eyes
He heard the door close behind him, signaling that no one had followed him.
Yet.
It was all too much for him, the god who had tried to take over Earth possibly being innocent. The one who had controlled him for days and made him go against his own team. Who led to the death of innocent civilians and other SHIELD agents.
How could every one agree to this plan just like that? After everything, after all the suffering Loki caused to all of New York and us? It felt like an almost betrayal to him, how everyone has agreed to go forward with the plan so easily. And that they expected him to want to go along with it, to actually be a part of it.
"Clint," said a voice behind him he recognized.
Clint continued walking until he felt a tug on his arm. He stopped and turned towards Natasha.
"Let me go," he said.
"Not until we talk."
"What is there to talk about? This plan is fucking insane!"
"Look, I don't trust Loki either."
"Then why the hell did you agree to it, Nat!"
"Because after hearing everything Thor said and watching that tape, it reminded me of myself."
"You are nothing like that man... no, that monster."
"I know Clint, but I used to be. I used to be that brainwashed girl, the one who thought murder was okay. Until you found me and gave me a chance, a chance to be somebody else and start over. I don't know if Loki is innocent, he may not be, and we'll just be wasting our time, but I know if he is in the situation that I was in that he's in pain. He's alone and has lost hope that anyone will help him. I don't know where or who I would be if someone had not chosen to see that there was or could be good in me. I'm not calling him innocent because what he did to you was most definitely not, but I think he deserves at least a chance."
He remained silent, not knowing what to say to her.
"You don't have to fully agree with this plan Clint. You just have to make sure the others know exactly how you feel about it."
"It doesn't matter if I say no, they'll just do it anyway."
"Maybe so, but they would do it differently. We all value you Clint. If you said that you didn't want to be a part of it, then we would not include you. And honestly, I think you should include yourself."
He looked up at her.
"You want me to be a part of it?"
"I don't think shooting will get your anger out."
"Your one to talk."
Natasha stared at him and then smiled.
"Asshole," she said, lightly punching him on the arm.
Clint smiled back and then looked down the hallway.
He sighed. "So I'm really doing this?"
"The decision is yours."
Natasha started walking back down the hallway, and after a few seconds of standing, he followed. What Nat had said was true, this could be good for him. But this could also end up worse, could end up with him being controlled again. He was ready to say yes to the plan, but Nat was also right when she said everyone needed to know how he felt. He wasn't going to jeopardize everything just because he wasn't open with his feelings.
Nat entered the room first, and after taking a deep breath, he followed. Once he sat down, Clint looked at everyone in the room.
"Look, I'm not going to lie to you guys, I'm not entirely for this plan," he began. "But if what you said is true, and Loki is... not responsible, then I don't want to be the person who caused him to be punished. So I will agree with this plan, even if it isn't exactly what I want."
Everyone looked at each other and acknowledged the agreement. He got up and left the room again, seeing Director Fury head over to talk to Steve. He wasn't stupid, of course Fury was going to assign someone to keep an eye on things. Fury trusted him and Nat, and he wouldn't be surprised if the two of them were called to speak with Fury later (the man liked to have a backup plan just like he does). And if anyone were to alert Fury, it would be Steve Rogers.
This time Natasha didn't follow him down the hall, which he greatly appreciated. They knew each other well, too well some might say, and one thing they always agreed on was space. There was a time for comfort, and there was a time for space. They both made a pact and knew which was needed for what.
This situation definitely required space.
Clint walked down the hall to the elevators, knowing where he wanted and needed to go. Once inside, he pressed the floor, the door closed, and he descended. When the door opened, he felt himself relax immediately.
The training floor. Every room on this floor was filled with every weapon, training room, and equipment needed. Some days when he was bored, he'd watch trainees, other times he'd direct them, but most of the time, he came down here just to shoot. The agents assigned here got so tired of putting out equipment for him to use for his bow and arrow that they designated a room just for him. It was always stocked and ready at any time, with a scanner that'd only recognize him and those agents' security cards.
