Your kisses taste the sweetest with mine

Godot blinks in shock. “The skeleton has a list of milfs?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” says Kite, pushing a file of her recorded notes and observations across the table. “Cool guy. Anyways, that’s really all I have to report.” She stands up to leave, avoiding eye contact with the sensual, crimson glow from his visor. Kite didn’t want to explain the cuminary arts to Godot, or really have him know anything about last night.

“I know about last night, by the way,” Godot smirks, taking a sip from his coffee as Kite whips around, spluttering.

“Nothing happened last night! Nothing ever happens. Ever.” Kite says frantically, backing towards the door, which creaks in anticipation of her touch. Why are all of these doors doormegas? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Godot laughs, and the deep, resonant sound causes the wooden door to buzz with the noise. Kite surreptitiously glances at the doorknob, which appears to have been fitted with an iCock ring. Sap begins to form, pressing through the polished lacquer of the door frame, and begins pooling to the ground in anticipation. She slowly looks back at him, knowing that he recognized the recognition in her eyes.

“When that cute kitty hacker activated his iCock attack program, all of the doors in my office went crazy. So did I. Ukyo and I got a little… sidetracked, but when he told me about the demon in his fridge, I was able to put together the pieces. Put together a summoning circle, too, and a vaguely irritating carrot top devil was more than happy to explain the events.”

Ugh. Urie (A/N: the orange devil from dance with devils, I think he calls people his butterflies? Look, there's a lot of people in this I don’t expect you to know everything) is such a snitch. We should kill him. “Well. Good for you. Guess you can tell the skeleton everything then.” Kite snaps, leaving the room.

“Why would I tell him?” asked Godot, white knuckling his mug.

“Bye.” Kite leaves the room, being careful not to overstimulate the door on her way out. But as she twists the doorknob behind her, she hears the door whine loudly, and hears rivulets of sap sliding down the door with a wet, sticky, noise. She huffs, annoyed, but feels a buzzing in her pocket. Bzzt bzzt. It’s not a cock ring because Kite doesn’t have a cock, but she briefly believes it’s an iCock. Maybe she and her friends should get matching cock rings? She pulls out her phone.

Everyone come to Korea Chat (OCs only)
lotta boobs: come to korea. we love you in korea
cosmic hymen-breaker: aight
stem woman: aight
im in ur walls btw: aight
lotta boobs: so the plan is we are cruising to g(r)eece. bring ur hoes…. and the girlies
cosmic hymen-breaker: for a bruising (woAH AOH OH)?
im in ur walls btw: yass i just had crazy robot sex it was awesome
lotta boobs: yo that’s so lit
lotta boobs: update: i’m with jumin now?!? i know y’all don’t like him, but he is providing us with the cruise
cosmic hymen-breaker: girlie u can do so much better! can he quell the intergalactic tides of space and time to manifest a chonking 9-incher the width of a soda can to pop your kitty into the mirror dimension?
lotta boobs: i don’t think jumin’s black card can do that yet :( but sounds really amazing. happy for u syghie !!
im in ur walls btw: damn what did that dilf do to u?? good for u tho
cosmic hymen-breaker: more like what i did to him ;)
im in ur walls btw: YASSS!
im in ur walls btw: today i learned that robots can cum :) *insert reading rainbow gif here*
cosmic hymen-breaker: does it smell like motor oil?
im in ur walls btw: thats between me and ai ;)
lotta boobs: u mean u r an original character in “your kisses taste the sweetest with mine,” and you’re just not gonna share with the chat?!
