Death’s Door
Tony is dreaming about arc reactor designs and how to make his suits more efficient. Even when he manages to fall asleep all he can think about is work. When his head touched the pillow that night, for the first time in a long time, his eyes just closed, and he wasn't instantly woken up by debilitating nightmares that leave him yearning for some whisky. He's wrapped in silk sheets and pillows costing thousands of dollars, making him feel as if he's sleeping on a cloud. Pepper isn't there since she's at a conference, but Tony can't help but smile at the feeling of the dip in the bed where she'd typically be.
He misses her long hair brushing him in the night (as annoying as it can be) because it reminds him that she hasn't left—and that, flaws, and all, she will remain with him for as long as she can. Because she cares about him and not the name that comes with his legacy. Tony is the man she loves, not the genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist that the media portrays him to be.
Tony is sound asleep until he hears a knock at his door. He turns over and buries his head in the nearest memory-foam pillow, assuming it's Cap attempting to get him up for training (despite the fact that it's not 6 a.m. and it's only just passed midnight- so he should have known that something was wrong). As the knocking grows louder, he groans. He becomes increasingly irritated until it gets too loud to ignore. He gets up and throws on a robe over his boxer shorts before opening the door and yelling about how Steve constantly tells him he has to get more sleep, but the one time he does—
And then he sees Cooper’s face.
Cooper's eyes are enlarged and bloodshot. He’s so pale that Tony’s not sure if he’s being haunted by a ghost or if Cooper’s really stood there. He's clutching his phone to his chest and shivering like a leaf. Something has happened, and Tony's heart skips a beat as he tries to figure out what is it and who it might’ve happened too.
“Cooper?” Tony asks, running a hand over his tired face to try and wake himself up. He tightens the band of his robe and looks out the windows. It’s still dark. Knowing Clint’s parenting, there is no way this kid should be up at this time. So something must be wrong- very wrong. Especially if he’s coming here and not going to his parents. “Do you want me to get your dad?”
“No, you’re faster- you’re much faster, we have to get to him,” Cooper says, words spilling out of his mouth so fast that Tony can’t comprehend what he’s saying. He’s staring at the phone and then putting it to Tony’s ear. He wonders if Cooper thinks he’ll be able to figure out what’s going on from only his frantic movements. His chest looks like someone is pumping air into it- in and out- in and out- he doesn’t stop to calm himself down. “Tony, please.”
“Cooper- I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on!” Tony interrupts him. It’s short- and there’s a voice in his head that’s telling him that he sounds too much like his father- but it works. Cooper stops pacing and takes one deep breath before looking Tony in the eyes. “Good. Now- tell me. Slowly, okay?”
“It’s Peter, Tony,” Cooper says. “He’s been shot, I think. I think he’s dying and I don’t know how to help him. I figured you’d know- you could get to him faster than anyone else and I just- god, I didn’t know how to help.”
Tony’s heart picks up the speed as soon as Peter’s name comes out of Cooper’s mouth. His gut constricts from the anxiety that falls over him and his breathing quickly matches Cooper’s from only seconds ago. How is he supposed to be calm and help when all he can see is Peter begging for his life? What if he can’t find him in time? Then it would be his fault.
Sure, he doesn't care for Peter, but he's still just a kid. He's a clever, witty, and compassionate person who has too much ahead of him for it all to go wrong right now. He's exactly the type of child Tony wished he had been when he was his age. The type of child that went above and beyond for everyone. Tony’s overheard from Cooper that he’s the type to go to school with a grin on his face despite having nothing. Simply trying to smile for others helped him feel better. Tony couldn't let the world lose someone like that.
“Shit,” he curses, running back into his room. He asks Friday to track Peter from the number in Cooper’s phone. They manage to get his location in seconds, and before he knew what the time even was- Tony was out in a suit and flying towards the flickering marker on his screen.
