I Promise

After the excitement of the lab, Peter decided to take a shower and relax before dinner. He know it was going to be a bit stressful since Steve and Tony had informed Bucky and Peter that they wanted to discuss their opinions of the therapists they met with. Peter was dreading this, yet at the same time happy that all the interviews would be over. At the end of the interviews earlier that they had whittled the list down to three people. He liked them all, but he still isn't sure if it would be comfortable opening up to any of them, or really anyone about some of the things he has done. Correction, some of the things Hydra made him do. Peter assumes that Bucky is feeling similarly. Still, he showered, which he has gotten a lot better at doing by himself. For the first few showers alone he had Tony stand outside on the other side of the door in case he had a panic attack. He was embarrassed, but Tony assured him it was fine and he was happy to be there for him. Now he rarely needed Tony near him, although the first few seconds were the worst. Every time he turned the shower on he jumped back, lost or a moment in the memory of being hosed off by scientists and/or Hydra agents. But then he would look at his surroundings, bright white all around him instead of the dim dull colors always present at Hydra. He was safe, at the tower, his dad just a few doors away. He is okay. After the initial fear wore off he took a nice relaxing hot shower. He only took hot showers because cold or lukewarm reminded him too much of the freezing spray of water from the aforementioned hose. 

When he was all washed up and in a pair of PJs, which may or may not have Avengers print on them, he made his way out to the dining room. The table was already set and Tony was in the connecting kitchen putting the food into a serving bowl. He paused for a second when he saw Peter come in, curls still dripping a bit. “Hey kid, made risotto for dinner.”

“Risotto?”

“A rice dish cooked until creamy.” That wasn’t exactly correct, but close enough without going through the techniques to make it. 

“Oh, cool.” Peter smiled as he sat down at the kitchen island so he could talk with Tony as he finished. “Need any help?”

Tony smiled as he put the empty pot in the sink, “I’m actually just about done, but thanks bud.” It was then that Steve and Bucky joined, both their hair was also a bit damp. “Sit down and I’ll bring the food in a second.” Bucky and Steve nodded as they walked over and sat down at the dining room table. Peter hopped off the island stool and did the same. Less than a minute later Tony brought over a huge bowl of risotto and put it in the middle. “There is another bowl in the kitchen.” Tony informed them. Although it sounded and looked like a ton of food, Peter knew with three enhanced metabolisms it was actually probably the perfect amount for the four of them. Although Bucky and Peter were still working up to their full appetite again after not having much food at Hydra. Day by day it has gotten better. 

They each served themselves and started eating before Tony and Steve made eye contact. After a silent conversation, Tony cleared his throat which caught the attention of the other two at the table. “Any thoughts about earlier today?” Now, more than one thing happened today, and as much as Peter wanted Tony to be referring to the labs, he knew better. This was about therapy. 

“Do you have a favorite out of the three we narrowed it down to?” Stave asked. 

Now it was Bucky and Peter who made eye contact, it was obvious in both of their eyes that neither wanted to talk about this, “They were all nice.” Peter offered. 

“That’s good.” Tony said, trying to keep the conversation moving, “Is there anything you didn’t like about any of them?” He tried a different tactic.

“Alice,” Bucky offered, but did not look up from his food, “I didn’t like the way she treated us like we would break by a simple gust of wind.” 

Steve nodded thoughtfully, “Do you want to take her off the list?”

Bucky said nothing, but Peter spoke up, “Yes.” He wasn’t willing to see anyone who made Bucky uncomfortable, and he also noticed what Bucky had mentioned as well. 

Tony slid his finger across his stark pad in what looked like a crossing-out motion, “Ok, no Alice. What about the other two? Kendall and Sophie?”

“I-I liked Sophie,” Peter admitted. 

Tony smiled, “I’m glad. Did you like her more than Kendall?”

“Yes.”

“What about you Buck?” Steve asked.

“I liked her too. She was the least patronizing and the most upfront yet comforting all the same.” Bucky was surprised he said all of that, but it was true. All the other therapists were either too blunt and harsh or too patronizing and walked on eggshells around them. Sophie was a perfect combination, took no crap, said what she thought, but also gave comfort. 

