely the Queen of Tennis)
Crisp Rat, the star of the Mario movie, and Mario himself, turn to sneer at their opponents. Light and L are still cuffed together, and their homosexual energy wafts through the court. Mario begins sniffing for pizza, but instead smells something … gay permeating from L and Light’s side of the court. (How would he know what gay smells like? Hmmm suss.) Sensing their homophobia, Azuna reluctantly smites them and slides them down Lil Nas X’s stripper pole into hell. Luigi sends Azuna a text in the LGBT Discord server to let her know he is grateful to finally get rid of his homophobic brother <3
“Azuna!” gasps Jain. “We literally just told you not to kill tennis players! We get fined for that!”
“It’s fine, Azuna.” waves Jumin. “I can cover the cost.”
“JUMIN. You are sleeping on the couch tonight. No titty pillows for you!” Jain omits both oppa and Opa because she is fuming. Her boobs begin emitting steam in anger.
Syo, now an umpire, is perplexed. I guess this is a walkover? A walkover to hell…
“Aww shucks. I was really hoping to play tennis with you today, L. I guess we can’t play because of this cruel, homophobic world that we live in.” Light looks down at the court in agony.
The Prince of Tennis has found his in. “Fear not for the Prince of Tennis is here and ready to challenge you guys in a non-homophobic, sportsmanlike manner!” he announces.
Everybody applauds because they paid a lot of money for this tournament, but also #lovewins.
“Wow wow very cool. But this is a doubles match, we need another person to play with the Prince of Tennis.” Syo umpires! (A/N: proud of him)
Hearing her calling, Mario’s forgotten tennis racket ascends into the stadium turning left, then right in between Jain’s cleavage. She will play.
Feeling manipulative, Jumin tries to convince Jain not to play.
“Jain… are you sure you want to do this? What if you get injuries on your titties? How will you continue the Hypnaughty Arts pathway? Remember, your education is important, Jain.” He sugar daddies condescendingly to her.
But Jain can’t hear Jumin because she is mcfocused in her titty tennis mode. Jumin crosses his legs and tries to be supportive, but also to hide his boner because Jain is kinda sexy like this.
The coin flip. Heads or Tails. Tails or Heads. Flip or Flop?
It’s a flop because it lands on tails, giving Light and L the first serve. This should be no problem for the Prince of Tennis and Jain though.
Light takes place at the edge of the court’s lines. His serve replicates the motions of his pen stroking from all those years of writing in the Deathnote. L sits hunched over by the net, prepared to smack some volleys. Light sends the ball over the Prince and Jain’s side with an unimpressive “ehh ehh hnnng” groan in all lowercase.
The ball speeds over to the Prince’s territory, and he quickly returns a menacing backhand that speeds at 200 mph reaching L at the net. L struggles to hit back a good volley due to the sheer speed of that return and sends the ball up high to the sky. Jain is perched at the net, awaiting the ball's return to deliver a sonic spike. And sonic spike she does. She focuses her strength into her right titty and swings that ball in a delightful foretit across the court near Light, letting out a tennis moan so powerful, Jumin cums. L collapses from the sheer wind force of Jain’s swing. Light gets distracted looking at his collapsed lover and misses the ball. He forgor. 15 - Love.
The first set is a success for the Prince of Tennis and Jain with a beautiful bageled 6-0 score. We can all thank Jain’s bagels for this one.
Something is going severely wrong for L and Light.
“Babe, you know we could just do it like how we do it in practice,” L suggests.
Light is blushing, his cock now on high alert. Toes are curling in pleasure awaiting their release.
“B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but that would be inappropriate and maybe against the rules?” Light twiddles his index fingers together, all shy and embarrassed.
Syo is a good umpire. (A/N: umpires deserve better :( Nick Wilde Kyrgios needs to leave them aloneeeeeee)
Syo being a good umpire and eavesdropping, questions L and Light’s integrity, “Rules? Are you guys cheating?”
“N-n-n-n-n-no” Light stutters his legs closing up and his hands immediately coming down to hide the tent in his pants.