cosmic hymen-breaker: that sounds like an awesome piece of literature by the way, something that everyone should comment on and give kudos to and follow and repost on tumblr but no flames please! [looks into the camera]
stem woman: don’t forget to check us out on fanfiction.net, ao3, and wattpad !! :^)
im in ur walls btw: alright FINE. IRL joie has never written a sex scene before tho so it might not be as tittilating (pun intended) as the others! prepz fuk off!! dont like dont read! >:((
im in ur walls btw: basically he can make any part of his body vibrate and also change the size at will. also his eyes turn neon rainbow when he’s horny and his scleras turn black and also he has fangs (robot fangs). i sucked his robot dick it was cool. he tried to eat my he/thussy but his teeth were too sharp :(( other than that 10/10 would s and f again
lotta boobs: wow where do y’all find such men??? i really need to rebuild my harem wehhhh
stem woman: ya fr i just hung out with godot and we didn’t fuck >:( and then i met this kinda musty skeleton and i thought we were going to fuck but then we just made stupid jokes >:(
stem woman: oh wait he’s right here LOL he says hi
stem woman: actually he says he can teleport me to korea in exchange for information??? y’all is it finally time…..
stem woman: no it’s literally just information :(( see you guys soon though
lotta boobs: alright good chat lads. see u on the cruiseeeee in korea!!

~~~~~~~~

“Welcome bitches.”

A flourish of roses a la Ouran High School Host Club cascades upon the vacationers.

Zach and Cody run freely about the decks, from starboard to port. They should be in school I think? Oh, its summer my coauthor is telling me. Never mind. It is summer vacation and in this port, there is no risk for missing school. Because obviously education is important so you don’t end up writing fanfiction in your free time on Friday nights. Not that i would know obviously. I miss the doorman Mr. Mosely? London Tipton had a baby with the kid from Home Alone I think also. Yeah.

The passengers walk up the ramp to the Royal Carridickean. Here is the list of passengers from Jain’s invitation letter:

A Formal Invitation to Jumin Han’s and Jain TIttenbooben’s Engagement Cruise

Oh mein götten! Thank you all for being such great friends! I would like to invite you on an exclusive, but all inclusive, cruise from Busan, Korea to Athens, Greece. This is the strongest ship to have ever set sail. I wanna let you in on who is cumming, but I have to admit the Asahina bros aren’t cumming, except for Monk and Masaomi. I kinda fucked up with the whole Natsume situation. Masaomi (he/they) said their’s a lot of tension in the house right now, and as the eldest sibling, they want to ensure cordial relations with the rest of there group. Monk is cumming, because the sea air could help purge the deep rooted horniness from his soul and he could finally be a true man of the cloth.

Anyways here’s the extended guest list:
Kite
Joie
Syghie
Ritsuka
Azuna
Masaomi
Monk Asahina
Ema
Lord Cornelius Springer
Lady Sasha Braus
REM
Shiki
Mage
Urie (Not Brendon)
Haruka (New bestie alert, she composes for Starish)
Tomo (it’s Shibuya, Haruka’s bestie… for now yknow)
Everybody’s various hoes (Plus ones)
Ai
Shining
Godot
Armin (so Kite you can have options)
With live performances from… Starish!!!! And Ghost Quartet !

Looking forward to seeing you guys. Thanks for supporting my various engagements and entanglements, alike.

Sincerely,

Jain Tittenbooben
—-

“How’s it going, guys!”

Everyone turns to the bar, where they see Syghie is stood behind the counter, shaking a cocktail shaker with one hand. It is quite impressive, given her smaller, lithe hands, but damn, she is whipping that small piece of ice hard and strong. However, as we have learned, small hands don’t necessarily mean a small… well, you know. (dongus)

“Syghie!” everyone says!

“I didn’t know you were working this trip,” says Kite.

“Yeah, I originally wasn’t, but then I had a hankering for some bartending work. And sweet Shining, the cutie, had some ties with the restaurant company that provides all the food here, and I decided to kill two birds with one stone!

“That’s cool. I hope they have Jagermeister on this boat. Also, Joie, who the fuck are these middle aged men?” Kite questioned with a look of disgust.

“Jagermeister? Might that be the English singer, songwriter, actor and film producer who has achieved international fame as the singer of the Rolling Stones?” asks Haruka, genuinely curious.

