Gasoline
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
The lyrics stumble through my mind, nearly clouding over the gasps and the shattering of a glass. For a moment I don't know what to do as I stare at the hammer in my hand. The whole room seems to be just as lost.
With your face all made up, living on a screen
It's not as heavy as I thought it would be. The leather is smooth against my rough palms.
“Impossible…” Thor breathes, finally I notice his shocked face. Those left in the room mirror him. They didn't think I'd be worthy, it stings but I honestly can't blame them.
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline
Lyric after lyric sings in my mind, Wanda dances at the edges of my mind, careful not to get too close. I'm not sure she could find her way out if she was sucked into the madness. Still gripping Mjollnir, I hold Wanda's gaze, sympathy laces her features and her mind.
I think there's a flaw in my code
All my insanity and pain is laid bare at the moment, she could attack right now and there'd be nothing to stop her. It’s not as if I truly have anything left.
These voices won't leave me alone
They don't need me and in theory Loki is living out his afterlife but the insanity burns. Desperate to fuel anything… something and there's only one desire I have left
To bring my boys back.
Well, my heart is gold and my hands are cold
Slowly the red of her mind fades and the others look to her expectantly. She only shakes her head and leaves the room. We all lost today, Vision’s end was unnecessarily cruel.
Are you deranged like me?
Tony is frozen behind the bar, though his hand is empty it's frozen as if still holding the glass that's now shattered on the floor. Just like my mind.
Are you strange like me?
Someone moves off to my left. Snapping my gaze over, I find Thor moving slowly, reaching to take the hammer from me. I let him. I have no need for it.
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
His red rimmed eyes search mine but whatever he finds only concerns him further. Not looking away from me, he speaks to the room.
“It seems, I have a bargain to uphold.”
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Suddenly Nat is there, pulling at my wrists and her finger brush against the green ribbon. Desperately her hands ran up and down my arms. It’s a strange sensation but I can't pull it off. Somehow her touch is comforting, a stark contrast to the burning insanity sparking across my skin.
Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me?
She presses her lips into a thin line and cups my face between her clammy hands. “Addie, this won't bring them back.” Her voice is oh so broken, I see the tears gather in her eyes, but every fiber of my being screams she's wrong.
And all the people say
“Can’t you trust me?” Shock replaces her worry, but I think she realizes there is no stopping me. That she can't bring herself to restrain me, forces me to sit idly by while they scramble to mourn.
I refuse to mourn.
You can't wake up, this is not a dream
She nods, before crushing me to her chest. Nat’s own body shakes with silent sobs. Part of me, the only part of the old me left, wants to comfort her, but I can't. I have to leave. I’ll make her understand.
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
“You guys can't seriously think she can do this. Half the universe just fucking disappeared, but yes, send the deranged assassin to another realm to rescue the fucking god that started all of this!” His voice gets louder and sharper as he talks.
With your face all made up, living on a screen
The fire burns, scorches at his words. Removing myself from Nat, I calmly yet purposefully stride across the room. Glass crunches under the soles of my boots, but it doesn't matter. Though he tries to hide it, I watch the slightest spark of fear dance in his eyes.
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline
“Easy, Adhara there's no nee-” Steve comes up to me, blocking my path. Though his words contradict his features. All his muscles are taunt, his face hard. His stance is offensive, not defensive. The slap echoes before I realize what I've done. Steve's head snaps to the side with a red handprint marring his cheek. But my legs are moving, bringing me to Stark.
I think there's a flaw in my code
Smartly, he backs up, but I don't need to be close. The touch of my telepathy makes him flinch, but I go no further. Fear races through his mind, Knowhere, Nevada. At the base of the canyon. I really hope he's there. Immediately I pulled back after shoving the coordinates at him.
These voices won't leave me alone
Spinning from his shocked face, I hear him rush to a computer. His aggressive typing fills the air, as I stare down at the others. Challenging them to even try. Steve has disappeared.
We all remain still for a moment, watching Saint come to my side, then Thor steps up to me, with a hand extended.
Well, my heart is gold and my hands are cold
Maybe the lyrics are right. My heart may be pure intentioned but these hands? They are drenched in blood and numbness.
Grasping his large warm hand in my smaller cold one, he jerks his head to Saint. Fitting his collar in my other hand, the room fades, replaced by blinding white light.