Friends (1)
Charles´ apartment was buzzing. It was New Year´s Eve, he had invited two dozen people to celebrate the new year with him and about twenty had already showed up. There was food, alcohol, music and laughter. And still, Charles could barely conceal his frown.
He watched Hank chat up his sister from afar while Alex was discussing the logistics of beer pong with Angel and Darwin. Even Liam had showed up. It had taken Charles almost an hour to get him to socialize with the others (alcohol had definitely played a role in that maneuver).
Half past nine had just passed when Erik arrived at the party. Charles released a tension he didn´t realize he had been holding. He had not seen Erik since Christmas. He had texted him a few times and even tried to call twice but his calls went straight to the mailbox.
“Erik! It´s good to see you,” he welcomed him at the party. Erik looked sick, pale, his hair styled with less precision than usual, dark circles under his eyes.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Erik replied but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. It was a polite statement, not genuine happiness to be here.
“What can I get you?” Charles asked anyway. Knowing that Erik was here brightened his sour mood a little. During the past days Charles had even hesitated to think of Erik as his arch-nemesis. Right now he was in that weird spot somewhere between friend and crush.
“Beer.” Erik hesitated for a second. “No, I think coke or something would be better.”
Charles hurried towards the kitchen to fetch Erik a bottle. There, at the buffet, he bumped into Moira. Seeing her here had been a surprise but apparently she was acquainted with Raven. She also didn´t mention the evening Charles had awkwardly hit on her only to leave her alone at the bar afterwards. But she smiled at him when he entered and Charles smiled back.
He found Erik on the couch in the living room when he returned. Erik looked about as unhappy as Charles felt. While Erik opened the bottle of coke Charles sat down next to him. None of their friends had questioned their fake relationship so far but after they had shared a bed at Christmas, being so close to Erik again made Charles blush.
“You look awfully moody for a New Year´s Eve party,” Erik commented. “Did your guests already break your TV?”
“I hope not.” Charles forced himself to smile. “No, I´m fine, don´t worry. You, on the other hand, look like you haven´t slept since Christmas. Did you get sick? I tried to call you several times.”
Erik winced. He avoided Charles´ gaze, very untypical for Erik.
“Magda called me,” he said quietly. It would not have been necessary, the other guests were so noisy nobody but Charles would have been able to hear him, anyway. Still, Charles used this opportunity to inch closer until their legs touched ever so slightly.
“Did you talk to her?” he whispered just as quietly. Erik nodded, more like a jerk of his head than a real nod.
“She wanted to meet up, I declined. Then, I spent the next four days drunk out of my mind. My hangover hasn´t even receded completely.” Erik groaned at the memory. If Charles hadn´t known any better, he would have guessed that Erik was... ashamed? It made his heart wince from sympathy.
“Then I threw my phone against the wall. I haven´t gotten a new one, yet. You´ll be the first one to know once I get my new number.” Erik´s shields were up again. His asshole-shield that had made Charles hate him so much when they first met. But by now, Charles was far too gone to ever go back to that place. No, instead of thinking about how he could surpass Erik, he was now thinking about how he could get Erik to agree to have a real date.
“I´m sorry,” Charles said once he was sure Erik had finished his story. “Can I do anything to help you?”
“Don´t be like that, Xavier!” Erik hissed. Definitely the asshole-shield again. “I know you are better at punching than at caring.”
Charles flinched at those words. He leaned back on the couch, their legs no longer touching. And so, the two men sat in uncomfortable silence while everyone around them was having fun partying. A few fireworks exploded outside. Charles glanced at his wristwatch; still two hours until midnight.
“How come you don´t have any family in the States?” Charles asked after a few minutes.
Just as expected, Erik shrugged.
“My parents and my sister died a long time ago. I came here when I was nine years old to live with my great-aunt Emma Frost and her partner, Sebastian Shaw.” He grimaced at the memory. “Shaw and I didn´t get along very well, so when I was 17, I ran away from home and never looked back. I haven´t heard from them since.”
To Charles´ surprise, Erik grabbed Charles legs and placed them over his lap. With both hands he started kneading Charles´ feet in a rough, but playful way. The asshole-shield seemed to lower again. Charles felt the heat pool in his stomach. There was no way Erik knew about his crush, he concluded, otherwise he wouldn´t touch Charles so casually.
“Why do you ask?” Now, Erik was looking at him, his steel-gray eyes fixated on Charles. The younger man sighed.