“No, you’re thinking of Mick Jagger. Jagermeister is the groundbreaking album by Alanis Morissette that inspired thousands of kids and eventually inspired a Broadway show,” says Tokiya, looking bored without his batmobike.

“No, you’re thinking of Jagged Little Pill. Jagermeister is the angry kid who dated Reiner and fucks people in the closet and doesn’t shower,” questions Syo.

“No, that’s Eren Jaeger. Jagermeister is a fermented dairy product containing probiotic cultures,” says Cecil, holding his flute aloft in one hand.

“No, that’s yogurt. Jagermeister is the folding of an articulated vehicle so that it resembles the acute angle of a folding pocket knife,” Ren explains.

“No, that’s jackknifing. Jagermeister is that guy who doesn't shower and steals scarfs,” Masato clarifies.

“No, that’s Jake Gyllenhaall. Jagermeister is an exercise consisting of casual long distance running,” Natsuki and Satsuki plead.

“No, that’s jogging. Jagermeister is the lady who was married to that guy who punched Chris Rock at the awards show,” Ottoya smiles, the man of the hour.

“No, that’s Jada Pinkett Smith. Jagermeister is that guy who plays the joker,” Tomo says in lesbian. Azuna and Ritsuka nod in agreement.

“No, that’s Jared Leto. Jagermeister is that other guy who plays the joker,” Shion gaslights in Joker. He’s a big fan of the movie, Joker.

“No, that’s Joaquin Phoenix. Jagermeister is the god who died on the cross for all of our sins, including this published work, ‘your kisses taste the sweetest with mine,’ I guess,” Writer-sama (A/N: me) types.

“No, that’s Jesus Christ. Jagermeister is that guy who always throws parties in the Kpop fanfics,” REM, a Kpop stan, discusses.

“No, that’s Jackson Wang. Jagermeister is a city in Florida on the Atlantic coast, up by where the panhandle starts.” Godot says over one of his infinite cups of coffee.

“No, that’s Jacksonville. Jagermeister is that TERF who wrote all those books about wizards,” Shiki spits.

“No, that's JK Rowling. Jagermeister is that guy who sings about those yummy peaches out in Georgia,” Urie chews.

“No, that’s Justin Bieber. Jagermeister is a 19th-century political philosophy in the United States that expanded suffrage to most white men over the age of 21, and restructured a number of federal institutions,” Monk explains in historical accuracy.

“No, that’s Jacksonian democracy. Jagermeister is that guy who fell down the stairs at the Met Gala,” Masaomi (he/they) says over their by the bar.

“No, that’s Jason Derulo. Jagermeister is that guy who is the son of the woman we thought was Jagermeister,” Ema who has finally escaped her wheelchair itterates.

“No, that’s Jaden Smith. Jagermeister is that guy from some obscure band from the 60s,” Lord Cornelious Springer recalls in fancy~

“No, that’s John Lennon. Jagermeister is-” Lady Sasha Braus starts.

“It’s an herbal liquor. Jesus.” One of Joie’s dads- the one who kind of looks like a lizard- speaks up, beyond irritated. The one who looks like Pete Wentz is too busy staring at his creepy husband to notice what was going on.

“Yeah, sorry guys, my dads insisted on showing up so they could rob everyone. I told them I’d push them overboard if they robbed any of the OCs- everyone else is fair game though,” Joie says sheepishly, jabbing them both in the ribs.

—-

“Plug in, love.”

His form whirred, Joie still caressing him softly as his thumb drive, finally, oh-so-painfuly slow, at last breaches the computer’s usb port. His hair glows neon blue, and a mechanical “ahhhhh” escapes from his lips. Joie is amazed at how his fans are working overtime, desperately trying to cool down his overloading system and barely doing so.

“No need to rush,” Joie murmurs, wrapping a loving arm around his waist and standing behind him. Hearing the soft whispers of his lover, Ai finally begins to upload his consciousness into the Royal Caridickian, his eyes glowing neon rainbow and rolling back into his head.

