how could i have been so blind?
"You know what, fuck you Wade. You're an absolute bastard, god. Fuck, just, please let me kiss you Wade!" It takes a lot of my strength not to laugh at how cute this is, so I decide to give my mouth a bit of a distraction. I lift Spidey’s mask to his nose, see a very deep blush, and I grip his jaw. I push in for a firm, yet short kiss. It’s more of a question than an act of desire. I need to know he wants more, because fuck, I cant take it by force.
I’ve been in love with Spiderman since the first day I spoke to him. I was already obsessed with him before that. I mean, the guy swings around the city, saving lives in a sexy spandex suit that honestly leaves nothing to the imagination. But once i got past his sweet, sweet ass, I was able to enjoy his sweet, sweet personality.
He’s funny, he really is. And he’s a fucking genius. He once tried to explain how a villain’s weapon worked to me and to this day I get a little hard just thinking about all of those big words coming out of his little mouth. Oh, the things Id like him to do with that mouth of his.
But, well, that’s the fucking problem. Because as much as id love to see that mouth doing things a bit to rated R for this fanfiction, id also love to see it doing the disgusting wholesome things that only happen in movies. I want him to tell me his life story. I want to place little kisses on the corner of his smile. It’s fucking pathetic. And it’s never going to happen. Or at least, I thought it would never happen.
But here we are, kissing in my living room. Once i saw how he leaned in after the first kiss, i couldn’t resist going in for more. He leans into me, which encourages my hands as they creep up his lean and muscular back. Oh god, I would kill to see him without a shirt on. Well, I guess that’s not a good expression considering i’ve killed for much less. Fuck, I would give up killing for this boy. And for the chance to see this boy naked.
I want to taste him. I need to taste him.
“Open.” I’m afraid it comes off as a demand. It’s a question. I’ll fucking shoot myself if Spidey takes it’s as anything else.
Once my tongue is inside of him, I can really feel his inexperience. It’s cute. I’ve never had much of a hard-on for the innocent type but honestly, I feel like id have a hard-on for Spidey regardless of the type he was.
Spidey slowly starts to overcome his clear fear and moves his tongue with my own. It’s absolutely amazing. His mouth is so soft and wet, and god, his tongue. Every time I feel it lick against mine I have to resist moaning. I can feel myself getting a bit too excited, and bite his tongue to slow the movement for a bit. Any longer and id probably cream my fucking pants like a disgusting perv. I cant have that.
I never want Spidey to feel pressured with me. For at least the past five years, the only action i’ve been getting is with sex workers. And while they were quite receptive to my pushiness, i’m pretty sure that’s because I was paying them a hefty sum to be receptive. With Spidey, I need to pace myself. I need him to want this as much as me, if that’s even possible. We need to be on the same page. If i hurt him, I… well honestly I don’t know what I would do. I’m not the sentimental type, never have been. But I will brutally kill any motherfucker that hurts this boy, and that includes myself.
I calm down a bit after the nip at his tongue, and start my movements again. But this time, he doesn’t reciprocate. He’s completely still. Fuck. Did the bite hurt him, or did he finally realize who it was he was fucking kissing? Either way, he doesn’t want this anymore. He probably never wanted this. Why would he? I’m worthless, especially compared to him. His heart is so different. Spidey is just so fucking… god. How could a heart like his ever love a heart like mine?
I pull back, not wanting to make this night any worse for him by prolonging it. I cant bring myself to meet his eyes.
“Wade?” Oh fuck. Oh fucking shitbags. His voice is so soft, almost broken. I hurt him. I should never have kissed him. He probably felt pressured into all of this. Oh god. Did I really think he wanted to kiss me? Me? I’m a walking talking disaster (heavy on the talking). I’m covered in these disgusting scars. Did I really convince myself, even for a spilt second, that he could ever want me? It’s fucking hilarious. Before I can even stop myself, I find that i’m laughing.
I vaguely hear him say something. It’s quite and unsure, and honestly I don’t really register the exact words.
"It's just, I never thought you would ever ask me to kiss you, let alone go through with it!" My voice is filled with humor, despite the fact that it should be filled with a deep self hatred. Oh well, it’s better this way.
Spidey says something quietly again, something about it being “out of character” or some shit. I knew it. I fucking forced him. I should kill myself. God, I need to get him out of here as soon as possible so i can kill myself.
"HAhahaha, oh wow. It's just genuinely hilarious to me how touch starved you must be. I mean, you would kiss anyone at this point, wouldn't you? I might as well set you up on a blind date with a sewer rat, maybe then you can finally go all the way with someone." It’s harsh, but that’s what’s needed. And it’s not like i’m wrong. Even a sewer rat would be better than me, and Spidey deserves better.
I hear the shuffle of his feet as he stands to leave. I still cant bring myself to look at him. I bid him goodbye, something pitiful and rude that I don’t really register. I hear a few sniffles in response before he rushes out of my window. He’s crying. I made him cry.
Once he’s gone, I reach my hand into the crevice of my couch to pull out one of my many hidden guns. I put it to my temple and close my eyes. I know it’s not permanent, but I deserve the pain. Should I kill myself ten times? Twenty? Maybe I should just keep loading my head with bullets until Spidey is long gone, so he never is forced to see me again. I’m sure he doesn’t want to. I sigh, and cock the gun.