“My mother has not called me this Christmas. Neither has she sent a card, I checked three times already,” he confessed. “I have never celebrated Christmas away from home, you know? Even when I attended boarding school, we would all return home for a week or two during Christmas and New Year. But Raven didn´t want to go this year, so I stayed here with her.”
“I see.” Erik pressed down on a point at the middle of Charles´ foot that made the tension melt away. “Have you tried calling her?”
“Of course! But I could only reach the butler who told me my mother wasn´t feeling well and didn´t want to talk to me. Which usually means she´s drunk. But even my mother wouldn´t get that drunk over Christmas that she wouldn´t be able to call me back.” Charles stared at the ceiling, the party around him almost forgotten. He wasn´t in the mood to celebrate the new year. He wanted to cuddle up in bed in Erik and let the other man run his fingers through Charles´ hair until they both fell asleep.
“You have a butler?” Erik frowned. “A real butler who does what you say and picks up the phone for your parents?”
“Yes, exactly that kind of butler. He even wears the clothes you´d expect.” Charles smiled a little. “Old money, remember?”
“Yes, but there is old money and then there is OLD MONEY.” Erik had let go of Charles´ feet and was now aimlessly caressing Charles´ legs instead.
“My family falls under the latter category, I´m afraid.” He used the opportunity to shimmy even closer towards Erik. Everyone was believing them to be boyfriends, anyway, so there was no point in holding back as long as Erik wasn´t uncomfortable. “It really creates more problems than it solves. If we weren´t so rich my step-father would have never been interested in my mother. And if he didn´t make our lives hell, maybe she wouldn´t have started drinking.”
“You wouldn´t have come to The States if your step-father wasn´t like that,” Erik said after a moment of thoughtful silence. “Then we would never have met and I could still play chess in peace.”
Now he was teasing Charles with a sly grin. It worked. Charles giggled, letting himself be pulled closer until he was almost seated in Erik´s lap. It was the closest they had ever been. His heart picked up the pace.
“See? My step-father ruins everything,” he giggled, the desire to snuggle against Erik and just let himself be held overwhelming. He felt Erik´s hand on his back, stabilizing him. They stayed like that for a beautiful minute or two.
“Let´s go on the balcony. I need to smoke,” Erik finally said and let go of Charles once again. Charles almost winced from the loss of physical contact.
It was still over an hour until midnight but the party guests got increasingly more drunk. Charles was just hoping none of his neighbors felt compelled to call the police. He was still a minor and the laws around alcohol in this country were stricter than back home in Europe.
The wind was still freezing cold but at least it wasn´t snowing anymore. The white Christmas had been perfect but by now, Charles was already getting sick of being wet and cold anytime he left the house. Erik lit himself a cigarette as they watched a few people celebrating down in the streets.
“Has Shaw ever hit you?” Charles asked. The question seemed to startle Erik. Maybe he had considered the conversation about their families to be over.
“Only once when I was maybe ten or eleven,” he answered, cigarette still hanging in the corner of his mouth. “He knew immediately that he couldn´t pull that stunt twice. I´d be ready to hit him back so he didn´t try again.”
Silence fell between them once again. Charles could feel Erik´s eyes boring into him, waiting for Charles to say something. Charles stayed silent.
“Why do you ask?” Erik finally broke the quiet. “Has your step-father ever hit you?”
Charles felt a lump in his throat. He swallowed, two, three, four times but it didn´t help. The tears were still coming, making his eyes burn.
“Yes. My step-brother hit and kicked me often but those hits were harmless compared to what my step-father would put me through if I misbehaved. At least, he kept his hands off of Raven, I made sure of that.” He turned away from Erik and even kept his voice steady. He didn´t want Erik to see him cry.
“Never introduce me to them, please,” Erik said, his voice cold like steel. “I´d kill them, I mean it.”
Charles turned around to look at him. And at this moment, he had no doubt that Erik would go through with those words. Erik was capable of murdering someone, Charles realized suddenly. A tear ran down his cheek as they looked at each other.
Charles´ legs seemed to move on their own accords. He stumbled forwards into Erik´s arms and the other man pulled him into a hug without hesitation. More tears came as Charles pressed his face against Erik´s shoulder. Tonight, he felt like the loneliest person on earth, so far away from his home, so far away from everything he wanted.
He realized Erik´s mouth was directly next to his wet cheeks, feeling his warm breath against his ear.
“I know you will be alright,” Erik whispered into his ears soothingly.
