Jason had been up since five in the morning. He hadn’t slept well. The laughter in his head had been too loud for him to rest so he closed his eyes and lay there. He stared at the images that were on his eyelids. He saw Bruce walking away from him as he screamed and begged for him to come back. He never had. Jason didn’t hate him anymore. He saw a man. He could’ve been any of them. He was gone too quickly for Jason to identify him. He saw himself staring back in the mirror. The bags under his eyes and the shadows below his cheekbones. The way his clothes hung off his frame. The way the bruises mottled his neck most nights.
Jason scratches his arms until they bleed. He looks down at them. The red paints the lines like ink. Jason feels oddly at peace.
He wants to wake Matt and Frank up. Jason makes them coffee so that they won’t be mad. They couldn’t be mad if he brought coffee.
Jason stands in front of the door. He contorts his face into a fake smile. It helps him to hide the green.
Jason slides between the crack in the door with three cups of coffee all balanced neatly between his fingers.
“Good morning, I brought- HEY! I thought you could hear me coming, that’s- ewww.” Jason cuts himself off with a noise of disgust as they leap apart. He watches them smooth down t-shirts and adjust the covers.
“Sorry Jay, wasn’t paying attention. Anyway what did you say about coffee?” Matt is quick to change the subject. Frank snorts a little at that. He looks up Jason expectantly. Jason realises that he mirrors the look on the lawyer’s face almost perfectly.
“What- Oh yeah, I made you some. Thought you might need it to wake up. It’s been a while.” Jason hands then each a steaming mug of coffee. Matt inhales the smell and Jason sees him wake up more with the caffeine. He goes to take a sip but sits up straighter instead.
“What do you mean ‘a while’?” Matt sounds confused. Frank takes another sip of coffee as he watches.
“It’s three p.m. Matt. Everyone’s coming over at four and we agreed this the other week?” Jason says. He wants to laugh at them forgetting. He knows they’ve had a lot on their minds though so he doesn’t.
“Oh shit, I completely forgot about that. How long we got?” It’s Frank’s turn to talk.
“Eh, you know how Danny, Luke, and Jess, they’ll be here early. And Dick. And Cass. And Damian and Tim because they’ll be together. Ok so you’ve got maybe half an hour or forty-five minutes at best before they appear?”
Matt curses and fumbles to put the mug down on the table next to their bed. Jason watches Frank take the cup out of his shaking hands and set it down.
“Alright, Jason you go and just- give the place a general tidy up, would you? It probably needs it.” The place is already clean - it needs to be clean so Matt can’t trip over. Jason can see that Matt’s on the verge of freaking out though so he doesn’t protest.
Jason mock salutes with a quiet ‘yes sir’ muttered under his breath before slipping out the door again, silent as ever. The apartment is cold.
Jason was right.
Danny, Luke and Jess show up first. They appear at the door sometime about twenty-five minutes to four, holding a few bottles of beer. They do the obligatory greetings before the trio go inside and fall onto the sofa with a large sigh.
“God it’s been a long day.” Jessica is the first to speak. She sounds exasperated.
Danny makes a noise of agreement before huddling in next to the other two. He plants his head on the woman’s shoulder and curls feet up in Luke’s lap.
“And it’s only four.” Danny adds. Jessica and Luke groan. Frank and Matt chuckle as they sit down opposite them on the armchair. Matt curls up in the marine’s lap. Jason smiles at the sight from the kitchen. He gets out a glass and pours himself some juice.
Before they could all get comfortable there was another knock at the door. It was softer this time. Jason watches Matt sigh and stand back up to walk to the door. He already knows who’s behind it.
Jason hears Matt swallow a laugh. He knows that they’re wearing the same black hoodie. He used to wear it with them. He realised some time ago that it’s entertaining to see five people wearing the same black jeans and hoodie.
“Coordinated outfits, I like it.” Matt laughs. Jason wishes that he could see them.
“Good to see you too, Matt. How’ve you been holding up?” Dick asks. Jason hears him and is glad that he came. He knew that he wouldn’t miss it but there was a nagging part of him that told him Dick hated him. It was probably the green.
Matt pauses before responding.
“Eh, looking after all of you is tiring. But mostly okay, I guess.” He responds. Jason knows who that’s directed at. He snorts.
“That’s great, you gonna let us in or what?” Damian pipes up. He hears him shoves his way past Cass and Dick. Jason snorts again at his boldness.
“But of course. Jess and everyone are already here, so get comfortable around them. Might have to tell them to scooch up.” Matt is kind. It’s nice considering that he doesn’t have to be.
They enter and choose spots on the various surfaces still available. Jason waves from the kitchen as he finishes making himself a drink. He walks over and slots himself between Dick and Cass who have planted themselves on the floor with their backs resting against the sofa that Jess and her boys are sat on. Tim and Damian fight for the other armchair. Tim wins, shoving Damian to the floor. He resigns himself to curling up on the floor, resting against the arm of the sofa and legs stretching out under the coffee table.
“So, anyone want a drink?”
For hours, everyone except Cass drinks beer. The younger girl sits there and cradles her glass of apple juice between both hands. They laugh. They share stories of arrests and fights. The times before they were vigilantes. Times in high school when they failed a math test because of some strange reason. Times when they got caught doing something or other behind the bleachers and got a three-day expulsion (Frank). Jason zones out a little at the talk of school. He doesn’t really have much experience of a normal life that the others seem to have. He could tell stories about living on the streets but he doubts people would want to hear that.
