ELEVEN
After that whole fiasco with Peggy, Steve realized that he could never forget Natasha and would never want to forget her no matter how much it pains him. He thought that living in a timeline that has no Natasha in it would make it easier for him to forget her, but he was so wrong, her face was the first thing he sees when he woke up and the last thing he sees before sleep and she would haunt him even in his dreams. He would dream about the great moments they had together, but it would always end up with him losing her all over again. It was the same nightmare every time, wherever he goes he would see a figment of her and it drives him crazy all the more.
He was blinded by grief and would always turn down the thought of going back shutting off the feeling of urge to return to his timeline. He got himself a tiny apartment around the city and would visit Peggy often. They have formed a bond that is in no way romantic at all and it works for them perfectly. They talked about the reason why he was back and what happened to him after crashing the plane into the Arctic. He found that talking to her about things helped him cope, whenever he talks about Natasha, Peggy notices the glow in him, and the spark in his eyes whenever he mentions or hears her name is a clear indication that Steve was really in love with her and that brings her happiness and pain at the same time. She was happy that Steve was able to find love despite all the hardships he went through before being frozen and after all the adjustments and trauma he went through after waking up in a different world 70 years later. It pains her that he lost her after saving the world once again. After listening to him talk about the big and small things about Natasha she realized how different yet similar they are to each other, and she genuinely thought that they are both perfect for each other, which makes her want to meet her.
It has been months and Steve has helped Peggy establish SHIELD and was able to witness the relationship between Peggy and Daniel evolve and blossom into something beautiful. He remembered the visits he had with Peggy in the hospital telling him how she had a great life and even had wonderful children. He felt ashamed for almost ruining that for her just because he was a coward for not being able to face the reality of losing Natasha and how selfish of him for almost taking the life that was for Daniel. He met the man and he was a great guy and he and Peggy are made for each other. Despite having adjusted to his new life the feeling of not fitting in and being in the wrong place or rather in the wrong time led him to the decision he should’ve done months ago.
He had talked to Peggy about this and she understood and supported him.
“I have extended my stay way too long now Peg, I think it’s time for me to face my reality.” He said solemnly looking down at his feet knowing the disappointment he brought to Natasha and his friends.
“I understand Steve, it’s about time you face it and I know they will understand you eventually. Say hi to Bucky for me.” She smiled at him encouragingly.
“Live a good life Peg, you deserve it and I’m sorry for almost ruining it.”
“I will, and you deserve a good life too Steve, go find and live it. Goodbye Captain Steven Grant Rogers.” Peggy smiled genuinely and this brought comfort to him knowing that she had forgiven him and he was able to stop himself from ruining her shot at life.
“Goodbye Peggy,” her smiling at him was the last thing he saw before disappearing and finding himself in Stark’s storage. He felt relieved after witnessing Peggy get the life she deserves and he knew that the world’s safety was in good hands so long as SHIELD was there to protect it. He felt so down after realizing that outside this room would be his disappointed friends and that didn’t sit well with him, but he had to face the consequence and the thought of losing Natasha added to the pain he was feeling.
His thoughts were interrupted by the tiny voice not coming far from him.
“Uncle Steve! You’re back! You’re back.” Morgan ran to him excitedly and was in his arms in no time.
“We missed you so much Uncle Steve, everybody was sad you took so long on your trip.” She told him sadly with those puppy eyes of hers and that made him feel guilty even more.
“I know kid, and I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“You better especially to auntie Nat she was really sad when you were gone.” Steve froze at that as she scolded him for taking so long.
Steve thought that Morgan might be missing her auntie Nat just like he does and carried her in his arms and headed for the cabin.
When they got inside everybody was there and was now with their mouths open, they couldn’t believe he came back.
“Steve, you’re finally back,” Pepper said the shock was visible on her face and was immediately replaced by relief and happiness. She stood up and went in for a hug. Everyone did the same after that and was interrupted by Morgan’s, excited tiny voice.
“We should call auntie Nat and tell her that uncle Steve is back. I’m sure she misses him very much.”
This brought them back to their senses and Bucky was immediately on his phone talking to someone. This brought confusion to Steve and they all saw this.
“Natasha is alive Steve,” it was Sam and Steve suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe like the earth was suddenly trying to swallow him alive after hearing that.
He should be happy after hearing that, he should be on cloud nine knowing that she was alive, but his regret was eating him up wanting to beat the hell out of himself for not listening to his gut. He was so blinded by his grief that he ignored his instinct, he felt weak on his knees thinking how foolish of him to try and forget her, all the pain, the emptiness, and loneliness were for nothing and the biggest mistake of all was he probably unintentionally hurt her for not being here when she came back.
He could’ve avoided all of these if he had just come back and saved the both of them from all the hurt and pain they went through.
“I need to see her, where is she?” he asked no one in particular and got back on his feet frantically.
“Calm down man, Bucky is figuring that out now,” Sam told him trying to calm him down, and that somehow did it.
“Wanda said they’ll be back in a few days, Nat’s just sorting out some things she said,” Bucky told him looking at him with hopeful eyes and patting him on his shoulder.
He couldn’t wait to see her again, now he can finally have the chance to fix things and get that life they talked about, he thought to himself relieved by the second chance handed to him.