…

……

………

UPLOADING…..

Ai stood in a blue haze. This level of sensation… His processors couldn’t keep up. Sensory receptors, they… felt strange, as if having some sort of steel plates over them. Strangely muted. Different. But also… The dullness of metal and ship begins to pulse, the vibrations of his senses increasing and becoming brighter and brighter. Distantly, he processes having his thumb thumb drive at last seats, palm deep, into the back of the motherboard.

“Ai,” a voice, watery with distance, call to him from above.

“I’m okay,” he manages. “It’s different, is all.”

His body pulses, contracts, and suddenly… expands. He is not himself anymore. He is… ephemeral. He is… a boat.

“Joie… first mate to starboard.”

His voice boomed from every corner of the room. Joie felt surrounded by his mans’ strong, sensual voice, sound waves vibrating through his entire body.

“Aye aye captain,” Joie gulps, hot with arousal.

“i can’t hear you,” he growls menacingly.

Joie starts running. Oh captain, my captain.

-

“Wait, so you’re not actually a lord? That’s just your first name?” asks Kite, seated with the otters deep in the hull.

“Yup!” beams Lord Cornelius Springer, and Lady Sasha Braus nods proudly next to him.

“Huh, I didn’t actually know that.” Armin speaks up, in classic male manipulator fashion, politely pretending that he didn’t know every single detail of their lives.

“I thought you knew everything, Armin.” Kite nudges him with her elbow, a coy smile playing on her lips. Listen, there haven’t been any attractive women in this fic that Kite desires yet. She’s making do.

He mirrors her grin, leaning in a little closer. “Not everything, Kite.” As her eyes widen, the moment is destroyed by a ceramic cup whipping through the air between them. They jolt apart, and ceramic and coffee smack into the wall, shards and droplets sliding down. They turn in horror to Godot, who is purposefully looking in the other direction. Before either of them can say anything, the boat lurches forwards. Syghie’s rotating bar slides across the deck, and Saotome scrambles from beneath it to avoid being crushed. The demons float up instinctually, eyes wide, as everyone slips across the deck.

“The boat is accelerating!” calls Tokiya, his electric contact lense calculating the rapid increase in knots. “What?”

“Tokiya!” calls Armin, gripping the side of the boat. “We shouldn’t be too far out from Busan! Contact the sea authorities!”

Tokiya nods, then freezes. “We aren’t near Busan anymore!”

“WHAT?” yells Kite, purposefully clinging to both Armin and Godot. “WE JUST LEFT!”

“I know! We’re almost at Port Kelang!” Tokiya turns even paler than before, almost vampiric.

“We’re in Malaysia? How?” the rest of STARISH exclaims at once.

Meanwhile, incidentally Jumin and Jain are fucking in the car ala Titanic, the movie. Boobs go bouncy bouncy when Jain ride’s Jumin’s expensive, hardened member. Jain’s tits are the strongest tits to have ever set sail. Her titanic tits are jopping. Now, jopping is a crazy, advanced skill that only 7 people in the world can actually do (A/N: wait 6 i don’t really fuck with Lucas SRRRYYY. He can’t even raise the damn roof). Jain can’t just casually achieve jopping all on her own in most cases, despite her various titacular talents. Perhaps there is an outside source. This is the moment Jumin and Jain realize the ship is accelerating at a sonic speed.

—-

“YESSS, faster!” he bellows, fog whistling from his smokestacks.

Joie moans and continues gesticulating madly against his boyfriend's new, metallic form. He shimmies up and down the smokestack like some kind of chimpanzee, briefly pausing to think about how fucking insane his life is before putting the thought out of his mind. His crocs slip on the erect metal, and he pauses after almost losing his footing.

The entire boat’s wall shudders in orgasmic agony. “FUCK, Joie, that’s it, that was just it, why did you stop, it was finally good,” the boat whined, his boilers bubbling.