It was the best room on the Helicarrier, made entirely just for him. He'd only let a few other people in the room, those being Nat and advanced trainees he liked and thought were ready for this. The room was essentially a large obstacle course with all kinds of targets. Some were moving while others weren't, and all were different sizes and distances. There were many types of bows and arrows at his disposal. Normally he'd want to use all the cool advanced bows and run around the course, but not today.
Today he wanted to just go old school with the classic bow, arrows, and target.
He grabbed what he needed and headed over to the regular targets, setting up. Once the arrow was on the bow and he was in position, he pulled the arrow back. Taking a deep breath, he let it go, watching as it hit right in the bullseye.
He knew he could hit the bullseye every time without trying or even looking in a few seconds, but he decided to go slow today. As he shot arrow after arrow, he thought about what Nat had said.
Natasha was a smart woman, who was rarely wrong, yet he still thought she was wrong. Just looking at Loki made Clint want to scream and punch Loki in his smug face, let alone talk to the bastard. He didn't believe Loki was innocent, and wouldn't until there was solid proof. But Clint also knew the only way he'd ever know if Loki were innocent would be looking in the god's eyes. The eyes always gave it away, whatever action or feeling you have has already causes your eyes to react before you can even try and hide it.
You never forget the eyes of a person, no matter who they are. It's one of the first things you see when looking at a person, and when describing someone one of the most beneficial questions. Because eye color can't change ever, you're stuck with what you get, because even if you wear contacts that change them, you'll still be that eye-colored person.
Clint had looked at his own face in the mirror and found a different pair of eyes staring back. They were blue like always, but not the blue he knew. No, these were so blue they looked like ice, and the look they gave was just as cold. Every time he saw them, they looked and felt so wrong. Now whenever he looked in the mirror, he still saw these piercing eyes, with no emotion, no remorse or empathy, absolutely no feeling whatsoever in them. It made everything he had ever believed in seem like lies because these eyes were supposed to tell everything, but all they told were lies.
So what if Loki was in the situation he was in? What if Loki was trapped, and beyond those menacing eyes, there was the real Loki. The one Thor spoke so fondly of. The one who was broken, the one in pain. What if maybe Loki was in the exact situation he was in?
Everything was so simple before Loki showed up, just Earth dealing with normal problems. But now aliens exist, other worlds exist, beings exist that want to destroy this world, gods and creatures way more powerful than any of them.
And how was he, hell how were any of the Avengers supposed to fight them? They won against Loki because of luck and Thor. But what happens if a larger threat comes?
And if Loki is innocent, then someone must be in charge of the god. Someone must have made Loki try and conquer Earth, someone more powerful than the god. What were they supposed to do then?
He knows he can't avoid Loki forever, and part of him wants to go and see the god right this second. But the truth is he was scared that if he's alone with Loki the control that the god had over him would return. He'd go back to being a slave and hurting his friends. On the other hand, maybe for the first time, he'd get answers. Because that's all he wanted.
Would he feel like this for the rest of his life, a looming force that makes him feel like he's still trapped? Will the control come back, could it come back? Could he hurt people, even the people he loves?
The truth is the longer he stays here, the safer he feels. Surrounded by top agents and superheroes, so if anything were to go wrong, they'd keep everyone safe. But what if he were to go home to Laura? What if he lost his control and hurt her?
He could never live with himself if that happened.
He now added even more things to stress over onto his list of stresses, one growing longer by the day recently. All thanks to one god, the god who was once the villain now potentially "innocent".
He'll be the one to determine that, not Thor or anyone else.
If Clint can determine that the murderer is innocent, then he'll believe.
But to do so, he must look into the gods eyes, must see what is in them. Are they full of the same horrifyingly nothing that his eyes were, or is there a hint of something else? Something so small, not even Loki's own brother could see it. It would take someone with high observation skills or someone who understands. Clint was both, and he knew that if there was something not right, he'd see it, maybe for just a second, but it would be enough. Those eyes will tell the truth, just like they always have done so many times before.
He watched as he let the last arrow go, hitting right in the center.
Bullseye.