“We both will,” Charles replied just as quietly. He heard Erik´s breath hitch.
“Of course we will be.”
They let go of each other after that. Charles dried his tears, Erik put away his cigarettes. They returned to the party, drinking, eating, dancing and celebrating with the others as if nothing had happened. But something did happen, something that made Charles´ heart ache with desire. Whenever he looked at Erik he caught his gaze and wished for Erik to feel the same heat between them.
A few minutes before midnight, all party guests made their way outside to watch the fireworks. Most of them were tipsy at this point. Charles put on his coat, helped a few of his guests down the stairs and then impatiently waited for the new year to arrive. Erik stood next to him.
In the distance, the first fireworks could be heard, even though it was still half a minute until the new year began. The couples around them were giggling, holding hands and preparing to kiss just at midnight. Someone was counting down. 10...9....8...
Charles turned around to look at Erik. The other man, as if he had felt Charles´ gaze looked down at him. ….7....6....5....
Erik reached out. His long, calloused fingers intertwined with Charles´. ….4...3....
Charles held his breath as Erik leaned down. ….2....1...
Erik kissed him just as the fireworks around them exploded, painting the night sky in beautiful, bright colors. Everyone was cheering, wishing each other a happy new year. Charles didn´t hear them. The only thing he could perceive right now were Erik´s lips on his.
Their kiss lasted only for a few seconds. Charles felt Erik pulling back and his whole being revolted against it. Instinctively, he slung both arms around Erik´s neck, pulling him into a second kiss. Someone touched his shoulder, wished him a happy new year, but he couldn´t care less. Erik was kissing him and that was all that mattered right now.
Erik should not have kissed Charles. It had seemed like a good idea that New Year´s Eve, after everything they had talked about before. But now, three weeks into the new year, Erik regretted making this move.
Most new year´s resolutions had been abandoned by now. Exams were only a week or two away and the whole college was running on Adrenalin and caffeine alone. According to Raven, Charles hadn´t left his room since the new year, studying and drowning himself in tea. Erik hadn´t heard from him since, not since New Year´s Eve, not since their kiss.
It bothered Erik more than he liked to admit. They had never kissed before, not even Charles had wanted to cross that line in their fake relationship. But Charles had also pulled him back into a second kiss on that night.
Erik groaned. He was supposed to study for his exam in theoretical mathematics, but here he was, wondering about his crush like a little schoolgirl. When did he turn into this?
He abandoned his efforts to make himself another cup of coffee. He checked his new phone for the twentieth time today, but still found no message from Charles.
The best course of action might have been to just show up at Charles´ apartment and ask the Brit directly about his intentions with Erik. But Erik was stubborn and his pride did not allow him to run after someone who clearly didn´t wish to initiate any contact. And so, Erik was stuck visiting the Chess Club twice a week and hope for Charles to attend, which never happened.
On some afternoons, he was even alone with Liam, everyone else was too busy preparing for the exams. The only glimpse of hope for Erik was the fact that this was the last time he would have to write exams. This spring he would finish his thesis and finally graduate this summer.
The whole month of January went by like a blink – a blink of books, math problems, chess, exam dates, heartache, and stress. Charles and Erik did not run into each other once. By now, Erik was sure that Charles was actively avoiding him. It was unsatisfying after they had spent almost every day together before.
On a rainy day during the first week of February, Erik was waiting in front of a classroom. He had the itch to smoke but didn´t dare to do so in the hallway. His mind had been running laps for a week straight now and had come to the conclusion that there were only two possibilities: either, he had gone too far in his role as a fake-boyfriend on New Year´s Eve, or Charles was actually in love with him.
Whatever it was, Erik would find out today. He was camping in front of the classroom of Charles´ last exam for this semester. He had reached out to both Hank and Raven to make sure of the exact place and date.
Barely two minutes later, the was opened and a handful of students poured out. Erik spotted Charles immediately, he looked relieved, the stress of the last weeks clearly visible on his face.
“Charles,” Erik said before the other man got the opportunity to slip away once again. “How was the exam?” He put on his most casual tone of voice as to not scare Charles away.
“Oh, Erik.” The smile on Charles´ face was so obviously forced it made Erik cringe. “It was alright. I´m glad it´s finally over.”
“Let´s go out for some cake and coffee, then.” Erik wouldn´t take No for an answer. He knew that Charles knew that, so they made their way towards the cafe right across the campus. Since most students were either writing an exam right now or had already left to see their families, the place was almost deserted.