Syo raises an eyebrow at this suspicious behavior.
“Mr. Umpire, is there a rule against playing tennis barefoot?” L reveals the duo’s plans (and kink).
Syo is a little surprised at this, but he kinda gets it. “Well no, the Tennis Federation doesn’t kinkshame. So do what you want.”
L immediately frees his puppies, and they howl at the freedom of the fresh air and texture of the clayed court. Light is still embarrassed about his hard court (his cock) and hesitates to free his toes. Syo encourages Light to show that umpires care about showing their support for all kinks.
Meanwhile…
“My Queen, should we be concerned about their current strategy?” the Prince asks.
“No, there’s no way their toes can compete with my tits. We’re good, homie” Jain expresses.
On to the second set…
In a HUGE upset, L and Light’s puppies grasp victory, and they win the second set, 6-4. Their toes improved their gameplay 20 fold. The issue is that between them, they have twenty puppies caressing the earth, but Jain only has 2 tiddies. It comes down to a numbers thing.
Jain and the Prince of Tennis need encouragement to win the third set and win the match. Syghie notices their predicament, and leans across the stadium, craning her neck to spot a familiar, Shining pair of eyes. She gestures towards the court, and makes a cute little pleading face, moe in eye again. Shining cannot resist, as the memory of being pounded in space lives in his head rent free. He shoots off a text, and Syghie grins as she notices Syo’s phone bzz bzz in his pocket.
Chris Mcclain appears in the court’s metaverse for just a sec to announce: “Okay campers. It’s the 2/3rd time show! Starring STARISH!!!” (A/N: Marcus Zucker is holding Chris Mcclain hostage in the metaverse, pls send help)
“Hit it, boys!”
Suddenly, the sound of tennis shoes on the ground are heard erupting through the court. Cracks appear in the brown clay land, infernal cracks from the devil’s realm, glowing red with Mother Nature’s anguish. Or maybe… her deep, primal desire.
“I fuck you… S…” Natsuki starts, pushing up his glasses. Satsuki is a pro tennis player and is mad that they aren’t competing, but he helps Natsuki sing anyways.
“I come inside you… T…” Tokiya thrusts, the bat logo emblazoned on the crotch of his pants.
“I impregnate you… A…” Cecil blushes like a little shy boy.
“I stand by your side as you carry to term… R…” Ren’s toes curl and his eyes roll back.
“I hold your hand as you dilate to 9 inches and give birth… I…” Otoya pees, and the piss droplets bounce on the ground like tennis balls.
“I experience hatred for children and file for divorce… S…” Syo stomps in a similar motion to his iconic “waku waku suru ze.”
“I signed off on our beautiful mansion together as a co-owner and I want half of our assets so please sign off peacefully and never talk to me again … H…” Masato impersonates future Jumin probs.
“ST☆RISH Forever~” They croon together like some sort of fucked up Disney’s Tiki Room.
They break into a stylish pose and begin twerking to the pulse of the beat, but it's awkward because they are built like sticks, so their ass cheeks don’t jiggle. It is embarrassing and personally they couldn't top me. I’m too HOT to handle.
Shining is unfazed by this strangely repressed performance, but trills with a gorilla-like force. Birds from the Greek Isles are displaced every year due to this. They squawk and fly away into the next life.
“wWWWWWHHHAATTTT POOOOOWWWEEERRRRR!!!!!!” His deep voice rejuvenates the mess the performance has made and restores the cracks, but the cum still lies in sad little puddles around the court. He begins gyrating his hips to the massive thick drum beat, and since he’s more, ya know, slim thick built like an hourglass, his ass cheeks QUAKE and QUIVER from the vibration of his precious little boy toys up on stage. Syghie will let him have them as a treat, sometimes, if he’s a good little doggie for Mistress.
“Is that legal?” Kite whispers to Jain.
“Tennis.” Jain affirms.
The performance comes to a CLIMAX before settling. The song was shocking but not overwhelmingly memorable, like a scandalizing episode of the Bachelor where you don’t know any of the girls' names but it is shocking nonetheless.