He gives the suit greater speed than he's ever given it before. He was never this terrified even when he battled in New York all those years ago alongside the team. The strange, and scary, thing was that he had no idea why he was so frightened. Yes, Peter was a helpless child who was bleeding profusely. But he's seen a lot worse in his line of work. This, however, was Peter. Peter was intelligent, resourceful, and kind. Tony is certain that most of the individuals they've lost were, but he found that Peter was followed by a spotlight everywhere he went. He was truly exceptional and everyone he met was charmed as soon as he smiled.
Tony had no choice but to confess that he was as well. Apparently, they were supposed to get along like a house on fire, according to everyone he's spoke to about how he ignores Peter. Clint tells him all the time that it wouldn't surprise him if Peter was biologically his. Clever, headstrong, and everything else that made Tony a Stark also applied to Peter. However, the pressure which this places on Tony makes it impossible for him to ever sit and talk with Peter without a buzz in his head that tells him he’s shit with kids. He wasn't prepared for everyone to assume that Peter was his since he knew that would put him in grave danger.
The way he felt now when Peter was shot was a horrible pain. Think how he'd feel if Peter was harmed because Tony put him in the spotlight. He'd never forgive himself. And for that, he’s stayed away. But if what if he could’ve protected him better if he knew where he was? He couldn’t win.
Tony pressed on, hoping to ignore the thought all these thoughts. A crowd had collected around Peter, by the time he arrived. They were staring at him as if he were a work of art, only moving when the armour made a noise. They look at one other, puzzled, and speculate on why Iron Man recognised the young man in front of them. He tries to ignore it, but the words are too much for him. He shoves them out of the way so he can get to Peter before he makes a mistake.
Tony winces as he notices the devastation in front of him. He hears the sirens from streets away but there’s no time to wait for them- not when he has the best staff in the country working under his payroll. He knows he needs to get Peter to them.
“Peter?” he whispers. He lifts his faceplate, looking him in the eye. He holds his head up and bites his lip as it rolls in his grip. He’s not breathing properly- his eyes are barely staying open. “Peter?” he says louder, trying to shake him a little. “God, kid. This is the quietest that I’ve ever seen you. Damn it, wake up. Please wake up.”
Peter’s eyes open for a second. He blinks up at Tony. “Mr Stark,” he manages to whisper. His voice is so vulnerable and way too quiet. It sounds as if barb wire is stuck to his vocal cords. When Tony looks closer, there’s blood on his lip. He quickly wipes it away and furrows his eyebrows as Peter blinks up at him with wide eyes that should never hold this much pain.
“Jesus-,” Tony says. “I’m going to get you some help, Pete. Okay? There’s no way you’re dying on me. You’re alright, you are going to be fine.”
He has never said something before with so much gumption. He needs to be right. If he isn’t, then what the hell is he supposed to do? Because damn it, this kid is special. And now all he’s thinking about is that he’ll never get the chance to break the cycle to tell Peter that he’s been an idiot and having him around might not be the worst thing in the world.
Tony asks Friday to determine the best line of action, knowing that he should avoid picking Peter up in a way that may aggravate the wounds. After that, he picks Peter up in his arms and flies back to the tower using his technology (the only thing he can rely on from his mind) to make sure he is safe. He also manages to take Peter's backpack with them, which he recognises from one of his many visits to the tower.
So there he is, flying above skyscrapers while maintaining a firm grasp on Peter's body, trying to tighten some cloth around the wound (whilst he listens to make sure he is still breathing) to make sure he doesn't bleed out. People are blissfully unaware within the buildings below. They have no idea he has the precious kid who is about to leave them all in his arms. They don't realise how much the world would lose if he died right now. They sleep on their beds or lounge on their sofas watching TV, ignorant of the fact that anything is wrong. It makes Tony feel nauseous, as if he's swallowed a kaleidoscope of butterflies. He won't be able to let go of that emotion until he knows Peter is fine.
Tony bursts through the window of the med bay. He grabs the nearest bed and puts Peter on it, grabbing the closest Doctor he knows he can trust. He gets out of the suit and leaves it there, needing less space to push through and make sure everything is okay. Suddenly there’s a whole team and Peter’s stuffed under a harsh white light as strangers try and save his life. People are shouting and pushing Tony to the side but all he does is stare. It’s not until a doctor tries to help him stand that he realises he’s having a panic attack.
