FIFTEEN
The party was in full swing once the young ones had gone to bed, Natasha had greeted and talked to everyone sharing a drink and good laugh with them recalling the good times they shared and Wanda made sure to be right by her side watching out keenly if ever someone slips and mention something about the relationship she shared with Steve. Wanda had her eyes especially on Sam who tends to overshare most of the time.
Natasha was having fun seeing everybody present and seeing how they warmly welcomed Yelena. She was having a drink with Clint and Maria with Wanda on her side as she watches Yelena animatedly talk to Rocket still fascinated by the talking raccoon. Despite having a great time talking to her friends, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that someone was intently watching her. It did not creep her out it rather somehow comforted her she feels like someone was longing for her and when she couldn’t ignore it anymore she started looking for the owner of the pair of eyes that was watching her. She felt the longing stares on Pepper’s group in the corner, seated there were her, Rhodey, Sam, James, and Steve. All eyes were on her when they saw her looking at them she gave them a warm smile and tilted her glass and everyone did the same with their own addressing her. She brought her attention back to the others still thinking about the longing stares she felt. She still couldn’t pinpoint who it was but she was sure about one thing, there was no way in hell that it was Steve because it is impossible it couldn’t be because that was Steve Rogers the Captain America, but it somehow dampen her mood, her theory is, it might be James given their history but the thought didn’t sit well with her too.
Natasha felt the exhaustion envelope her by the time most of the guests had left she excused herself from the rest and made her way to her bedroom seeing Liho had settled on the corner of the bed. She pulled out the covers and lay immediately finding comfort in them. The pillow smelled familiar but couldn’t figure out where she smelled that scent when suddenly a scene from earlier flashed right in front of her, it was when Steve pulled her in a hug and that same scent engulfed her. She immediately shook those thoughts away thinking that her pillow couldn't smell like Steve, it was a coincidence maybe they used the same detergent that’s why they smell the same she thought to herself though she wasn’t convinced herself she had to live with it and willed herself to sleep.
After seeing Natasha had gone to bed, Steve immediately went to find Wanda to finally get to the bottom of this. He found her outside in Morgan’s swing set and made his way there sitting beside her. It’s as if Wanda was waiting for him so he just silently sat there waiting for her to start.
“Why did you leave?” she asked him with glassy eyes looking at him with eyes full of hurt. Steve was instantly filled with guilt seeing the hurt look on Wanda’s face leaving her to sense the overflowing emotions inside him not knowing where and how to start explaining to her.
“May I?” He understood what she meant and just nodded his head knowing full well that it would be easier this way. Wanda’s power traveled from her hands to his mind letting her see what he couldn’t say and from there Wanda was able to fully understand.
After going through his thoughts, Wanda couldn’t help herself but cry in frustration.
“All these pain were pointless. I need to fix this she has to remember you again.”
“Is that possible? Could you bring her memories back?” He asked full of hope.
“I guess it is, what I did was far less invasive than she originally planned. Her body got exhausted after the process but nothing a good sleep couldn’t fix.” Wanda started blabbering her excitement about giving back Natasha’s memories.
He listened as Wanda continuously laid out her plans for giving her memories back, but he was still pinned on what she had said about her method being less invasive and he couldn’t help but ask what Nat’s original plan was.
“Wanda, what did you mean by your method was less invasive?”
“Well, when we went to Nat’s parents' place, she wanted Melina to program her mind into forgetting you which she didn’t agree to because what she wanted was too dangerous and might affect her entire memory and the process would be painful.” She told him sadly remembering that night when she heard them talking.
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It was late at night when Wanda went out of the room groggily to get a glass of water in the kitchen when she heard two voices arguing about something. It was the familiar voice of Natasha and Melina’s accented voice and checked what was going on. She found them in her lab in a heated discussion.
“Natalia, I cannot allow you to undergo that again, it’s too dangerous and I cannot stand to see you in pain once more.”
“I can take the pain and that’s why I’m asking you to do this so you could reprogram it and just take away a selected memory."
“Natalia, this is not the solution it’s too dangerous, and are you willing to risk everything? Risk the chance of you forgetting us again? What if we go through this and all the memories you’ve built with this family and the other one gets wiped out too? Would you be able to bear that?” Melina tried to make her understand pleading with her not to go through the procedure.
“Please don’t do it, Nat,” Wanda tearfully pleaded to her from the corner of the lab. Seeing the hurt look on Wanda’s face and her mother’s pleas Natasha realized how much she was hurting them with the plan she had in mind. She had to endure the pain and thought about how much more she could hold on to before she gives in and burst.
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They were silent for a while as if contemplating what to say next, “I remembered when James had told us about him becoming the winter soldier, how they would wipe out his memories from time to and Nat telling how she undergoes the same method as him. I couldn’t allow her to go through that again Steve, I just can’t.” Seeing Wanda’s hurt and tearful face made him feel guilty.
“After that night, her plan was never mentioned and we tried our best to comfort and help her move on which she willingly took, we thought everything was going well, but little did we know that she was just trying to protect us and not showing the pain she was feeling. She was hanging by a thread on the inside all those months ago.”
“You remember when you came back a few days ago?” Steve just nodded at her question.
“When Bucky called me that morning telling me you were back and that he wanted to talk to Nat to let her know about you, I didn’t know what to do after hearing you were back so I lied to him and told him that Nat was just sorting some things out.” Wanda looked at him sadly and continued.
“She was asleep the whole time exhausted from having a part of her memories being taken out, those were your memories, Steve.”
“I had no choice but to help her Steve, she was too broken that night, too broken and beyond repair. I have never seen Natasha that vulnerable it was like looking at a wholly different person but with Nat’s face. The strongest woman I know was at her weakest, her knees on the floor sobbing in so much pain. I had no choice but to take away what’s causing her pain.”
“I so badly want to tell you her whole reason for removing your memories, but it’s not my story to tell Steve, I hope you understand.”
“After giving her memories back, I’m sure she will tell you everything, Steve,” Wanda told her with hopeful eyes, but Steve seems to be frozen in place after hearing what Natasha had been through because of him.
“Let’s just give Nat a few days to fully recover tell her what she needs to know about both of you one step at a time until we can finally tell her the whole thing and give her memories back.” Wanda excitedly told him but was immediately wiped off after seeing Steve’s gloomy and burdened face.
“Is she getting enough sleep after you took her memories?” Steve asked concernedly which confused Wanda, but answered him honestly.
“I could tell that she sleeps better now, compared to all those months ago.” She told him which comforted Steve somehow.
“Then let’s leave it at that,” he smiled at her genuinely, but the pain was still present.
“What do you mean by that Steve?”
“If not remembering me being a part of her life is giving her a good night's sleep, then I’m willing to live with the pain of her not remembering me. I’ll remember and cherish all our memories for both of us.”
“I’ve hurt her too much Wanda, to the point of her willing to through that torture and risk forgetting everything just to get rid of the pain I’ve caused her. I can’t let her go through that ever again.” Tears are forming in his eyes as he told Wanda about this and she was a sobbing mess after hearing what Steve was saying. “When will they have the right chance to be on the same page and just be happy together?” she thought to herself. She wished they’d be selfish just for once and finally claim the life they both deserve which is together.
“But Steve, she has to know, she has the right to know that she was the only woman you have ever loved, and she deserves to know that she loves you too,” Wanda whined at him like a kid, but Steve had made up his mind. He needs to start loving her from afar to no longer hurt her, it’s killing him on the inside but it’s a cross he is willing to bear as long as Natasha is out of harm's way.