The boys are ushered backstage. What a performance. But the aftermath of their song causes massive chaos to erupt all over Greece. Syo tries to switch back to being an umpire and to switch the focus back to tennis for the last third of the game. Everyone assembles on court, but the game cannot resume due to the bacchanalia sparked by the STARISH performance. The audience, except for the cruise ship squad, are beside themselves, cumming uncontrollably. The force of all of this orgasmic pressure begins to cause fissures to erupt in the earth.
“The only way to end this is to end the match!” Syo umpires for some reason.
“Quick! Take my weapon!” Jain yells over the chaos to Ryoma (the Prince), looking confounded center court. She puts a hand between her princesses and suddenly, a bright white slit of light emerges from the middle of her center court if ya know what I’m saying. In a space that should not exist between her badonker donks, she accesses her own personal pocket dimension and pulls out a… what is that????
A shining, Shining, white gleaming racket glowing with infernal yeller-geen power, the racket’s outline covered in an aura almost like fuzz, emerges from the pocket. She takes out the Shining Knight in Armor of Tennis and yeets it across the court to Ryoma.
“My Queen…” a tear falls from his eye.
Inspired, he rubs the back of his hand across his running nose, reducing it to a lowly jog, and rises from the floor. He is covered in blood, not his own of course.
“I will serve you well…” He plants a tender kiss on the head of the racket, its fuzzy tendrils swooning with affection. “My lovely Queen. I will serve well using your bosomly boon.” He leans forward, his eyes glowing with ZONE from Kuroko no Basuke.
Taking a deep breath, then another, he takes a running start, and then jumps into the sky as if going to spike in volleyball. The racket is brimming with tennis majesty, and almost draws the tennis ball to it with its fuzzy static electricity.
“YATTTAH!” he tennis-yells! He full-sends a Cool Drive onto the other end of the court. Everyone GASPS, as the ball spins on the court, but doesn’t bounce right back up to the other side. It instead begins rolling away with incredible spin speed. The ball spins and spins and spins - somehow the fuzz on it and the friction does not slow it down, but instead increases the speed? The smell of burning plastic fills the open air court. Everyone’s like, ew, but the intense tennis begins to disrupt their Dionysian haze.
But a duo on the court is not perturbed. In fact, everything about this situation is shockingly arousing. Light and L stare each other down, cocks popping out of their tennis shorts, cum puddling underneath them similarly to the now slowly warming piles from earlier splattered around. It’s on their shoes, it's on their skin, it's everywhere. Is it getting hot in here?
The warmth of Ryoma’s tennis ball flame tickles their ball sacks. Tickle tickle. The sexual tension is intense. With Ryoma’s single deft, long, hard stroke, the arena has been cast into some tennis-y, yellow sex haze. The cloud of sensual dust engulfing the court is reminiscent of the Sex Pollen Dust Bowl era of the 1940s, after the nonsexual dust bowl of the 1930s. Armin frantically tries to get his inhaler to work. Shake shake, he shakes the inhaler, and it makes that inhaler rattle.
L and Light begin to pass out, the court swimming in their vision. Overstimulated and also sneezing, their chained hands can’t even hold a tennis racket aloft. Their heads hit the ground (A/N: BAM), and their cum dries in the shape of a white flag. They’ve surrendered the match.
The audience erupts with cheers, our OCs and their friends jumping up and down and screaming for Jain. Jumin stays seated, because he’s a petty bitch. Jain looks up at him, and gives him an unimpressed look before turning to face the snapping cameras and winks, honkers hollering bodaciously.
“Jain Tittenbooben! Jain Tittenbooben! That was incredible!” Reporters begin to swarm her, but are pulled into a gravitational orbit around her badonkers. “Your return to tennis is nothing short of extraordinary! Are you going to make your professional debut?”They swivel around her, but Jain manages to lean in to face one of the news cameras. She smirks.
“I’ll also show you a sweet dream, next night.”