They sat down right next to the windows and watched the rain outside. Erik decided to no longer beat around the bush.
“You have been avoiding me those past few weeks,” he said. “You didn´t even attend the Chess Club meetings.”
“I wasn´t avoiding you! This was just my first exam phase and I studied every waking minute,” Charles explained with an apologetic little smile. “I actually expected them to be harder. Looks like my plan of completing my degree within four instead of seven semesters is going to work out after all.”
“Four?” Erik repeated, furrowing his brows. He was still on the fence whether or not he believed the other man. “You won´t even be twenty by this time. Why do you want to finish so quickly?”
“I decided to pursue more than one degree. Maybe I´ll even get my PhD, who knows?” Charles still smiled at him and Erik couldn´t help but smile back a little. “What about you?”
“I will be graduating next summer. The next semester will be dedicated to nothing but my thesis about the Gauss-Markov theorem.” Charles was apparently adamant on avoiding any topic that could lead them to mention their kiss on New Year´s Eve. Erik was still contemplating whether or not he should bring it up.
“That sounds amazing,” Charles laughed. “I hope you are doing better than last time we met.”
Erik straightened in his chair, waiting for Charles to mention the kiss. When Charles didn´t say anything, Erik replied: “It won´t happen again. I was just upset because of Magda´s call on Christmas.”
“I know.” Charles stared into his cup as he asked: “Do you still love her?”
Erik sighed. This wasn´t a topic he was willing to discuss right now.
“I don´t know,” he said honestly. “I don´t want to talk about it, either.”
“Of course. I do hope, though, that you will find someone and be happy with them, my friend,” Charles said with a warmth in his voice that didn´t match his words.
“My friend?” Erik´s train of thought stopped dead in its tracks. His voice might have sounded harsh but if Charles had noticed, he at least did not comment on it. “Is this what we are? Friends?”
And to his great surprise, Charles actually blushed. “Of course we are friends! I can´t possibly continue calling you my arch-nemesis after I almost cried on your shoulder, that´s not what arch-enemies do.”
“I´d argue that that´s exactly something arch-enemies would do.” Charles´ words had thrown him off-balance but Erik made sure he would not notice. Crying on his shoulder? Apparently, Charles wanted to avoid the topic of their kiss entirely. Erik threw him one more bone, just to make sure. “That means I have been promoted from fake-boyfriend to actual friend? If you can call that a promotion.”
“Aww, don´t be mad,” Charles giggled. “The friend status doesn´t come with unpaid overtime, I promise.” Still no mention of the kiss or hint towards any romantic feelings.
Erik did his best to grin but his insides had went cold from disappointment. He had told himself he had just wanted to test the waters, to see what Charles actually wanted from him. Somehow, he had not expected Charles to want to only be friends. Erik had not been consciously aware of it, yet he would have been happy to try dating for real.
“Erik?” Charles made his worried face again. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, nothing,” Erik answered quickly before Charles caught on. “Does that mean you will still treat me to free food?”
“Of course I will.” Charles laughed. “You will have to wait until I´m back from my holidays, though. I booked a flight tomorrow in the early evening. I can´t wait to be home again, I don´t think I´ve ever spent this much time away from it in one go.”
Apparently, Charles was going on holidays. Erik felt irrationally angry about not being told that.
“Will Raven accompany you?” he asked, blowing into his still steaming mug of coffee to hide his anger. He could not remember the last time he had been shot down like that.
“No, she decided to go on a little roadtrip. She even got Hank to accompany her.” Charles winked as if Erik was supposed to understand what that meant. “What are your plans for the holidays?”
Erik shrugged. He hadn´t even thought about it, yet, his whole mind occupied with whether or not Charles had feelings for him. Well, now he had his answer.
“I don´t know, yet. Since my fake-boyfriend is out of town, maybe I will ask out a cute girl and start a summer romance,” he said sarcastically.
“It´s February,” Charles giggled. “More like a winter romance.”
Erik hummed noncommittally. He wanted to leave, have a smoke, play some chess to take his mind off of Charles. They stayed at the cafe for another thirty minutes before the rain died down and they got ready to leave. Erik was almost relieved as they parted ways.
Every time Charles stayed away from home for a while, he tended to forget just how awful his family could be. Four days after returning to the UK, he already wanted to leave again. His mother drank even more than he remembered, his step-father was even more cruel than he remembered and his step-brother was still much taller than Charles himself.