Tony stands to the side with the help of the doctor. They pass him a glass of water which he downs in seconds, before giving him some antibacterial wipes to clean his hands. Tony feels green when he looks down and sees just how much blood covers his hands. He didn’t even hold Peter with his bare hands for long. Only for seconds when he transferred his body over when he stepped out of the suit.
Only Peter's blood remains on Tony's hands as he tries to wash all of it away. He’s scrubbing it with force trying to force it off, but it stains. He hears the footsteps of all the doctors and suddenly he’s running towards the bathroom and throwing up. It’s on the doctor’s hands now, not his. He can only hope that they do well.
Tony goes to his room and throws on some fresh clothes after spending ten minutes trying to regulate his breathing on the floor of a bathroom stool. He sits on his bed for however long, staring into the distance. He wonders how it went from sleeping soundly to blood on his hands once again. No matter where he goes, or who he meets, destruction tails him and attaches itself to whoever he cares about.
He tries not to listen to the wails from Cooper as he throws the doors open to the main room. Natasha’s hugging Cooper as Clint watches his phone- presumably for any updates. Steve’s sat down with a worried look on his face, clutching his hand as if he was holding his shield. Even if it’s not with him (it’s stored in the weapons armoury when they’re not in active missions), Steve has always been a solider. The way he holds himself is like he’s ready for war, and sometimes Tony wants to yell at him that he’s a person first. But it’s not the time for that right now.
Bruce is calling one of his colleagues he hasn’t spoken to in years. Even if he wasn’t that kind of doctor, he knows a lot of people who are. And this one is the best child therapist in the country. And after the events of this night, they’re all in agreement that Cooper needs to speak to one as soon as possible. Yeah, getting shot is hard but hearing your best friend dying over a phone call when you’re essentially powerless in aiding them must be debilitating to anyone… never mind someone his age.
Tony tries to sneak past all the commotion, but he forgets he’s amongst a team of super people. They spot him straight away. Steve’s up in an instant, stalking towards Tony. He sees the blood first and is suddenly all over him. “Tony? Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital too?” When Tony shakes his head, the realisation dawns over Steve’s face. He pulls him aside and into the kitchen, so Cooper won’t hear. “Is Peter okay?”
“He’s in surgery,” Tony says.
“But is he okay?”
“I don’t know! Okay?” Tony snaps. “I don’t know if I’ve just sent a kid to his death, and I’d rather not think about it so would you just leave me alone? I need a drink. Hell, I need ten.”
“Tony, that’s not- I-,”
“I’m having this drink. I just had to carry Peter- who was bleeding out and barely alive, by the way, across the city. I’m terrified, Steve. So before I throw up over you, let me down my whisky and mind your own business. Okay?” Tony says, opening the bottle with just his teeth. He watches Steve fold into himself, falling silent. He sighs, taking a swig. “…Sorry. I just need it right now. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“I understand,” Steve nods. “Just, please. Please be careful. Maybe only have the one bottle, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Seems reasonable,” Tony nods. He looks over at Steve sadly before looking down at his hands which are covered in blood. “God,” he whispers. The gravity of the situation suddenly hits Tony. His breathing heightens. He wants nothing more than to be on his own, but his feet won’t move. He can feel the tears building up in his eyes- but Steve’s staring and he knows he doesn’t want this.
“Tony? Are you okay?” Steve says, moving forward to take the glass out of his hand before Tony could drop it and smash the glass. He puts his hand on Tony’s arm, trying to help him up as he stumbles. “Tony?”
Tony's cheeks felt a little damp. He attempts to hide the tears by ducking anytime Steve gets too close. He turns aside, but his knees fold and he's on the floor before he realises it. He instantly buries his face in his legs, attempting to keep Steve from seeing him as he is. He closes his eyes tightly to try and stop the tears from coming. His heart pounding in his chest, he remembers how he felt all those years ago when Harley wouldn't stop asking him questions about New York. The emotions are all too similar. He can't even breathe properly because all he's seeing is Peter in that room, surrounded by people he has never met before.
