Recovery

They all sat at the dinner table again and everyone was in an awkward silence. Hiro hated being there, both of them kind of, communicating with their eyes? What? He felt childish, like they had to go to the method of weird eye pointing and irrational hand movements. He can understand their problems too- he’s old enough, he literally graduated high school already.

“So?” Hiro says with a sharp frown, both Aunt Cass and Tadashi looking up to him. They both stared at each other for a little bit, until looking back at Hiro.

“So, Tadashi says you don’t actually want to recover. Why’s that?” Aunt Cass asks, her finger holding her chin, but she had no look of disappointment or sadness. No pity. That’s different.

“I mean, it’s not necessary. We already checked out all the health stuff, what’s more to it? Like, I’m not going to die if I keep throwing up. Plus, I don’t really think any differently.” Hiro explains, clearly disinterested from the conversation because who’d want to be there? He was clearly exhausted with deep eyebags and just wanted to sleep.

“First of all, that’s what a therapist is for. You’re not going to change your mindset and thoughts if no one’s helping you. And, you need to understand that people can have serious health effects and can even be deadly.” Aunt Cass tries to explain, but Hiro immediately swipes it off like it was nothing. She scoffs.

“Hiro, this is serious. Stop acting all smart for once! Understand that this is a serious issue.” Aunt Cass riles, almost getting up from her seat as both Tadashi and Hiro go wide-eyed. She’s never yelled at them this seriously, so they both stopped talking, allowing her to calm down and return to her seat properly. They all sit in an uncomfortable silence after that, everyone just looking down to their hands or fidgeting with small items.

“When I was around 15, my best friend had bulimia. Exactly like you, but I guess she was more pressured with the looks of her body than you and feeling too full. But, she was admitted 4 times to the hospital because of this. I saw her life collapse throughout my years in high school, and by the time I was graduating, she was bound to a bed because she was anorexic. I had to see this girl’s life literally deteriorate because of this disease, and I didn’t do anything about it. I could’ve helped her, but I didn’t know much about eating disorders and I’ve been carrying that guilt for so long. I still remember her every day, and I don’t want this to happen to you. You’re my nephew that I care about, so please, understand that this is a serious matter and it can sprawl into something worse. If I can’t stop this disease from harming your life, I’ve failed as a guardian and as an aunt.” Aunt Cass explains, both Hiro and Tadashi listen to the conversation with pity and awe. They all didn’t say anything after that, digesting everything she said.

“I didn’t know that.” Hiro whispers, his face filled with a mix of emotions; confusion, hurt, despair? With this new perspective in his head, his brain started to hurt from all the thinking.

God, how was he supposed to think?

“Just think about it, start caring more about your body too.” Aunt Cass says before getting up and heading towards her room. Hiro and Tadashi sat in the silence again, both thinking about what had just happened, sitting in the silence of guilt.

Hiro was surprised. In a sense, it was eye opening, but as well, it was scary. He obviously knew the drastic effects that could potentially injure him, but he didn’t feel the need to change yet, he was fine when he went to the doctor so what’s stopping him? He didn’t want to change and people should understand that, god, why does no one get him? But then again, Aunt Cass had to watch her best friend basically die in front of her because of the disease he had, but he’s not going to go that far -to get hospitalised- and die. He wanted to live.

Hiro got angry, getting out of his chair in big movements which made Tadashi turn to him and left to go to his room, angry tears rolling slowly down his face and he face plants into his bed. He was so conflicted of his own thoughts already and then Aunt Cass had to throw in the story? He was definitely going to get grey hairs soon.

He hears Tadashi’s feet drag up the stairs, the same thud bouncing through the floor and giving the bed a minor shake. He can feel Tadashi hover over him, probably to check if he’s sleeping or not, before he leaves to his side of the room.

“I know you’re awake,” Tadashi says, probably logging onto his computer or getting his backpack organised, he couldn’t care less.

“Yeah.” Hiro mumbles, clear disinterest riddling his voice. He knew that Tadashi was probably sad and guilty and everything in between about the whole thing which pissed off Hiro even more. He doesn’t understand Tadashi sometimes, even if they’ve been hanging out or talking almost everyday for his whole life, he still seems to not be able to understand him sometimes. He’s super sympathetic to basically everyone and everything, crying to just the smallest things that are a tad bit sad.

“I want to have a serious talk” Tadashi’s voice sounded nervous and uncertain, two things that drove Hiro mad and scared. Serious talks were very uncommon in Hiro’s life except for the major ones like when his parents’ died or when Tadashi found him throwing up in the washroom the other day. He didn’t know how to respond, like, yes? No? Sure? Is this like a test or something? Is Tadashi going to hire people to kidnap him and send him abroad to get help or something? Is this even related to the eating problem?

“Sure” Hiro responds, getting up slowly with the hard drumming of his heartbeat pounding in his chest. He walks to Tadashi’s bed, where everything was clean and tidy, unlike his room that had blankets and pillows drawn everywhere.

“So, um, at the dinner table, why’d you leave like that?” Tadashi asks, Hiro already feeling the anger seeping back into him.

“Because you guys just seem that I want to waste my life and do nothing and kill my body-which I don’t. But somehow, you both think I’ll die from just doing this which I won’t, and I’m not going to let myself get to where Aunt Cass’s best friend was. I don’t want to die or anything, so you guys should stop being so sad about it. It makes me mad.” Hiro explains with a furious tone, eyebrows frowning as he loudly explains his feelings. He also felt like explaining it wouldn’t do him justice because they always shut down his feelings and implode him with theirs and what they want him to do.

“Hiro, that’s not how Aunt Cass and I think. We want you safe and what you’re doing isn’t safe. Even if you won’t get to where Aunt Cass’s friend was, you’ll still be having the same thought process as her. And, if you keep at it, you’re going to end up like her.” Tadashi tries to explain, but the only thing Hiro does is scoff. The same routine, he explains his feelings, they try to explain theirs, and make their point more important than his.

“That’s the problem! You guys just keep adding your thoughts and opinions onto mine like mine doesn’t matter! I’m trying to explain what I did and why I did it. I didn’t ask for your goddamn opinions because I’ve heard enough of it!” Hiro screams, face hot and red from being so agitated. Tadashi had a shocked look on his face, the outburst taking him by surprise.

“We never meant for you to feel belittled. We just want you to know from our perspectives on the situation because then you’ll never know how to have an open mind,” Tadashi tries to explain, but Hiro didn’t seem to believe him, “We can always try to change how we approach these types of conversations, but it’s up for you to decide how you want to see things. If you feel like you don’t understand what we’re saying, ask us. Think about what we’ve said from our point of view.” Tadashi says with a stern voice before heading out of the room to the washroom. He looked mad with his furrowed eyebrows and thinned lips, but now Hiro felt guilty.