parameters
For a second, when the godling’s weapon was not stopped by the Infinity Stones, Thanos felt a semblance of nerves.
The Infinity Stones were the strongest weapon in all the known and unknown universe, but there was something to be said about the power of perseverance and hope.
And, most of all, something to be said about the power of revenge.
He had killed the godling’s brother right before his eyes, and then taunted him with his death.
If that wasn’t a powerful motivator, then Thanos did not know what was.
The pain of the weapon was much harder to bear than Thanos had expected, but if pain had at all frightened him, Thanos would not have been here.
He had felt the strongest pain a sentient being could experience in the universe: the loss of his daughter. And it had come from his hands, too.
Before that, the blade barely tickled.
“I told you,” said the godling, landing in front of him and taking a hold of his head. “You’d die for that.”
With that, he forced the weapon even deeper into his chest. Thanos let out a sound of pain at that, but still, he forced himself to raise his head.
“You should’ve,” he started, breathing heavily but still smiling at the confused demigod. “You... you should’ve gone for the head.”
Thor only had one second to panic, as Thanos lifted his gauntlet hand up.
“NO!”
His will was not as strong as Thanos’, however, so he did not have time to do anything.
Thanos concentrated on his wish, and snapped his fingers.
He wasn’t sure what he had expected, after the snap.
Something dramatic, perhaps? Pain? Cries from everyone on Terra as half of their teammates disappeared? Tears, shock, screaming?
“You weren’t very clear,” came a deep voice, and Thanos opened his eyes.
He was still where he had been a moment ago, the weapon still buried in his chest.
The demigod had somehow been blasted farther away from him, however, and there was some sort of ball of light surrounding him.
And the voice seemed to come from-
“Despite what some people think, we are not all knowing,” continued the Mind Stone, as if it speaking to him was at all normal. “You need to explain what you want.”
“Stop him!” shouted a Terran, but Thanos was too confused to pay any attention to their silly attempts to wound him.
In so far, the only dangerous ones had been Stark and the demigod. Stark was still on Titan, and the demigod did not have his weapon because as battle rules went, if someone left their weapons embedded in someone else, the one with the weapon embedded got to keep it.
“I want half of the population of the entire universe to be gone,” he said, clearly. “So that-”
“Okay, but what do you mean by half?” questioned the Reality Stone.
“And what do you mean by population?” asked the Soul Stone.
"Or Universe?" pressed the Space Stone.
“What do you mean what do I mean? I was clear! Half of the population-”
“What about animals?” asked the Soul Stones, sounding vaguely irritated. “Do you want half of them gone?”
“Of course,” said Thanos. “They consume resources, therefore-”
“So plants, micro-organisms, bacteria. All of that counts?”
“Yes!” said Thanos, impatiently.
“Okay. When you said bacteria, do you mean half of every bacteria?” This time, the Mind Stone was asking.
“They are living organisms, aren’t they?”
“Yes, but if you kill half of every bacteria, this means half of every bacteria living inside every being. If we kill half of the bacteria inside everybody on Terra, for example, chances are that every body is going to die. Most form of sentient life forms aren’t built to survive with half of their bacteria. Their organs would fail, which would lead to their death and the extinction of their race.”
Thanos blinked. He hadn’t thought about that.
To be fair, he hadn’t really known about that.
Now, people were no longer trying to attack him and his bubble, instead watching in confusion what was happening.
“Fine,” said Thanos, after thinking about it for a moment. He didn't want total genocide. “Then leave the bacteria inside of people. But everyone else dies.”
“Impractical, but fine,” said Reality. “Now, on our second point.”
“Second point?”
“Well, yeah,” said the Reality Stone. “Second of 34582. There are a lot of points to go through, Thanos.”
“I don’t have time for this! My request was clear, I just want-”
“Pregnant women is point 34,” said the Time Stone, interrupting. “What do you want us to do about them? Snap mother and baby both? Snap only mother or only baby? What if the mother has twins?”
“Then you snap the mother and everything inside of her, clearly!”
“That would tip the scales,” warned Mind. “And it would no longer be random, would it, if we are carefully choosing to kill one or the other. Same,” it continued, cutting him off, “If we chose the mother all the time. A snapped baby would turn into dust, which would kill the mother. This would cause more than half of the population to die.”
Thanos was starting to have a headache.
“And people who are driving others,” continued Reality, unbothered. “If you snap the drivers, what happens to the unsnapped passengers? To the civilians outside cars? They’d die because of collisions and whatnot, especially if they are too young to drive themselves. Bus drivers would suffer something similar. That would tip the scales, and make it so far more than half of a population was going to die. And this is just talking specifically about Terra.
“What about the spaceships, out there? What about races and species that already on the brink of extinction? What about populations that you have already halved? Would they get halved again? And if we were to spare them, why, then it is no longer random is it?”
“I-”
“Did you think about any of this before getting your hands on us?” demanded the Soul Stone.
“I hate sentient beings,” muttered the Power Stone, who had stayed quiet until then. "So stupid."
“This is why I always tell people, make a plan before you get our hands on me,” said the Mind Stone, sounding irritated. “A pointed question in which you address any scenario and loophole that you might not considered before. We can’t just do things willy nilly and I hate unprepared beings. And that’s without even counting on the fact that you killed Vision, and I like Vision.”
“So, have you gotten an answer, Thanos?” demanded Soul. “Your time is almost up.”
“My time?” asked the Titan, confused. “What do you mean my time? I have you.”
“No one gets to have us for more than 5 units at a time,” said Space. “It was written in the fine print. Did you check?”
“...”
“I hate when people don’t do the reading,” said Reality. “I bet you didn’t even read the part that if you hold us more than five units no matter how you managed it, you’ll crumble under the power of Infinity and a second implosion will happen.”
“Which will happen in exactly 3 Midgardian seconds, now,” added Time, sounding a little perkier than before.
Thanos did not even have time to say What?, before the world around him exploded.
+++
“And that was the end of the Titan,” said Thor, looking a little upset about it. “His destruction was whole and magnificent as he screamed like a child and covered Wakanda in his purple insides. I only wish I had the chance to strike him dead.”
“You did, and you missed,” said Romanoff, glaring.
Thor ignored her, as he had taken to do everyone who brought that up.
Tony glanced at Strange. “So that’s why you let him take the Time Stone,” he said, a little impressed. “Because he would have never managed to snap anyway?”
Strange only smiled mysteriously. “Never underestimate the power of academia.”
Tony just rolled his eyes.