Tony hears the shuffle of Steve’s shoes as he walks past the kitchen island towards where Tony’s cowering on the floor. He doesn’t want to be here. Steve never knows when to quit, and now’s the time if any. He can’t stand to be seen as weak. And even if Steve said he wasn’t, he knew he was.
“Please leave,” Tony whispers.
“I can’t just leave you like this. I can’t risk you hurting yourself.”
“Steve, please.”
“I- Tony,” Steve says. Tony hears him kneel down. “You know that he’s going to be okay? You saved him, and it’s fine. You’re not a danger to the people in your life, Tony. You saved him.”
“His blood is on my hands,” Tony says. He looks up and sees Steve’s worried eyes staring back at him. “And I’m going to have to live with that.” Tony takes a deep breath, regaining the composure he’s used to portraying to the world. He pushes himself off the floor, brushing the dust off him. But as he starts to stand, he finds it too hard. Steve offers to help him up and Tony reluctantly accepts it. He reaches for his drink and Steve doesn’t stop him. He just watches. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re afraid I’m going to break at any second,” Tony says. He takes a sip of his drink to try and lift his spirts. If not his spirts than at least his energy. He looks at Steve who’s trying his best not to diverge into one of his righteous spiels. “I’m going to go see if he’s okay.”
“Okay,” Steve says. “Let us know if there’s any updates?”
“Sure,” Tony shrugs. He finishes off the drink in glass and puts it by the sink. He adjusts his jacket, trying to look put together as he steps outside the kitchen and ignores the tiny buzz in his brain from the drink. He leaves behind Steve, who’s just as upset at he is, and walks back towards the med bay where he dropped Peter off.
They’re still in surgery but from the looks of things it seems… promising? He’s not sure. Peter is on the table, looking as still as ever, but Tony can still see some light left in him. However, in his eyes Tony still sees that fear of death. All he remembers is the way Peter said his name, too weak to say anything else. He has to grip the side of the wall to steady himself. It’s too much to handle.
He stands there for hours and the surgery just seems to keep going. People come and go but Tony stays there, watching. He dissociates from the wider world around him and stares through the one-way window as they try and get Peter back. Cooper is by his side for a lot of it. Tony takes one hand away from the wall and puts it around him. Neither of them says a word but sometimes he thinks the silence is calmer.
When Clint comes to take Cooper to bed, it now being closer to 6am, Tony says goodbye, but he stays where he is. Even if his legs are beginning to hurt, he’s not letting Peter come out of this by himself. He wonders if anyone has let his guardian know- if they even have a way of contacting her. They’ve never even met before. Tony can’t even remember her name.
A doctor walks out of the room still dressed from head to toe in scrubs. They take Tony aside. “He’s going to make it,” they say. “We’ve removed the bullet and cleaned up the wound. All he needs now is a lot of rest and to take it easy for a while. We’re going to take him into one of the rooms, would you like to come with us?”
“Yeah,” Tony says, watching as three nurses wheel Peter out on a bed. He looks so young. “And you’re sure he’s going to be fine?”
“A few weeks of recovery, maybe. He lost a lot of blood and we had to do a transfusion… but he’ll be fine. Just take good care of him,” The doctor says. “I’m sure that won’t be too much of a problem.”
The nurses give Tony some information but he’s not really listening. He takes a seat next to Peter’s bed as they leave the room. He looks over at him, tucking him in with the blankets they’ve draped over him. He puts on a film he thinks he’d like, but he’s not sure. Because Tony doesn’t know much about Peter at all.
How did this happen in the first place? Was Peter a member of a gang or was he simply unlucky? Whatever it was, Tony knew he cared about Peter, even if he didn't want to express it. From now on, he had to keep him safe, which meant staying put. It had to be from the side-lines, though. If anyone saw them together, he'd be in even more danger than he already was. So he thought he could educate him on how to defend himself and construct a safety watch that would alert Tony if things went wrong. Something like that anyway.