He had excused himself after lunch to hide in his room. With a sigh, he fell unto his bed, only to sigh again. This holiday was not going as expected.
For the past few weeks, nothing had gone as expected, really. First, he didn´t hear from Erik after their kiss on New Year´s Eve for weeks. Charles was prone to pining over a crush, this time being no better. On the other hand, he had been afraid to meet Erik, if he was being honest.
Erik had played his role as Charles´ fake-boyfriend so well. It was not impossible that Erik had only kissed him because it was something to be expected from couples. All the other couples around them had kissed, too, maybe it had just been the euphoria of the moment.
And then Erik had picked him up after the last exam. Charles remembered clear as day how his heartrate had spiked. He almost had expected a love confession, only that it was Erik he was talking about, not exactly the type for public love confessions, was he?
Maybe Erik had been unsure about his feelings and needed some time to sort them, Charles had rationalized with himself. Only to ruin everything within five minutes by asking whether or not Erik still loved Magda. Charles could have kicked himself in the ass for that question but the words had come out of his mouth before he had really thought about them. It had been an unfair question. Magda and Erik had been engaged and had expected children together, what was Erik supposed to say, “No”?
And still, hearing Erik´s reluctant answer had been devastating for Charles´ aching heart. After months of pretending to be friends and later lovers, Charles had wanted an easy answer. Do you still love Magda, Erik? No. Do you maybe want to date me instead, Erik? Yes.
Charles groaned. He really needed to stop watching cheesy rom-coms. There were no easy answers in real life.
All that thinking about Erik made him miss his friend – because that´s what they were now, friends – even more. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. The UK was five hours ahead of the East Coast, as he recalled. Erik got up early so Charles decided to call him. With his eyes closed, he waited for the other man to pick up.
“Lehnsherr,” he answered the phone in his oh, so German way.
“Hey, it´s Charles.” He couldn´t help but smile when he heard Erik´s voice.
“I know, I saw the caller ID.”
“And I know who I was calling, so why did you introduce yourself?” Charles teased, already in a better mood. He heard Erik groan.
“Is your family that awful? It hasn´t even been a week. I hope your mother has at least apologized for not sending you a Christmas card.“
Charles sighed noncommittally. “She said she forgot.”
Thankfully, Erik didn´t ask any further questions.
“So, have you found something to keep you occupied during the holidays, my friend?” Charles asked in an effort to move towards lighter topics than his complicated family relations. “Preferably something other than chess.”
“You only say that because you don´t want me to get better,” Erik replied and Charles could practically hear his grin. “We haven´t played against each other in a while.”
“I have never played online but we could try,” Charles offered, his heart already picking up speed. No, this was delusional, they had clearly drawn the line and decided to be friends. Wanting more from Erik who was not yet ready or willing to give Charles more, was unfair towards both of them.
“Later,” Erik cut him off. “I was on my way to the workshop. I was actually getting into metalworking the past few days.”
“Oh! That sounds interesting. I thought you liked working with wood better, since you were a carpenter before.” Charles rolled unto his back and stared at the ceiling. He remembered Christmas when Erik had offered to share a bed.
“I wanted to try something new, that is all.” Erik sounded strangely defensive. “I... have a job interview next week. Via video call. I assume that´s how job interviews are being done in the 21st century.”
Charles frowned. Erik was still working on his thesis, it was a little early for a job interview, wasn´t it?
“Aren´t you still working on your thesis? What job did you apply for?” he asked politely. It sounded like Erik was hiding something from Charles.
“I didn´t apply for anything, one of my professors recommended me to them. They are looking for a Data Analyst or something like that. Down in Utah.” Erik chuckled but it sounded like he was nervous. “Looks like we only gonna be fake-boyfriends until summer, then.”
Charles felt his insides grow cold. He swallowed hard, forced himself to smile at the ceiling and replied: “That is good news, isn´t it? Even though I´m surprised you would be willing to move to Utah, my friend. I somehow pegged you for the type of person to move back to Europe, eventually.” He did not comment on the part where Erik had put a time limit on their fake relationship.
“I´d love to go back to Europe,” Erik replied hesitantly. “But maybe life has other plans for me.” He waited for Charles to say something, to mention their fake relationship, maybe, but Charles didn´t deliver. He was still at a loss for words.
Erik sighed. “I have to get going or I´ll be late. Try not to go insane, Charles, talk to you later.”
“Yeah, sure, talk to you later,” Charles replied hastily. Before he could say any more, Erik had already hung up.