Recovery

Hiro was having a really bad day. He felt like shit the minute he woke up, and he had spent the past day doing nothing. He hasn’t eaten anything in over 24 hours- skipping dinner last night because he napped the whole evening. He hadn’t eaten anything today as well, left alone with his crazy, spiralling thoughts.

He had no energy to do anything; to eat, get up, exercise, anything a real functioning human would do in their daily life. He was so sick of feeling like crap, he felt like crying and sleeping at the same time- but he had no energy to do any of those things either.

He knew Tadashi was worried about him, as well as Aunt Cass. They tried talking to him all day, trying to cheer him up but to no avail, they left him alone after minutes of no replies. He felt guilty for making them worried, but he also had to energy to care.

The hours passed like a blur. When he snapped back into reality, he realised it was almost dark already, his alarm clock reading 6:28 PM. He knew dinner was soon and that stressed him out even more. He knew that he would eat a bunch of food and feel like more shit afterwards, and with Tadashi and Aunt Cass watching his every move, how would he throw it up afterwards?

“Tadashi! Hiro! Time for dinner!” Aunt Cass yells, Tadashi walking his way down the stairs before he notices Hiro in his bed.

“Hiro! Time for dinner! Let’s get up!”

“No.”

“But food! It’s so yummy! Aunt Cass made some really yummy dinner, wouldn’t you want to eat it?” Tadashi trying to persuade Hiro, who was still stiff. But Hiro felt guilty, Aunt Cass made dinner for him and Tadashi. How could he waste all the time she used to cook? He decided to get up, exhaust filling his bones as he sits up, Tadashi smiling even more as he runs down the stairs.

-

“So! Tadashi, how’s school going?” Aunt Cass asks, eating a bite out of her dumpling.

“Great! I’m currently planning on the presentation for Baymax, maybe Professor Callaghan will take interest in it!” Tadashi replies, munching happily on his dumplings as they converse.

Hiro felt sick, he hadn't even taken a bite out of his food but he just felt queasy. He didn’t know if it was his stomach reacting poorly to the smell of food, but he felt so gross, but he was also so hungry. He ate a couple dumplings, barely chewing them before swallowing them quickly. He felt his stomach become full, already feeling sick after his 4th dumpling.

“Hiro? Do you feel alright? also, chew your food.” Tadashi says, Hiro just stares at the food with disgust.

“I just feel kind of sick, can I leave?” Hiro replies, asking Aunt Cass as he chugs his glass of water before leaving the table, running up the stairs at the speed of light.

Aunt Cass and Tadashi looked at each other, confused with Hiro, but also worried about him leaving like that. Tadashi gets up from the table, Aunt Cass understanding his leave. He runs up the stairs, leaving her to finish her dinner.

“Hiro? Are you okay in there?” Tadashi asks, panicking a little to the locked bathroom door. He doesn’t hear an answer, only hearing a bit of movement behind the door. He got more worried, a long list of what-if’s spiralled in his brain, “Hiro, are you okay?” Tadashi asks again, a bit more firm than the last time. He still doesn’t hear anything, until he hears the sound of crying behind the door.

“Hiro?” Tadashi tries to open the door, “Hiro! Please let me in!” The door doesn’t budge. His heart beats faster, as he also knocks on the door faster as well. He feared that Hiro would purge again. He prayed that it wasn’t that, but the crying of his younger brother made him nervous.

It took Tadashi 5 minutes to think. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He figured that panicking wasn’t going to solve anything, so he decided to take another approach, “Hiro, can you open the door, please?” Tadashi asks in a calmer voice, stopping his actions. It was radio silent for a couple of seconds, before he heard the sounds of crying, but he didn’t do anything. He didn’t start knocking again, or attempting to open the door. He slid down the door, face against the cold, white door. He waits for Hiro.

-

The door opens, Tadashi almost falling on his back but he quickly gets back up on his feet. Hiro had puffy cheeks and tear-stained eyes. He looked exhausted too, his eye bags somehow had deepened even more in his time in the washroom.

“Hiro?”

“Ha, uh, I’m sorry about that.” Hiro winces, his voice all sore and raspy.

“No no, there’s nothing to apologise for, I should be the one sorry for getting all worked up. I must’ve spooked you,” Tadashi apologises, Hiro’s eyes widening a little bit. They both fall into an awkward silence, both of them standing in a close distance from each other, “Did you, did you throw up?” Tadashi asks, Hiro looking down at his feet.

“I- yeah I did. Before you came upstairs.” Hiro mumbles, disappointment spilling from Hiro’s eyes.

“Hiro,” Tadashi says, Hiro peaking up to see Tadashi’s eyes staring at him, no hint of anger, “it’s not easy stopping, I know you know that-”

“I don’t want to stop”

Tadashi looked at Hiro in shock, did he hear him right?

“You what?”

Hiro’s eyebrows furrowed a bit, scoffing at Tadashi’s question.

“I don’t want to stop purging, or, this whole throwing up thing!”

Tadashi was puzzled. How did Hiro not want to recover? He thought they were all on equal terms with Hiro’s recovery, I mean it was kind of obvious, he thought.

“Why?” Tadashi asks, Hiro taking a deep breath.

“Well, I hate this feeling of you guys all watching my every move. Like, now I always have to hide what I’m doing. And I can’t control it! When I’m supposed to eat, I just feel better being hungry than full, I don’t know, it’s complicated!” Hiro explains, his hands and body expressing his frustrations with large body movements.

Tadashi couldn’t come up with a reply. He didn’t know how to answer. He felt confused, how did they fall off the path he thought they were on? He tried looking at all the times they talked and it didn’t seem like Hiro was against their help.

“I’m.. I’m sorry about this. I didn’t mean to neglect your feelings, I’m just really confused on what to do now, you know? It doesn’t feel right to just let you do this unhealthy.. practice. How about we talk about this with Aunt Cass? I think she’ll know more about this.” Tadashi offers, a sad smile displayed on his face. Hiro nods, already heading down the stairs with his head down.

Tadashi felt.. disappointed? He was mad that Hiro didn’t want to change, I mean, it was seriously affecting his health. He doesn’t talk, walk, eat, what was he supposed to do, just let him die?