Tony and Steve made eye contact again and smiled, “I think we have a winner.” Tony said, turning back to Peter and Bucky.

“Tony and I talked about scheduling, but in the end, it’s up to you two. All of this is in your hands.” Steve didn't want to overwhelm them but also wanted to assure them that they wouldn't do anything without their permission and before asking what they thought. “We can set up individual appointments for you two, do group sessions with her and you two, do group sessions with all of us, or any combination of the three.”

Peter and Bucky still kept their eyes down as if they were ashamed, and maybe they were. Therapy is such a stigmatized topic. Steve wasn’t going to tell Peter and Tony, only Bucky, but he knew it would help, “You’re not alone.” neither looked up, they had heard that before. They were not alone, Tony and Steve will be there the whole time. But this wasn't exactly that. “I found a therapist for myself and I’m starting sessions next week.” That had everyone’s eyes on Steve. Even he wanted to shrink under the stare of six eyes on him, but this was important, he sat straight and looked right back at the three.

“You are?” Bucky asked, almost thinking he misheard.

“I am,” Steve replied.

“Because of what happened? Because of us?” Peter said in a small voice.

Steve suddenly realized where Peter’s mind went. He thinks Steve needs therapy because of them. “No!” Steve says a bit too loud. He brings his volume down, “No, not because of you. Honestly, I am a bit overdue for therapy. There as some things I just don’t talk about that I should.” Watching the love of his life slip from his grasp and fall from a train off a cliff. Being frozen for seventy years and waking up knowing everyone he knew and loved had died. Seeing the love of his life once again just to find out he is a hollow shell and an assassin who was about to kill him. These are just three of many examples. He now gets to add, Bucky being taken a third time. “These last few weeks have just pushed me toward what I should have started a while ago.” He finishes.

Bucky gives his boyfriend a small comforting smile, one that Steve usually reserves for Bucky. 

“Well if everyone is going to therapy then I might as well, I don’t want to feel left out.” The mechanic fake pouted with his bottom lip poking forward, the others huffed out an amused laugh, “I actually, used to have one, but it's been a few years since I have gone. I’m overdue anyways.” Well if that wasn’t the understatement of the century. Tony had a lot of stuff he should work through but hasn’t or has tried to repress. Afghanistan. Wormhole. Ultron. Siberia. And many more. But now he gets to add, Finding Peter, restrained in the Hydra base basement. Peter being taken right in front of him. And Seeing Peter as an empty Hydra Puppet. He really does need therapy. “So now that we have established that we all need therapy, any opinions on the logistics?”

“I-I don’t know if I can t-talk about it alone yet,” Peter admitted.

“We could start with group therapy with you and me.” Bucky offered, hoping the boy will go for the idea. He doesn't want to do therapy alone yet either. 

“C-could we?”

Bucky looked at Steve and Tony. They hated that the two were still asking permission without realizing it. “We can do anything you guys want. Whatever is most comfortable.” Steve answered, his eyes soft. 

“Then I want to start it with Bucky,” Peter replied. 

“Alright, I’ll set up a meeting for next week on Monday. From there we can decide the frequency of the meetings. I already made sure that anyone you chose would be okay to be on call 24/7 of ever needed.” Peter and Bucky nodded with an appreciative yet strained smile, and they all went back to eating and discussing what movie they would watch. They ended up watching Anastasia. 

The weekend was spent in the gym training with Peter in his suit, in the labs (mostly Tony’s) where the two geniuses worked together, and eating and watching movies all four of them together. Peter and Bucky almost spent a night apart until Peter woke up from a nightmare. It wasn’t surprising, both had woken up from nightmares almost every night, but they were always worse if they were alone. Still, they were working on it. Half a night was so far their personal best, which was better than none, which is where they started. Things seem to be moving forward, albeit slowly. Still, patience was key. 