He grabs a piece of paper from one of the desks and starts doodling some plans. He doodles for hours, not realising that time had passed. Some nurses walk in and do some scans to make sure everything’s healing properly, taking the results back to check over them. Tony thanks them for their hard work, making a mental note to give all the people involved in today a big pay rise.
As Tony goes to grab another piece of paper as he’s covered the rest in numbers and potential designs, he sees some movement from the bed. Peter stirs, but he doesn’t wake up. But the bit of life makes Tony sigh in relief. He’s really going to make it.
“Hey,” Happy says, pushing the door open. “Pepper says you’re missing an important meeting.”
“Cancel it,” Tony says. “I know Pepper won’t be happy, but she’ll understand.”
“…Is he okay?” Happy says, walking over to the bottom of the bed. “Clint’s just told me what happened.”
Tony chuckles. “So, you’ve finally joined the rest of them, huh? You care about the kid?”
“No, he’s a little shit. But who else am I going to argue with when I come into work?” Happy laughs. He walks over to the side of the bed and adjusts the blanket that must’ve moved when Peter did. Happy’s eyes move over to Tony. “You need to get some sleep, Tony. And a shower. I can sit here with him if you’re scared to leave him alone.”
“I’m fine, Happy. I’ll leave when he wakes up,” Tony says. He looks at Peter and hopes that moment comes soon than later.
“Honestly, Tony… Just go to bed. You don’t look good.”
“I’m not the one who’s been through a major surgery, Hap. I’m keeping an eye out for him and that’s final,” Tony says.
“Okay,” Happy shrugs. He looks between the two of them with a small smirk on his face. “Rhodey told me there was something different about you recently. I’m guessing it is do with the kid?”
“No. It’s nothing. Just because I leave the lab sometimes doesn’t mean I’m suddenly this random kid’s father,” Tony sighs.
“Well, then. Why do you look so scared?”
“I’m not scared. I’m worried, there’s a difference. He was shot and almost died of course I’m going to make sure he’s okay. Just because I have empathy doesn’t mean we’re best friends,” Tony says. He gets on his feet, his cheeks bright red. He folds the paper and puts the plans in his pockets just so Happy doesn’t see them. “I don’t even know the kid that well. He’s just ‘Cooper’s friend’ to me. Nothing more. I just need to make sure my doctors are still doing their best. Okay?”
“…Ouch, Mr Stark,” they hear from the bed. Peter’s trying to get up, his voice still strained from everything that happened that evening. “Means a lot that you care about me,” he laughs, but his eyes tell that it’s not a joke.
He’s hurt- and of course, he has the right to be. Peter had to wake up at that exact point, didn’t he? Out of everything he’s done tonight he hears the one thing Tony knows isn’t the truth. Tony groans. He moves over to Peter, wondering how he’s able to move so freely after being shot in the stomach. He’s healed so fast that something seems off.
Tony doesn’t know what to say. He turns to face Peter who’s blinking rapidly. He’s probably finding it hard to stay awake. Even Happy stays quiet.
“It was a joke,” Tony says, his voice almost quivering. Why does he find it so hard to just say he cares? “I…I’m so glad that you’re okay, Peter.”
“Yeah?” Peter whispers. He lays back down. He tries so hard to keep himself up.
“Yeah. You really scared me, and a lot of other people too,” Tony says. “It’s nice to see you awake but I think you should go back to sleep.”
“No,” Peter shakes his head. “I need to get my backpack. I want that, and I want to make sure my aunt knows I’m not dead.”
Tony sighs. “Peter, you can’t just get out of bed after you’ve been shot.”
“Why not? I’ve done it before,” Peter says, and then has a face on him that looks like he immediately regrets what he just said. “…Ignore that. I have definitely not been shot before.”
If Tony thought that he was anxious before it had nothing on how he’s feeling now. How can Peter be so careless with his own life? Tony had previously had people ask him that question, but this was different. Tony had a massive metal suit. What did Peter have? A lack of self-preservation, apparently.