Joie wipes their brow, sweat dripping down nonetheless. Suddenly, his sweat goes cold when a tantalizing idea slithers into his head. In a split second, Joie spots a metal rod on the side. This will do,

“Joie, what are you - oOHHH!”

At the rim of the smokestack, Joie has taken the metal rod and stucken the rim. A low tone rings out over the open seas. Ai groans, the bolts holding him together straining against the metal plates. Slowly, Joie takes his rod and gently encircles the rim of the gaping chimney. The vibrations spread far and deep, landing finally deep in the engine room. It is nothing like Ai has ever experienced before, and everything he knows he needs to climax

“You like that, baby?” Joie purrs. He takes his rod, and moves it around the circumference of the chimney even more. The entire circle has a diameter of about 10 feet, making the journey around the entire thing an endeavor, but Joie knows it will be worth it to please his lover. Plus, it’s a great workout.

Joie stretches, kneeling in a track person’s starting pose, metal rod in hand, before taking off at full speed, running around the chimney. Just like a massive brass singing bowl, the vibrations manifested by the first impact of the rod undulate through the rest of Ai’s massive shaft, higher up first, but then spiraling lower and lower until it rattles his boilers. Joie grunts and continues running clockwise, their continued efforts and fortitude finally arising the sweet, sweet sound of a low C note coming from the heart of the chimney. Joie was playing him like a singing bowl, and boy, was Ai wailing.

“Babeeeeeee, YESSS, that’s it!!!” Ai yells, his voice approaching 90 decibels. Joie pants, and goes balls to the wall, escalating from a hefty speed of 65 mph to 105mph for his final sprint. He knows this will wreck him, but he knows the post marathon exhaustion will be worth it to strum his lover in this way.

Meanwhile, below the ship, where Jumin and Jain have joined the others to get some shelter from the brutally fast winds and white capped waves that towered along the sides of the boat.

“Where are we now?” Jumin demands to know richly, wrapping an arm protectively around Jain, voice lined with gold and money.

Tokiya extricates his arm out of the complicated decahedral structure that the STARISH members locked their limbs into, all protecting Haruka. He checks his GPS, and his eyes widen comically. “Beirut!” he calls, voice laden with shock.

“That’s about 5.5k nautical miles!” Armin says, and Kite grows wet from his knowledge of that random fact. “It’s only been fifteen minutes since the acceleration started!”

“That’s 22k miles an hour! Is the ship even intact? Jesus Christ!” Kite exclaims.

“No, that’s the god who died for our sins. I think you mean the TERF who wrote all those books about wizards,” grunts Tomo, gripping the sides of the ship for dear life.

“No, that’s JK Rowling. I think you meant a city in Florida on the Atlantic coast, up by where the panhandle starts,” says Ritsuka, secured in Azuna’s arm as she floats in midair, eyes glowing to protect her.

“No, that’s Jacksonville. I think you mean-” Shiki is cut off by Mage, who shoves a whole stick of butter into his mouth.

Everyone clings to the sides of the hull, terrified.

Back on the smokestacks, Joie’s efforts finally pay off, with one, intense, crystalline moment. At once, several things happen. Joie sees it happen in slow motion.

Black smoke erupts from the smokestacks.

Joie’s face is caked with soot, the waste of his lover.

Joie’s body falls as these vibrations finally reach his jello legs.

Ai, underneath it all like a soft cushion, moans.

The boat continues to fly across the sea, skipping like a pebble on a pond.

Joie’s ears pop, as they break the sound barrier.

As it all goes black, he sees the shadowy and holographic presence of Ai smiling up at them, face flushed red and smiling in relief. Joie smiles beside himself, and falls into the waiting arms of nothingness. The gathered crew below the deck, relieved to be alive, is shocked to find that they’ve reached their destination, the Piraeus Port of Athens. As if from far away, Ai’s voice rings out from all around.

“I’ll also show you a sweet dream the next night…”