They tell little anecdotes about their past week. They laugh at Matt when he starts complaining about the sheer number of times that one of them had turned up on his doorstep, half bled out and pale for the third time this week . He’s not even exaggerating for the case of most of the people in the room.
Soon the light begins to fade from the two large windows in Matt’s apartment. Their faces are lit by the screen on the opposite building that glows pink and white with cherry blossom. Cass yawns, which in turn makes Damian yawn, which in turn makes Jessica yawn. Before they know it, everyone is yawning. They laugh quietly but a wave of tiredness washes over the group.
“Does everyone want to stay over? I could find blankets for you if you want.” Matt offers. They all nod in return with varying levels of enthusiasm. Jason watches Matt get up from Frank’s lap and go to look.
Jason sips the last dregs of his drink. He thinks about how far they’ve all come. A few months ago, Dick knew that he was alive but didn’t want to see him. He knew none of the Defenders, none of Matt’s lawyer friends. He thinks back further to when Matt and Frank first rescued him. The way he accepted his death. Remembers that he didn’t want to be alive anyway. Remembers opening his eyes in their apartment and feeling disappointed . A melancholy feeling settles deep inside him. He tries to shrug it off.
“Jay?” Dick mutters. He looks over at the man and sees the shadows on his face. He looks tired.
“Yes?” Jason wrings his hands.
“Are you… okay?” He pauses and tries to find the right word. ‘Happy’ doesn’t cut it - Dick knows Jason won’t be happy. ‘Alright’ seems too informal and ‘good’ just isn’t grammatically correct.
Jason freezes. He considers his options. He doesn’t really want to spill his heart out to his brother here, but he doesn’t want to lie. He settles for a shrug and picks the nails on his left hand.
“I think I’m better.”
Dick smiles. Jason remembers his smile.
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
Matt comes back in at that moment and saves him from the awkward conversation. Jason gets up and helps to pass out the blankets and pillows.
Eventually, Jess and Danny and Luke end up sharing two blankets. Cass goes with Dick on the sofa and Tim and Damian huddle under one next to the coffee table. Frank, Matt and Jason all take the bed in the apartment’s actual bedroom. Jason manages to wriggle his way between Matt and Frank when they notice the look of gloom on his face. There’s no green in his eyes.
They don’t ask about it. Jason is glad. He doesn’t think he could explain it to them anyway. Jason curls up against Matt’s shoulder and lets Frank put a hand on his back. He feels safe between them. The Punisher and Daredevil. He realises that for the first time, he doesn’t want to lose anything. He has so much to lose now. Jason has never had that before.
They drift off to sleep in the red glow of the lamp next to them.
About an hour after their eyes shut the door slides open. It’s Dick and Cass.
“You alright?” It’s Frank who speaks first.
“She had a nightmare. Can we stay in here?” Dick is whispering.
“I don’t want to wake up the rest of them.” She looks so small in the dark. Jason wants to protect her from the world.
“Of course- come here Cassie.” Jason opens his arms out. Cass scrambles over the bed and dives into his arms. She buries her face into his neck. She’s warm and cuddly. Maybe that’s what the night does to most people. Jason knows he is not most people.
The dark makes him a monster.
He holds her tighter and lies down. She curls into him and he hears Dick laugh quietly. Jason remembers his laugh.
Matt moves round to Frank’s side and climbs in next to him which lets Dick get in next to Jason. He pulls him and Cass closer to Dick and they squish together. He sees Matt and Frank exchange a fond look.
They settle down again. They even manage to get another half an hour of sleep before the door slides again.
It’s Tim and Damian.
They cut each other off by trying to talk at the same time.
“I was cold-“
“He had a bad dream-“
Damian stares daggers at Tim. Jason feels the anger from metres away.
Matt cuts the chord.
“We already have Cass and Dick, do you want to sleep here too?” Jason laughs to himself at the look on Frank’s face when Matt suggest that.
Tim nods and climbs in next to Dick. Damian is a little more hesitant but eventually gives in and slides under the covers next to Tim. Dick rolls over and hugs the both of them. Jason keeps holding Cass who hadn’t woken up during that at all. Matt has his head on Frank’s chest and an arm thrown across his abdomen.
It’s a tight fit but it’s warm and safe.
A few hours later the door slides open again. Jason immediately sits up as he’s pulled from his dream. He breathes heavily as he shakes Matt awake.
“Someone’s here.” Jason keeps his voice low. Matt rubs his eyes and sits up. He tilts his head and sighs.
“It’s only Jess and her boys.” Jason slumps back down and Matt pushes himself up. He is careful not to wake Frank.
“Jess had a nightmare. We woke up and saw that they weren’t there, only one place they could’ve gone. Can we join?” It’s Danny who speaks. Luke yawns as he tries to hold Jess up. She’s tired too, Jason recognises. Not a sleeping-it-off kind of tired.
Matt nods and gestures them over. Jason moves across toward Dick and shushes Cass when she mumbles and threatens to wake up. She’s still in his arms.
They clamber in next to Matt and Frank with Jess in the middle of them. Danny and Luke both curl in around Jess. Jason thinks they look sweet together.
When Jason wakes up again in the morning, he realises that there were ten of them in that double bed and wonders how they achieved that. He later realises that he didn’t hear the laughter in his head last night. He smiles at that.