magic man
#3a - stephen casts a spell that makes thanos forget about his goal
Stephen had seen a lot of futures. Had seen all sort of plans they made that ended up failing, all sort of ways in which they decided to go against Thanos, just to fail in the end.
A lot.
It had not been a comfortable affair.
He had seen them beat him on Titan, only for him to come back for them stronger days, weeks, months, even decades later.
He had seen them running away - sometimes with Tony and Peter, sometimes with only one or the other, sometimes with the Guardians, sometimes alone - the Titan always a few steps behind them, always coming for them.
He had seen them steal the gauntlet and the stones, seen them scatter them all over the universe to keep them safe, only for Thanos to decimate planets in an attempt to get them back.
Hell, in one universe, Stephen had hid away with the Time Stone for over a millennia, and Thanos had still found him in the end.
The Titan’s strength was his fanaticism.
His obsession with the stones, an obsession that was stronger in his mind than everything else.
He had loved Gamora with all of his heart - at least according to him, Stephen did not have enough data to give his opinion (he was gonna do it anyway: that was not love) - and he had still not hesitated to kill her in the name of getting the most elusive of the Infinity Stones.
There was absolutely nothing he wouldn’t do for the Infinity Stones.
It was worse than what he had seen of Thor and his hammer.
Point was, fanaticism was Thanos’ secret weapon. The same way anger only made Hulk stronger and adversity only made Tony’s armour more superior, his obsession with completing his collection of stones made Thanos virtually unstoppable.
So long as he was aware that a single one of the Infinity Stones was not in his grasp, he would not stop.
He had a dream, and that dream was murder via Infinity Stones.
There was no way to stop him because of this dream.
So Stephen did the only thing that could get him to stop.
“Let me get this straight,” said Tony, holding the gauntlet in his arms as Thanos watched the group around them in bewilderment and confusion. “He... does not know who he is?”
“He based his entire personality and life around those stones,” explained Stephen. “Everything about him is about the stones. His conquests, his murders, even his adopted children. Take away the memory of the stones and you are left with... well, this,” he finished, pointing at the Titan.
Watching him, you would not even recognise the terrifying Titan who had terrorised the universe for millennia and was wanted on multiple counts of genocide virtually everywhere.
Just a sad Titan who knew that his planet had died and that his name was Thanos, and nothing more.
All because Stephen had erased the Infinity Stones from his mind.
Honestly, when Nebula screamed and then stabbed him in the throat, Stephen felt almost bad for him.
Tony turned to look at him. “So, should we get back to Earth and help them out?”
“Probably.”
[By the time Stephen, Tony and Spider Man arrived, Thor had also landed on Wakanda. The army fell so fast it was almost funny.]
#3b - stephen has come to bargain
Stephen had been many things in his life.
He was a sorcerer and Master of the Mystic Arts. He protected the world and the New York Sanctum from interdimensional threats. He was the number one defence for threats the people of New York could not even begin to fathom.
He had been among the top neurosurgeons in the world. He might have had terrible bedside manners, and he might have not been the nicest of them, but he had been clever, inventive and an outside the box thinker. His stellar record spoke for itself, as well as the consults he had given throughout the years, both prior and after the accident.
He had been a boyfriend several times over. Perhaps not the best boyfriend in the world (all of his old partners could attest to that), but he had loved the people he had loved fiercely, and had deeply cared for them (the word possessive might have floated around, but Stephen preferred caring).
He had been a friend, a few times. That had worked far better than being a boyfriend in many cases, and a couple of them had survived the test of time and the test of his accident and becoming a sorcerer.
He had been a brother, and a son. Both things he felt he had failed at but, in his defence, his familiar situation had been an... interesting one, even before he had lost Donna. So it was not fully his fault.
He had been many things in life.
But one thing that had remained constant, unchanging, throughout all of his life?
Stephen had been and always would be one thing: very annoying.
“Thanos,” he said, schooling his shoulders and approaching the Titan. “I have come to bargain.”
“Bargain?” asked the Titan, looking at him in distaste. “Bargain for what?”
“For you to give me the Infinity Stones and give up on your quest of destroying the universe.”
The Titan laughed.
Stephen smiled too.
+++
Thirty nine ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, the Titan’s eye started twitching every time Stephen reset the timeline.
Stephen kept smirking.
+++
One hundred and fifty three ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos had started to get annoyed.
“You think you can annoy me into changing my mind?” asked the Titan, as he started to attack him. “Fool! I have waited centuries for this! I will centuries longer.”
Stephen did not answer, just smiled and avoided his hit.
+++
Two hundred and seventy one ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos was definitely pissed off.
“My will is stronger than yours!” he shouted at him, throwing a moon at him.
Stephen remained unimpressed as he turned the moon in a bunch of butterflies.
+++
Four hundred and six ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, The Titan was just attacking him via unarticulated sounds.
He was also getting sloppier, which made it easier for Stephen to evade his hits and continue to give him that smirk he had been told made people want to punch him in the face while repeating ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ in a high pitched voice that he knew was making the Titan more angry.
+++
Six hundred and eighty seven ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos started to cry from frustration every time he saw Stephen reforming.
“What do you want from me?!” demanded the Titan. “Leave me alone!”
“But Thanos,” protested Stephen, innocently, “I have come to bargain.”
Thanos screamed and attacked him.
+++
Six hundred and ninety two ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos started throwing rocks at him.
Stephen was not impressed.
+++
Seven hundred and eleven ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos started throwing Infinity Stones at him.
“I don’t want Infinity Stones,” said Stephen, throwing them back at him. “I want you to bargain with me.”
Thanos screamed at him.
Stephen screamed back.
+++
Eight hundred and sixty five ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Thanos started to bargain.
His bargaining was terrible.
Stephen let him know.
Thanos started begging him to free him.
Wong would have been proud with how steadfast Stephen remained (the only man who could out bargain Stephen was Wong at the Saturday market).
+++
One thousand, five hundred and sixty seven ‘Thanos, I have come to bargain’ later, Stephen stopped the time loop.
He left the crying Titan on the ground and approached Tony and Spider Man, holding the gauntlet in his hands.
“Already done?” asked Tony, staring at him shock. “That quickly?”
“I am very persuasive,” said Stephen. “It only took eight hundred and sixty loops to get him to agree to my demands. It took over five thousands with Dormammu. This was child’s play.”
“You are that annoying, uh?”
Stephen, for once, felt very proud of it. “Yes.”
Tony glanced at the snivelling Titan, thoughtful. “I bet I could have gotten him to agree faster. There is no way you’re way more annoying than I am.”
“Oh, Stark,” said Stephen, shaking his head. “I am the most annoying person on the planet.”
“I don’t think you are supposed to be fighting about this-”
“Shh, Peter,” said Tony. “The adults are talking. And yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Hey, Thanos,” said Tony, loudly. “I have come to bargain-”
“No!” shouted the Titan. Nebula had been coming at him with a sword, and instead of running away from her, he ran and impaled himself on the blade.
Nebula blinked.
“What.”
Tony grinned at Stephen. “He literally killed himself to get away from me. I win.”
“I literally got him ready for you.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Please stop! You are both equally as annoying!” snapped Quill. “Happy?”
“Yes,” said Tony, at the same time that Stephen said, “No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Maybe Thanos had the right idea,” muttered Nebula, eyeing her blade thoughtfully.
Tony and Stephen kept arguing in the background.