“It’s like having two Tony’s in the room,” Happy mumbles. “You ever had a doubt over who your dad was?”
“…Where were you in December 2000? 9 months later I came along. Do you have something to say?” Peter says, turning to Tony. He laughs to himself at Tony’s horrified face. Tony wonders if Peter’s considering that he could be his son or if he’s making fun of Happy. He thinks it might be the latter. “My mother’s name was Mary Fitzgerald.”
“Peter, I’m not your father.”
“Woah, that was the opposite of Star Wars,” Peter says. “…Don’t you think that Nick Fury looks like Mace Windu?”
“Just go to bed, kid,” Tony laughs, noticing that he’s struggling to speak. Tony laughs at the comparison he’s made (and is angry at the fact he didn’t make it first), but urges him that he’s barely coherent so he needs to go back to bed.
Peter does just that, letting his eyes shut as his head touches the pillow once more. He is out like a light. Tony realises it’s probably the first time Peter has listened to him.
“Yeah, the meeting has been cancelled. Don’t worry, Tones. I won’t tell anyone that you care so much. Your secret is safe with me,” Happy says, putting his arm around Tony’s shoulders. He squeezes him, makes sure he’s okay and then leaves.
Tony goes to get Peter's backpack for when he wakes up since he wanted it so badly. When he returns to the med bay, he finds Bruce in one of the research labs with Tony's most trusted doctor—the same one who led the operation to remove his arc reactor. Tony enters the room to check what's going on.
“Tony! We were just about to call you,” his doctor says. “We’ve noticed something in Peter’s DNA and blood sample.”
“What?” Tony asks.
He didn’t expect that. In fact, out of everything that it could’ve been- this was the last thing he could’ve thought of. Was it cancer? What about a rare disease that meant he wouldn’t recover? His heart speeds up like it did when this whole mess started.
…Was he actually Peter’s dad?
“What do you mean?” Tony asks, cringing when his voice wobbles.
“We think that he’s enhanced. Burnt through the anaesthesia like it was nothing, and his numbers show he’s healing at a rate that matches Cap’s. So it’s either we accidently tested Steve’s DNA, or the kid is a super solider,” Bruce explains.
“Enhanced?” Tony repeats, aghast. “Come on, Bruce. That can’t be true. You’ve seen him…”
“You look at it yourself. How else would you explain the numbers?”
Tony looks at the screen. Sure enough, Bruce is right. The picture on the screen shows numbers that are way too like Steve’s. Well, in fact, the scans they did show that he’s healing faster. It doesn’t look like there’s been a bullet there at all. It all looks weirdly normal.
Does this mean he was in a gang? The fact that he’s been shot before could’ve been coincidental, but all these factors together made it look very suspicious and Tony was starting to have some doubts about the legitimacy of his friendship with Cooper. He didn’t look like he was in a gang, though. But that was how they managed to stay in the shadows. Having a kid like Peter to do the dirty work would help them fall under the radar easily.
Was Peter only friends with Cooper to get to Clint? Clint’s kids were targeted not that long ago- it was the reason they moved in. Was it Peter’s malicious plan all along to look weak and act like the most innocent person so his other evil friends could waltz in and use Clint’s kids as a bargaining pin for money or for power? It just didn’t seem possible for someone like Peter to be evil. There had to be another reason.
Or Tony was just being ridiculous. Peter might not even be aware that he’s enhanced. They have no idea if he has any powers or if it’s just the super-healing. For all Peter knows he could be the most normal kid in America. If nobody had caught this before Peter might have thought that he was lucky to skip the healing process on old cuts and bruises. Tony can’t imagine Peter being anything but good, so Tony’s sure he’s not a secret agent sent to topple the Avengers from the inside. If he was, he was damn good at it.
They just had to do more tests to see what else he could do.
Tony looks back at Bruce with a worried look on his face. He turns his head slightly and stares into the corridor he just walked down. Inside one of the many rooms is Peter who has no idea they might have just found his biggest secret.
“Who the hell is he then?”