Monday came around and tensions were high. 1:00 pm was Peter and Bucky’s first therapy session. Breakfast was spent avoiding the topic, or at least for Bucky and Peter, They shot down the conversation by changing the subject or remaining silent. After a few more attempts Tony and Steve let it be and went back to eating their french toast. Peter was picking at it, too nervous to eat. Bucky felt the same way, but his overprotective nature had him pushing Peter's plate more toward the boy. “You should eat.” He stated. He remembers how little food they got at Hydra, now, they had all they wanted and yet Peter wasn't eating. 

Peter looked up at him and then down to the man’s plate. “You should too,” Peter replied.

Bucky looked to his plate which was also barely touched. “Fine, we’ll both eat at least half okay?” 

Peter looked down at his plate, he really wasn’t hungry, but then he looked at Bucky’s plate and knew Bucky wasn't going to eat if he wasn’t. “Fine,” Peter said as he grabbed a forkful of food and put it into his mouth. Bucky smiled and did the same.

Tony and Steve looked at each other before smiling slightly and then went back to eating as well. 

1:00 pm came around way faster, yet was slower than they wanted. The time leading up felt like it lasted forever like the clock was taunting them. But then when it arrived both Peter and Bucky wished they had more time. Sophie was right on time and greeted the two with a gentle smile. “Where would you two like to go?” 

Tony emerged just then, “Hello Sophie, thank you so much for coming. There is a very comfortable sitting room a few floors down. I made it so only you, Peter, and Bucky have access to the room and floor unless there is an emergency.”

“How thoughtful, thank you. Does that sound okay with you two?”

Something about her asking Bucky and Peter before agreeing to go down made the two relax a bit more as they both nodded. Neither one is ready to speak first. 

She smiled again, “Sounds good, let head down and get comfortable.” They nodded again and all three walked to the elevator. Tony did not follow, which would have made Peter panic a bit, but he had Bucky with him. As the elevator closed Peter grabbed Bucky’s hand in preparation for the elevator moving, he was still not used to it and did not care for the dropping feeling it always left him with. Bucky squeezed his hand just like Tony did last time. Sophie took note of all of this without showing it outwardly. 

Once they made it to the floor they had Friday direct them to the sitting room. It was aptly named as there were so many different types of seats. There was a comfy brown couch and armchair. Multi-colored bean bags. Regular more common chairs, rubber blow-up balls to sit on, a saucer chair, and a few more. Tony definitely went overboard with the variety of chairs. Peter let out a small laugh even when he tried to hold it in, and Bucky followed along. “Who’s going to tell him that he went overboard?” Peter asked.

Sophie chuckled as Bucky replied, “Not it.” And touched his nose. Something he learned from Peter.

“Why don’t we each find a seat? I don’t think it will be hard.” Sophie said as she laughed again.

Bucky took a seat on the couch while Peter dragged a blue bean back over. He set it right in front of the couch next to where Bucky was sitting. Sophie then sat down in the armchair. “Now,” Instantly the humor was gone and Bucky and Peter frowned and dreaded what came next. Sophie saw this and continued, “I want to say that I know this is hard, because I do, but I can’t lie and say I understand. I wish I could in a way, but I can’t. I never want to lie to you and I won’t. I don't understand what you have been through, but I will listen and try my best to help.” Neither boy said anything, “But for this first session we don’t have to go into what happened, especially as I doubt you are comfortable enough with me yet.” They looked up at her hoping she was telling the truth. She said she wouldn't lie, but how could they know that is true? As if reading their minds she continued, “I want to get to know you and I would like you two to get to know me. I have given you no reason to trust me, but I want to. I want to build some trust. You two can ask me a question and then I’ll ask you two questions. If you don't want to answer something that is totally fine. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to okay?”

“Okay,” Peter whispered as Bucky nodded his head. 

“Alright, you can ask me a question first if that works for you two.”

“How long have you been a therapist?” Bucky asked, his eyes down.

“Twenty years. What’s your favorite color?” 

“Red and blue,” Peter answered. 

“I don’t have a favorite,” Bucky spoke up.

And so back and forth they went. There were only one or two times when Bucky or Peter refused to answer. Before they knew it time was up. It wasn’t that bad but they both knew it would just get harder from there. 

But still, one session down and they were okay. That was a pretty big accomplishment.